Is this thing still on?

Man it's a little dusty around here. Looks like I need to find my feather duster and tidy up a bit. Maybe a bit of wd-40 to get rid of the old rust too.

I am actually alive and well -more or less- just been busy and haven't had a lot to say. Christmas went well. And the kids are all doing great. My running has been hit or miss. Not that I'm not doing, I've been running everyday, just that my mileage is way down due to by screwed up back. Instead of getting in 70-90 miles a week I have been putting in 40-55 a week. Going to a chiropractor and working on my core so I am hopeful I will be able to run long distances again someday. But don't worry I have still been getting cool new running shoes. I just got 3 new pair on closeout 2 weeks ago. Got a great deal on K-Swiss Kona's, New Balance 904's and a pair of Brooks running shoes.

Still trying to decide if I can handle another season of American Idol. Last year was painful at times, especially the guest performers. I've seen bits and pieces the past few weeks. But I don't care about the early audition shows much. Too many delusional people getting made fun of. Plus when I turned it on the first night guest-judge Victoria Beckham frightened me. A 100 pound woman who is 30% boobs is not something to behold before bed. So while I think I will watch it starting next week with Hollywood week I have to see if I feel like writing about it. I'm getting lazy in my old age.

So how about y'all? How have you been?

Double Yuck

Ellen DeGeneres Named 4th 'American Idol' Judge

By Hank Stuever
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, September 10, 2009; 12:42 PM

So, Ellen DeGeneres will be sitting at the "American Idol" judges' desk when the hugely popular singing competition returns early next year. She'll be in Paula Abdul's vacated, spacey place, with Simon and Randy. (And oh, right -- Kara.) It says a lot. It unravels the icon tapestry of the early 21st-century religion of insta-fame: How does she fit there? Does she fit there? Is she in fact too famous to sit there?

I'm not sure what is worse. A middle-age cougar who can't keep her store-bought boobs under wraps or a middle-age dyke whose boobs nobody wants to see...ever!

I never thought I'd day this, but I miss Paula. There I said it. I feel better now.

Sure DeGenerate...I mean DeGeneres might be funny (she is a comedian after all) but Paula is funny without trying to be funny so she is always 'on'.

There is a God

Various sources report that Paula Abdul is leaving American Idol. Abdul turned down an 8 figure multi-year deal that was a 30% raise from last season. Last season she was paid $4 million. So basically she turned down, in this economy, a deal that would have paid her $5.2 million this year!

Early round auditions start this Friday for Season 9 which is slated to start airing next January.

Judges Simon Cowell (new $45 million deal), Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi are singed already and Ryan Seaweed just signed a 3 year deal to host the show for $30 million total.

In keeping with the times Paula announced that she wouldn’t be back via Twitter. Here is the text of her tweet:

"With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return to 'Idol,'. I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all I'll [miss] being a part of a show that I helped from day1 become an international phenomenon. What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me. It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month."

What I would like to know is who else is going to pay Paula over $5 million to offer up incoherent platitudes to second and third rate singers. The Obama whitehouse?

On the downside this will give me one less person to openly mock on my blog. Another downside is that this will give Kara more time to talk...someone stick an icepick in my ears now please.

Paula I will be missing you.

American Idol Results Show

I can’t believe I’m going to sit through a 2 hour FOX infomercial just to find out who wins. I could just tune in at 9:55 and find out. “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?” Beck must have been writing about me.

I’ll spare everyone the pain of me writing about the FOX promo’s and Ford commercials.

So what exactly does tonight mean.

For David Cook probably not a whole lot. First or second (aka first loser) place probably won’t make any difference for him. He’s going to get some kind of recording deal and people know what he’s about.

The stakes would appear to be higher for Little Archie. If he loses he has to go back to Utah with the ‘world’s scariest stage dad’ (expect of course for the idol tour this summer) and get locked in the basement to practice in front of his mirror until the next contest show rolls around. If he wins he gets controlled by the American Idol powers that be. Maybe they could make him into some type of Disneyesqe character. Kinda like a male version of Hannah Montana. Then we could see his sad little puppy dog face on lunch boxes, back packs and halter tops for years. Or at least until he goes the way of other Disney child stars and starts getting into all kind of trouble and finds himself in rehab, jail or just being plain trashy. i.e. Britney, Lindsay, Christina Aguilera, various people from high School musical etc…There’s a new show for you; “Disney Stars Gone Wild’.

Randy is dressed like Huggy Bear from Starksy and Hutch.
Paula is missing the middle part of her dress and his showing off her ‘shoes’
And Simon needs to button up his shirt, as usual.

Time for the group sing-a-long. The top 12 are on stage dressed in all white like the Good Humor Man and singing ‘It’s Alright’ and trying to dance. There are also a bunch of slutty dancers on either side of them who can actually dance.

Now a duet of the two David’s.

And then the two are with some weird guru guy. I don’t know what the hell I just watched. Where is my wine? Ok that was amusing even if it was a shameless movie promo. Mike Myers is a funny man.

Syesha is doing a duet with Seal. Well that’s cool for her. And they look good together – no offense Heidi.

JC has returned. Alleluia! Not that JC. Jason Castro is back singing Alleluia. The type of song he does very well.

Ford promo. They give each of them some hybrid SUV. Archie will need some phone books to sit on. Maybe he can use the one Randy is always saying he could sing.

The top 6 chicks are singing Donna Summer’s “She works Hard for the Money”. The choreography is horrible. Especially skunk girls’. She looks like she would rather be at a biker bar…hell so would I. Donna Summer makes an appearance. She’s had some bad surgery but can still sing. It’s a medley of her songs with the idol-babes. Syesha is in danger of falling out of her dress.

Tattoo girl is signing ‘The Letter’ by the Boxtops with Michael Johns. They were my favorite male and female singer so I’m digging this part.

Jimmy Kimmel is out for a little comedic relief. Some funny lines but he’s not very energetic.

Now the 6 Idol dudes are singing Bryan Adams’ “Summer of 69”. And then we go into medley time. Now Mr. Adams joins them on stage. He’s looking alright for 48. I’m liking this – guilty pleasure time for me.

Quiz time:

Who is showing more cleavage tonight?

A. Syesha
B. Simon
C. Paula
D. The Donk

Big David is on stage with ZZ Top. He’s got to be digging that. They are singing ‘Sharp Dressed Man’. I’d rather hear ‘La Grange’ but this is a pop show. Maybe they will bring out Bette Midler and Barbara Streisand to sing with Baby Elmo.

Brooke White is singing “Teach Your Children Well” with Graham Nash. The 60’s were rough on Graham. They do a pleasant version of it. It’s no CSN but it’s good.

Can Idol not get any contemporary artists? Not that I don’t like the old guys. But…

I spoke too soon…the Jonas Brothers are on stage. Where oh where is my barf bag? Bring back the geezers. Even my 12 and 13 year old daughters don’t like them.

Now clips of all the bad, strange and bizarre auditions. I know I shouldn’t laugh but…ROFLMAO. Now we get Renaldo Lapuz! Live! Plus the USC Marching Band and Cheerleaders?! This is one weird show. Where is my peyote?

One Republic is singing “Apologize” with Archie. Um, whatever. I’ve seen worse.

Jordin Sparks is now on stage in a Gold Tin Foil dress and looks like she belongs in The Wizard of oz. I could be wrong, I often am, but she looks like she is lip-singing.

Now we have Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. doing a Pips impersonation with a video of Gladys Night. They are singing “Midnight Train to Georgia”. The weird factor keeps going up and up. Wine and peyote are no longer enough.

Carrie Underwood is out strutting her stuff. For a country song it is tolerable. Rob don’t do country. Feel free to add her to the cleavage quiz above. Or maybe I should add a ‘most leg exposure’ quiz…nah I’d win that. Have you seen me in running shorts?

The top 12 one last time…promises promises. They are doing a medley of songs from George Michael. And of course here he comes. (Dirty little secret – back in the 80’s I drove Sam to Philly to see Wham in concert. Sam crushed on him, although she won’t admit it). He is 1 year older than I. I’m definitely hotter. I don’t have to worry about Sam leaving me for him anymore. Oh I guess it would be me George would want anyway…never mind.

And finally it’s results time. A few last words from our illustrious judges. Randula rambles. Simon apologizes to DC.

And the winner is David Cook. America told the FOX people off. Way to stick it to The Man. It's not that I think David Cook is going to start the next Radiohead. I just don’t like to have the winner picked for me ahead a time. Plus I kinda like him. So now we know why Simon apologized. He didn’t want to look stupid when the winner was announced.

David C sings the winner song and that’s it folks we are running overtime here.

American Idol Night

Will it be Boy Band David or Rock Lite David…

Finally this thing is almost over. This is my first (and hopefully last) year to watch this show. I almost want David A to win just so he doesn’t have to go back home with his scary dad and get locked back in a closet.

And we are off. And just when you think the show can’t get any gayer…the Rocky theme plays…they come out in ‘boxing’ robes but look like they should be in a bath-house in San Francisco.

Randy and Simon are both wearing sport coats and Paula is very sparkly – must be an important night.

David squared will be singing 3 songs each.

We continue with the stupid boxing theme. Hopefully they actually start singing soon.

Clive Davis will be choosing the songs for round 1

DC is up first and is singing ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’ by Bono and the boys. Bono has such an awesome voice that this doesn’t really seem fair to David. Let’s see how he does. He does ok, really, but I can’t help but compare it to the original and it’s nothing compared to that. Plus it’s a long song to do in 90 seconds.

Randy says it was hot. Paula gushes and preaches. Simon thought it was phenomenal. Guess I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.

Baby Elmo is up and is singing ‘Don’t Let the Sun go Down on me’ by Elton John – speaking of bath houses. David’s sitting on the stairs on the stage trying to look sincere or vulnerable or sexy but he looks constipated or maybe that’s me that he is making constipated. But he does is usual sappy ballad good job on it. I’m sure the judges will love this treacle and Paula will want to molest him.

Randy calls it molten hot and it had crazy vocals. Paula goes on and on in her babbling way. Simon says it’s the best he has done so far. He says Round 1 to Baby-E.

Round 2 the songs are picked by the contestant from a song writing contest.

DC is singing ‘Dream Big’ and comes out with guitar doing the pop-rocker thing. I actually like this better than the first song. He’s sounds really good.

Randy and Paula like it and Simon says it was lightweight.

I just realized that the results show tomorrow night is 2 hours long - heaven help us all.

For his second song Tickle Me Elmo is singing ‘In This Moment’. What a shock he picked one of those sappy ballads that he excels at. I’ll hate but I’m sure the judges will want to eat him up. Randy and Simon Figuratively, Paula literally. He has a good voice but man I can’t stand him or this crappy song.

Randy’s not crazy about the song but loves his singing and pulls out the ‘you could sing the phone-book analogy’ again. I’d like to see a contestant bring a phone-book out and actually sing it. Paula loves him. Simon pimps him again and gives him round 2 also. So we now know which David is the Chosen One.

Round 3 they are picking whatever they want

The bigger of the two David’s is signing ‘The World I Know’ by Collective Soul. I like this song. Let’s see what he does with it. Good job but not great. I like it but that probably means that other people won’t. I think he has just given away this contest to the insufferable Baby Elmo.

Randy likes it. Paula says he is ‘standing in his truth’. I have no freaking idea what she is talking about. Simon says he’s a nice guy but it’s the wrong song choice. That he should have done ‘Billy Jean’ again. David responds with, why should he do a song that he has already done…a shot at Baby Elmo perhaps who will be doing ‘Imagine’ again?

For his third song he’s going back to his ‘Imagine’ song that got him such rave reviews the first time around. Lennon is rolling around in his grave. Imagine little Archie singing an anti-government anarchist song (something he knows nothing about) on the most commercialized show on TV.

He’s doing it a little differently this time. No piano. He still looks like an arrogant putz. And, like he does with just about every song, he insists on holding the notes longer than the original. Puke material here.

Randy gushes and again confirms our suspicions that it was fixed from the get go. Paula is speechless but talks anyway. Simon says it was a knockout. I AM SO SICK OF THE BOXING ANALOGY

Man it would be cool if America told American Idol and the judges to go to hell by voting David Cook to victory. Where’s my phone?

And Then There Were Two

So we are left with a little scared looking white-boy (no not The Donk), a lovely young black woman and a smug white dude who looks like he lost his hairbrush.

Who goes tonight? That is the question that America is dying to have answered (I typed that with a straight face…really)

Anything other than Syesha getting the old heave ho-will be a shock. Since the field was narrowed down to the Final 12 it has been pretty obvious that the judges want the David’s to be in the final showdown. They have used their comments and song choices to get everyone else booted off. If the show was based on talent, David Cook, Michael Johns and Carly Smithson would be the final three. In my un-humble opinion. But for some reason the judges have preordained Baby Elmo as a finalist and Syesha was able to hang on and slip through the cracks to make it this far.
I can’t believe I’m going to sit through and hour of FOX promos, lousy commercials and a recap of last night’s snooze-fest to see Syesha get the boot. This season has been almost as long as the insufferable presidential campaign.

Ok quick recap of the filler:

• Paula and Simon are both showing too much cleavage for their ages. Randy is keeping his pimp hands loose.

• Group sing. They shouldn’t let the guys dance they look like stiffs. Just have them stand around like statues and let Syesha move around them

• A silly Ford commercial with the Idolettes. I feel like I'm on acid

• A look back at last night’s mostly lame performances

• A performance by some scary looking ‘woman’. She looks like a Red-Headed Lesbian Linebacker or maybe Foghorn Leghorn. My teens inform me that she is a past winner with the ridiculous name of Fantasia. I thought that was a Disney movie. Who's gonna win next year? Someone named The Little Mermaid or The Lion King?

First victim for The Seacrest’s hi-jinks is Baby Elmo. We see a video of him going back to his home town (in Utah - lots of white folk there) and getting the rock star treatment. Whoa it’s very long. Ok we are back live and…ok we aren’t being told his fate. We are being treated to another video montage. This one of his path to the final 3

David is put on ice while Syesha is brought out. So now we are watching a video of her visit back home (Sarasota/Bradenton Florida). She seems like she is having a great time and she seems like a real person. But what do I know I still believe in the Great Pumpkin. Now the video montage of her journey here. So I guess we will see the same type of videos about David C.

And here we go…David Cook is visiting his home town of Kansas City. Some chick in the audience at an outdoor concert is crying her eyes out. So are a bunch of little girls at an elementary school. Now a parade and first pitch at a baseball game. Looks like he had a good time. And now the video recap of his journey here. I guess it’s hard to make an announcement that takes all of 30 seconds into an hour long show.

Rambling speech and advice from the judges.

And Syesha is going home. Nice run sweetie you done good. One last song from her.

See ya next week

American Idol Night

And then there were three

Who will step up and deliver a knock out performance? Who will stink like my running shoes? (the old ones – not the nice new ones) Who really cares anymore? The contest has been pretty boring this year.
Oh well in for a penny in for dime or a nickel or something like that. Isn’t there an expression that goes like that…?

Ok it’s starting…I’m all aquiver with anticipation. Each contest will sing 3 songs tonight (this may confuse the former Laker Girl) It seems the judges will pick one of the songs, the contestants a song and the producers one.


David ‘Baby Elmo’ Archuelta

Song #1
Paula is picking Elmo’s song. Some mayor dude with quite the mustache is announcing it. I wonder if I could grow a stache like that? It’s the Billy Joel song ‘And so it Goes’. This is a problem, I can’t stand Billy Joel. Oh well he’s starting. Dude open your eyes when you sing. You are freaking me out. Maybe he’s trying to shut out the view of his ‘World’s Scariest Stage Dad’ out in the audience.
Here’s a shock, it’s a slow ballad type of song…yawn…where are my no-doze.
Randy - says it was dope. Um, is that a good thing? Where’s my Urban Dictionary?
Paula – not sure what she said. I zoned out there for moment. I’m sure it was inappropriate given their age differences.
Simon – good but predicable…the mosh-pit tarts aren’t happy with Simon.

Song #2
He picks “With You’ by Chris Brown
Well at least he’s not doing another freaking ballad. Wow he has his eyes open this time. He’s singing to the mosh-pit chicks and they are clapping and doing the wave and squealing like Ned Beatty in Deliverance. Well since I can’t stand his ballads I won’t pick on him for this one. Other than to say it was a mess.
Randy – not too impressed
Paula – says great job
Simon – applauds him for not doing a ballad but says it was like Chihuahua trying to be a tiger

Song #3
He’s singing ‘Longer’ by Dan Folgerberg. Another artist I can’t stand. Watch out here comes sappy ballad time. How is this song choice supposed to challenge him? If you need me I’ll be in the kitchen with my head in the Kitchen Aide. Well here’s one plus, his singing has put the baby to sleep. David’s singing is good for something after all.
Randy – says he could sing the phone book…I hope it’s from a small town.
Paula – says it was lovely…whatever
Simon – says he did well with what he had to work with and he should be in the finals next week. Of course he did. David is one of the Chosen Ones.


Syesha

Song #1
Randy has text messaged her his song choice. He’s so dope. She’s singing an Alicia Keyes song “I Ain’t Got you”. I don’t like Alicia Keyes music either. man what’s up with all these songs by people I don’t like? I mean what’s next? Duran Duran. (I hear they are in the Rock Hall of Fame)
Well she looks nice and has pretty voice. Hopefully she will stay around another week because if nothing else the show needs someone pretty on it.
Randy – says she is peaking at the right time
Paula – babbles on
Simon – says she did well and looks gorgeous, he’s got that part right.

Song #2
She’s singing “Fever’ by Patti Lee with a chair?! This could be hot. She’s acting saucy. I better cover the kid’s eyes. She might actually have better legs than I. She’s quite the performer.
Randy – not down with it
Paula – none of the judges like the song choice
Simon – lame cabaret performance. Says his was her chance to show she is a contemporary performer – he’s got a point. But she did look good.

Song #3 is “Hit me Up”
She’s not really and American Idol per se but she is a good performer. I don’t think she did enough to stay around another week. She needs to go to Broadway or Vegas.
Randy – just ok and they all seem to be criticizing the song choice…well it wasn’t her choices nitwits.
Paula – she did very well but not the right song for her. Wow Paula actually says it might not get her into the finals. Dang did Paula just agree with me? I’m very worried now…need to call my therapist about that one.
Simon – not impressed either.
Obviously the judges want David Squared to advance.


David Cook

Song #1
Simon picks a Roberta Flack song ‘The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face’ cause it’s a tough song and wants to challenge him. I like that thinking. Paula and Randy both chose ones that fit the singers. It starts out real slow and slowly builds to a strong finish. Not my style but he’s very good. He’s definitely my favorite singer
Randy – is giving Simon a hard time about the song he picked for David. Says he wants to hear David rock out.
Paula – liked him…duh
Simon – liked it and says it was the best of round 1

Song #2
David has picked Switchfoot’s “Dare you to Move” for himself to sing. I don’t know this song but my kids do. I’m so not dope.
David’s got his guitar out and his doing a nice job. To me he seems like the only one left who could be a rock/pop star.
Randy – loves the song (name drops about it). Says it was pitchy
Paula – wishes it would have gone on longer because it got better at the end.
Simon – says it was just ok.
Well heck with them all

Song #3
He is signing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith.
There are a bunch of string instruments behind him, it’s very slow and builds into a power ballad. I don’t like the song (at least not this version) but it’s better than the other two performers’…
Randy – loves the song choice but not the execution
Paula – is standing and clapping and says ‘see ya in the finals’
Simon – says David Cook wins the night.

So it looks like the young lass will be getting the boot on Wednesday’s show. Unless America votes like crazy for her. But I’m sure the show would fix it anyway.

Should He Stay or Should He Go Now

Its 420 Jason, time for you to go. His stoner Spicoli act is growing tiresome. He could at least try a little bit. I mean dude had a week to remember 90 seconds worth of lyrics to ‘Mr. Tambourine Man’ and couldn’t/wouldn’t. Besides if he gets the boot he will have more time to hit the kind bud.

So here we go. We start off with the Brady Bunch-esq group sing-a-long. The kids are doing a campy version of Steely Dan's 'Reeling in the Years'. Then we are treated to a video on the youngins in Vegas. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. They should have stayed in Vegas.

David #1 is brought out and is safe. David #2 is brought out and is safe.
Time for the new Ford commercial. The Idolettes are dressed up as Bull Fighters and are fighting a mustang?! I will have colorful nightmares tonight.

Now the question and answer call in session. The pain is almost unbearable. Why, why do I torture myself so? I'm ashamed. There must be something better on. I wonder what's on the Oxygen Channel?

Before we get the news, Maroon 5 does their new song. And an Idol Loser…I mean runner-up, Bo Bice does a song. He’s very rocky and very hairy. Hairier than The Donk. I find myself liking the song.

Ok time for someone to get the boot and it's...Jason. Duh.
I'm a...

It's American Idol Time Again

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is the theme of the night. Very broad selections there. Nobody should have trouble finding songs that fit them.

David C – First up. He’s doing Duran Duran’s ‘Hungry Like the Wolf” (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!) This song is from my college days. It bit then and still reeks. I actually like his version better than Duran Duran. Randy and Simon think it’s just ok. Paula is now hungry like a wolf and wants a David Cook entrée. Guess she has switched her love interest from David A to David C. She must have realized David A was jail bait and she was looking at doing 5-10 the hard way. (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!)

For his second song,The Chosen One II is doing a Who song. Baba O’Riley. Or what I call Teenage Waste Land. Very mellow but decent vocals. Now he’s picking it up a bit. I don’t really care for him as a performer but he has the best pipes out of the group. Randy gives it a great. Paula wants more and more David Cook and loves his soul?! Hey did you guys know Duran Duran is in the Rock HOF? I got to look that up.

Syesha – is next and doing ‘Proud Mary’ by Tina Turner. She’s no Tina Turner. I hope she changes it around some or the judges will compare her to Tina…and not favorably. (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!) It starts out kinda slow and then she kicks it. Girl should be on Broadway doing musicals. Randula likes her. Simon not so much. Calls it shrieky. Is that really a word? Did you know Duran Duran is in the HOF?! Simon also calls it a bad imitation of Tina Turner – told ya so.

Her second song is Sam Cooke’s ‘A Change is Gonna Come’. She looks great. But she’s about to spill out of her dress. That should get her a few extra votes. (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!) The song is kinda boring but she sings it ok. Randy says no. Paula loves her and is hugging herself. Simon actually likes it. She’s bawling…she must be channeling Nanny Brooke.

Jason – Natty Dread has picked Marley’s (what a shock) ‘I Shot the Sheriff’. Um, one word Lame. (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!). Randy doesn’t like it. Paula even doesn’t like it but loves Jason. Simon calls it atrocious. Jason is obviously playing to the young girls that keep voting for him each week and hoping to get by on his prettiness.

Jason’s second song is Dylan’s ‘Mr Tamborine Man’. Dylan’s one of my boys, he better not butcher it. Opps he forgets some lines and hums them. Ok well it’s much better than the first song but that isn’t saying much. Randy doesn’t like it. Paula isn’t crazy about it but ‘Jason blows her away’. I have no idea what she is talking about. Simon tells him to start packing. I agree there can’t be that many 12 year-old girls out there to keep him on the show, can there? Although he his pretty. Even prettier than The Donk.

David A – Baby Elmo is singing ‘Stand by Me’ by Ben E. King. I’m sure he will do fine and the judges will be licking his boots, so to speak. But I can’t even bring myself to look at the insincere phony. (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!). Randula lusts after him. Simon loves him too. Duh! He’s The Chosen One.

David’s second song is The Kings ‘Love Me Tender’. Pardon me while I go hurl in advance of this song. Ok I’m back. What did I miss? Oh Duran Duran is in the Rock Hall of Fame? You don’t say. Every song he does is exactly the same. Fat Elvis must be rolling over in his grave. He’s taken a sexy song and neutered it. What a shock the Judges love him. Paula feels his heart. Is this show fixed?

A Quick Recap of Idol's Results Show

Typed the following last night while watching the show. Pardon the spelling and grammar issues.

So we start off with a group song/medley thingy. It may be the worst group sing-along this season. Brooke looks nice but I think she is wearing colored-contacts to compete with Jason for the title of ‘Idol With the Prettiest Eyes’. David Cooke has the strongest voice and overshadows the others.

Oh goodie a chat with some people in the audience who have some lame sounding reality show…what a shock…a commercial for another FOX show within the show. And then a promo for an Idol Stamp, ugh. That’s a horrible picture of Carrie Underwood.
Now a recap of the last night’s horror-fest. And then The Seacrest offers some babbling defense of Paula’s crazy antics last night and then Simon tries to French Kiss her.

Natty Dread is brought out first. He seems worried. The Seacrest strings him along and then sends him to the Sofa of Safety. Well that pretty much tells us that the two chicks are going to be in the bottom two, barring some shocker. Next out is David ‘Baby Elmo’ Archuleta. Like he’s going home already…please…The Seacrest sends him to safety too. Baby Elmo tries to act shocked/relieved. Maybe he hopes to act someday and get a part on the ‘New Saved by The Bell’. Now we get a seemingly endless promo for another FOX show. Some dancing show thing. David C is brought out and is sent to safety. No surprise there. So that leaves the ladies in the bottom two. Just as predicted here on this blog. Oh yeah baby! Who’s your daddy?
They chat with The Seacrest a bit about their performances from the night before. And then he puts them on ice for awhile.

Now Natasha Bedingfield is singing some song about having a pocket of sunshine or a locket of fun lime…I’m not really sure. Ok The Seacrest confirms it a Pocket full of Sunshine. I don’t like ‘flavor of the week’ pop music at all but she does a good job. Natasha goes over to couch and starts slobbering allover Baby Elmo…Paula’s not going to like this…Baby-E is her man um I mean boy. Come on Natasha you can do better than him.

Now the lame caller’s questions segment. We get to listen to Paula attempt to answer a question…what stimulating TV. Oh no, another question for Paula. Someone wants her to do another video… Some childhood sweetheart of Simon calls up to find out who kisses better, herself or Paula. Awwww Simons first kiss…this show gets sappier and more disturbing by the minute. I don’t want to hear about a 9 year-olds first kiss.
Now the obligatory hawking of Fords by the Idolettes. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s the show and what’s promo/advertising.

Now Neil Diamond is signing a song from his new album. Sounds like he rewrote Amazing Graze. It’s not horrible but he has some scary middle-age backup singers and dancers. For 67 Neil can still sing. Now we get to meet his mom and chat about whether he should retire or not. And then Neil tells us he thinks the kids did great last night…very insightful. You can’t make this stuff up people.

And now the moment we have all been waiting for…no Paula isn’t being taken away…be nice people. It’s time to say goodbye to one of the ladies. Drum roll please. It’s Brooke. My daughters are ticked. They voted for Brooke like 20 times last night. Brooke is crying more than Tom Hanks did when he lost Wilson the Volleyball in Castaway. She will attempt to sing one last time. Not sure how she will be able to. She messes up the words but that’s understandable. At least she gets to go home now instead of hanging out with the other Idolaters. Well I had the bottom two right but I thought Brooke would hang around 1 more week. Jason is definitely the prettiest one left now.

Donk I love you. This one is for you. Rock on!

Neil Diamond Night on American Idol

Neil Diamond is still alive…who knew

He is actually only 67. It sure seems like he should be older. I spent a good part of the 70’s listening to Neil Diamond on 8-track in my dad’s car or at home. Dad also played a bunch John Denver and Olivia Newton-John 8-tracks. But through lots of therapy I’m now pretty much ok. Although on occasion I will have a Tourette's like episode where I burst into a medley of ‘Physical’, ‘Sweet Caroline’ and ‘Thank God I’m a Country Boy’. The kids just throw cold water on me and I’m good as new.

I also accompanied my dad to a few of Mr. Diamond’s concerts when I was a young lad. There is one memory that stands out most from these shows. One no amount of lsd can get rid of. Near the front of the stage were two, how shall I put this, um…upper middle-aged plus-sized women. Each had on a glittery t-shirt. One with the word ‘Neil’ on it the other with the word ‘Diamond’ on it. Ok, pathetic but not horrible. Then the lights went down and the two ladies must have flipped a switch on the back of their shirts, because the words ‘Neil’ and ‘Diamond’ lit up and started blinking. I don’t even want to know where the batteries for the shirts were. Thankfully for my 12 year-old mind, neither woman threw their underwear up on the stage. I don’t think even Sigmund Freud could have helped me recover from that.

Unlike last week when I didn’t know the songs, I’m embarrassed to admit that I know all of these songs. Why couldn’t it be Neil young? Never mind I wouldn’t want these people butchering the real Neil’s songs.

A brief recap of the performances and random thoughts about the performers and judges:

Jason Castro – The prettiest one left. No apparent talent but the tarts down in the mosh-pit aren’t going to let him go this early in the contest. He sang ‘Forever in Blue Jeans’ first. Boring but not painful. He’s wearing blue jeans…might have been more original to sing it in a tux. He’s signing ‘September Morn’ second. He sits on a stool with a guitar and sings to the young girls of America who keep him on the show week after week. Not as bad as the first song but other than tween girls, does anyone like his singing? I’d pick him to get voted off if the chicks didn’t love his pretty eyes so much.

David Cook – smug, arrogant and lousy hair (my 15 year-old son likes his hair) but the only one left who can perform. Now he’s acting like he’s in charge of the show…what a tool. He’s singing two little known songs of Neil’s. But of course I know them. He does a rocking version of ‘I’m Alive’. Not half-bad for what he has to work with. But that means it was only half good. His second song choice is ‘All I Really Need is You’. The mosh-pit girls are doing the wave (see me rolling my eyes). Lame performance. Hideous Jacket and hairdo. Of course the judges like it because he’s one of the ‘Chosen Ones’ (him and the other David). Whatever.

Brooke White aka The Virgin Nanny – Curly or Straight hair…make up your mind already. She’s doing ‘I’m a Believer’ and ‘I am I said’. First ‘I’m a Believer’. Predictable. Interesting pants…looks like a gray mermaid. She could easily be gone next week. Next she is going to sing ‘I am I said’. I don’t think this is a good choice for her. It’s a guy song. Let’s see. Here she goes. Wow not the train wreck I thought it would be. Not great but it’s ok. She may have saved herself for one more week.

David Archuleta – fake, not a sincere bone in his little body. ‘Psycho Stage Dad’ for a father. He’s going to sing ‘Sweet Caroline’ first. He might have a pretty little voice but he doesn’t have the pipes for this. Sounds like he’s singing at a beach party or around the camp fire. Now he’s going to sing ‘Coming to America’. I can’t stand this song. Go ahead and play the patriotic card. Oh the horror. Someone vote this phony off. I think I just threw-up in my mouth. He just proved he can’t sing upbeat songs. Enough of this ballad singing pansy already. Why am I watching this show? It just makes me mean. Oh yeah, I have teenage daughters that’s why I’m watching it. Of course the judges (the borderline pedophile Paula in particular) love it because he’s the other Chosen One.

Syesha – Perky and fun at times. Would make a good Broadway actress or maybe cruise director on the love boat. She’s singing ‘Hello Again’ first. Woah! What happened to the hair? Is that real? Makes her look old…and not in a good way. It appears someone has stolen her shoes. I fell asleep. Is the song over? Rather boring. Next she’s singing ‘Thank the Lord for the Nighttime’. This one’s a little better. More upbeat. Kinda fun. At least I stayed awake this time. My daughters like her dress and want it. She’s pretty but fix the hair. That’s about all the nice things I can think of to say. Simon thinks she might be in trouble tonight.

Ryan Seacrest – fix the hair already. How does this guy make so much money? What a country.

Randy – get some new material. We know everyone is your ‘dawg’ and every singer is ‘pitchy’.

Paula – what’s in that cup? Sober up already. Do you have to dance every song? It’s a long time from your Laker Girl day’s honey. You’re my age. What the heck is she wearing? Oh my! After round 1, Paula thinks Jason has sung twice already?! She needs to go to rehab.

Simon – rude and obnoxious at times but at least he tells it like it is. Quick and to the point. But please get a new shirt and button it up for the love that all is holy.

My bottom two:
Syesha and Brooke
With Syesha going home.
We shall find out tonight.
I can hardly wait.
I’m all a quiver with anticipation.

This show has officially Jumped the Shark.



Ok Donk have fun making fun of me.

Is It Just Me...

or is there something creepy about a 45 year-old woman always gushing over a 17 year-old boy? I'm not saying she's a pedophile but man it's wierding me out how she's always going on about him.





















Speaking of older woman. It was Dolly Parton night on AI. For 62 she is doing alright. I should look that young at 43. But she was even hugging on baby-face David a little too much.
So who gets voted off. My bottom 3: Kristy Lee, Jason Castro and Ramiele...although I wish David A, aka Baby Elmo, would go but I'm not going to be that lucky. My top 3: Michael Johns, Carly Smithson and I'm not sure. I used to like the Virgin Nanny (Brooke) but she's starting to get on my nerves so maybe David Cook.