Breastfeed if Possible

Breastfeed if at all possible. I mean if you're a dude you can't, but if you are women you should be equipped to give it a whirl and see if it works for you.

Breast milk = FREE

Formula for a year = $1,200-$1,500 (more if you use the fancy-pants stuff) depending out which formula you use*

* this doesn't include the cost of bottles and nipples. Nor does it factor in the health benefits (for baby and mom) and the time savings of breastfeeding. 

• Breast-fed children are more resistant to disease and infection early in life than formula-fed children
  
  
• Breast-fed children are less likely to contract a number of diseases later in life, including juvenile diabetes, multiple sclerosis, heart disease, and cancer before the age of 15
  
  
• Mothers who breastfeed are less likely to develop osteoporosis later in life, are able to lose weight gained during pregnancy more easily and have a lower risk of breast, uterine and ovarian cancer

12 of our kids got the boob-jucie (#13 was a foster baby) for the 1st year of their lives. I figure we saved between $14,400-$18,000 over the past 23 years, probably towards the lower end of that range since we would have bought store-brand formula...in bulk...when on sale...cause we are cheap that way.

***all posts applying to my family only - your results will be different***

Homemade Laundry Detergent

 Yes it has come to that, I am making our laundry detergent. After mocking others, hippies mostly, I started making detergent myself. We spend a fair amount each year on detergent and we don't even use the pricier brands like Tide.

 Further down below is a recipe and a link to the site I got it from. This is a concentrated version; she also has a version that requires less of each ingredient. I used a 96 ounce jug to make this and each load of laundry uses 2 ounces of the liquid (HE machine, use more if you have a top-loader). So I am getting 48 loads per jug. Each jug costs me less than $2 to make. Around 5 cents per load. I haven’t bothered to figure out the exact amount. But it’s a lot cheaper than store-bought and only takes a few minutes to make. Oh and the stuff works. On the website is a non-concentrated version that is even cheaper to make.

How to make it:

Put the following into a jug, I used an old 96 ounce detergent jug. You could probably use up to a gallon jug.

1/2 cup of Borax
1/2 cup of Washing Soda
1/2 cup of Dawn Dishwashing Liquid - the blue grease fighting kind

Then add 4 cups of boiling water and shake the jug (behave people) to dissolve. Top off the jug with water. Shake the jug between uses to make sure it stays well mixed. That's it, simple.

Use ¼ cup for HE machine

Use ½ cup for top-loader

Stole this recipe from Here

You can get the Borax and Washing Soda at Amazon. I am told Wal-Mart has them for even less money, but I don’t do Wal-Mart. 

You might not think this saves a lot. But we do 30-35 loads of laundry per week. And even the cheapest detergent on sale ( ALL, Arm and Hammer etc...) costs 3 times as much as this home brew. 

Homemade detergent per year - $91

Cheap detergent (Cheer, All, Store brand) - $273

Tide and other high dollar stuff -  $310-$480

The non-concentrated version would be about $40 per year.

There are lots of detergent recipes out there, liquid and powder. If you've tried any that you like let me know about them.

For my very stinky running clothes, I still use regular store bought detergent. The homemade stuff doesn't get the Sardonic Stink out of them.

Not that I actually do the laundry myself, I mean I am married after all.

Pretty in Pink?

Maybe not quite as pretty as you think.

In the United States, virtually everyone has seen the "pink ribbon" campaigns plastered on everything from make-up and cupcakes to t-shirts and fried chicken buckets, and recognize the symbol as a sign of breast cancer awareness.


It's certainly a noble cause, considering that if current trends continue one in 8 U.S. women will be diagnosed with breast cancer at some point during their lives.


Unfortunately, this cause is noble only in appearance; in reality, the multimillion-dollar company behind all those pink ribbons -- the Susan G. Komen Foundation – uses less than a dime of each dollar to actually look for a breast cancer cure... and that's just the surface of the problem...

Read the rest of the article here

Now this is Pretty in Pink

Long live Duckie (some language)

Bumpaholics? Women Addictided to Having Babies?

The Belly-Rubbing High
Are some women addicted to having babies?
By Martha Brockenbrough, Women's Health

It's not just in your head. There really is a bumper crop of baby bumps out there, from the famously fertile, like Heidi Klum, who's flirting with her fourth set of stretch marks in five years, to the infamous Nadya "Octomom" Suleman, who earlier this year bore eight babies at once even though she already had six other kids at home that she could barely afford to take care of.......

But it's not always quite so simple, psychologists say. Some women may like being pregnant a little too much, often driven to rapidly reproduce out of insecurity, a craving for attention, or feelings of abandonment by their own parents.

Having babies isn't addictive in the way that alcohol and narcotics can be. But bumpaholics feel compelled to procreate for many of the same reasons that substance abusers turn to booze or drugs


Um excuse me Rob, I hate to butt in here again, but why are you reading Women’s Health?

Hey I’m very interested in women’s health issues like; cancer of the tatas, menstrual cycles, crying for no apparent reason, abnormal pap smears, leg-waxing rash.......that’s just the sensitive kinda guy I am.

Bumpaholics? Nice made-up word, morons.

Is everything a psychological condition these days?

People shop too much they are Shopaholics, instead of financially irresponsible.

Or they shoplift all the time so they are kleptomaniacs instead of criminals.

They eat too much they are foodaholics, instead of fat slobs.

Can't stay away from hookers they are sexaholics, instead of perverts.

Yeah I know it’s not their fault. Their mommas didn't breastfeed them and their daddies spanked them and they didn't make the 1st grade t-ball team. Boo Hoo

Um, anyway back to this article. Sure maybe there are some women (the octomom comes to mind) who are a little whacked when it comes to having too many kids. But this article just has the smell of the typical anti-child liberal-BS (Sam won’t let me write bull$h!t on my blog, she’s worried I’ll be a bad influence on you) that we who dare to have more than 2 kids have to put up with. I got to admit this is a new angle. I guess they are tired of running the “Kids Cost too Much” or the “Earth is Full” or the “You Will Ruin Your Health if You Have More Kids” articles. Lather, Rise, Repeat...So I give them points for being novel at least.

Without casting aspersions on the author or the quack-shrinks she used in the story; why is it that I think they all have like 1.2 kids each, drive Volvo’s and drink skinny soy lattes from Starbucks? Ok well maybe I am casting aspersions but tough tootsie. None of us with large families are calling these people with small or no families Bumpophobes (hey they aren’t the only ones who can make up stupid words, I think I’ll patent that one) so please just leave us the hell alone. We don’t want your help, opinions or attention – people like the Duggars, Jon and Kate and Octomom to the contrary, we are not all attention-whores.

So what are the enemies’ next likely steps over the years?

1. Having Bumpaholism made an official psychiatric disorder
2. Offering counseling and therapy for women afflicted with this disorder
3. The big drug companies, who are in bed with the FDA anyway, will come out a pill to treat this ‘disorder’
4. For ‘extreme’ cases where counseling and drugs don’t stop these chronic breeders sterilization will be strongly ‘suggested’
5. Repeat offenders will be forcibly sterilized under Universal ObamaCare…for their own good of course

Or this could be a onetime article and I’m over blowing the whole thing…it could go either way

What Religon is Your Bra?

A primer on bra's for men. Credit for this goes to my bride even though she will be ticked-off that I gave her credit.

What Religion is Your Bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the
woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife.'

'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'

'Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape,
size, color and material imaginable.

'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of
bras to choose...'

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied:
'There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist
types. Which one would you prefer?'

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple... '

The Catholic type supports the masses.

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen.

The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright.

And the Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills.

======================================================
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it
is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs...

{B} Barely there..

{C} Can't Complain!

{D} Dang!

{DD} Double dang!

{E} Enormous!

{F} Fake.

{G} Get a Reduction.

{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up !

===========================================================
They forgot the German bra.

Holtzemfromfloppen

Want to See Some Women with Big Boobs?

And Millions of Men Lose Their Sight

Not to mention their lunch.

Shirley Jones' Playboy flirtation

Brace yourselves, Partridge Family fans, said the New York Post. Shirley Jones, who played the wholesome mother of the singing sitcom family, might pose nude for Playboy at age 75, if her husband/manager Marty Ingels gets his way. "She's still drop-dead gorgeous," Ingels told Page Six.


Come on! She was ok looking at 40 when she was Mrs. Partridge but no one was clamoring for her to pose nude then and they sure aren't at 75. And the story begs the question - WHY? Is she hard up for money? Publicity? Attention?

Save the Ta-Tas?!

More like steal the Ta-Tas in this case.

From the The Orange County Register

HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. - A woman wanted for stealing another woman's identity so she could trade in her breast implants for new ones and liposuction has turned herself in to police, the Orange County Register reports.

Yvonne Pampellonne, 30, turned herself in to Huntington Beach Police Tuesday afternoon.

Police say she opened a line of credit in someone else's name in September 2008 and had procedures worth more than $12,000 performed at the Pacific Center For Plastic Surgery.

Those crazy Californians. No word on whether or not Ms. Pampellonne will have to return the implants.

Talk About Multi-Tasking

AP Story from MSN
KETTERING, Ohio - Police in Ohio say a woman has been charged with child endangerment after another motorist reported she was both breast-feeding the youngster and talking on a phone while driving.

Baby in one hand, cell phone in the other...
What exactly was she driving with? Her tongue?
She couldn't have been using a Bluetooth device or else the person that narked on her wouldn't have known she was on the phone. Maybe they make hands-free nursing devices now. Plastic funnel and tube? Kinda like a beer-bong for boobs.

She must make a great wife. She can probably open a beer for you, find the remote and massage your shoulders all at once.

And no I'm not saying what she did was smart...but man that takes some skill. That is a great resume builder right there.

American Idol Night - '09

Went to bed yesterday afternoon at 5....just got up at 8 this morning. Flu. Did not get to watch idol. My bride did.

I leave you with this:

I Love Karma

Apparently the TSA's (those of the motto 'You are Guilty until Proven Innocent') new uniforms are making their stormtroopers sick.

From the Washington Post - "skin rashes, …runny or bloody noses, lightheadedness, red eyes, and swollen and cracked lips." Or at least that’s what the American Federation of Government Employees (AFGE) claims. It "estimate[s]" that 200 or 300 "workers" have complained of such symptoms.

The tormentors are now being tormented by their new uniforms - there is a God!

The new uniforms (including badges) have a cop wannabe look (the better to terrorize passengers with?) and were unveiled last summer to the tune of a $12 million price tag. 12,000,000 of your dollars and mine.

Allegedly it's the formaldehyde used to make the uniforms permanent press that are causing the trouble - didn't we just have a similar problem with bra's and some woman's tata's?

No word on whether or not their jackboots were too tight also.

The real police aren't too thrilled with the new digs either. Police officers and their unions across country are worried about the TSA impersonating the real police.

Toxic Boobs

Several women have claimed that a popular type of bra from the leading lingerie firm Victoria’s Secret made them ill.

Roberta Ritter, 37, claims: "I had the welts that were very red, hot to the touch, extremely inflamed, blistery. It itched profusely. I couldn't sleep and was waking up itching."

Miss Ritter, from Ohio, filed a lawsuit against Victoria's Secret in May and claims she has been contacted by dozens of women suffering similar symptoms who are now seeking permission to join her in a class-action lawsuit.

Her lawyers said they purchased the same bra types that Miss Ritter had bought and had them laboratory tested. They claim the tests revealed that the bras showed traces of formaldehyde, which is used in the textile industry to make fabrics crease-resistant. The lawyers believe Miss Ritter may be allergic to formaldehyde.

Ok since I don't wear bras (well not on a regular basis) I have a few questions about this story:

1) There are labs that test bras?

2) Formaldehyde? Seriously? Isn't that the stuff those fetal-pigs we used to hack up in high school science class were kept in?

3) There are Victoria Secrets stores in Ohio?

4) Bras need to be crease-resistant?

5) If they aren't made crease-resistant, do women iron them? And if so how do they work around the curves?

Talk About Killer Boobs

FOUNTAIN, Colorado (AP) -- A Colorado teenager hired men to kill his mother so he could use her money to get breast implants for his girlfriend, police said.
Nikita Lee Weis, 18, was arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder, said Fountain Deputy Police Chief Mike Barnett.
Weis' mother, Hyun Weis, was attacked Thursday with a small wooden baseball bat at her home but escaped, authorities said. She was released Friday from a hospital.
His girlfriend, Sophia Nicole Alsept, and two men police said he hired, Juan Antonio Velez Gonzalez, 18, and Brandon Michael Soroka, 19, were also arrested on the charge of conspiracy to commit first-degree murder.
Barnett said Weis wanted to sell his mother's car and use money in her bank accounts to pay for breast implants for Alsept, 21.

Batting for Breasts. I've heard of batathons for different charities but this is taking it to the extreme.

Most guys like their women to have a nice figure. But killing someone for it?! Is it really worth facing life in prison? Couldn't they have dealt drugs like any other self-respecting scum-bag would have?

How does this conversation between boyfriend and girlfriend go?

GF – I wish I had a bigger chest

BF – Yeah me too. I mean I wish yours was bigger too, mines fine. Those 5 push-ups I do each morning are really helping out.

GF – But new boobs cost so much. It’s not like I’m Christine Applegate and have lots of money.

BF – I’ve got enough dough that I could pay for one, but then you’d be lopsided. Maybe we could wait for a buy one get one free sale like the grocery stores have.

GF – I don’t want to wait, I want them now. Hey my mom has a little bit of money saved and she’s got that ’97 Dodge Neon that’s pretty cool.

BF – So what. You want to steal her money and her car and sell it? We might get in trouble if she reported us.

GF – you’re right, let’s kill her instead and then I’ll inherit everything.

BF – cool that’s a much better plan. I know these guys I used to play baseball with who are looking for work….


And don’t worry about my MIL, she’s safe. I’m not going to go all ‘Babe Ruth’ on her with a bat. Sam is perfect just the way she is….

Move Over Chubby Hubby

it's time for our newest flavors from Ben and Jerry's, Lactating Lady, Boobie Bonanza and Milky Momma.

PETA asks Ben & Jerry's to use breast milk

MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) — Ice cream made from breast milk? That's what the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants Ben & Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream to consider making.

The Virginia-based nonprofit group sent a letter to company co-founders Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield on Tuesday asking them to use human breast milk instead of cow's milk in their products.

PETA said the health of consumers and cows would benefit from the switch.

Ben & Jerry's spokesman Rob Michalak said the company applauds PETA's creative approach to bring attention to an issue, but believes that a mother's milk is best used by a child.

Now I would normally ignore anything coming from PETA but this was just too good to pass up. I realize that PETA knows it's not realistic for Ben and Jerry's to switch from cow's milk to human breast milk and that they are just tyring to make a point. Even they have to realize that it would take a few million Pamela Anderson's to replace all the cow's milk that they use in ice cream.

I Hate the Color Lime

Isn’t that what color green and pink make? I think it is. I was never good at figuring that out in grade school. I was too busy eating paste or sticking erasers up my nose or trying not to get beat up during recess.

Any who, I now hate both of those colors. I cringe every time I see them on TV or in a magazine add Those colors now make me see red. It didn’t use to be so. I used to like pink and green. Heck I have a few pink shirts in the closet (I’ve got 11 kids so back off). Now I don’t know if I can ever wear them again. And every spring I have green grass for a few weeks before the kids destroy the yard.

Let me explain.

It’s this whole ‘let’s jump on the Green (environmental) and Pink (cancer) bandwagons’ that’s drive me nuts. Disclaimer: it’s not that I want people to get cancer or the earth to get trashed. Everyone wants a cure for cancer. We all have family and friends that have died from cancer.

Pink is everywhere. Pink football jerseys, major league baseball players using pink bats, Obama pledging to paint the White House pink if he wins, pink ribbons, pink t-shirts, pink Dell laptops, pink IPod and cell phone holders, there is even a whole line of pink running gear.

And the purchase of these Pink products helps cancer research, supposedly. How much of the actual purchase price actually goes to cancer research and what groups are getting the money? Are those groups doing legitimate research? Or are their research procedures and groups they grant money to, doing things contrary to Catholic Moral teachings? Like the Susan G Komen group (donors to Planned Parenthood and supports embryonic stem-cell research).

The final straw was an ad for Oakley sunglasses in my latest running magazine. Pink Oakley’s with a portion of the proceeds going to cancer research. Another “look at how great and caring our company is” advertisement.

The companies that are suddenly ‘Green’ are driving me crazy too. Maybe it’s good business but it just strikes me as self-serving and insincere. Is anyone falling for it? I’ll take some dirty unshaven hippy tree huggers over these corporate phonies any day. I expect it from hairy-legged, granola eating women in a VW bus. But not from Wal-Mart, Bank of America and IBM and every other company that is slapping green all over themselves and shouting it as loud as they can.

These companies put in a few solar panels and some Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs and say look at how great we are. Ok maybe every little bit helps, and saving energy and money is a good thing. But this ‘look at how great we are attitude’ is nauseating. “Don’t let the left-hand now what the right-hand is doing”.

Man I should have bought stock in Green and Pink paint companies. I bet they are doing better than Lehman Brothers, AIG and Fannie Mae stock.

Well if you can’t beat them join them. I’m going to change the background of this blog to Pink and for every hit this site gets I’m going to donate a penny to the makers of the “Save the TaTa’s” bumper stickers. And in order to be Green I promise to never whack a baby seal in the head with a baseball bat unless the seal attacks first or tries to steal my running shoes. And I will never again eat Spotted Owl…they taste like chicken anyway…

Most People Just Hang onto Photos

or maybe some letters or a wedding dress.

Anna Nicole Smith's former boyfriend spent nearly $3,000 at a celebrity auction Saturday scooping up lingerie once worn in a Playboy shoot by the late playmate.

Birkhead said he is trying to make sure his 1-year-old daughter, Dannielynn, has something to remember her mother by.

Such a loving and thoughtful dad.

I realize she lead kind of a wild and scandalous life, but couldn't he have found some nicer items for his daughter to remember her mom by? A teddy bear, a picture of the two of them, maybe a silver tea set?

Makes me wonder what the kids will keep of mine when I buy the farm.

What material possessions do I own that they might like?

My savings account with $157.13 in it, is not going to go far when divided among 11 kids.

Pictures come to mind. But everyone has those. And there will be plenty to go around unless my hard drive crashes.

My clothes are boring, at least compared to Anna Nicole’s.

My CD’s? They will probably think they are old and dated just like my Neil Sedaka 8-tracks are.

My running shoes? I don’t think so…I’m being buried with them. They already smell like death anyway.

My most monetarily valuable possessions are my bikes. My triathlon bike in particular with its race wheels (HED3's) could be sold to feed a small African country or buy a tank of gas for our van. Joey and Robert might want them, they are signed up for their first triathlon at the end of July.

So that’s about it…other than my belly button lint collection. Not my own lint - you weirdos. I collect the lint of famous people (EBay is great). Don't laugh. It's the next big thing. Just wait and see.

So far I’ve scored some from Barbara Bush, Woody Allen and Roseanne Barr. I’ve got a line on some from Amy Winehouse…if I can just get it before she smokes it.


That’s the main reason I started this blog. I figured it could be a glimpse into the past and what are lives together were like. So assuming I keep blogging for awhile and it doesn’t get deleted off of some server in the future, this will probably be the best memory the kids will have of our life together.

They will be able to look back and see the craziness that our lives were at times. But they will also be able to recall all the great times we had together. The keeping of the Faith, the laughter, the smiles, the tears and the love. And maybe, just maybe they will apprectiate the lives they had with their mother and I. Hopefully they will understand the reasons we raised them the way we did (assuming they turn out alright).

Not as exciting as lingerie but in the long run I think they will appreciate it more…at least most of them will.

American Idol Results Show

I can’t believe I’m going to sit through a 2 hour FOX infomercial just to find out who wins. I could just tune in at 9:55 and find out. “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?” Beck must have been writing about me.

I’ll spare everyone the pain of me writing about the FOX promo’s and Ford commercials.

So what exactly does tonight mean.

For David Cook probably not a whole lot. First or second (aka first loser) place probably won’t make any difference for him. He’s going to get some kind of recording deal and people know what he’s about.

The stakes would appear to be higher for Little Archie. If he loses he has to go back to Utah with the ‘world’s scariest stage dad’ (expect of course for the idol tour this summer) and get locked in the basement to practice in front of his mirror until the next contest show rolls around. If he wins he gets controlled by the American Idol powers that be. Maybe they could make him into some type of Disneyesqe character. Kinda like a male version of Hannah Montana. Then we could see his sad little puppy dog face on lunch boxes, back packs and halter tops for years. Or at least until he goes the way of other Disney child stars and starts getting into all kind of trouble and finds himself in rehab, jail or just being plain trashy. i.e. Britney, Lindsay, Christina Aguilera, various people from high School musical etc…There’s a new show for you; “Disney Stars Gone Wild’.

Randy is dressed like Huggy Bear from Starksy and Hutch.
Paula is missing the middle part of her dress and his showing off her ‘shoes’
And Simon needs to button up his shirt, as usual.

Time for the group sing-a-long. The top 12 are on stage dressed in all white like the Good Humor Man and singing ‘It’s Alright’ and trying to dance. There are also a bunch of slutty dancers on either side of them who can actually dance.

Now a duet of the two David’s.

And then the two are with some weird guru guy. I don’t know what the hell I just watched. Where is my wine? Ok that was amusing even if it was a shameless movie promo. Mike Myers is a funny man.

Syesha is doing a duet with Seal. Well that’s cool for her. And they look good together – no offense Heidi.

JC has returned. Alleluia! Not that JC. Jason Castro is back singing Alleluia. The type of song he does very well.

Ford promo. They give each of them some hybrid SUV. Archie will need some phone books to sit on. Maybe he can use the one Randy is always saying he could sing.

The top 6 chicks are singing Donna Summer’s “She works Hard for the Money”. The choreography is horrible. Especially skunk girls’. She looks like she would rather be at a biker bar…hell so would I. Donna Summer makes an appearance. She’s had some bad surgery but can still sing. It’s a medley of her songs with the idol-babes. Syesha is in danger of falling out of her dress.

Tattoo girl is signing ‘The Letter’ by the Boxtops with Michael Johns. They were my favorite male and female singer so I’m digging this part.

Jimmy Kimmel is out for a little comedic relief. Some funny lines but he’s not very energetic.

Now the 6 Idol dudes are singing Bryan Adams’ “Summer of 69”. And then we go into medley time. Now Mr. Adams joins them on stage. He’s looking alright for 48. I’m liking this – guilty pleasure time for me.

Quiz time:

Who is showing more cleavage tonight?

A. Syesha
B. Simon
C. Paula
D. The Donk

Big David is on stage with ZZ Top. He’s got to be digging that. They are singing ‘Sharp Dressed Man’. I’d rather hear ‘La Grange’ but this is a pop show. Maybe they will bring out Bette Midler and Barbara Streisand to sing with Baby Elmo.

Brooke White is singing “Teach Your Children Well” with Graham Nash. The 60’s were rough on Graham. They do a pleasant version of it. It’s no CSN but it’s good.

Can Idol not get any contemporary artists? Not that I don’t like the old guys. But…

I spoke too soon…the Jonas Brothers are on stage. Where oh where is my barf bag? Bring back the geezers. Even my 12 and 13 year old daughters don’t like them.

Now clips of all the bad, strange and bizarre auditions. I know I shouldn’t laugh but…ROFLMAO. Now we get Renaldo Lapuz! Live! Plus the USC Marching Band and Cheerleaders?! This is one weird show. Where is my peyote?

One Republic is singing “Apologize” with Archie. Um, whatever. I’ve seen worse.

Jordin Sparks is now on stage in a Gold Tin Foil dress and looks like she belongs in The Wizard of oz. I could be wrong, I often am, but she looks like she is lip-singing.

Now we have Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. doing a Pips impersonation with a video of Gladys Night. They are singing “Midnight Train to Georgia”. The weird factor keeps going up and up. Wine and peyote are no longer enough.

Carrie Underwood is out strutting her stuff. For a country song it is tolerable. Rob don’t do country. Feel free to add her to the cleavage quiz above. Or maybe I should add a ‘most leg exposure’ quiz…nah I’d win that. Have you seen me in running shorts?

The top 12 one last time…promises promises. They are doing a medley of songs from George Michael. And of course here he comes. (Dirty little secret – back in the 80’s I drove Sam to Philly to see Wham in concert. Sam crushed on him, although she won’t admit it). He is 1 year older than I. I’m definitely hotter. I don’t have to worry about Sam leaving me for him anymore. Oh I guess it would be me George would want anyway…never mind.

And finally it’s results time. A few last words from our illustrious judges. Randula rambles. Simon apologizes to DC.

And the winner is David Cook. America told the FOX people off. Way to stick it to The Man. It's not that I think David Cook is going to start the next Radiohead. I just don’t like to have the winner picked for me ahead a time. Plus I kinda like him. So now we know why Simon apologized. He didn’t want to look stupid when the winner was announced.

David C sings the winner song and that’s it folks we are running overtime here.

Because You Are Never Too Old To Play Dress-Ups

Because there aren’t enough Catholic Bloggers who cross-dress

But most of all because my sister-in-love Triple Dog Dared Me

They are real and they are spectacular.

note - the owner of this blog is not responsible for the cost of any therapy needed after viewing this post.

And Then There Were Two

So we are left with a little scared looking white-boy (no not The Donk), a lovely young black woman and a smug white dude who looks like he lost his hairbrush.

Who goes tonight? That is the question that America is dying to have answered (I typed that with a straight face…really)

Anything other than Syesha getting the old heave ho-will be a shock. Since the field was narrowed down to the Final 12 it has been pretty obvious that the judges want the David’s to be in the final showdown. They have used their comments and song choices to get everyone else booted off. If the show was based on talent, David Cook, Michael Johns and Carly Smithson would be the final three. In my un-humble opinion. But for some reason the judges have preordained Baby Elmo as a finalist and Syesha was able to hang on and slip through the cracks to make it this far.
I can’t believe I’m going to sit through and hour of FOX promos, lousy commercials and a recap of last night’s snooze-fest to see Syesha get the boot. This season has been almost as long as the insufferable presidential campaign.

Ok quick recap of the filler:

• Paula and Simon are both showing too much cleavage for their ages. Randy is keeping his pimp hands loose.

• Group sing. They shouldn’t let the guys dance they look like stiffs. Just have them stand around like statues and let Syesha move around them

• A silly Ford commercial with the Idolettes. I feel like I'm on acid

• A look back at last night’s mostly lame performances

• A performance by some scary looking ‘woman’. She looks like a Red-Headed Lesbian Linebacker or maybe Foghorn Leghorn. My teens inform me that she is a past winner with the ridiculous name of Fantasia. I thought that was a Disney movie. Who's gonna win next year? Someone named The Little Mermaid or The Lion King?

First victim for The Seacrest’s hi-jinks is Baby Elmo. We see a video of him going back to his home town (in Utah - lots of white folk there) and getting the rock star treatment. Whoa it’s very long. Ok we are back live and…ok we aren’t being told his fate. We are being treated to another video montage. This one of his path to the final 3

David is put on ice while Syesha is brought out. So now we are watching a video of her visit back home (Sarasota/Bradenton Florida). She seems like she is having a great time and she seems like a real person. But what do I know I still believe in the Great Pumpkin. Now the video montage of her journey here. So I guess we will see the same type of videos about David C.

And here we go…David Cook is visiting his home town of Kansas City. Some chick in the audience at an outdoor concert is crying her eyes out. So are a bunch of little girls at an elementary school. Now a parade and first pitch at a baseball game. Looks like he had a good time. And now the video recap of his journey here. I guess it’s hard to make an announcement that takes all of 30 seconds into an hour long show.

Rambling speech and advice from the judges.

And Syesha is going home. Nice run sweetie you done good. One last song from her.

See ya next week

Day 4 of Rob Held Hostage.

Sam, Lizzie (13), Barbara (12) and baby Eric all flew up to New Hampshire on Friday morning to see our second oldest child Josh at the HS-seminary he goes to. They are having a big Mother’s Day celebration up there. It’s too much stress, money and hassle to take the whole family up there. So Sam’s Mother’s Day present was to fly up there and see her boy. Lizzie and Barbara both babysit like crazy so they asked if they could go (girls aren’t usually allowed at the school and they have never been) if they paid for their own tickets. $49 each way on southwest, cheaper than driving…almost. And of course baby Eric travels wherever the Boobs go. (lucky boy). So that left 7 home for me to keep an eye…not too bad. And no this won’t be a whining post. I know I’m not going to get any sympathy from the mom’s who read this blog and the dad’s will be too afraid to support me.

I dropped them off at the airport at 4:45am on Friday – Sam wanted to get up there as soon as possible. They rented a car and drove to the school. They are staying at a nice widow ladies house that lets us stay for free when we visit. It sounds like they are having a good time…other than eating 4 meals so far off the McDonalds Dollar Menu – yuck. They have eaten at a few real places too. I think Sam is just trying to save money…good wife. The weather has been beautiful up there too.

Here is a conversation we had Friday after she left the airport and was driving to the school.

Me: “did the flight go ok?”

Sam: “yes”

Me: “did you get the rental car ok?”

Sam: “yes’

Me: “what kind of car did they give you?”

Sam: “It kinda of silvery colored”

Silence

Me: “um, what make and model?’

Sam: “I don’t know”

Me: “Never mind I’ll ask Josh when you get to the school.”

Me to myself: ‘Women”

So anyway here it is ‘Day 4 of Rob Held Hostage’ and we are all surviving - sorta. I just did a head count a little while ago and everyone is here. But around 6am the power went out. We have had lots of rain and wind the past 2 days so I guess that did it. I got up when the power went out and went outside. The next door neighbor has power lines down in his backyard and the transformer that is on a pole in the trees in his backyard was on fire. They fire dept hung around all morning watching it burn and making sure it didn’t spread. Not much chance of that in this downpour.

Caleb (15) and I drove over to my dad’s house and swiped his generator. Then we stopped and bought $50 worth of gas for the sucker…that’s enough for a day and a half. We got it setup and I know have the FIOS running so we have internet, phone and the oh so important ‘Dad’s Best Friend’ the TV. I also got two of our refrigerators running and almost as important, the coffee grinder and pot.

6 trucks from the local utility company have just pulled into the court and are back in the woods with chainsaws in the pouring rain…better them than me. So I’m hoping we have power by this evening when my lovely bride gets home. I need to pick her up at the airport around 7pm. I can hardly wait. Man I miss that woman! It’s lonely here without her.