Friday, October 10, 2008
Today's Workouts
At the risk of upsetting faithfamilyfarm, 5.5 mile run at lunch time in more gorgeous weather. 72 degrees (not sure what that works out to in that commie Celsius stuff) and sunny.
Better Check Your Wallet
This is from the main headline on cnn.com.
World finance ministers and central bankers will gather in Washington this weekend to brainstorm solutions for the global financial crisis, CNNMoney reports
Yeah that makes me feel better…iIll sleep just great tonight. I wonder how much those meetings will cost us?
World finance ministers and central bankers will gather in Washington this weekend to brainstorm solutions for the global financial crisis, CNNMoney reports
Yeah that makes me feel better…iIll sleep just great tonight. I wonder how much those meetings will cost us?
Stuff Catholics Like
Today’s post is brought to you by the letters M and C.
Mass Cards. For you non-Catholics. They are basically a greeting card telling you that the sending is having a Mass said for you or maybe a dead relative. They can be a one Mass deal, multiple Masses or a perpetual enrollment (kinda a life time membership – like joining a Bally’s health club).
You can get them at the local church where they will add the person’s name to the next available Mass or you can have an order of priests say the Mass. Many monasteries or orders of priests do this for fundraising. So while you can’t really charge for prayers (at least not since the days of Tetzel), they do come with a suggestion donation. Somewhere in the $5-$10 range.
They are normally given to someone for the benefit of dead relative. They are also given to people when they are sick or just as a thinking of you type of thing. Sam will give them to people as a thank you for favors done.
But I think that sometimes they aren't given for the right reasons. I’m picturing old woman using them as ‘weapons’ against people who have slighted them. Say Old Lady Cooper says something snotty about the behavior of Mrs. Snodgrass’ grandchildren. Just to show how forging and what a good Christian she is, Mrs. Snodgrass might send a Mass Card to Old Lady Cooper. If she’s really ticked she will send a perpetual Mass Card.
One note of caution, if you start buying Mass Cards through the mail, you will end up on the mailing list of every group of priests in the country. I never knew there were so many. We get sample Mass Cards almost daily in the mail. Of course then you will feel bad about throwing out these pretty looking Mass Cards and start saving them all. Pretty soon your house will look worse than crazy collects cat’s lady.
Mass Cards. For you non-Catholics. They are basically a greeting card telling you that the sending is having a Mass said for you or maybe a dead relative. They can be a one Mass deal, multiple Masses or a perpetual enrollment (kinda a life time membership – like joining a Bally’s health club).
You can get them at the local church where they will add the person’s name to the next available Mass or you can have an order of priests say the Mass. Many monasteries or orders of priests do this for fundraising. So while you can’t really charge for prayers (at least not since the days of Tetzel), they do come with a suggestion donation. Somewhere in the $5-$10 range.
They are normally given to someone for the benefit of dead relative. They are also given to people when they are sick or just as a thinking of you type of thing. Sam will give them to people as a thank you for favors done.
But I think that sometimes they aren't given for the right reasons. I’m picturing old woman using them as ‘weapons’ against people who have slighted them. Say Old Lady Cooper says something snotty about the behavior of Mrs. Snodgrass’ grandchildren. Just to show how forging and what a good Christian she is, Mrs. Snodgrass might send a Mass Card to Old Lady Cooper. If she’s really ticked she will send a perpetual Mass Card.
One note of caution, if you start buying Mass Cards through the mail, you will end up on the mailing list of every group of priests in the country. I never knew there were so many. We get sample Mass Cards almost daily in the mail. Of course then you will feel bad about throwing out these pretty looking Mass Cards and start saving them all. Pretty soon your house will look worse than crazy collects cat’s lady.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Today's Workouts
10 mile run in even more fantastic weather. Went out at lunch time. It was 82 and sunny.
For Men Only
It’s all about the credit
That’s my motto for a happy marriage. So having trouble lately pleasing the misses? Need to get out of the doghouse? Leave the toilet seat up one too many times? Ruin her new silk dress by drying it on high with your jeans? Are you at wits’ end to come up with some new way to make her happy? Then boy do I have a solution for you. Getting credit for doing something nice is the way to go. You don’t even have to actually do anything or even mean it. It’s the offer/thought that counts. And she never has to know if you do it right. Call it the Dire Straights method; “Get your money for nothin get your chicks for free”.
You can even get credit when you know that you won’t have to do anything. For example; you notice that the dinner dishes are done but offer to do them anyway or you know your wife is busy Tuesday night but you ‘pretend to forget’ and you offer to take her out for dinner and dancing knowing full well that she can’t go. And no this is not cheating; it’s only cheating if you get caught. Warning: you can only play this card so many times. She will catch on and call you on it or worse change her plans and take you up on your offer. And if you are a non-dancer like me this is worse than purgatory.
So be careful, this is potent stuff you are playing with. This technique is not for amateurs. Just like the 18 year-olds that go out every New Year’s Eve and think they can drink with the big boys but end up passed out in a shopping cart in the parking lot of a Piggly Wiggly wearing their underwear on their head and with a ‘I’m in love with Boy George’ sign around their necks (I still haven’t forgiven my college buddies), you newlyweds need to tread lightly here.
Lots of times you can get credit and have fun. Last night after dinner I was playing Smear the Queer (link provide for those of you who didn't grow up in cool neighborhoods) with 4 of the boys out in the front yard. Actually it was kinda a hybrid of football and Smear the Queer (hey no comments, I didn't make up the name). Anyway this is something that’s enjoyable for me and makes my wife happy.
Or you could just go ahead and do something nice that your wife likes and get credit that way. Buy her flowers, go for a walk with her, read to the kids at bedtime…all those are things women like and they really aren’t painful for us husbands to do. Don’t worry I won’t think any less of you if you take the easy way out.
The whole point being to keep building up credit in the First National Bank of Marital Bliss. This credit can be used in different ways. One, the bank gets so full of credits that your wife takes it into her own hands to reward you. And I'm guessing it will be better than the standard bank gift of a free toaster or steak knives. Or you may have to withdraw the credits for a rainy day. Like when you come home at 4am from playing poker with the boys, park the car in the neighbor’s front yard and start baying at the moon.
Guys consider this a public service announcement. No need to thank me. No, please, off your knees, I’m not a god. There’s no reason to worship me. But do feel free to send all the money or running shoes you want. But whatever you do don’t tell my wife about this post. I’m pretty sure she hasn’t caught on to me yet.
That’s my motto for a happy marriage. So having trouble lately pleasing the misses? Need to get out of the doghouse? Leave the toilet seat up one too many times? Ruin her new silk dress by drying it on high with your jeans? Are you at wits’ end to come up with some new way to make her happy? Then boy do I have a solution for you. Getting credit for doing something nice is the way to go. You don’t even have to actually do anything or even mean it. It’s the offer/thought that counts. And she never has to know if you do it right. Call it the Dire Straights method; “Get your money for nothin get your chicks for free”.
You can even get credit when you know that you won’t have to do anything. For example; you notice that the dinner dishes are done but offer to do them anyway or you know your wife is busy Tuesday night but you ‘pretend to forget’ and you offer to take her out for dinner and dancing knowing full well that she can’t go. And no this is not cheating; it’s only cheating if you get caught. Warning: you can only play this card so many times. She will catch on and call you on it or worse change her plans and take you up on your offer. And if you are a non-dancer like me this is worse than purgatory.
So be careful, this is potent stuff you are playing with. This technique is not for amateurs. Just like the 18 year-olds that go out every New Year’s Eve and think they can drink with the big boys but end up passed out in a shopping cart in the parking lot of a Piggly Wiggly wearing their underwear on their head and with a ‘I’m in love with Boy George’ sign around their necks (I still haven’t forgiven my college buddies), you newlyweds need to tread lightly here.
Lots of times you can get credit and have fun. Last night after dinner I was playing Smear the Queer (link provide for those of you who didn't grow up in cool neighborhoods) with 4 of the boys out in the front yard. Actually it was kinda a hybrid of football and Smear the Queer (hey no comments, I didn't make up the name). Anyway this is something that’s enjoyable for me and makes my wife happy.
Or you could just go ahead and do something nice that your wife likes and get credit that way. Buy her flowers, go for a walk with her, read to the kids at bedtime…all those are things women like and they really aren’t painful for us husbands to do. Don’t worry I won’t think any less of you if you take the easy way out.
The whole point being to keep building up credit in the First National Bank of Marital Bliss. This credit can be used in different ways. One, the bank gets so full of credits that your wife takes it into her own hands to reward you. And I'm guessing it will be better than the standard bank gift of a free toaster or steak knives. Or you may have to withdraw the credits for a rainy day. Like when you come home at 4am from playing poker with the boys, park the car in the neighbor’s front yard and start baying at the moon.
Guys consider this a public service announcement. No need to thank me. No, please, off your knees, I’m not a god. There’s no reason to worship me. But do feel free to send all the money or running shoes you want. But whatever you do don’t tell my wife about this post. I’m pretty sure she hasn’t caught on to me yet.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Maybe it was Esskay and they only like Oscar Meyer
Why is everyone so afraid of Pork Products?
First we had Weiner-Gate in Philly and now we have Bacon-Gate in Ohio.
WEST CHESTER, Ohio -- One of Rep. John Boehner’s local offices was evacuated Monday afternoon after a suspicious package arrived in the mail.
Staffers received the letter from Georgia by U.S. mail. After noticing it was leaking an oily substance, they called the Capitol police in Washington, who advised them to evacuate as a precaution and call in local authorities.
Ok first off, why are people in West Chester, OH (wherever that is) calling the cops in DC? What in the heck are they supposed to do from 300 miles away? Tell them to fry it up and make BLT's out it? I mean if you lived in Houston would you call the cops in Detroit if you were being mugged or if you lived in Chicago and your baseball team hadn't won a world series in a 100 years would you call the LA police for help? Plus it’s not like they called the FBI or something. They called the Capitol Police. These are the ones who keep little kids on field trips behind the velvet ropes so as not to disturb all the important work going on at the Capitol (ok that was hard to type with a straight face). Calling them is like calling Barney Fife to help catch a serial killer.
After an X-ray analysis, investigators determined the package contained bacon.
Boehner voted twice last week for a $700 billion bailout of the financial industry, which passed Friday and was signed into law by President George W. Bush.
Some critics have charged that the legislation contained unnecessary giveaways, which are sometimes referred to as “pork barrel” spending.
I just fine this whole thing hilarious. Mailing bacon to a congressman! Classic! I wished I had thought of it.
No injuries were reported, and the incident remains under investigation.
Wow that was close. Cause we all know how harmful bacon can be. It can cause a mean paper cut. I'm sure they will track down the poor dude that sent it and arrest him on some made up charge. Maybe using the US mail for unauthorized transportation of swine. Maybe I shouldn't assume it was the US mail. Now way it would have gotten there this soon after the vote last week. It must have been UPS or FedEx.
Me? What would I have done? Fried up some eggs and hash-browns to go with it of course.
Boehner is from Ohio, same place as crazy dress up like a cow lady. Coincidence. I think not.
I'll spare everyone another tirade about what a bunch of sissies we have become.
Our public servants hard at work keeping us safe from menacing pork products. At least they didn't blow the bacon up like they did the poor defenseless weiners in Philly
They just went a little Hog Wild in OH. What a load of Hogwash. So this wasn’t Ham-Let. Sorry to Boar you. But don’t be Bacon me mad. That’s enough for now; I need to go watch the Squeal of Fortune.
Hogs and Kisses
First we had Weiner-Gate in Philly and now we have Bacon-Gate in Ohio.
WEST CHESTER, Ohio -- One of Rep. John Boehner’s local offices was evacuated Monday afternoon after a suspicious package arrived in the mail.
Staffers received the letter from Georgia by U.S. mail. After noticing it was leaking an oily substance, they called the Capitol police in Washington, who advised them to evacuate as a precaution and call in local authorities.
Ok first off, why are people in West Chester, OH (wherever that is) calling the cops in DC? What in the heck are they supposed to do from 300 miles away? Tell them to fry it up and make BLT's out it? I mean if you lived in Houston would you call the cops in Detroit if you were being mugged or if you lived in Chicago and your baseball team hadn't won a world series in a 100 years would you call the LA police for help? Plus it’s not like they called the FBI or something. They called the Capitol Police. These are the ones who keep little kids on field trips behind the velvet ropes so as not to disturb all the important work going on at the Capitol (ok that was hard to type with a straight face). Calling them is like calling Barney Fife to help catch a serial killer.
After an X-ray analysis, investigators determined the package contained bacon.
Boehner voted twice last week for a $700 billion bailout of the financial industry, which passed Friday and was signed into law by President George W. Bush.
Some critics have charged that the legislation contained unnecessary giveaways, which are sometimes referred to as “pork barrel” spending.
I just fine this whole thing hilarious. Mailing bacon to a congressman! Classic! I wished I had thought of it.
No injuries were reported, and the incident remains under investigation.
Wow that was close. Cause we all know how harmful bacon can be. It can cause a mean paper cut. I'm sure they will track down the poor dude that sent it and arrest him on some made up charge. Maybe using the US mail for unauthorized transportation of swine. Maybe I shouldn't assume it was the US mail. Now way it would have gotten there this soon after the vote last week. It must have been UPS or FedEx.
Me? What would I have done? Fried up some eggs and hash-browns to go with it of course.
Boehner is from Ohio, same place as crazy dress up like a cow lady. Coincidence. I think not.
I'll spare everyone another tirade about what a bunch of sissies we have become.
Our public servants hard at work keeping us safe from menacing pork products. At least they didn't blow the bacon up like they did the poor defenseless weiners in Philly
They just went a little Hog Wild in OH. What a load of Hogwash. So this wasn’t Ham-Let. Sorry to Boar you. But don’t be Bacon me mad. That’s enough for now; I need to go watch the Squeal of Fortune.
Hogs and Kisses
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
It All depends on Your Definition of Gross
"Dad, Robert choked me"
"Why did Robert choke you Dominic"?
"He said I did something gross.
"What did you do Dominic"?
"It wasn't that gross. I just licked my toes"
"Go back up to bed Dominic and tell Robert not to choke you. Oh and don't lick your toes anymore".
"Why did Robert choke you Dominic"?
"He said I did something gross.
"What did you do Dominic"?
"It wasn't that gross. I just licked my toes"
"Go back up to bed Dominic and tell Robert not to choke you. Oh and don't lick your toes anymore".
Monday, October 6, 2008
Don’t Take it Personally Babs
Maybe there is something to this middle-child syndrome. Yesterday morning we did our normal get everyone dressed and out the door and rush to church thing. We needed to be there at least 15 minutes early since Caleb was serving High Mass.
We actually had it easy yesterday. Alex and Josh are away at school, and Lizzie was staying home with 2 of the little ones since she was going to a teen Mass Sunday night. So that meant we only had…um…let me get my shoes off…11 kids – 2 at school…- 3 staying at home…carry the 1…….…. = 6 kids going to church…I think. So we get a little was down the road and Sam realizes that Barbara (age 12 and the 5th child) wasn’t in the van. Not only that, no one had seen her that morning...she was still in the sack.
Part of it was Babs’ fault. She was pouting the night before because we moved Hunter (Cecilia 2) into her room. She is now sharing her room with Hunter and Mary (4). To make a long story short, Eric (1) busted up his crib on Saturday and we moved a few kids around. And Barbara was not happy about it so apparently she slept in the Eric’s old room which is now empty.
Where were we? Oh yeah, in the van. So I made a u-turn, try that in a 15 passenger van, and Sam called the house and told Lizzie to get Barbara up and have her get dressed. We picked up a non-plussed Barbara and went to church. She was very tired and grouchy looking for most of Mass.
The birth order of our kids never has seemed to make any difference on their personalities but maybe I was wrong and we are ignoring Barbara and she will be some mal-adjusted loser of a kid, staying in her room all the time, conjugating verbs and sewing Little House on the Prairie replica dresses.
Nah, not Babs, she is our social butterfly. She’s always playing friends, going to some party or generally having a great time. So much for the shrinks and their middle child syndrome.
I mean if Jan Brady survived with having to live up to Marica and put up with that whiny Cindy, than Babs will be just fine.
We actually had it easy yesterday. Alex and Josh are away at school, and Lizzie was staying home with 2 of the little ones since she was going to a teen Mass Sunday night. So that meant we only had…um…let me get my shoes off…11 kids – 2 at school…- 3 staying at home…carry the 1…….…. = 6 kids going to church…I think. So we get a little was down the road and Sam realizes that Barbara (age 12 and the 5th child) wasn’t in the van. Not only that, no one had seen her that morning...she was still in the sack.
Part of it was Babs’ fault. She was pouting the night before because we moved Hunter (Cecilia 2) into her room. She is now sharing her room with Hunter and Mary (4). To make a long story short, Eric (1) busted up his crib on Saturday and we moved a few kids around. And Barbara was not happy about it so apparently she slept in the Eric’s old room which is now empty.
Where were we? Oh yeah, in the van. So I made a u-turn, try that in a 15 passenger van, and Sam called the house and told Lizzie to get Barbara up and have her get dressed. We picked up a non-plussed Barbara and went to church. She was very tired and grouchy looking for most of Mass.
The birth order of our kids never has seemed to make any difference on their personalities but maybe I was wrong and we are ignoring Barbara and she will be some mal-adjusted loser of a kid, staying in her room all the time, conjugating verbs and sewing Little House on the Prairie replica dresses.
Nah, not Babs, she is our social butterfly. She’s always playing friends, going to some party or generally having a great time. So much for the shrinks and their middle child syndrome.
I mean if Jan Brady survived with having to live up to Marica and put up with that whiny Cindy, than Babs will be just fine.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Stuff Catholics Like - Being First Out of the Parking Lot
Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to The Sacred Heart 500
Is trying to get out of your church parking lot like a NASCAR race? Or maybe it’s more like a demolition derby?
The priest could have just given a homily on patience. But Catholics (maybe other churches have this problem also) love being the first one out of the church parking lot (whatever happened to the First Shall be Last?). This happens in various stages at our church.
First you have those people who leave right after communion (the old ‘dine and dash’ or ‘Judas shuffle’). They are still chewing as they bolt out the door and make a beeline for their cars.
Then you have those who technically stay to the very end. As soon as the priest gives the final blessing (to them it sounds like 'start your engines') they are racing him down the aisle. Quick swipe at the holy water font then whoosh out the door and driving away in no time at all. They move faster than Rosanne Barr at an all you can eat buffet.
Thirdly you have parishioners who stay to the end and then run to their cars to start the race out of the parking lot. Tires screaming like a bunch of tweens at a Jonas Brothers concert. Whatever you do don’t walk or drive in front of these folks, they will run you down and turn you into road kill. These people don’t yield and they don’t stop.
It really isn’t even necessary at our church. We have a cop at every Mass to stop traffic on the main road and let people out. At the most it’s going to take about 5 minutes to get out. Barring some emergency do people really need to drive like Mad Max in a church parking lot…save that kind of behavior for Christmas season at the Malls.
And heaven help you if you are at the Noon Mass during football season and the Redskins have a 1pm game. The Mass normally ends around 12:50-12:55. Giving the devoted Skin followers even less time to make kickoff. Well if they were too hung-over from the night before to make and early Mass, tough.
Is trying to get out of your church parking lot like a NASCAR race? Or maybe it’s more like a demolition derby?
The priest could have just given a homily on patience. But Catholics (maybe other churches have this problem also) love being the first one out of the church parking lot (whatever happened to the First Shall be Last?). This happens in various stages at our church.
First you have those people who leave right after communion (the old ‘dine and dash’ or ‘Judas shuffle’). They are still chewing as they bolt out the door and make a beeline for their cars.
Then you have those who technically stay to the very end. As soon as the priest gives the final blessing (to them it sounds like 'start your engines') they are racing him down the aisle. Quick swipe at the holy water font then whoosh out the door and driving away in no time at all. They move faster than Rosanne Barr at an all you can eat buffet.
Thirdly you have parishioners who stay to the end and then run to their cars to start the race out of the parking lot. Tires screaming like a bunch of tweens at a Jonas Brothers concert. Whatever you do don’t walk or drive in front of these folks, they will run you down and turn you into road kill. These people don’t yield and they don’t stop.
It really isn’t even necessary at our church. We have a cop at every Mass to stop traffic on the main road and let people out. At the most it’s going to take about 5 minutes to get out. Barring some emergency do people really need to drive like Mad Max in a church parking lot…save that kind of behavior for Christmas season at the Malls.
And heaven help you if you are at the Noon Mass during football season and the Redskins have a 1pm game. The Mass normally ends around 12:50-12:55. Giving the devoted Skin followers even less time to make kickoff. Well if they were too hung-over from the night before to make and early Mass, tough.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Today's Workouts
A lame 10.5 miles. It was supposed to be a 16 mile run but I wasn't feeling the love today so I bailed early.
Are You Part of the $500 Club?
Sam made the monthly trek to BJ's wholesale club yesterday afternoon (after stopping at the bank to take out a 2nd mortgage). Maybe I can default on that loan and get the morons in DC to bail me out too. Oh wait they only bailout politically connected big banks, never mind. Anyway it was a new record high - Yea! But it's really not a lot of stuff. Ever spend a small fortune on groceries and still can't find anything in the house to eat?
This wasn't fun-stuff shopping either. There are no running shoes on this list. Nothing black and lacy. No Chia Pets, mood rings or pet rocks. No Ribeyes for the grill. No this is your basic boring family stuff; toilet paper (lots of tushes here), diapers (once again the tush thing), laundry detergent (30+ loads a week), mini-pads with wings (they fly?), 300 pack of Dum-Dums for Halloween (our house is going to get egged for giving those out), plus trash bags, butter, milk etc...the excitement of it all is killing me.
And yes I realize that olives, cinnamon gum and Slim Jims are on the list. Don't hate us cause we know how to live large. But the 6 year-old pays for the Slim Jims (2-100 packs)and then he sells them to his siblings for a quarter each, making a tidy profit. The olives are Sam's, she's got a wicked martini habit. The gum, Sam got that for me. Apparently I have dog-breath. But no more. Look for an announcement about #12 soon.
On the bright side, there was a $1.50 instant rebate on an 18-pack of light bulbs. So I got that going for me, which is nice.
Spending $577.43 on a trip to the grocery store wouldn't be so bad if this was food for a few weeks. But it's not. It's just some of the basic food and household items. We hit BJ's every month or so for this stuff. All our regular (meats, produce, dairy etc...) grocery shopping is done weekly.
Food is now the number 1 expense in our budget. It passed the mortgage in the last year or so. The prices really have gone up quite a bit on the basics. In spite of what the official government inflation figures might say. While our mortgage has stayed pretty much the same over the years.
I've tried everything to save money on food, short of going Hannibal Lecter or inducing an eating disorder in my kids. All the meats we buy are on sale and borderline gangrene, we use generics when they are a better deal, we get day old bread, we've eaten the kids goldfish, we only have dessert on even number days and the kids have volunteered to give up their vegetables to help out. Brings a tear to my eye when they are so considerate.
Plus people are always giving us food. Leftover from parties, church functions etc...we are the drop-off point for excess food. We are like some hurricane Katrina refuge camp. So I guess I should just be grateful that the bill wasn't a whole lot more.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Udderly Ridiculous
Woman Wearing Cow Suit Charged With Disorderly Conduct
MIDDLETOWN, OH -- A Middletown woman is accused of being disorderly in public -- while wearing a cow suit.
A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.
Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch, the report said, and was warned by officers to go home and stay there.
Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems on North Verity Parkway.
The officer's report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him on the trip to jail and smelled of alcohol.
The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit.
Let's review the pertinent details of this story. Shall we?
A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.
This is where all the Vegans of the world come from. They may not become full fledged sprout munchers, but at the very least those kids will be eating at Chick-fil-a for the rest of their lives. If I were the police I'd see of Ms Allen has any ties to the local Chick-fil-a.
Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch.
While I do realize that if you gotta go you gotta go. But this crosses the line. Cows put out a serious amount of urine.
Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems
Don't you just hate it when cows won't get out of the fast-lane? She's lucky no one plowed into her and turned her into ground beef.
The officer's report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him
Mooing curse words at the officer I imagine. How do you say 'dirty pig' in cow?
...and smelled of alcohol
Wow what a shock that alcohol was involved. Just what do cows drink? Spiked milkshakes? Cream de minth? Hot Buttered Rum?
The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit
Well besides the obvious, alcohol. Maybe she had some bad childhood experiences (everyone else uses that excuse). She might have been tipped over a lot as a kid. Or maybe she grew up next to a slaughterhouse. This story would make more sense if she was from WI and not OH. If she was from WI I'd just assume she was a Cheesehead who was upset that Brett Favre left the Packers.
This is no Bull. I wouldn’t Steer you wrong. I don’t want to Cow you into liking this post. I guess I've Milked this story for all it's worth, sorry I couldn't do Butter. You have probably Herd enough. I guess this story wasn't the Cream of the crop. I'll MOOve on now. I guess you aren't in the MOOed for more so I'll stop now. I promise I won't Udder another word.
I gotta admit it really is a sweet looking cow suit
MIDDLETOWN, OH -- A Middletown woman is accused of being disorderly in public -- while wearing a cow suit.
A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.
Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch, the report said, and was warned by officers to go home and stay there.
Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems on North Verity Parkway.
The officer's report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him on the trip to jail and smelled of alcohol.
The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit.
Let's review the pertinent details of this story. Shall we?
A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.
This is where all the Vegans of the world come from. They may not become full fledged sprout munchers, but at the very least those kids will be eating at Chick-fil-a for the rest of their lives. If I were the police I'd see of Ms Allen has any ties to the local Chick-fil-a.
Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch.
While I do realize that if you gotta go you gotta go. But this crosses the line. Cows put out a serious amount of urine.
Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems
Don't you just hate it when cows won't get out of the fast-lane? She's lucky no one plowed into her and turned her into ground beef.
The officer's report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him
Mooing curse words at the officer I imagine. How do you say 'dirty pig' in cow?
...and smelled of alcohol
Wow what a shock that alcohol was involved. Just what do cows drink? Spiked milkshakes? Cream de minth? Hot Buttered Rum?
The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit
Well besides the obvious, alcohol. Maybe she had some bad childhood experiences (everyone else uses that excuse). She might have been tipped over a lot as a kid. Or maybe she grew up next to a slaughterhouse. This story would make more sense if she was from WI and not OH. If she was from WI I'd just assume she was a Cheesehead who was upset that Brett Favre left the Packers.
This is no Bull. I wouldn’t Steer you wrong. I don’t want to Cow you into liking this post. I guess I've Milked this story for all it's worth, sorry I couldn't do Butter. You have probably Herd enough. I guess this story wasn't the Cream of the crop. I'll MOOve on now. I guess you aren't in the MOOed for more so I'll stop now. I promise I won't Udder another word.
I gotta admit it really is a sweet looking cow suit
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