Saturday, May 31, 2008

Today's Workouts

47 miles cycling in some warm and humid weather.

Queen Was Right

About Fat Bottom Girls at least. They do make the rocking world go round. Or they are at least healthier than previously thought.

A type of fat that accumulates around the hips and bottom may actually offer some protection against diabetes.
Subcutaneous fat, or fat that collects under the skin, helps to improve sensitivity to the hormone insulin, which regulates blood sugar. Mice that got transplants of this type of fat lost weight and their fat cells shrank.
Researchers have known for some time that fat that collects in your abdomen -- known as visceral fat -- can raise your risk of diabetes and heart disease. People with pear-shaped bodies are less prone to these disorders. It seems that their fat may be actively protecting them from metabolic disease

So don’t worry about a large derriere ladies. Go have another bon-bon or three while watching General Hospital. Stop that exercising too. The working out and dieting advice has all been a giant conspiracy started by men to make you all super-thin and miserable.

The guys are the ones who are in trouble…it’s the beer belly that will kill ya.

Uncle Earl, thanks for sending me the picture.

This post has been a public service announcement provided by The Sardonic Catholic Dad…looking out for the benefit of women everywhere.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Today's Workouts

4.3 mile run at lunch.

27 miles cycling after work while Caleb had soccer practice.

That’s one heck of a Plumber House Call

Space Stations Only Toilet is Broken

Keywords from the article: ‘Russian-made toilet’ (probably commie-era), ‘the three-man crew will have to make do with a jury-rigged system when they need to urinate’ (key word being Man), ‘Fortunately, the solid waste collecting part is functioning normally’ (yes fortunate indeed).

The space shuttle discovery is going to bring some toilet parts when they launch this weekend. I guess he guys can just dross their legs until then. The shuttle should just bring a tree or maybe some empty beer bottles. Those always worked fine in college. Too bad they can’t just open a door and let it fly.

I can’t imagine what the bill is going to be for a plumber to make a house call that far away. We spend enough down here on earth keeping our toilets running. Like the time it was clogged with too much toilet paper and overflowed for a few hours. We got new carpet and wood floors in the rooms around that head. Or the time Robert (then 5) had the door knob come off in his hand and he panicked and flushed it. Or having the upstairs john overflow and water come through the ceiling into the dining room – appetizing. Or just having to re-seat them regularly because of the sheer number of rear-ends that use them.

A half working toilet would be a nightmare around here. We have 3 full baths and there is a good chance there will be a line for them at any given time. Especially the morning after Sam makes her mother’s stuffed cabbage. It’s not pretty. I should buy stock in Charmin. I can’t believe how much money I spend on something that is used just once to wipe someone’s butt and then flushed away. Maybe is should invest in a bidet.

This guy seems to like his.

Nah…my boys would just drink out of it. The trees out back might be a better solution

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Actor Harvey Korman Dead at 81

LOS ANGELES, California -- Comic actor Harvey Korman has died at 81, according to the UCLA Medical Center.

Although he is probably best know for being a regular on "The Carol Burnett Show"(a great show from my childhood). I remember him best for his role as Hedley Lamarr in the Mel Brooks movie "Blazing Saddles"

Here are few of his lines from the movie that I can print:

"Go do that voodoo that you do so well!"

"My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives"

"You will be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost-certain Academy Award nomination for the Best Supporting Actor."

"My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention."

"Where's my froggy?"

"Alright, I'm through being Mr. Goodbar, the time has come to act and act quickly"

Today's Workouts

52 miles cycling around lunch time. No I don't normally get that long for lunch but it was great out today. Sunny and 75.

Lady Catherine that's around 83.5 kilometers.

Decided to give my sore achilles a break from running. Cycling doesn't bother it.

Does This Mean I Have to Buy Every Child of Mine a Car?

Girl never misses school for 13 years

CONSTANTINE, Mich. (AP) - Andria Baker has pretty much always been present. From the first day of kindergarten through her last day of high school, Baker somehow made it to school for every day of classes, despite colds and sports injuries. Why? If she kept it up, her father promised her a car.

Baker kept up her end of the bargain, willing herself to go to school on those days when she felt under the weather. She notched her 13th year of uninterrupted classroom attendance with her final day at Constantine High School on Friday.

At a party Sunday, her father, Tim, presented the young woman with the keys to a new, $17,000 Pontiac G6, complete with a "0 DAYS" personalized license plate

I mean my kids are homeschooled so they pretty much automatically have perfect attendance. Don’t they?

I was real close my senior year of High School to having perfect attendance, I had 42 days absent (I had that attendance report framed) my last year of HS. The key to getting away with it, is to always have the same friend write your sick note from your parents so the handwriting is always the same. If you are actually sick and your mom writes you a note, trash it and have your friend write one. It also helps to know your home-room teacher's vacation schedule. If she is going to be off on a known day then skip the day before and turn the sick-note into the substitute, they don't care.

Now a days they want to put kids or their parents in the local lock up for a few days if the kid skips school. Or not allow the kid to get his drivers license. Where is Ferris Bueller when you need him?

Not that this doesn’t look like fun.

But I’d prefer this

We would skip and go to the local horse racing track, to the beach or just hang out at someone’s house and watch The Price is Right or I Dream of Jeannie reruns. I learned a lot more doing that than during 4th period English Lit class. I can still explain what Exacta and Trifecta bets are. And I can guess the price of a box of Rice A Roni or Lee Nails to within 10 cents.

Skipping school is an American tradition like; politician’s lying or celebrities going to rehab.

That would be one difference between my lovely bride and me. She always went to school. She even went to school on Senior Skip Day – the nerd.

In the off chance that any of my kids actually reads this blog (or can actually read), I’m not buying any of you cars.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Today's Workouts

4.3 mile run at lunch.

And a bonus workout after work. Sam and 8/11ths of the kids went away for a few days. So I met up with a cycling buddy after work. We got in 23 miles.

Subway Hates Homeschoolers

I doubt they really hate homeschoolers but they might want to can their PR people.

See here and here for a start.

I never liked their barely edible plain-Jane sandwiches anyway or their ‘I won’t shut-up and go away already spokesman’ aka Jared.

I don’t like Pizza Hut’s food all that much but they have a ‘book-it’ promotion they do where kids earn free personal pan pizza’s by ready a certain number of books. Homeschoolers welcome.

It doesn’t really matter that much to us since we don’t eat there and my kids, like their father, have trouble with the English language and wouldn't win the contest. But it amazes me when companies are so asinine. But we sure could have used $5k worth of sports equipment.

Yo Mr Subway dude it's your company and you can do with it what you like. But I can do what I like with this blog and so can a whole lot of other bloggers.

I don’t like Pizza Hut’s food all that much but they have a ‘book-it’ promotion they do where kids earn free personal pan pizza’s by ready a certain number of books. Homeschoolers welcome

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Today's Workouts

and yesterday's.

Yesterday: 28 miles cycling with friends. 3 mile run.

Today: 7 mile run.

Mary Poppins - Everyone Should Have One

We have our very own Mary Poppins (well we share her with others – begrudgingly). You know the type. Always showing up at just the right time to help out…with the kids, meals, the house etc…they are the ones who, when someone has a baby or kicks the bucket, that organize the meals and make sure the house is running smoothly. They are the ones who when someone is in financial need, takes up collections and help them out. They are the back bone of communities, quietly going about doing good deeds.

We have our own extra special Mary Poppins – only hotter than Julie Andrews. Hunter (2) and Mary (4) love Mrs. Poppins. They think she exists to play with them. MP will show up at just the right times. Usually it’s when Sam is in the middle of school lesson with the other kids and Mary and Hunter are distracting everyone and in danger of bodily harm. Poppins will take them to run errands or to McDonalds or to her house to play. But it doesn’t really matter where they go or what they are doing with her, just the fact that they are with ‘their’ Mary Poppins is enough to make their day.

Mr. Poppins is also a great help to our family (and I’m not just saying that because he reads this blog). Joey has gotten many a ride to and from baseball practices/games thanks to him. Whether he is naturally nice or just doing it because he’s afraid of his wife like all good husbands are is irrelevant. Either way we win.

I must admit I’m a little leery of Mary Poppins’ niceness. It’s always the quiet nice ones who turn out to be the axe murderers and serial killers. You watch the news and they are interviewing the next door neighbors of someone who just offed his whole family. The neighbors always say something like "he was such a nice quiet fellow".

I also love when they interview the neighbors of someone who just died in a car accident or some other tragic way. The neighbor always says something like "it’s such a shame, he was great lovable fellow". Just once I want a neighbor to say something like ‘he was a no good scoundrel. He got what he deserved’.

Um, where was I? Oh yeah...Mary Poppins.

MP thanks for all you do for our family. We love you.

Mr. Poppins you might want to hide any axes that you own…just in case.

Monday, May 26, 2008

The Days are Long but the Years are Short

Sometime the days seem to go on forever but the years go by too fast.

Here is a sampling of our Memorial Day weekend.


8-10:30 – Dad cycling with friends
10:00-1:30 Sam, Joey (10) and baby Eric at Joey’s baseball game (they won)
10:45- 12:45 – Dad and 5 of the younger kids at the Memorial Day parade. Barbara in the parade. Two oldest still sleeping.
12:45 – 5:30pm dad and kids at pool.
1:30-5:30pm – Mom, Joey, Eric and Caleb join the rest of the family at the pool.
5:30 – 6:00pm – go home from pool and get cleaned up to go to a party.
6-9pm – Graduation party. Leave the 4 oldest there
9pm – put little kids to bed
11pm – Sam goes back to graduation party and picks up 3 of the older kids
1:30am – oldest gets home from party


8-9am – Dad and Robert go to 8 o’clock Mass
9-11:30am – Dad and Robert go over to my dad’s house. I cut his yard while Robert weeded.
10-11:30am Sam and the other kids go to 10 o’clock Mass and then take Lizzie (13) to a friend’s house for a sleepover.
11:30-noon lunch
Noon – 2:00pm – house cleaning while Hunter naps.
1-5pm – Barbara went to a minor league baseball game with friends.
2-5pm – go to the pool
2-midnight – Alexandria (18) went to boyfriend’s soccer game and then to dinner and movie
4:30-5pm – dad runs home to start dinner
5-7:30pm - friends over for dinner.
7-8pm – Barbara went to pool
8pm–until morning – Caleb (15) had 3 friends spend the night.
9pm – bed time for little ones


7am-9am – Dad cycling with friends
10am – Memorial Day Mass and rosary thru the graveyard at church
11am-noon – lunch at home and get ready for pool party
Noon-5pm – Memorial Day party/cookout at pool.
5pm–bedtime – hanging out at home. Watching TV, decompressing etc…

Long but fun days that at times seemed to drag on this weekend. Yet it was just yesterday that our oldest Alex (18) was born. Someone has stolen a whole bunch of years from me and I want them back. Lord help me to enjoy the days.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Today's Workouts

3 mile run home from the pool.

5 Second Rule!?

Try the 1 week rule.

From MSN Health

Is it OK to eat food that has been dropped on the floor, so long as it is picked up within five seconds? Here at MSN Health & Fitness we’re interested in, well, your health and fitness—so the short answer is no, the food should be tossed. But you knew that already.

Obviously these people have never tried feeding 13 people on one salary. You drop it at our house you eat. I don't care how long it's been on the ground.

Well that's not quite true. Years ago when Robert (8) was a baby, he was crawling around under the dinner table. I saw that he was chewing on something. Not surprising. You could feed the population of Haiti for a week with the remnants of food under there.

So I did the finger swipe of his mouth and pulled out a piece of steak. Now with 11 kids (7 at the time) we don't eat steak a lot (a shame I know but I'm working through it with my therapist) so I knew exactly when we had last had steak - 7 days before.

Even I had to draw the line at that...although I was tempted to let him chew on it for awhile. It had kinda turned into beef jerky by then and would have kept him busy for quite some time.

Oh and he didn't get sick from it either.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Today's Workouts

45 mile bike ride in the morning with friends.

4 mile run in the afternoon with Hunter in the jogging stroller.

Well Scratch Me Behind the Ears and Call Me Sparky

It's a new grill.

My honey (Sam not the UPS Man) got me a new grill for our Anniversary the other day.

My old gas grill bit the dust over the winter. It was a bigger fire hazard than a government housing project. I decided to switch to charcoal. I have enough gas already, just ask my wife. Plus I was thinking that switching from gas to charcoal would give me some more man-points. I mean the baby is 9 months old and Sam is not pregnant yet. She hasn’t actually said anything yet, but I know that secretly she is questioning my manhood. Darn tight spandex bike shorts.

It’s the mother of all grills. Many a critter will meet their demise on it this summer.

The Beverly Hillbillies got nothing on us

Now That's a Fire! Roll Cecilia around, she be alright.

Get off my grill little girl

No actual animals were hurt in the production of this post

Friday, May 23, 2008

Today's Workouts

4.3 miles run to try out the new shoes. You did know that I got new shoes...

My Man-Crush Stopped By the Other Day

Otherwise know as the UPS delivery man, he brought me some goodies.

I bet you can't guess what he brought.

Go a head and try.

Do you give up?

It's new...

Pearl Izumi Streaks. 8.8 ounces of grace and beauty. That's 249 grams to you my French sister.

He also brought me some new running shorts.

He's such a swell guy. I hope he doesn't mind me hugging him when he makes deliveries to our house.

I used the Tax ‘Stimulus’ money for these purchases.

Today I helped the economies of:

China – Pearl Izumi running shoes
Malaysia – Asics shorts
Thailand – Under Armour shorts
Vietnam – the other pair of Asics shorts

Thursday, May 22, 2008


It's easy as 1 2 3

I was tagged by Rachel for a meme.

A. Alex’s dad
B. Barbara’s dad
C. Caleb and Cecilia’s dad
D. Dominic and the Donk’s dad
E. Elizabeth and Eric’s dad
F. Formerly Fat now Fit
G. Goober
H. Husband of a Hot wife
I. Incorrigible
J. Joshua and Joseph’s dad
K. Kicking and Screaming
L. Lucky to be alive and not in jail
M. Mary’s dad
N. Nobody
O. Ornery
P. Phat
Q. Queer for running and running shoes
R. Robert’s dad
S. Sam’s man
T. Triathlete
U. Underdeveloped maturity system
V. Valium (in need of)
W. Warped
X. X?! What the heck starts with an X? Oh yeah. Xeroxer of my tookus
Y. YOWZA – my life with Sam
Z. Zigged when I should have zagged

And becuase once is never enough

A. A-Ha, The Alarm, Aztec Camera,
B. Bauhaus, Bob Dylan, B-52s, Blondie, Black Flag, Beck
C. Cure, Clash, Cars, Cabaret Voltaire, Church, Crowded House
D. Devo, David Bowie, Depeche Mode, Doors, Dead Kennedy’s
E. Echo and the Bunny Men, Eric Clapton, Elvis Costello
F. Fine Young Cannibals, Foo Fighters
G. Grateful Dead, Guns N Roses, Green Day
H. Heaven 17, Husker Du
I. INXS, Iggy Pop
J. Joe Jackson, John Hiatt, Joe Walsh, The Jam, Joy Division
K. Kinks
L. Love and Rockets, Lucinda Williams, Level 42
M. Madness, Metallica
N. New Kids on the Block…kidding…Nirvana, Neil Young, New Order
P. Prince, Police, Pink Floyd, Pixies, Phish, Psychedelic Furs
Q. Queen
R. Ramones, Rush, REM, Replacements, Radiohead, Romeo Void
S. Stevie Ray, Sex Pistols, Smashing Pumpkins. Siouxsie and the Banshees, Simple Minds, Smiths, Split Enz, Soft Cell
T. Television, Talking Heads
U. U2, UB40
V. Violent Femmes, Vapors
W. Weezer, Warren Zevon
Y. Yaz
Z. ZZ Top

I tag:

Hottie wife
The Mom
Tina D

Today's Workouts

15 mile run starting at 11am - kinda an extended lunch. Got a little tough the last mile or two.

To quote the first Indiana Jones movie

"It's not the years, honey. It's the mileage."

In my case it's actually both.

As a side note, two of my teenagers went to the midnight opening of the new Indy movie. Both said it was OK, not great.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

American Idol Results Show

I can’t believe I’m going to sit through a 2 hour FOX infomercial just to find out who wins. I could just tune in at 9:55 and find out. “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?” Beck must have been writing about me.

I’ll spare everyone the pain of me writing about the FOX promo’s and Ford commercials.

So what exactly does tonight mean.

For David Cook probably not a whole lot. First or second (aka first loser) place probably won’t make any difference for him. He’s going to get some kind of recording deal and people know what he’s about.

The stakes would appear to be higher for Little Archie. If he loses he has to go back to Utah with the ‘world’s scariest stage dad’ (expect of course for the idol tour this summer) and get locked in the basement to practice in front of his mirror until the next contest show rolls around. If he wins he gets controlled by the American Idol powers that be. Maybe they could make him into some type of Disneyesqe character. Kinda like a male version of Hannah Montana. Then we could see his sad little puppy dog face on lunch boxes, back packs and halter tops for years. Or at least until he goes the way of other Disney child stars and starts getting into all kind of trouble and finds himself in rehab, jail or just being plain trashy. i.e. Britney, Lindsay, Christina Aguilera, various people from high School musical etc…There’s a new show for you; “Disney Stars Gone Wild’.

Randy is dressed like Huggy Bear from Starksy and Hutch.
Paula is missing the middle part of her dress and his showing off her ‘shoes’
And Simon needs to button up his shirt, as usual.

Time for the group sing-a-long. The top 12 are on stage dressed in all white like the Good Humor Man and singing ‘It’s Alright’ and trying to dance. There are also a bunch of slutty dancers on either side of them who can actually dance.

Now a duet of the two David’s.

And then the two are with some weird guru guy. I don’t know what the hell I just watched. Where is my wine? Ok that was amusing even if it was a shameless movie promo. Mike Myers is a funny man.

Syesha is doing a duet with Seal. Well that’s cool for her. And they look good together – no offense Heidi.

JC has returned. Alleluia! Not that JC. Jason Castro is back singing Alleluia. The type of song he does very well.

Ford promo. They give each of them some hybrid SUV. Archie will need some phone books to sit on. Maybe he can use the one Randy is always saying he could sing.

The top 6 chicks are singing Donna Summer’s “She works Hard for the Money”. The choreography is horrible. Especially skunk girls’. She looks like she would rather be at a biker bar…hell so would I. Donna Summer makes an appearance. She’s had some bad surgery but can still sing. It’s a medley of her songs with the idol-babes. Syesha is in danger of falling out of her dress.

Tattoo girl is signing ‘The Letter’ by the Boxtops with Michael Johns. They were my favorite male and female singer so I’m digging this part.

Jimmy Kimmel is out for a little comedic relief. Some funny lines but he’s not very energetic.

Now the 6 Idol dudes are singing Bryan Adams’ “Summer of 69”. And then we go into medley time. Now Mr. Adams joins them on stage. He’s looking alright for 48. I’m liking this – guilty pleasure time for me.

Quiz time:

Who is showing more cleavage tonight?

A. Syesha
B. Simon
C. Paula
D. The Donk

Big David is on stage with ZZ Top. He’s got to be digging that. They are singing ‘Sharp Dressed Man’. I’d rather hear ‘La Grange’ but this is a pop show. Maybe they will bring out Bette Midler and Barbara Streisand to sing with Baby Elmo.

Brooke White is singing “Teach Your Children Well” with Graham Nash. The 60’s were rough on Graham. They do a pleasant version of it. It’s no CSN but it’s good.

Can Idol not get any contemporary artists? Not that I don’t like the old guys. But…

I spoke too soon…the Jonas Brothers are on stage. Where oh where is my barf bag? Bring back the geezers. Even my 12 and 13 year old daughters don’t like them.

Now clips of all the bad, strange and bizarre auditions. I know I shouldn’t laugh but…ROFLMAO. Now we get Renaldo Lapuz! Live! Plus the USC Marching Band and Cheerleaders?! This is one weird show. Where is my peyote?

One Republic is singing “Apologize” with Archie. Um, whatever. I’ve seen worse.

Jordin Sparks is now on stage in a Gold Tin Foil dress and looks like she belongs in The Wizard of oz. I could be wrong, I often am, but she looks like she is lip-singing.

Now we have Ben Stiller, Jack Black and Robert Downey Jr. doing a Pips impersonation with a video of Gladys Night. They are singing “Midnight Train to Georgia”. The weird factor keeps going up and up. Wine and peyote are no longer enough.

Carrie Underwood is out strutting her stuff. For a country song it is tolerable. Rob don’t do country. Feel free to add her to the cleavage quiz above. Or maybe I should add a ‘most leg exposure’ quiz…nah I’d win that. Have you seen me in running shorts?

The top 12 one last time…promises promises. They are doing a medley of songs from George Michael. And of course here he comes. (Dirty little secret – back in the 80’s I drove Sam to Philly to see Wham in concert. Sam crushed on him, although she won’t admit it). He is 1 year older than I. I’m definitely hotter. I don’t have to worry about Sam leaving me for him anymore. Oh I guess it would be me George would want anyway…never mind.

And finally it’s results time. A few last words from our illustrious judges. Randula rambles. Simon apologizes to DC.

And the winner is David Cook. America told the FOX people off. Way to stick it to The Man. It's not that I think David Cook is going to start the next Radiohead. I just don’t like to have the winner picked for me ahead a time. Plus I kinda like him. So now we know why Simon apologized. He didn’t want to look stupid when the winner was announced.

David C sings the winner song and that’s it folks we are running overtime here.

Today's Workouts

3.4 mile run before work.

American Idol Night

Will it be Boy Band David or Rock Lite David…

Finally this thing is almost over. This is my first (and hopefully last) year to watch this show. I almost want David A to win just so he doesn’t have to go back home with his scary dad and get locked back in a closet.

And we are off. And just when you think the show can’t get any gayer…the Rocky theme plays…they come out in ‘boxing’ robes but look like they should be in a bath-house in San Francisco.

Randy and Simon are both wearing sport coats and Paula is very sparkly – must be an important night.

David squared will be singing 3 songs each.

We continue with the stupid boxing theme. Hopefully they actually start singing soon.

Clive Davis will be choosing the songs for round 1

DC is up first and is singing ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’ by Bono and the boys. Bono has such an awesome voice that this doesn’t really seem fair to David. Let’s see how he does. He does ok, really, but I can’t help but compare it to the original and it’s nothing compared to that. Plus it’s a long song to do in 90 seconds.

Randy says it was hot. Paula gushes and preaches. Simon thought it was phenomenal. Guess I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.

Baby Elmo is up and is singing ‘Don’t Let the Sun go Down on me’ by Elton John – speaking of bath houses. David’s sitting on the stairs on the stage trying to look sincere or vulnerable or sexy but he looks constipated or maybe that’s me that he is making constipated. But he does is usual sappy ballad good job on it. I’m sure the judges will love this treacle and Paula will want to molest him.

Randy calls it molten hot and it had crazy vocals. Paula goes on and on in her babbling way. Simon says it’s the best he has done so far. He says Round 1 to Baby-E.

Round 2 the songs are picked by the contestant from a song writing contest.

DC is singing ‘Dream Big’ and comes out with guitar doing the pop-rocker thing. I actually like this better than the first song. He’s sounds really good.

Randy and Paula like it and Simon says it was lightweight.

I just realized that the results show tomorrow night is 2 hours long - heaven help us all.

For his second song Tickle Me Elmo is singing ‘In This Moment’. What a shock he picked one of those sappy ballads that he excels at. I’ll hate but I’m sure the judges will want to eat him up. Randy and Simon Figuratively, Paula literally. He has a good voice but man I can’t stand him or this crappy song.

Randy’s not crazy about the song but loves his singing and pulls out the ‘you could sing the phone-book analogy’ again. I’d like to see a contestant bring a phone-book out and actually sing it. Paula loves him. Simon pimps him again and gives him round 2 also. So we now know which David is the Chosen One.

Round 3 they are picking whatever they want

The bigger of the two David’s is signing ‘The World I Know’ by Collective Soul. I like this song. Let’s see what he does with it. Good job but not great. I like it but that probably means that other people won’t. I think he has just given away this contest to the insufferable Baby Elmo.

Randy likes it. Paula says he is ‘standing in his truth’. I have no freaking idea what she is talking about. Simon says he’s a nice guy but it’s the wrong song choice. That he should have done ‘Billy Jean’ again. David responds with, why should he do a song that he has already done…a shot at Baby Elmo perhaps who will be doing ‘Imagine’ again?

For his third song he’s going back to his ‘Imagine’ song that got him such rave reviews the first time around. Lennon is rolling around in his grave. Imagine little Archie singing an anti-government anarchist song (something he knows nothing about) on the most commercialized show on TV.

He’s doing it a little differently this time. No piano. He still looks like an arrogant putz. And, like he does with just about every song, he insists on holding the notes longer than the original. Puke material here.

Randy gushes and again confirms our suspicions that it was fixed from the get go. Paula is speechless but talks anyway. Simon says it was a knockout. I AM SO SICK OF THE BOXING ANALOGY

Man it would be cool if America told American Idol and the judges to go to hell by voting David Cook to victory. Where’s my phone?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Because You Are Never Too Old To Play Dress-Ups

Because there aren’t enough Catholic Bloggers who cross-dress

But most of all because my sister-in-love Triple Dog Dared Me

They are real and they are spectacular.

note - the owner of this blog is not responsible for the cost of any therapy needed after viewing this post.

Today's Workouts

7 mile tempo run.

19 Years and Still Going Strong Babe – We Rock

At the risk of sounding pretentious, I married my soul-mate 19 years ago today.

19 years

228 Months

988 Weeks

6935 days

166,440 Hours

3,994,560 Minutes

239,673,600 Seconds

Anyway you look at it, it's been a long time. But it's gone by fast.

We’ve done a lot:

11 kids

1 Donk

1 hospital birth, 2 birthing center births and 8 home births

50,000+ Diapers

99 months of pregnancy (you did)

120 months of breast feeding (once again you)

50 years of homeschooling (you again)

1 kid in college

1 heading to seminary in the fall

10’s of thousands of dollars spent on food

3 houses lived in

12 cars/vans

3 major career changes

1 Beautiful Wife


I can honestly say that I love you way more today than I did on our wedding day.
Year by year it just keeps getting better and better with you.

Thanks for marrying me. You complete me and make me a better person. Plus I’d probably be dead if I hadn’t met you.

I figure we got another 50 years in us.


Your true BFF

Ps – this post is taking the place of an anniversary card – do you know how much Hallmark wants for cards these days?

Monday, May 19, 2008

There Hasn't Been a Jail Built That Can Hold Me

Today's Workouts

5.5 mile run at lunch. Windy but pleasant out.

Update: 4 mile run after cutting the old man's yard after work. Had a half-hour or so until Caleb needed picking up from soccer...the running clothes and shoes were in the

We Are Number 3

Maybe I Should Actually Bike Somewhere

On Saturday's I bike with friends. We usually do something in the 30-50 mile range. Depending on the time of year I bike anywhere from 0-5 times during the week also. (zero times right now) We bike on nice and quiet country roads.

But after reading the latest report from Forbes magazine on the costs of commuting, maybe I should just bike to work the 3 days I go into the office. It's only 13 miles each way so the distance is doable. I would save on gas and wear and tear on the car, plus I'd get my exercise in at the same time.

Other than the first few miles and the last few miles each way being a death-trap, there is no reason not to do it. I would have to up my life insurance so they would be some added cost but term insurance is much cheapere than gasoline.

In the DC Metro Area, commuters spend $12.64 per day on average for their commute.

Here are the top 10 on the Forbes list:

1. Riverside-San Bernardino, Calif.
2. Atlanta
3. D.C. Metro area
4. Miami
5. Chicago
6. Birmingham, Ala.
7. Los Angeles
8. Raleigh, N.C.
9. Houston
10. Sacramento

The list may already be outdated. When Forbes did the study, the average cost for a gallon of gas in the D.C. area was $3.72. The average last week was $3.80.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Elmer's Glue, a Sharpie, a Two Year Old and a Shower

As I was returning from my early morning bike ride yesterday morning Sam was heading to church to run some chick retreat she had been planning and working on for the last month.

All the kids over the age of 10 were doing other things. So it was just me and the youngest 6. I put a movie on, put the 10 year-old in charge and hopped in the shower. I was gone for maybe 5 minutes or so. I mean seriously my shower's are quick. I'm short, thin and don't have a ton of hair so my showers ain't all that long people.

And this is what I return to. How can a 2 year-old get into this much mischief in such a short time? This why we call Cecilia, Hunter.

What a waste of glue. That could have been used to make fake nails or at least as a snack.


Oh and all this happened a little bit before I had to leave to pick Caleb up at car-wash at church and take him and the little ones to his soccer game. So that's how Cecilia went out too.

Oh and one other thing, those are pajamas Hunter is wearing...who knew...well other than her mother who pointed that out to me when she got home that evening.

Today's Workouts

3.3 mile run in the late afternoon rain

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Whose Daughter is She Anyway?

The other night Sam and I went to a Phi Beta Kappa Honor Society induction for our oldest child, Alexandria (18). 2 years ago she finished up her high school homeschooling two years early so she has been going to community college for the past 2 years. In the fall she will go to a four year school. She just finished up her finals this past week and is leaving the community college with a 3.88 gpa which qualified her for the honor society.

Neither Sam nor I were particularly fond of school. I did just enough in college to keep my gpa above 2.0 so they wouldn’t give me the boot. As far as I know Alex has gone to pretty much every class. I doubt if I went to 50% of classes. They interfered with my fun. At my school happy-hour started Thursday after lunch and went through Monday night. With any luck you sobered-up by Tuesday morning for classes.

Sam was a good student who went to her classes and got good grades but found it to be a struggle at times and didn’t really care for school all that much.
So to our daughter Alex, if you really are ours (she is the only to be born in the hospital so I guess there could have been a mix up), congratulations. Your mom and dad are proud of you!

A few pics from the evening. Alex is the shorter of the two girls. The other girl and guy are two of her BFF's

Ok, take the picture already

Flowers for me? You shouldn't have.

Alex is really digging my $8 shirt and tie set

Hot momma, Alex and friend

Momma with her 'son'

What we can't go back for seconds?!

Dad, Alex and Momma

Today's Workouts

30 miles cycling early in the morning with Bryan.

3.3 mile run before dinner.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Today's Workouts

4.3 mile lunch time run at an easy pace.

Can You Speak Mandarin?

So I got my tax rebate, refund, kickback, bribe whatever you want to call it.

So far I’ve bought a Canon Rebel digital camera for Sam, a 22 inch flat screen monitor for one of the home computers and of course running shoes. So I’m doing my part to help the economy…China’s economy that is.

Everything I’ve bought and plan on buying is made in China.

Politicians are jackasses.

Here is what I did with the rest of the money: 10% tithed, paid off the loan on the 15 passenger van, and put the rest in savings. Maybe the order of nuns that we gave money to will go out and blow it on scandalous living and help the economy.

I guess it is possible that some of the money in savings will get spent at the beach this summer while we are on vacation. So that could help some minimum wage workers. But most of the vacation money will be spent on junk from China.

So if you are getting a rebate what are you doing with it?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Today's Workouts

12 mile run in great weather. 75 and mostly sunny.

Holy Hamburger Batman

Because there just aren't enough posts on cows. It's a shame really.

From the UK

Weighing 1.25 tons, and towering 6ft 6in at the shoulder, Chilli dwarfs most horses, is the same height as a small elephant, and could provide enough steaks to feed an army.

Or my family for awhile...I wonder what they are going to do with it...I've got lots of freezer space.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

And Then There Were Two

So we are left with a little scared looking white-boy (no not The Donk), a lovely young black woman and a smug white dude who looks like he lost his hairbrush.

Who goes tonight? That is the question that America is dying to have answered (I typed that with a straight face…really)

Anything other than Syesha getting the old heave ho-will be a shock. Since the field was narrowed down to the Final 12 it has been pretty obvious that the judges want the David’s to be in the final showdown. They have used their comments and song choices to get everyone else booted off. If the show was based on talent, David Cook, Michael Johns and Carly Smithson would be the final three. In my un-humble opinion. But for some reason the judges have preordained Baby Elmo as a finalist and Syesha was able to hang on and slip through the cracks to make it this far.
I can’t believe I’m going to sit through and hour of FOX promos, lousy commercials and a recap of last night’s snooze-fest to see Syesha get the boot. This season has been almost as long as the insufferable presidential campaign.

Ok quick recap of the filler:

• Paula and Simon are both showing too much cleavage for their ages. Randy is keeping his pimp hands loose.

• Group sing. They shouldn’t let the guys dance they look like stiffs. Just have them stand around like statues and let Syesha move around them

• A silly Ford commercial with the Idolettes. I feel like I'm on acid

• A look back at last night’s mostly lame performances

• A performance by some scary looking ‘woman’. She looks like a Red-Headed Lesbian Linebacker or maybe Foghorn Leghorn. My teens inform me that she is a past winner with the ridiculous name of Fantasia. I thought that was a Disney movie. Who's gonna win next year? Someone named The Little Mermaid or The Lion King?

First victim for The Seacrest’s hi-jinks is Baby Elmo. We see a video of him going back to his home town (in Utah - lots of white folk there) and getting the rock star treatment. Whoa it’s very long. Ok we are back live and…ok we aren’t being told his fate. We are being treated to another video montage. This one of his path to the final 3

David is put on ice while Syesha is brought out. So now we are watching a video of her visit back home (Sarasota/Bradenton Florida). She seems like she is having a great time and she seems like a real person. But what do I know I still believe in the Great Pumpkin. Now the video montage of her journey here. So I guess we will see the same type of videos about David C.

And here we go…David Cook is visiting his home town of Kansas City. Some chick in the audience at an outdoor concert is crying her eyes out. So are a bunch of little girls at an elementary school. Now a parade and first pitch at a baseball game. Looks like he had a good time. And now the video recap of his journey here. I guess it’s hard to make an announcement that takes all of 30 seconds into an hour long show.

Rambling speech and advice from the judges.

And Syesha is going home. Nice run sweetie you done good. One last song from her.

See ya next week

What a Bunch of Slackers We Are

The Duggars are knocked-up again. #18 for them.

Honey, we got some work to do. See ya tonight.

Today's Workouts

4.2 mile run before work so I could get my hair cut at lunch time. BTW - I look even prettier with the haircut...if that is possible. S-)

Today is Library Legislation Day

Sam and the kids make extensive use of the library. Sam takes the little one there for toddler story time, her and the kids check out dozens of books, tapes, cd’s and dvd’s each week. The librarian’s special order books for them, they help them find books and they make recommendations based on my family’s preferences. So for all you librarians out there who help my wife and kids, this is for you.

Thanks to running forum buddy Dave for the link to the button

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

American Idol Night

And then there were three

Who will step up and deliver a knock out performance? Who will stink like my running shoes? (the old ones – not the nice new ones) Who really cares anymore? The contest has been pretty boring this year.
Oh well in for a penny in for dime or a nickel or something like that. Isn’t there an expression that goes like that…?

Ok it’s starting…I’m all aquiver with anticipation. Each contest will sing 3 songs tonight (this may confuse the former Laker Girl) It seems the judges will pick one of the songs, the contestants a song and the producers one.

David ‘Baby Elmo’ Archuelta

Song #1
Paula is picking Elmo’s song. Some mayor dude with quite the mustache is announcing it. I wonder if I could grow a stache like that? It’s the Billy Joel song ‘And so it Goes’. This is a problem, I can’t stand Billy Joel. Oh well he’s starting. Dude open your eyes when you sing. You are freaking me out. Maybe he’s trying to shut out the view of his ‘World’s Scariest Stage Dad’ out in the audience.
Here’s a shock, it’s a slow ballad type of song…yawn…where are my no-doze.
Randy - says it was dope. Um, is that a good thing? Where’s my Urban Dictionary?
Paula – not sure what she said. I zoned out there for moment. I’m sure it was inappropriate given their age differences.
Simon – good but predicable…the mosh-pit tarts aren’t happy with Simon.

Song #2
He picks “With You’ by Chris Brown
Well at least he’s not doing another freaking ballad. Wow he has his eyes open this time. He’s singing to the mosh-pit chicks and they are clapping and doing the wave and squealing like Ned Beatty in Deliverance. Well since I can’t stand his ballads I won’t pick on him for this one. Other than to say it was a mess.
Randy – not too impressed
Paula – says great job
Simon – applauds him for not doing a ballad but says it was like Chihuahua trying to be a tiger

Song #3
He’s singing ‘Longer’ by Dan Folgerberg. Another artist I can’t stand. Watch out here comes sappy ballad time. How is this song choice supposed to challenge him? If you need me I’ll be in the kitchen with my head in the Kitchen Aide. Well here’s one plus, his singing has put the baby to sleep. David’s singing is good for something after all.
Randy – says he could sing the phone book…I hope it’s from a small town.
Paula – says it was lovely…whatever
Simon – says he did well with what he had to work with and he should be in the finals next week. Of course he did. David is one of the Chosen Ones.


Song #1
Randy has text messaged her his song choice. He’s so dope. She’s singing an Alicia Keyes song “I Ain’t Got you”. I don’t like Alicia Keyes music either. man what’s up with all these songs by people I don’t like? I mean what’s next? Duran Duran. (I hear they are in the Rock Hall of Fame)
Well she looks nice and has pretty voice. Hopefully she will stay around another week because if nothing else the show needs someone pretty on it.
Randy – says she is peaking at the right time
Paula – babbles on
Simon – says she did well and looks gorgeous, he’s got that part right.

Song #2
She’s singing “Fever’ by Patti Lee with a chair?! This could be hot. She’s acting saucy. I better cover the kid’s eyes. She might actually have better legs than I. She’s quite the performer.
Randy – not down with it
Paula – none of the judges like the song choice
Simon – lame cabaret performance. Says his was her chance to show she is a contemporary performer – he’s got a point. But she did look good.

Song #3 is “Hit me Up”
She’s not really and American Idol per se but she is a good performer. I don’t think she did enough to stay around another week. She needs to go to Broadway or Vegas.
Randy – just ok and they all seem to be criticizing the song choice…well it wasn’t her choices nitwits.
Paula – she did very well but not the right song for her. Wow Paula actually says it might not get her into the finals. Dang did Paula just agree with me? I’m very worried now…need to call my therapist about that one.
Simon – not impressed either.
Obviously the judges want David Squared to advance.

David Cook

Song #1
Simon picks a Roberta Flack song ‘The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face’ cause it’s a tough song and wants to challenge him. I like that thinking. Paula and Randy both chose ones that fit the singers. It starts out real slow and slowly builds to a strong finish. Not my style but he’s very good. He’s definitely my favorite singer
Randy – is giving Simon a hard time about the song he picked for David. Says he wants to hear David rock out.
Paula – liked him…duh
Simon – liked it and says it was the best of round 1

Song #2
David has picked Switchfoot’s “Dare you to Move” for himself to sing. I don’t know this song but my kids do. I’m so not dope.
David’s got his guitar out and his doing a nice job. To me he seems like the only one left who could be a rock/pop star.
Randy – loves the song (name drops about it). Says it was pitchy
Paula – wishes it would have gone on longer because it got better at the end.
Simon – says it was just ok.
Well heck with them all

Song #3
He is signing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith.
There are a bunch of string instruments behind him, it’s very slow and builds into a power ballad. I don’t like the song (at least not this version) but it’s better than the other two performers’…
Randy – loves the song choice but not the execution
Paula – is standing and clapping and says ‘see ya in the finals’
Simon – says David Cook wins the night.

So it looks like the young lass will be getting the boot on Wednesday’s show. Unless America votes like crazy for her. But I’m sure the show would fix it anyway.

Damn Cool New Web Site

Check out the No Cussing Club

Today's Workouts

2 x the 4.3 mile work loop. Started out too fast for and old guy. I'm surprised the second lap wasn't slower. I was hurting. The overall pace was what I wanted. The laps were just reversed. Need to work on pacing.
Lap 1 33:35 = 7:49 pace
Lap 2 34:29 = 8:01 pace
Overall pace for the 8.6 miles - 7:55

10 Real-Life Interview Mistakes from MSN

Here are 10 real-life mistakes that illustrate what not to do when you sit down for your next interview:

1. Candidate answered cell phone and asked the interviewer to leave her own office because it was a "private" conversation. I’d hire that person…for IRS Tax Collector

2. Applicant told the interviewer he wouldn't be able to stay with the job long because he thought he might get an inheritance if his uncle died – and his uncle wasn't "looking too good." Got to give him points for honesty.

3. The job seeker asked the interviewer for a ride home after the interview. This shows good fiscal responsibility. Cab fare is expensive

4. The applicant smelled his armpits on the way to the interview room. Must be a SNL fan

5. Candidate said she could not provide a writing sample because all of her writing had been for the CIA and it was "classified." And she would explain more but then she would have to kill you.

6. Candidate told the interviewer he was fired for beating up his last boss. There are some bosses out there that need a butt-whipping…but maybe not the best place to bring it up

7. When the applicant was offered food before the interview, he declined saying he didn't want to line his stomach with grease before going out drinking. This shows forward thinking and the ability to plan ahead.

8. An applicant said she was a "people person" not a "numbers person" – in her interview for an accounting position. I’m not a “people person” I’m a “numbers person” maybe I should apply to be a greeter at Wal-Mart.

9. During a phone interview the candidate flushed the toilet while talking to hiring manager. If you gotta fo you gotta go...I think that is called multi-tasking.

10. The applicant took out a hairbrush and brushed her hair. It’s important to look nice for an interview

Monday, May 12, 2008

Today's Workouts

4.2 soggy miles running

Day 4 of Rob Held Hostage.

Sam, Lizzie (13), Barbara (12) and baby Eric all flew up to New Hampshire on Friday morning to see our second oldest child Josh at the HS-seminary he goes to. They are having a big Mother’s Day celebration up there. It’s too much stress, money and hassle to take the whole family up there. So Sam’s Mother’s Day present was to fly up there and see her boy. Lizzie and Barbara both babysit like crazy so they asked if they could go (girls aren’t usually allowed at the school and they have never been) if they paid for their own tickets. $49 each way on southwest, cheaper than driving…almost. And of course baby Eric travels wherever the Boobs go. (lucky boy). So that left 7 home for me to keep an eye…not too bad. And no this won’t be a whining post. I know I’m not going to get any sympathy from the mom’s who read this blog and the dad’s will be too afraid to support me.

I dropped them off at the airport at 4:45am on Friday – Sam wanted to get up there as soon as possible. They rented a car and drove to the school. They are staying at a nice widow ladies house that lets us stay for free when we visit. It sounds like they are having a good time…other than eating 4 meals so far off the McDonalds Dollar Menu – yuck. They have eaten at a few real places too. I think Sam is just trying to save money…good wife. The weather has been beautiful up there too.

Here is a conversation we had Friday after she left the airport and was driving to the school.

Me: “did the flight go ok?”

Sam: “yes”

Me: “did you get the rental car ok?”

Sam: “yes’

Me: “what kind of car did they give you?”

Sam: “It kinda of silvery colored”


Me: “um, what make and model?’

Sam: “I don’t know”

Me: “Never mind I’ll ask Josh when you get to the school.”

Me to myself: ‘Women”

So anyway here it is ‘Day 4 of Rob Held Hostage’ and we are all surviving - sorta. I just did a head count a little while ago and everyone is here. But around 6am the power went out. We have had lots of rain and wind the past 2 days so I guess that did it. I got up when the power went out and went outside. The next door neighbor has power lines down in his backyard and the transformer that is on a pole in the trees in his backyard was on fire. They fire dept hung around all morning watching it burn and making sure it didn’t spread. Not much chance of that in this downpour.

Caleb (15) and I drove over to my dad’s house and swiped his generator. Then we stopped and bought $50 worth of gas for the sucker…that’s enough for a day and a half. We got it setup and I know have the FIOS running so we have internet, phone and the oh so important ‘Dad’s Best Friend’ the TV. I also got two of our refrigerators running and almost as important, the coffee grinder and pot.

6 trucks from the local utility company have just pulled into the court and are back in the woods with chainsaws in the pouring rain…better them than me. So I’m hoping we have power by this evening when my lovely bride gets home. I need to pick her up at the airport around 7pm. I can hardly wait. Man I miss that woman! It’s lonely here without her.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mothers Day


Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and
3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care.

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn himself with jewelry, wear STRONG uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails polished and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair by 7:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man wins only if...he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

What the....?

Call to Action 'Liturgy'.

I don't know whether to laugh of cry. Actually I'm laughing so freaking hard I'm crying...oh my sides hurt.
At least the average age of these people looks to be about 60+...they will die out soon.

This just too easy. Nothing more really needs to be said...just check it out.

Make sure you turn off my music player.

Today's Workouts

7 mile tempo run. So know one thinks I was slacking yesterday, 4 mile run yesterday.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Shoved to Them: Photo Contest Time

Shoved to Them: Photo Contest Time

TheMom is having a photo contest that I'm entering and winning. So you can go check it out and enter if you want but I'm hear to tell you the contest is mine. It's in the bag.* And remeber people, second place is just First Loser.

Here is the soon to be winning picture. Personally I would caption it 'Handsomest Dad of 11 Ever'. But my modesty prevents me from naming it that myself. Ok so the mother of 11 is way hotter but let me have my little fantasies.

*TheMom - those new size 6.5 running shoes are on the way. Now keep the judging fair.

The Donk

Since some of you have inquired as to who this Donk person is. I'll tell the story of The Donk. But just once. I don't want it going to his head.

The Donk is:

A former coworker. We worked together around 7 of the last 8 years.

My BWFF – Best White Friend Forever. To distinguish from Ray my BBFF – Best Black Friend Forever.

My taller brother from another mother.

A running buddy.

A swimming buddy.

A purple Speedo wearing fish.

A shower buddy (only at the pool people).

A triathlon buddy.

The lucky husband to a wonderful woman and lucky father to 3 beautiful kids.

Sometimes I feel like I spend more time with The Donk than my own wife...that's not a good thing. Although not as much lately. I got a new job at the first of the year and I'm sure The Donk has been crying himself to sleep ever since. I'm that cool. No really I am. Ask my kids...well the younger kids maybe.

We even go on trips together. Here is a picture from a recent one.

We run races together. We did a 10 mile race last year. Here is Donk at mile 9

Here is an old picture on The Donk from his younger party days. He didn't know I had the negative to it.

Why call him The Donk? Well years ago we determined that not only was he a Jacka$$, he was THE Jacka$$. Or The Donkey (sounds better at work) and we have shortened it to just The Donk.

Here is a current picture

Ps - Don’t tell him about this post. I don’t want him to think I like him.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Boobs are Best...Go Figure

Breastfed babies are more intelligent than those weaned on formula milk, according to the most comprehensive study conducted on the issue.

Doctors followed nearly 14,000 children over six and a half years and found that those who were breastfed fared significantly better in IQ tests

Read the full story here

This would explain why I'm a moron. And why my kids are smarter than I. Thanks for nothing mom. :)

Today's Workouts

13 muggy miles at lunch. Light rain started halfway thru and it felt great.
New shoes are working out nicely.
Imelda is happy.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Should He Stay or Should He Go Now

Its 420 Jason, time for you to go. His stoner Spicoli act is growing tiresome. He could at least try a little bit. I mean dude had a week to remember 90 seconds worth of lyrics to ‘Mr. Tambourine Man’ and couldn’t/wouldn’t. Besides if he gets the boot he will have more time to hit the kind bud.

So here we go. We start off with the Brady Bunch-esq group sing-a-long. The kids are doing a campy version of Steely Dan's 'Reeling in the Years'. Then we are treated to a video on the youngins in Vegas. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. They should have stayed in Vegas.

David #1 is brought out and is safe. David #2 is brought out and is safe.
Time for the new Ford commercial. The Idolettes are dressed up as Bull Fighters and are fighting a mustang?! I will have colorful nightmares tonight.

Now the question and answer call in session. The pain is almost unbearable. Why, why do I torture myself so? I'm ashamed. There must be something better on. I wonder what's on the Oxygen Channel?

Before we get the news, Maroon 5 does their new song. And an Idol Loser…I mean runner-up, Bo Bice does a song. He’s very rocky and very hairy. Hairier than The Donk. I find myself liking the song.

Ok time for someone to get the boot and it's...Jason. Duh.
I'm a...

Today's Workouts

4.3 mile run at lunch. Sunny, 80 degrees and new shoes...Life is Good

It's American Idol Time Again

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is the theme of the night. Very broad selections there. Nobody should have trouble finding songs that fit them.

David C – First up. He’s doing Duran Duran’s ‘Hungry Like the Wolf” (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!) This song is from my college days. It bit then and still reeks. I actually like his version better than Duran Duran. Randy and Simon think it’s just ok. Paula is now hungry like a wolf and wants a David Cook entrĂ©e. Guess she has switched her love interest from David A to David C. She must have realized David A was jail bait and she was looking at doing 5-10 the hard way. (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!)

For his second song,The Chosen One II is doing a Who song. Baba O’Riley. Or what I call Teenage Waste Land. Very mellow but decent vocals. Now he’s picking it up a bit. I don’t really care for him as a performer but he has the best pipes out of the group. Randy gives it a great. Paula wants more and more David Cook and loves his soul?! Hey did you guys know Duran Duran is in the Rock HOF? I got to look that up.

Syesha – is next and doing ‘Proud Mary’ by Tina Turner. She’s no Tina Turner. I hope she changes it around some or the judges will compare her to Tina…and not favorably. (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!) It starts out kinda slow and then she kicks it. Girl should be on Broadway doing musicals. Randula likes her. Simon not so much. Calls it shrieky. Is that really a word? Did you know Duran Duran is in the HOF?! Simon also calls it a bad imitation of Tina Turner – told ya so.

Her second song is Sam Cooke’s ‘A Change is Gonna Come’. She looks great. But she’s about to spill out of her dress. That should get her a few extra votes. (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!) The song is kinda boring but she sings it ok. Randy says no. Paula loves her and is hugging herself. Simon actually likes it. She’s bawling…she must be channeling Nanny Brooke.

Jason – Natty Dread has picked Marley’s (what a shock) ‘I Shot the Sheriff’. Um, one word Lame. (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!). Randy doesn’t like it. Paula even doesn’t like it but loves Jason. Simon calls it atrocious. Jason is obviously playing to the young girls that keep voting for him each week and hoping to get by on his prettiness.

Jason’s second song is Dylan’s ‘Mr Tamborine Man’. Dylan’s one of my boys, he better not butcher it. Opps he forgets some lines and hums them. Ok well it’s much better than the first song but that isn’t saying much. Randy doesn’t like it. Paula isn’t crazy about it but ‘Jason blows her away’. I have no idea what she is talking about. Simon tells him to start packing. I agree there can’t be that many 12 year-old girls out there to keep him on the show, can there? Although he his pretty. Even prettier than The Donk.

David A – Baby Elmo is singing ‘Stand by Me’ by Ben E. King. I’m sure he will do fine and the judges will be licking his boots, so to speak. But I can’t even bring myself to look at the insincere phony. (Duran Duran is in the HOF?!). Randula lusts after him. Simon loves him too. Duh! He’s The Chosen One.

David’s second song is The Kings ‘Love Me Tender’. Pardon me while I go hurl in advance of this song. Ok I’m back. What did I miss? Oh Duran Duran is in the Rock Hall of Fame? You don’t say. Every song he does is exactly the same. Fat Elvis must be rolling over in his grave. He’s taken a sexy song and neutered it. What a shock the Judges love him. Paula feels his heart. Is this show fixed?

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Imelda Strikes Again!

The New Shoes are Here! The New Shoes are Here!

The wonderful FedEx Man brought me some new running shoes today. My standards, the Asics DS-Trainer 13’s. 9.6 ounces of pure bliss. Oh DS-Trainers how I love thee. Let me count the ways. I will be taking them on their maiden voyage tomorrow at lunch. Stay tuned.

Look at the curves on them. They should be in the SI swimsuit issue. Other than my bride I've never seen anything hotter and that includes The Donk.

Today's workouts:
7 mile tempo run at lunch.
2.3 mile late afternoon run the short way to the garage to pick up the van.

It Would Take a Miracle

Looks like Miracle Max got his wish

Birmingham, Apr. 25, 2008 ( - An official spokesman for the cause of beatification of Cardinal John Henry Newman has confirmed that the Vatican has given preliminary approval to the authenticity of a miracle attributed to Cardinal Newman’s intercession.
Final approval of the miracle would clear the way for the beatification of the Cardinal Newman, a towering figure in English Catholicism in the 19th century.

Mad props to Cardinal Newman. Not bad for a Limey.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Today's Workouts

4.3 mile run at lunch

4.4 mile run after work. Dropped van off at garage for new tires and ran home.


1st communion dress $150

Veil $55

New shoes $45

Seeing the look on regular church goers faces when they realize they have walked into an hour and half long First Communion Mass…


Saturday, May 3, 2008

Today's Workouts

38 miles cycling in the morning with 2 buddies.

3.3 mile run before dinner to loosen up the legs.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Today's Workouts

4.3 mile run at lunch time.
5.4 mile run in hte evening while waiting for socceer practice to end.

I’m Really Only 34.

At least according to RealAge

My driver’s license says I’m 43. But their health assessment says I’m 34. If you are bored go take it. It takes about 10 minutes and you don’t have to give any personal info other than an email address.

Here are my results/recommendations:

Some of the good things I’m doing:

I exercise a lot (Sam would say that’s an understatement)

I take vitamin C and E plus others (actually a lot of others)

I have a great marriage (tru dat)

My BP and cholesterol are nice and low (the BP being low is surprising with all those kids at home)

I don’t smoke (since I’m so healthy maybe I can start up)

I don’t take any meds (Valium doesn’t count in my book. As a matter of fact they give you a life time prescription at the hospital when you have your 10th child. It's a new government program)

The negative things:

I drive too fast (that’s not changing)

Eat too much red meat (if they only knew how much I ate and it ain’t changing. The highest level the quiz asks was ‘3 times or more a week’, heck I eat red meat 3 times a day)

I don’t take a daily aspirin (they upset my tummy)

I don’t floss enough (I shall try and do better – that’s the same line I feed my dental hygienist every 6 months)

I have a low resting heart rate. Here’s what they say about that:

Keep an eye on your heart rate.
Your resting heart rate is slower than average. This usually means one of the following:

1. You’re extremely fit for your age, which means you have a young cardiovascular system. . . .
2. You take medication, such as a beta blocker, to slow your heart rate.
3. You have abnormal electrical conduction in your heart.

Well in my cause I’m guessing it’s the first one. So it’s not a really a negative.

Not lifting weights. (This is true and I need to had some strength training or at least add steroids to my daily routine. Someone get me Roger Clemens phone number)

We calculated your body mass index (BMI) to be 23.9, which makes your Real Age slightly older. (LOL – I’m a porker – ha ha ha – I think Sam and The Donk can back me up on this one. I’m nowhere near being fat. Both have seen more of my body then they would like to admit – for 2 completely different reasons)

Doesn't matter, I'll probably get hit by a bus...

A Novel Way to Ask for a Date

From CNN

ANN ARBOR, Michigan (AP) -- Thirteen members of a high school lacrosse team have been disciplined for dropping their pants to send a prom invitation from one player to a girl.
The lacrosse players at Huron High School in Ann Arbor, Michigan displayed the question, "Will You Go To The Prom With Me? Yes or No?" on their bottoms, which they bared during a junior varsity game last Thursday.
Officials suspended 13 players for an undetermined number of games and ordered them to perform 20 hours of community service. They also were suspended from school for one day.
The girl accepted the prom invitation.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Happy Ascension Thursday

I hope everyone is enjoying this great Holy Day. Enjoy Mass tonight.

Um, Rob today is not Ascension Thursday.

Sure it is. Today is 40 days after Easter Sunday.

Rob they have moved this Holy Day to Sunday.

Excuse me; Ascension Thursday is no longer on Thursday?

Right it’s on Sunday now.

Ascension Sunday, sounds funny. So some biblical scholars at the Vatican figured out that the Lord really ascended to heaven on a Sunday? Well that’s cool. It will be great to celebrate it on the correct day. But the Lord ascended 40 days after Easter Sunday. I wonder how we counted the days wrong for 2000 years…

No, Jesus ascended on a Thursday. That’s not why they moved it.

I see, they had to make room on the church calendar for another great feast of our Lord, right?

Not exactly.

So why was it moved?

They felt it was a hardship on the American people to have to get to church during the week. So they moved it to Sunday since people go to church anyway on that day…well some still do. 32% in the latest poll.

Let me get this straight. It was moved to Sunday so the 32% of the people that still go to Sunday Mass could fulfill their Holy Day of obligation on Sunday. So we are putting Jesus on ice for 3 days. And we now are celebrating Ascension Sunday because we are too lazy to spare 45-60 minutes during the week. I guess that makes sense. We wouldn’t want to interfere with soccer practice, Karate lessons or spending our IRS Tax Rebate checks at Wal-Mart. Got to keep the Chinese economy going.

Sort of but they aren’t calling it Ascension Sunday. It’s the Ascension of our Lord.

Who is this ‘they’ you keep mentioning?

The US bishops.

Oh, I see. Why didn’t you say so in the first place? That’s a horse of a different color. We could have saved a lot of time.

Happy Former Ascension Thursday everyone.

Mug Shot of the Little Darlings

Taken last week.

A Quick Recap of Idol's Results Show

Typed the following last night while watching the show. Pardon the spelling and grammar issues.

So we start off with a group song/medley thingy. It may be the worst group sing-along this season. Brooke looks nice but I think she is wearing colored-contacts to compete with Jason for the title of ‘Idol With the Prettiest Eyes’. David Cooke has the strongest voice and overshadows the others.

Oh goodie a chat with some people in the audience who have some lame sounding reality show…what a shock…a commercial for another FOX show within the show. And then a promo for an Idol Stamp, ugh. That’s a horrible picture of Carrie Underwood.
Now a recap of the last night’s horror-fest. And then The Seacrest offers some babbling defense of Paula’s crazy antics last night and then Simon tries to French Kiss her.

Natty Dread is brought out first. He seems worried. The Seacrest strings him along and then sends him to the Sofa of Safety. Well that pretty much tells us that the two chicks are going to be in the bottom two, barring some shocker. Next out is David ‘Baby Elmo’ Archuleta. Like he’s going home already…please…The Seacrest sends him to safety too. Baby Elmo tries to act shocked/relieved. Maybe he hopes to act someday and get a part on the ‘New Saved by The Bell’. Now we get a seemingly endless promo for another FOX show. Some dancing show thing. David C is brought out and is sent to safety. No surprise there. So that leaves the ladies in the bottom two. Just as predicted here on this blog. Oh yeah baby! Who’s your daddy?
They chat with The Seacrest a bit about their performances from the night before. And then he puts them on ice for awhile.

Now Natasha Bedingfield is singing some song about having a pocket of sunshine or a locket of fun lime…I’m not really sure. Ok The Seacrest confirms it a Pocket full of Sunshine. I don’t like ‘flavor of the week’ pop music at all but she does a good job. Natasha goes over to couch and starts slobbering allover Baby Elmo…Paula’s not going to like this…Baby-E is her man um I mean boy. Come on Natasha you can do better than him.

Now the lame caller’s questions segment. We get to listen to Paula attempt to answer a question…what stimulating TV. Oh no, another question for Paula. Someone wants her to do another video… Some childhood sweetheart of Simon calls up to find out who kisses better, herself or Paula. Awwww Simons first kiss…this show gets sappier and more disturbing by the minute. I don’t want to hear about a 9 year-olds first kiss.
Now the obligatory hawking of Fords by the Idolettes. Sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s the show and what’s promo/advertising.

Now Neil Diamond is signing a song from his new album. Sounds like he rewrote Amazing Graze. It’s not horrible but he has some scary middle-age backup singers and dancers. For 67 Neil can still sing. Now we get to meet his mom and chat about whether he should retire or not. And then Neil tells us he thinks the kids did great last night…very insightful. You can’t make this stuff up people.

And now the moment we have all been waiting for…no Paula isn’t being taken away…be nice people. It’s time to say goodbye to one of the ladies. Drum roll please. It’s Brooke. My daughters are ticked. They voted for Brooke like 20 times last night. Brooke is crying more than Tom Hanks did when he lost Wilson the Volleyball in Castaway. She will attempt to sing one last time. Not sure how she will be able to. She messes up the words but that’s understandable. At least she gets to go home now instead of hanging out with the other Idolaters. Well I had the bottom two right but I thought Brooke would hang around 1 more week. Jason is definitely the prettiest one left now.

Donk I love you. This one is for you. Rock on!

Today's Workouts

15 mile run for breakfast. Overall pace 8:35...a little off but not too bad for an old guy.
First 12 miles 8:40 pace - blah
Last 3 miles 8:19 pace. So at least I was getting stronger at the end.
Knee felt twingy but ok