Udderly Ridiculous

Woman Wearing Cow Suit Charged With Disorderly Conduct

MIDDLETOWN, OH -- A Middletown woman is accused of being disorderly in public -- while wearing a cow suit.

A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.

Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch, the report said, and was warned by officers to go home and stay there.

Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems on North Verity Parkway.

The officer's report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him on the trip to jail and smelled of alcohol.

The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit.


Let's review the pertinent details of this story. Shall we?

A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening.

This is where all the Vegans of the world come from. They may not become full fledged sprout munchers, but at the very least those kids will be eating at Chick-fil-a for the rest of their lives. If I were the police I'd see of Ms Allen has any ties to the local Chick-fil-a.

Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch.

While I do realize that if you gotta go you gotta go. But this crosses the line. Cows put out a serious amount of urine.

Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems

Don't you just hate it when cows won't get out of the fast-lane? She's lucky no one plowed into her and turned her into ground beef.

The officer's report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him

Mooing curse words at the officer I imagine. How do you say 'dirty pig' in cow?

...and smelled of alcohol

Wow what a shock that alcohol was involved. Just what do cows drink? Spiked milkshakes? Cream de minth? Hot Buttered Rum?

The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit

Well besides the obvious, alcohol. Maybe she had some bad childhood experiences (everyone else uses that excuse). She might have been tipped over a lot as a kid. Or maybe she grew up next to a slaughterhouse. This story would make more sense if she was from WI and not OH. If she was from WI I'd just assume she was a Cheesehead who was upset that Brett Favre left the Packers.

This is no Bull. I wouldn’t Steer you wrong. I don’t want to Cow you into liking this post. I guess I've Milked this story for all it's worth, sorry I couldn't do Butter. You have probably Herd enough. I guess this story wasn't the Cream of the crop. I'll MOOve on now. I guess you aren't in the MOOed for more so I'll stop now. I promise I won't Udder another word.

I gotta admit it really is a sweet looking cow suit