Monday, November 2, 2009

Excuse me while I act vain for awhile

My best marathon time to date was at the Baltimore Marathon 2 weeks ago. I finished in a time of 3:44:18. I got curious to see what famous people have run marathons and what their times were (yes I’m that competitive).

The following people I smoked - HA!

Meredith Baxter, Family Ties, New York City Marathon
Alex P. Keaton would not be pleased

Anthony Edwards, Chicago Marathon
Who is Anothony Edwards? I have no idea. Oh well I dusted dude too.

David James Elliott, JAG, Boston Marathon
I just love how these celebrities get entries into Boston without earning it. The rest of us slackers have to qualify.

Will Ferrell, Boston Marathon
I wonder if he entertained fellow runners with jokes.

David Lee Roth, former lead singer of Van Halen, New York City Marathon
Guess dude stopped to hit on the girls along the way

Mario López, Saved by the Bell, Boston Marathon
That time is lame Mario, just like the show you were in. You could walk a marathon that fast.

Peter Weller, New York City Marathon
I beat Robo Cop! Cool!

Freddie Prinze, Jr., Los Angeles Marathon
Freddie must have been flirting with the ladies with David Lee.

Danni Boatwright, Winner: Survivor: Guatemala, Nashville Country Music Marathon
I guess she was stopping along the way to eat slugs and grasshoppers, how else to explain that time

Oprah Winfrey, Marine Corps Marathon
Like Thumpers dad says. “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.

Kerri Strug, Gymnast, Houston Marathon
Not bad but no gold medal performance. It must be those short legs (like I’m one to talk)

Lisa Ling, formerly of The View, Boston Marathon
Is there a worse show on TV for guys than The View? Other than Oprah of course

P. Diddy (Sean Combs), New York City Marathon
I would have shot myself in the face if I ran slower than Puff Daddy or whatever his handle is these days. Actually I’m surprised he didn’t shoot me.

Lynn Swann, former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver, New York City
Looks like Swann has lost a step or three. Maybe if people in the crowd tossed him footballs while he was running he would have gone faster

George W. Bush, 43rd President of the United States, Houston Marathon
I just barely beat W’s time. But at least I can say nuclear

Al Gore, Vice President of the United States at the time, Marine Corps Marathon
He probably was late to the start because he was busy inventing the internet.

Kim Alexis, model, New York City Marathon
I could probably slow myself done a bit and run that pace

Ali Landry, model, Boston Marathon
Ok I’m not slowing myself down that much, model or not

And ones that are faster than me

William Baldwin, New York City Marathon
Not sure which Baldwin brother he is (I don't think even their mother can keep them straight) but I’m glad it wasn’t the fat slob Alec Baldwin that beat my time

Lance Armstrong, Seven-time Tour de France champion and triathlete, New York City Marathon
Lance “Drug Doper” Armstrong beat my time? What a shock. Come on Lance you can do better than that. There is no drug testing at NYM unless you win.

Joan Van Ark, Santa Ana 1979
Never cared for Knott’s Landing but that is some fast running

Michael Dukakis, Former Governor of Massachusetts, Boston Marathon
That little dweeb beat me? Must train harder.

Björn Ulvaeus, former member of Swedish band ABBA, Stockholm Marathon.
Ok now I’m down right embarrassed. ABBA? Seriously dude was in ABBA. I may not be able to show myself in public. I need a hug

John Edwards, Former United States Senator, Marine Corps Marathon
Guess all his spare time wasn’t spent cheating on his wife

Mikuláš Dzurinda, Prime Minister of Slovakia, Malokarpatsky Marathon
I have no idea who he is or wear Slovakia is but that is a real sweet time. Better than Lance’s


Maurisa said...

Anthony Edwards was Goose in Top Gun. Give yourself a pat on the back, you beat a goose!

Roger said...

Anthony Edwards was also Dr. Greene on ER, and I think a fellow stoner to Sean Penn's Spiccoli in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"

I'm actually impressed with Oprah's time, I figured it would be closer to DLRs.

Good job, by the way.

Jo Flemings said...

I just have to say it- I really admire anyone who runs, especially marathons-or even just a marathon. I am in awe. Good luck with the really long run coming up. Totally amazing.I think you are completely entitled to crow. I am so impressed I can't even make any wisecracks.

momto5minnies said...

WOW, that is pretty cool. I must admit that I was impressed by a few of those "mature" ladies. Maybe there is hope for me yet.

Need to stop making excuses (me that is)

KUDOS running man!

laurazim said...

*sigh*.....I'll probably never run a marathon. Heck, I'm in awe of anyone who can run more than a block or two. HOWEVER--in my youth, I ran, lifted weights, and marched drum corps, so it's not like I have no idea. Anyway, I think you have to go ON Oprah to get your hug. And no, there is no worse show than the View. Even on Oprah, there aren't four women sitting there while creepy liberal candidates shake their booties on a table. Ew. Oh--and I'm glad you clarified which Puff Daddy you were talking about. It could have been Puff Daschle. That would be an embarrassing mix-up.

laurazim said...

Rats. I forgot the crooning and fawning. "....four women sitting there CROONING AND FAWNING while creepy liberal.........." You get the picture. Not that you want to. Nobody wants to.

Wow. It's late and I'm totally rambling. :)

Anonymous said...

Slovakia was part of the former Czech Republic.

Just in case you wanted to know.

Danielle said...

Dukakis beat you?? How will you ever live that down?