American Idol 2010

I'll spare you the detailed blow by blow.

In someways the results show was better because we didn't have the group lip sync. We did get the group Ford video which as far as those things go was pretty good last night.

I good have done without the Idolettes designing a paint job for a Ford Fiesta (they still make that car?) but Fox has to pay Simon's huge salary somehow.

David Cook was fine as entertainment (is it just me or is his hair thicker? Hair Club for Men? Rogaine?) and Orianthi was tolerable (in a leather-clad Barbie doll sorta way) BUT the 3rd rate Lady Gaga wannabe Kesha (spelled Ke$ha - she is so clever) was a total nightmare. As bad as Lady Gaga is at least she has talent. Kesha wouldn't have made it into the Top 24 if she was an Idol contestant. I would have rather them done the group lip sync.

Any who after a winnowing down the Idolettes to the bottom 3 vote getters, we are left with Paige, Lacey and Tim on the Stemware of Shame. Tim is the first to be told he is safe. Tim goes into is "I can't believe I am safe shocked routine". Does he practice it in front of the mirror? Another victory for VFTW.

Alas it's Lacey who is going home. She sings one more time but the judges decide not to use their Save Card on her. Sadly its not Paige since Lacey was one of my favorites this year.

American Idol 2010

It’s Stones night on Idol

Michael - “Miss You” – hey good voice for Michael but I don’t like the arrangement or the dancing he’s doing. Gokey from last year danced better than Big Mike. Ok it’s cheesy and corny but I give him credit for trying not to be boring like most of the performers. Of course RanEllara are lusting all over him since he is one of the Chosen Ones. Simon says it on straight but dis’ his dancing. Simon and Seabiscuit have a bit of a cat fight to see who is Queen Bee. Grade B-

Didi – “Play with Fire” – our Brook White wannabe is singing one of my more favorite Stone’s song. She’s singing a very depressed version of the song. And her facial expressions are kinda creeping me out, like she wants to slash my tires or throat. That being said I like her voice. RanEllara like her, the three of them appear to be in a good mood tonight. Or maybe they realize they have marginal talent this year and need to talk it up. Simon likes her and thinks she’s getting better and can do even better. Grade B

Casey – “All Over Now” – Casey is brining a bit of country blues tonight with is electric guitar. He really plays a nice guitar and would song great in a Bar Band. RanEllara loves him and Ellen throws in a sly switch-hitter joke. Of course the Cougar is all over him. Ok it was good but chill babe or Ryan is going to throw some cold water on you. Simon likes it but says it wasn’t incredible. Grade A-

Lacey – “Ruby Tuesday” – Lacey is looking cute and somewhat more comfortable on stage tonight. She has such a distinctive voice, in a good way, but it’s a very soft voice. I liked her version and it was something I could listen to again. Not credit but good enough to keep her around. RanEllara are so-so on her tonight. And the only judge that matters says she performs like an actress, too planned and thought out. Grade B-

4 down and no train wrecks yet. Andrew, Kate and Tim are up next so that should be corrected soon.

Andrew – “Gimme Shelter” – this is so not doing it for me. Sorry Andy. It’s not the worst he has ever been but its not good either. His vocals are average and his dancing bad and his facial expressions are even worse. Randy says it was pitchy everywhere. Right on Bro! Ellen is high again this week. Kara didn’t have a connection with it. Simon thinks he tried hard but it wasn’t quite there and throws in a plug for him. Well Andrew was one of the Chosen Ones at one time, hard for Simon to let go. Grade D+

Katie – “Wild Horses” – ok she is supposed to be going younger, yet they have her in an antique dress and old lady jewelry. What gives? And then she chooses a slow somewhat sad song. And she does a boring performance of it. Might be time to start packing, unless Paige smells up the joint. RanEllAra are ok with it but not thrilled. Simon liked the first half of the song. Grade C but she will be safe because they talked her up. Grade D

Tim – “Under My Thumb” – Tim Tim Tim I am really not sure of this song choice for you. Tim has pulled out his guitar for tongihts show. Maybe he can set it on fire after this horrible performance. Tim your only hope is if VFTW selects you again. This is the only performance where I literally laughed out loud. He is the worst of the night. But Tim has been living on borrowed time since barely squeaking into the Top 24 a month ago. RanEllara don’t like but give him some credit for changing it up. Simon is not down with it. Grade D-

Siobhan – “Paint it Black” – ok girl let’s get it done. She is on the stair ala Adam Lambert. She starts the song of very softy and then starts to kick it up and channels the aforementioned Mr. Lambert. She gets crazy but doesn’t lose control. Finally someone who didn’t play it safe. Thanks Siobhan. Randy Loves it. Ellen Loves it. Kara sound like me, yuck. Simon also loves it and praises it and calls her the best of the night. Well said Sir Simon. Grade A

Lee – Beast of Burden” – Lee is my favorite dude this year so I have high hopes. I think he should have kept the hat on, he looked cooler with it. I really like Lee’s voice, the arrangement is ok. Not great but credit to him for changing it up. Good enough to stay around. Randy pulls out the Dope card, he gets paid each time he says it. Ellen says it was a bit lacking. Kara says he is growing it each week and getting better. Simon likes Lee but says he doesn’t shine. Simon wants him to have more confidence because he’s good. Grade B+

Paige – “Honky Tonk Woman” – Paige why this song? I love this song. Why not be un-PC and pick Brown Sugar? That would-be great and I might actually like you. This is one of Paige’s better performances. Not great but good for Paige. The outfit is silly though. The judges all like it ok. Grade B

Aaron – “Angie” – A 16 year old singing Angie?! I don’t know man. I’m not feeling it from him. Way too old a song for him. His voice is fine but this song does not fit the young lad. He’s rocking a new Ellen-like hairdo. RanEllara love him. Simon thinks it’s a great song choice, Simon is high tonight. Grade B-

Crystal – “You Can't Always Get What You Want” – One of my fav Stone songs. It started off a bit weak but then she got in to it and rocked it. My only issue is that she’s the same each week, real good, but the same. RanEllara are fans but it’s not her best night. Simon says Siobhan was better tonight. Grade A-

Worst of the night and could be going home: Tim, Katie, Andrew and Lacey are all candidates. Though I hope Lacey makes it.

American Idol 2010

Is this the worst 60 minutes on TV? Why do I watch it? So I can complain? I mean I could just go online in an hour and find out in about 30 painless seconds who the 4 are that were kicked off. Go figure, guess I just like pain and suffering during Lent.

First we start with a painful picture of Randy in a bikini and then right into the equally painful Group Sing. These are almost universally bad and tonight is no exception. Crystal Bowersox, to her everlasting credit, looks like she is barely participating and would rather be anywhere else. Do song they are singing is "Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble. There singing is actually pretty good, the song not so much.

We get made official what we already knew, that next week the Top 12 will be singing Rolling Stones’ songs.

Didi is Top 12 stuff. No Surprise there and she is sent over to The Stemware of Safety.

Siobhan “The Official Contestant of SCD” is safe

Katelyn and Paige are brought up and told one will be gone, please be Paige! OH NO its Katelyn?!?! Are you kidding me? Can anyone say race quota? This show is so fixed at times. And Simon totally knew who was getting booted, which goes against what we are told. They will stoop at nothing to make the judges look smart. Curse you VFTW! They certainly had to have had a hand in Paige staying.

So was that the first of 2 shockers that SeaWeed promised us? Well yea it was a shocker alright.

Lee, Tim, Todrick and Casey are hauled up on stage and made to endure Seacrest’s telling them how they got here. Like we all don’t know.

Casey=Safe

Tim=Safe which is actually cool cause Todrick should be gone. Those teen girls must really like Tim’s bangs and 6-pacl abs cause dude cannot sing. Seacrest drags it out by talking slower than a stroke victim. Spit it out son. And YES its Todrick the Thief who is heading home and hopefully to jail, or at least obedience school.

Todrick sings his song again and shows about 25 million people why he’s going home and why he should never have been in the Top 24 to start.

Two of last year’s contestants, Scott “blind dude” Macintyre and Matt “3rd rate Justin Timberlake” Giraud are singing at pianos. They are doing Bill Joel’s “Tell Her About it”. Matt is pretty good tonight.

Now back to the girls, oh and the guys. Mixing it up tonight.

Crystal is sent to the space age stemware of safety.

Big Mike joins her in safety.

Lacey of the pretty eyes=safe.

After being made to squirm and probably pee himself a bit, Aaron is safe.

Ok we’ve got Alex and Andrew left. Who is going? I would say Andrew is the worst of the two. Unbelievable. Andrew the two-bit Gokey is staying and Andrew is going? Ugh. Another quato filled. Siobhan seems to agree with me as she is crying. Maybe her and Alex are BFF’s. And Alex is singing “Trouble” once again and proving once again that he is better than Andrew.

So one spot left. It will be either Katie or Lilly. Now normally I would assume its Katie going home but after Paige and Andrew getting to stay, not to mention Aaron, I just don’t know. Holy Mother of Pearl it’s Lilly that is kicked-off. This is getting silly stupid this year.

Can you say WORST SEASON EVER

American Idol 2010

8 dudes

Squeezing 8 contestants into an hour last night and tonight is awesome. Very little time for the worthless judges to yap a lot. Randy is tolerable in the way that your slightly crazy uncle is, as long as he doesn’t stay to long and leaves your toothbrush alone and stays out of your underwear draw. Simon is about the same as always but has seemed to have checked out and be thinking about his new show and the extra millions he’s gonna rake in – gotta pay for that $750,000 engagement ring he bought. But Kara and Ellen! Heaven help us if we have to put up with those two next year without a Simon. Is there anyone more annoying and full of herself than Kara? She’s the conceited girl in high school who thought she was part of the cool clique but was really just a mouthy loser who everyone laughed behind her back, and in front of her. After last year’s bikini-baring during the finales, what could she possibly do this year to look the bigger fool? Stay tuned. And Ellen, not only does she know nothing about music and has resorted to parroting the other judges, she’s not even funny. You would think she could at least do funny.

Here’s to hoping the guys will turn around the snooze-fest that was last night. Let’s pick it up guys and do something special.

Sea (and Michael) are rocking the dark undertaker suit tonight. Tonight they play up the Kara/Simon touchy-feely angle, only slightly less disturbing then the Ellen/Simon grope session tonight.

Lee “Sleepy” Dewyze- “Fireflies” by Owl City – ok here is what I like about Lee, he’s got great stage presence and he looks the part. His voice is serviceable. Not great but good enough. The judges like it enough too. He should be safe. Grade B

Alex “Mullet Boy” Lambert – “Trouble” by Ray Lamontagne – he sounds very close to the original, but not in a good way. More like he is mimicking his voice instead of doing it is own way. Not the way to go Alex. Relax dude and be yourself. The Dyke is high tonight, just great. There goes the PG rating for the show. Cougar is also high and pushing the PG rating. Simon tells him to chill out and picture Randy in a bikini. Come on Simon, not right after dinner. Grade C

Tim “Zac Efron 2.0” Urban – “Ha” by Jeff Buckley – Tim may be the worst contestant to ever get into the Top 16. I can only guess that the girls are voting for his bangs and abs in droves. I must say when the song selections for tonight leaked out I feared for Tim. But this isn’t nearly the train wreck I thought it would be. Its not great, he doesn’t have the range for this song but for Tim it was ok. Randy thinks it was ok. Ellen runs up on stage and hugs Tim for some reason. Kara says he might have put himself back in the contest. Kara must have seen Tim’s ab pictures and wants to keep the play-toy around awhile longer. Simon too likes it. All the judges are high tonight. It wasn’t that good. Grade B-

Andrew “Danny Gokey 2.0” Garcia – “Genie in a Bottle” by Christina Aguilera – Ugh this is bad and boring. Dude needs to go back home and get a job. The singing thing ain’t working and the “stay at home dad” thing is lame too. Get a job. Maybe if he got that stupid neck tattoo removed he could get a job at somewhere other than a fast-food establishment. Randy basically says it blowed. And Ellen, Kara and Simon make it a consensus. Grade D-

Casey “Kara’s Toy” James – “You’ll Think of Me” by Keith Urban. Country, I loathe country music. So I shall refrain from commenting on Casey tonight. Other than to say that he still needs to shower. Randy calls I a safe choice and needs to go for it more. Well safe will get him into the Top 12. Ellen liked it. Kara is back on the Casey Train, ok then. Simon liked it enough but it wasn’t real memorable. Grade B

Aaron “Archie 2.0” Kelly – “I’m Already There” by Lonestar – what is this? Country night? Please people. Go over to the Country Music Channel. (no offense to MomtoFiveMinnies). Put me to sleep. Randy liked it and Ellen didn’t, huh? Kara says it was too old for him. Simon calls Kara’s comments rubbish. You go Simon. Grade D+

Todrick “The Thief” Hall – “Somebody to Love” by Queen – Oh this has such potential to be a major train wreck. And once again Todrick hasn’t disappointed. He may be the worse than Tim. It’s like listening to a cat being neutered with a weed-whacker. RanEllAra are totally high tonight. That was horrible. Simon likes ok and says it may have saved him. I guess the judges are just trying to make their decision to put him in the Top 24 look justified. Grade is D- for the thief.

Michael “Tiny” Lynche – “Woman’s Work” by Maxwell – Oh how I can’t stand Mike. That abandoner of his wife during labor. Jeez this is boring. Ok it picked up a bit towards the end. But he really needs to quite moving around. He looks like a dorky puppet. Dude is palying the new baby card more than Danny Gokey played the dead wife card last year. Randy and Ellen wet themselves praising it. Kara wets her cheeks with what look like fake tears. Simon loves it too. I told you they were all high tonight. Its been obviously for months now that Michael is one of the judge chosen ones. Grade B-

So who is gone? Aaron, Andrew, Tim and Todrick. Two of those guys I would guess.

American Idol 2010

Top 8 Girls

Katie “I’m 17 but I sing Old Lady Songs” Stevens – “Break Away” by Kelly Clarkson. So she chooses a more modern song but makes it seem old and somewhat boring. She could be done for, good voice or not she keeps choosing the wrong songs. Simon says "You kind of sucked the energy out of it and made it kind of gloomy." Grade C-
Siobhan “The One” Magnus – “House of the Rising Sun” by The Animals. Ok loved and loved her improved look. The tri-fecta of irrelevant judges liked her but Simon the Terrible did not. Boo Simon. Grade A

Lacey “Pretty Eyes” Brown – "The Story" by Brandi Carlile. I like Lacey. I know she hasn’t done well but I like her look and her voice. Randy, Kara and Ellen like her too. Simon liked her too for a change. Grade B-

Katelyn “I Stuck my Finger in an Outlet” Epperly – “I Feel the Earth Move” by Carole King. Katelyn is rocking the big hair tonight which I like but my wife doesn’t for some reason. Blah. Too fast. Too cruise shipish or high school talent show. Hopefully her other performances will be enough to keep her around. RanEllAra don’t care for it either. Simon agrees with me about the hair and about the song. Grace D

Didi “The White Diva” Benami – “Rhiannon” by Fleetwood Mac. Didi is rocking the guitar tongight. Ok let’s see; I hate Fleetwood Mac, Didi is attractive and has a voice I like, this performance is boring me to sleep. Randy “no wow moment but better than last week”. Ellen says “blah blah blah”. Kara, who is apparently high, says it was one of her favorite moments of the night. Simon has been sharing the bong tonight. Grade C-

Paige “Where did all the Other Sisters go?” Miles – “Smile” by Charlie Chapin – What the heck is going on? Is this slow song night and I didn’t get the memo? I’m already exhausted from not sleeping well last night and this is doing me in. Las Vegas salesman convention material. RanEllAra no like it either. Simon rips her pretty good which good work in her favor. Grade D-

Crystal “What is Soap?” Bowersox – “Give me One Reason” by Tracy Chapman – She is great. Always good and confident. And the judges rave too. Grade A

Lilly “I Buy Peroxide in Bulk” Scott – “I Fall to Pieces” by Patsy Cline – this song is not Lilly. What is going on tonight? What’s with the little eltric mandolin? And she looks like she is 4 months preggers. Ok its growing on me a bit. RanEllAra likes it. Simon calls it quirky cute but not Wow. Grade B-

Who is gone next week? How about Katie and Paige

American Idol 2010

Top 20 Group Performance : "I Got A Feeling" By Black Eyed Peas

My Mom always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." But let me say this, they made it sound worse than the original...tough feat that. But don’t worry it will keep going downhill at the bottom of the hour when Danny Gokey returns to the Idol stage to sing. The over/under on how long he takes to mention is deceased wife is set at 2 minutes.

So my predictions I made the last two nights are:

Guys to go: Todrick and Jermaine. Another possibility is John

Gals to go: Haeley, Lacey or maybe Didi

11 minutes! That’s all it took for SeaBreeze to make a cougar joke about Kara/Casey.

There are very few guys that would be missed this season if they were sent home so it really doesn’t matter at all who gets sent home.

For the first guy to go it’s down to Todrick and John...and the stealer of little kids money is sadly safe and not going home or to prison. John “Token Asian” Park will be heading home which really isn't a surprise. So I didn’t get Todrick correct but I want partial credit for say John was a possibility.

1 guy down. 1 guy and 2 gals to go.

You all don’t really want me to list the guys as Seacrest goes down the list one by one do you? That’s what I thought.

Ok we are down to Andrew “Danny Gokey 2.0” Garcia and Jermaine “Who?” Sellers. It’s Jermaine going home, yes! I called that one. That’s one and a half right for me.

Apparently God is upset with me. Danny Gokey is singing some pop-extra-light song. I guess I could offer it up since it is Lent and all but man that is tough to take. He’s right back at it, mentioning is dead wife in a two minute interview with Seaweed. I have the dead-wife referance coming at 1:42 on my watch. Dude it didn't help you win Idol last year and it ain't gonna help you sell records this year.

Ok it’s the girls turn to sweat.

Down to two for the first girl who is going. The choices are: Michelle “The Black Diva” Delamor and Didi “The White Diva” Benami. And Michelle is going home, didn’t see that one coming. I actually like Michele and would have kept. Of course I would have kept Didi too.

And for the last girl to go we are down to: Haeley “How did I get into the Top 24” Vaughn and Lacey “Pretty Eyes” Brown. And the youngster Haeley is going back to high school where she belongs. Have fun young lady. Be a kid.

American Idol 2010

Top 10 Young Ladies
The daper Seacrest starts off my introducing the gals to us, including the sick Crystal, and then we get the judges comments regarding last nights performances by the dudes. Question: areRyan and Ellen long lost twins?
Once again they try to play-up the Kara flirting with Simon angle. It worked well with Paula, with Kara…not so much.

1) Crystal Bowersox – “As Long as I can see the Light” by CCR – Miss Bowersox is doing the song in a quasi gospel/Janis Joplin style. She is definitely one of my top two females this year, Siobhan being the other. While this is a slower song that I wouldn’t normally care much about, she makes it real and it works for her. Randy digs the chick for being herself. He loves her and she’s hot. Ellen, well who cares about Ellen. Kara and our main man Simon are onboard too. Grade A-

2) Haeley Vaughn – “The Climb” by Miley Cyrus- Oh boy this has the potential to be Hindenburg bad, she might actually make Miley sound good. Ok on the plus side she’s not as bad as she was last week. And she seems like a sweet girl. But I think she needs to go back to during things like high school plays and musicals and take it from there. I mean she is only 16 so she has time to work on the performing thing. Randy gets it right, go figure and Ellen seems to be trying to channel Paula without the fun. Kara doesn’t like it either. And Simon says he doesn’t want to pile on but he’s pretty rough. Grade D-

Pizza commercial – great now I’m hungry.

3) Lacey Brown – “Kiss Me” by Six Pence None the Richer - Lacey likes antiquing. She is trying to appeal to the 50-something gay male vote – could be a winning strategy. Ok I like Lacey, she’s sweet and cute and quirky and I like her voice but the singing is just so-so tonight. Get into it more girl! That being said it was better than last week. With any luck the young boys and men will notice her pretty eyes and vote for her. I’d like to see if she can get better. Randy plays the dreaded karaoke card on her. Ellen thinks she is adorable, of course she does. Kara and Simon thinks she stepped it up from last week but needs to step it up even more. Grade C-

4) Katie Stevens – “Put Your Record On” by Corinne Bailey Rae – Katie can say “give me a kiss” in 6 different languages, that should make the 17 year olds parents proud. Katie is filling the pretty young brunette role this year. Ok this is much better and much more current than the old fashion performance last week. I like her voice. Randy says there were some bright moments. Ellen things she needs to be younger still with her song choice and needs to sing something more for her age. Kara is frustrated, probably because hippy-boy isn’t singing tonight. Simon says she needs to tell them what kind of artist she’s going to be. Grade C

5)Didi Benami – "Lean on Me" by Bill Withers – Didi likes to meow before going on stage, ok then. Moving right along. Unlike my beloved bride, I do not like this song. It has been done to death. And this is not working for her. She needs to be more current. Fortunately she’s pretty and has a nice voice and should stick around. RanEllara don’t like it either. Didi gets the karaoke label laid on her too. Simon says she continues the cat theme with her singing and wastes and opportunity. Didi looks ready to bawl and bolt and can’t speak. Cold-hearted me actually feels bad for her. Grade D-

6) Michelle Delamor – “With Arms Wide Open” by Creed – Michelle is the kid’s choir director at her church. Going for the Church Lady vote I see. Michelle is a lovely woman and looks the part of a super star diva (in a good way). This version of the song is not my cup of tea. Randy now is frustrated and says the song fell flat. Why is Ellen commenting on pitch problems? The only thing she knows about ‘pitch’ is when she plays softball. Kara loved it. Wouldn’t go that far. Simon agrees with Kara. Apparently they both got high together during the last break. Grade B-

7) Lilly Scott – “A Change is Gonna Come” by Sam Cooke Lilly likes to play with a little keyboard thingy. Ok let’s get this singing going. I like Lilly and she is playing a 12-string tonight. A singer who can play an instrument goes up a few notches in my book. While I would prefer it to be more upbeat, but I really like it. Randy says she is unique and its his favorite tonight. Ellen says she has “IT” whatever it is. Kara loves it too. Simon gives it a qualified great. Grade A-

8) Katelyn Epperly – “The Scientist” by Cold Play – Katelyn’s secret is that she wants to be a recording engineer, boring. Katelyn seems to be trying to tame that hair tonight. Come on girl let it flow. I love this song but she’s tad boring. Maybe she should go Lady Gaga on it and set it on fire. On the other hand she has good voice and she’s very pretty. Randy likes it but says it was slow, I agree. Ellen tries to be funny. She’s a comedian; shouldn’t she be able to do funny? Ellen also says it was too slow. Kara kinda loves her. Simon liked the choice of song and says it was much better than last week. Grade B-

9) Paige Miles – “Walk Away” by Kelly Clarkson - Paige’s secret is that she likes to color. But she won’t color outside the lines – boo. I don’t like Kelly Clarkson songs but I like Paige’s performance tonight. Simon appears to have dropped something and is looking under the judges table. That has to be distracting to Paige. Randy was just ok with it. Ellen loved it. Kara plugs herself and pats herself on the back for writing the song – ugh just go away Kara. Simon also says it was the wrong choice. Strangely I agree with Ellen, I liked it. Grade B+

10) Siobhan Magnus – “Think” by Aretha Franklin – Siobhan, the official top pick of Sardonic Catholic Dad, is in the pimp spot tonight, very nice. Glad to know the producers are pumping her up too. Her secret is she had a Mohawk and kinda looked like a boy. There is something cool about seeing a little white girl singing a large black woman’s song and nailing it. Other than her dress looking like it was inside out I loved it all. She has great pipes. How in the heck did she hit the high note? Randy says it was Dope, translation for you old people that’s a good thing for you. Ellen and Kara loved her. Simon calls her such a strange person as a compliment and loved and hated parts of it. - Grade A

Quick prediction of the two to get the boot – Haeley (seriously she needs to be the one to go) but the power of Vote for the Worst could keep her on yet again. And I’m gonna guess Lacey will go home too even though I’d like to see her get another shot. Didi also had a rough time tonight but should be safe.

American Idol 2010

Top 10 Guys

In a change up the guys are going tonight instead of the gals as scheduled. It appears that Crystal Bowersox had an unexplained medical issue (best wishes to Crystal one of my favorites). We are hopeful that the sudden change doesn’t make this even more of a disaster than last week. How bad is Tim Urban going to be tonight after losing that extra day of practice?

Alright time for some of the guys (and the gals tomorrow night) to step up and impress the judges and voters. It will be tough there is a very large dearth of challenge in this year’s crop.

5 minutes of mindless banter with the judges. Ellen, who I can’t stand, actually has a few funny lines.

Michael “I Abandon My Wife During Labor” Lynche – “This is a Man’s World” by James Brown – Michael is wearing a black suit. Man he is huge. Where does one get a suit that large? It can’t be off the rack. It is a nice vocal performance by Micheal and he looks comfortable on stage and like he is having a great time. Not my type of song at all but the audience likes him and I’m sure the voters will keep him around for a long while after that performance. And the judges love him too, including Simon the only judge that matters. Michael thanks for setting of the night on a good foot. Grade B+ it would be higher if I liked the song.

John “Token Asian” Park – “Gravity” by John Mayer - Will John give us a better performance than last week or will he try and get by on his pretty-boy looks for another week? Why the lack of upbeat fun songs? Well at least I can get a short nap during his songs. This one is better than last week when I gave him a D- but it’s not terribly original and not as good as the original, not a good thing on Idol. As Randy is want to say, it’s pitchy in places. And speaking of Randy he agrees with me (I rock). And sadly Ellen and Kara agree with me. But I take comfort in the fact that Simon does too. Grade D+

Casey “Kara’s Toy” James – "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw - Will we get Kara and Casey jokes tonight? Does a fish tread water? Casey is rocking the electric guitar tonight. Finally someone rocking out. I may have to change my opinion of Casey, at least a bit. I don’t think he has the nice voice in the world but is it really necessary for a rocker? Ok so far everyone is getting higher grades from me. And once again Randy agrees with me. Should I be worried? The cougar is a bit cranky tonight. Simon doesn’t think he has the grit to be a rocker. Grade B+

Alex “Mullet Boy” Lambert – "Everybody Knows" by John Legend - Man this kid is nervous in his interview. He’s got a guitar which might help but the clothes are scary bad. His voice is quirky, which is fine, but it’s not quirky in a way I like. Worst of the night so far but it is early. He was better than last week and didn’t puke or wet himself from nerves. Randy and I part company as he likes it a lot. So does Ellen and her butch Billy Idol wannabe likes it too and so does the annoying bimbo. Simon thinks he has improved and gives him some advice. Grade C+

Todrick “The Thief” Hall – “What’s Love Got to do With it?” by Tina Turner - Kelly Clarkson? Tina Turner? Does Todrick own any CD’s from dudes? This is so much worse than the original. Why did the judges put the stealer of little kid’s money into the Top 24? I apologize to Alex; this is the worst song of the night. Randy doesn’t love it and says he changes songs to much, no kidding. Billy Idol wannbe is harsh too. Kara doesn’t like it and Simon says he should stick to dancing and not sing. Cool, maybe we will be through with him. Todrick’s only hope is that Tim Urban is hideous again. Todrick was a church singer? Thou shall not steal. Grade F

Jermaine “Who?” Sellers – “What’s Going On?” by Marvin Gaye - Jermaine is wearing footsie pj’s exactly like my 10 year old son’s. In the interview, not the performance. This is like Marvin Gaye light or extra light. Why do people try and sing Marvin? And what’s up with his hair? That was truly bad - the song and the hair. One of the worst performances ever on Idol. Between Todrick and Jermaine, John may have just bought himself another week. And Jermaine won’t shut his trap. Grade F

Andrew “Danny Gokey 2.0” Garcia “You Give me Something” by James Morrison - Andy the dork break dances? Go figure. We are back to the slow boring ballads again. Dude has got to change is look, seriously. One word for this performance – BORING. Randy is not pleased or impressed but tries to make excuses for him since he is one of the Judge’s Chosen One’s. Ellen and Kara are not digging it either. Simon too is frustrated and says his lack of good song choice is becoming a problem - Grade C-

Aaron “Archie 2.0” Kelly – “My Girl” by The Temptations - ok it starts out a bit rough vocally and goes down from there. And he dances like a white boy. He is definitely Archie 2.0 or Archie Light. Randy and Kara like it??? Please guys. Does Aaron have pictures of Kara and Randy together? Or does Kara just like jailbait? Simon brings us back to earth and says he took two steps backwards. Grade D+

Tim “I’m Still in this thing?” Urban – “Come on get Higher” by Matt - I hope for Tim’s sake this isn’t a train wreck like last week. That was painful to watch. While he’s not great this week at least it’s better than last week. I mean I didn’t have to get high to listen to it. The judges rough him up and seem to want him voted off. Except for Simon!!!??? Wow Simon sticks up for him Grade C-

Lee “Sleepy” Dewyze – “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder - Lee is in the pimp spot tonight getting a bit of love from the Idol powers that be. Sounds like Lee was a bad-boy in high school and got sent to reform school. I’m starting to like this guy. I like Lee’s voice and this song. He gets a bit rough around the edges with the high parts and he looks like he's gonna hurl from nerves, but overall one of my favorites. So let’s see what the judges think. RanEllAra liked it and Simon says he has the best vocals of all but he looks terrified up there. Grade A-

Sigh – nothing awesome tonight. Michael and Lee were pretty good and Casey wasn’t bad but that’s about it.

Quick Pick on the 2 to get booted Todrick and Jermaine. Another possibility is John or maybe Tim

American Idol 2010

2 nights, 4 hours, 24 performances, 1 hour tonight, 4 to get the axe. At the end of the night I will have wasted 5 hours of my life that I can never get back. I could have been watching the winter Olympics and incestuous brother-sister ice dancers instead.

And it doesn’t really matter who gets the boot, as long as it’s not Siobhan of course, there were no great performances. As there ever been a less impressive Top 24.

Kris Allen the harmless vanilla Idol winner from last year and Allison Iraheta will be singing tonight. After having to put up with the likes of Flo Rida and Lady Gaga last year Kris and Allison will actually be a welcome change. But not to worry I’m sure Idol will scuzz it up as the season progresses. Maybe some Marilyn Manson, Ozzy Osborne, NWA and Nancy Pelosi.

Question: who looks manlier Seacrest or Ellen?

Question: has there ever been a more annoying person than Kara? If she was a dog would she even be on the show? Is she given a pass due to her looks?

The much dreaded Group Sing starts off things tonight. They are singing “American Boy” by Estelle. I confess I have never heard this song or of Estelle – wasn’t she the old Aunt on “Sanford and Son”? What? That was Aunt Esther. Oh anyway I sure hope the original was a lot better than this “Glee” wannabe version.

We are starting with the girls tonight. What is the over/under on how many fake outs Seabiscuit will try?

Siobhan is safe!!! Yes!

Haeley is safe???!!! R U KIDDING ME – she was awful

Michelle and Katelyn are safe.

Katie is safe and that means Janell is the first one to be given a ticket home. I really thought they would keep the pretty blondes for longer. Janell sings her Heart song one more time. And while she isn’t great she is way better than that cringe-inducing Haeley Vaughn.

Allison Iraheta is back with us and singing her new song “Scars”. Allison was one of my favorites from last year and it’s good to hear her sing again. I love her voice but the song…well it’s not my style but so what. Hopefully the girls are paying attention and learning from Allison.

Back to the whacking.

Paige is safe.

Lacey is safe after Seafoam fake out number 1. Cool I like Lacey.

Lilly is also safe. Another one I like.

Crystal, who looks a bit cleaner tonight, lives to fight another week.

That leaves Ashley and Didi – so another pretty girl is going to get the heave-ho. And I am surprised it’s Didi that is safe. I thought for sure Ashley would stay around longer than this. I mean I know she was bad but I really thought she would hang longer.

I swear on my mother’s grave (what’s that? My mother is still living…oh…well you get the point) that Ashley and Janell are way better than Haeley. And I will be proven as the weeks go by and you people have to listen to Haeley again.

Dude killing time.

Tiny Mike is safe.

John Park is staying after fake out number 2.

Aaron Kelly (Archuleta 2.0) is staying with us also.

Toderick, stealer of little kids’ money, is safe.

So either Joe or Tim is done. And drum roll please...Holy Mother of Pearl it’s Joe??!! Really? I mean I didn’t like Joe’s performance either but Tim was really bad. Guess the tweens voted him through on looks. Even Tim looks like he’s in shock that he is staying and almost passes out. Or maybe its fear because he’s going to have to sing in front of 25 million people again. Joe sings goodbye.

And we are down to one more to be let go and I haven’t predicted anything correctly this week :P

Kris Allen is back and talking about is visit to Haiti. So Kris has been doing good and helping people out. If you want to buy Kris’ song from tonight the mullah will go to help out or you can donate directly. Kris is singing “Let it Be” and doing a nice job I might add.

Ok lets wrap this puppy up.

Casey is safe – the rest of his family looks dirty too.

Jermaine made it though somehow too.

Lee will be staying too

Andy Boy is safe too

So we are down to Tyler and Alex. And Tyler is gone and Alex is in safe and does a Tim Urban and almost faints too. Tyler whines a bit about the judges not helping out enough. Go home whiner. I’m done with you.

Tyler sings us out.

So I’m 0-4 tonight and we are done. See ya

PS - I still can’t believe Haeley and Tim are still around. Curse you Vote for the Worst

American Idol 2010

Top 12 Guys – Finally after a month and a half of pain.

Ok here is our first good look at the singing abilities of the dudes. Hopefully this will tell us who the players and who the pretenders are going to be. Which I can’t say about the girls last night. No one really blew my doors off last night. Not even close to it – hopefully next week.

The worst part about tonight? That’s easy, In Heat Kara drooling over all the dudes and making a complete fool out of herself. At least when Paula did it it was amusing in a goofy sort of way. One the plus side we don’t have to worry about this kind of behavior out of Ellen. Why is that if Simon or Randy was hitting on the young ladies that everyone would be going ballistic but its ok for Horn-Dog Kara?

What’s up with Simon’s shirt unbuttoned halfway down? And Simon and Ellen are at opposite ends of the table again...anyone feel a dislike brewing between them?

Todrick Hall – “Since You Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson Todrick is a dancer, actor, producer of plays (which he may or may not have cheated people out of money) and it shows. It’s not that he’s bad it’s that he’s just average. He’s comfortable on stage so that should help him, if he lasts. Ellen loves him which shows that she should stick with comedy. Randy/Kara not impressed. Simon hates it. Grade D+

Aaron Kelly – “Here Comes Goodbye” by Rascal Flats – Aaron, who for better or worse, will get compared to David “Baby Elmo” Archuleta is not someone I could ever in a few lifetimes listen too. But I certainly can see him getting deep in the competition because of all the teenyboppers and country fans out there. But what I can’t take is weeks of these damn ballads. The judges dig him showing that he’s one of their early pets. Grade B

Jermaine Sellers –“Get Here” by Oleta Adams – Ugh another way to soft boring ballad by the Diva. Jermaine has on a way too small jacket but somehow pulls off the look. The singing doesn’t quite work, at least not for me. Ellen, Randy, Kara, Simon all give it a thumbs down. The only judge that matters hits his performance hard and says he may have blown his chance tonight. Whoa tough room tonight. Grade D

Tim Urban – “Apologize” by One Republic – He’s another pretty boy who should get some votes on that front. On the singing front – meh. So-so. Parts of the song I like ok but most of them are boring with a capital B. He was not strong enough of a singer for this song. Will his looks get him through for another week? We shall see. The judges DO NOT LIKE IT! Where is Paula with a kind word when a brother needs her? Grade D-

Joe Muñoz – “You and I Both” by Jazon Marz – Joe looks like a light version of Anoop Desai from season 7. And yes once again it’s another ballad. Will someone please sing something up tempo? Please I am begging you people. His voice is fine but the song almost puts me to sleep. Simon says it was ok, safe and predictable and that he needed to not be forgettable. Grade B-

Tyler Grady – “American Woman” by The Guess Who – Tyler, That 70’s Show, is doing what he’s comfortable with, a rock song from the early 70’s. A good choice for him and finally someone rocking it out a bit. He’s not great but it was a nice change from the ballads and he looks the part. Simon thinks he needs to stop playing the 70’s rock star part and concentrate on his singing. Style over substance it the judge’s consensus. Grade C-. It would be lower but I’ve been whining for an hour to hear something upbeat so I have to be nice.

Lee Dewyze – “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol – Lee is a singer I liked in Hollywood Week but he had the personality of dead house plant. This is not a good choice for anyone because it’s one of those Iconic songs that was done so well originally. Lee has a great unique voice but it was not a good choice! Ellen disagrees with me but Randy is my Dawg and on my side. Simon on the other hand calls it the best performance of the night. Well that it might have been Simon but there haven’t been any great performances tonight. I hate to take Randy and Kara’s sides over Simon. I really hate to. Grade B-

John Park – “God Bless the Child” John fills 2 slots for AI this year; token Asian and token guy who is light in his loafers. He should be a favorite of Ellen’s. What you say he’s straight cause he loves Shania Twain? Hmm…Holy Butterball Turkeys it’s another stinking ballad. I feel like I’m in a piano lounge at a bar near the airport surround by drunken salesman of shower curtain rods. Wake me up for the commercials. Judges no likey John’s performance and song choice. Except for butch who seemed to like it – see I told you. Grade D-

Michael Lynche – “The Love” by Maroon 5 – what a shock they are talking about his wife having a baby while he’s screwing around in Hollywood, figuratively. Big Mike is rocking his guitar (looks like a violin in those big hands) tonight and thankfully for my sanity is not singing it as a ballad. I can’t say that I like his voice a lot in this song but he looks like he is having fun up there on stage so I would have to he’s safe for tonight. He’s the type of guy who you would ask to perform at the local VFW or Fire hall. But after all the downer songs tonight its a nice change. EllRanKara likes him. Simon calls it a vague jazzy version and that it wasn’t unique. Grade B-

Alex Lambert – "Wonderful World" by James Morrison– he was the one who was berated by Devil Woman Mary Powers a few weeks ago. Which makes me sympathetic to him..that is until he sings this boring song. Good voice or not he looked painfully uncomfortable up there. Like the proverberial deer in the headlights. Simon almost makes him cry. Kara wants to hug him. Come on Kara he’s barely legal. Randy and Ellen like him and hope he does well in the future. Ellen compares him to an unripe banana. Grade C-

Casey James – "Heaven" by Bryan Adams – Kara who loves the dirty hippie girl-toy will need a bucket of cold water thrown on her by the end of this performance. It still appears that the showers at the Motel 6 where Casey stays are still on the fritz. This guy needs to stay around because he’s such an easy target. Vote for the Worst is gonna have a field day with him. Oh I guess I should say something about his performance. Casey is sitting on a stool playing his guitar just like if he was at a coffee house or a peace march. He can sing well but I have a hard time taking him seriously after taking his shirt off during the auditions. The judges ramble forever with stupid Kara jokes. Why does everyone think he is so good looking? Seriously? Simon and the others actually like his performance a lot. Grade B

Andrew Garcia “Sugar we are Going Down” by Fallout Boy – Andrew aka Danny Gokey 2.0 is in the Idol pimp spot which proves the point that he is one of their favorites. He could come out and sing the alphabet and he would still be safe. Andy is a stay at home dad which is code for unemployed mooch. Interesting song choice. He’s doing a mellow acoustic version of it and I don’t hate it as much as a thought I would. I hate it even more. The judges do not like it either but start doing damage control and talking about how great he was in Hollywood week and how great he could be. Talk about shameless pimping on the judge’s part. This show comes way too close to being rigged at times. Grade F but he will stick around.

Just like the girls last night, none of the boys blew the doors of the place.
Quick Pick on the 2 to get booted tomorrow (do I only get to pick two?) Tim Urban and Alex Lambert or maybe John Park or maybe Jermaine Sellers or maybe...

This may be the worst season of Idol ever. Can they just cancel it now and change "24" into "48"?

American Idol 2010

Top 12 Young Ladies

(as always these are random semi-live unedited Ritalin-free thoughts. I apologize in advance for the typos, stupid opinions and offending you)

Seacoast – “this is not just a stage…” Seafoam intones while walking down a paddle-line of the contestants. Ryan has an all black 80’s new-wave look going. Not bad actually.

The judges – all looking reasonably normal tonight. Simon tells what we already have heard, that it is the girls year to win it. We are “treated” to a fake tape of Simon feeling up Ellen – a lowlight this early in the season – sigh – the cheesy-meter is running high already. Could we please just let the girls sing? And please no SOB stories or more filler.

The girls will be singing songs from the Hot Billboard Singles from 1958-1972 and 2003-2010. And I’ll be assigning a grade to each performance.

1)Paige Miles – “All Right Now” by Free – Paige is doing a light and flat version of this former rocking song. It almost sounds as if the vocals are muffled or turned down. She does look cute and confident for what it’s worth. Simon says he likes her voice but not the song choice. Kara disagrees with Simon and liked it. Randy seemed to like it and Ellen, well it doesn’t matter. Paige informs when she is down that she has had to pee for about 5 hours. TMI. Now go potty girl. Its 8:17 and we have only had one song. Grade C-

2) Ashley Rodriguez – “Happy” by Leona Lewis – Ashley definitely has the look to go far. Once again the vocals are bit muffled and hard to hear. Is AI using a Mr. Microphone for the sound system this year? It was a pleasant if underwhelming performance. The 3 judges that don’t matter aren’t all that impressed either. And our judge that matters says she is going backwards and was not original and could be in trouble. I wouldn’t go that far, she’s too cute to get booted already. Yes we are that shallow. Grade D+

3) Janell Wheeler – “What About Love?” by Heart – in a possible strategic mistake of Titanic proportions, Jenell is wearing long pants and covering up her legs. Is she going to really just on her voice? Ugh I do not like Heart, maybe because I don’t have one. But I kinda like her version. She’s got a bit of a rough edge to her voice – in a good way. Randy doesn’t like the song choice but likes her voice and I find myself agreeing with Randy. Simon gives her a 65% but liked parts of it. Ellen and Kara both ‘like’ Janell. Grade C+

Holy cow we are taking a commercial break after each singer. I thought we were in a Depression? How can all these companies afford to advertize? What’s that? Sith Lord Obama has fixed the economy. Really? It was the high unemployment, lousy stock marked and massive home foreclosures that threw me.

4) Lilly Scott – “Fixing a Hole” by The Beatles – with the platinum hair and acoustic guitar is doing a really good job. She is someone I could actually listen too. She doesn’t look or sound like a typical Idolette. Pink is the new Black. Kara is the new Paula. I have no idea what she just said. All t he judges praise her for being different. But just you wait; they will turn against her for exactly the same reasons as the season continues. Grade A-

5) Katelyn Epperly – “Oh Darling” by The Beatles – Idol let her keep her crazy curls. Unlike Janell, Katelyn is showing a ton of leg. That should get the young males voting for her. I’m not crazy about the song choice but I do like her voice. Kara disses her makeover and her lipstick, whatever Kara. Kara then mouths and obscenity. Grade B.

6) Haeley Vaughn – “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles. 3 Beatles’ songs in a row? Who made up this order of performance? Listen the girl is only 16 so I need to be careful what I say but I really don’t know why she’s in the Top 24. She’s cute and bubbly but also annoying at times and her voice is grating on my ears like a listening to an Oprah show. It’s like a girl singing on her 16 birthday and her family indulging her and telling how wonderful she is. Kara, Ellen and Randy want her to work on her vocals. Simon says it was a mess and verging on a total disaster. Sadly for Haeley I agree with Simon. She could be one of the first two to go. Grade D-.

7) Lacey Brown – “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac – I like Lacey. She’s got a good voice and a cute look. I do not like this song but I’ll live. It was a blah performance though. Hopefully people will vote for her on possible potential. The judges hate it. Sadly I find myself agreeing with Kara. It will take hours of therapy to get over that. Grade D-.

A commercial for some movie with that dude who played a vampire in those awful Twilight movies. Where is Buffy when you need her?

8) Michelle Delamor – “Fallen” by Alicia Keyes – I know nothing about her. Did they show her at all during Hollywood Week? She’s a lovely girl with a confident look on stage and her voice is good too. Even with jeans on she is a Top 3 in the Idol Leg contest. The judges like it well enough but want more from her. They want her to take risks. Sadly I find myself agreeing with the judges again. Grade B+.

9) Didi Benami – "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michelson – now if she can just get through a song or interview without crying. Didi takes a song I like and manages to bore me to tears. I just may cry. The judges are not into it much either. Grade D+.

10) Siobhan Magnus – “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaac – I love this song! But I’m not sure if any young lady can do it justice. It’s a dark tough song to sing. More of a dude song. But Siobhan does a nice job on it. Great set of pipes. Hopefully she will pick a more upbeat rocking song next week. America will not vote for singers who choose dark ballads all the time. She is one of the top singers in the group but one of the least like a pop-star (that is a compliment) Kara kinda liked it and called her a quirky girl and says she feels real. Randy wants to her bigger songs from her. Ellen loves it. Simon is luke-warm but not to nasty so I won’t have to have his kneecaps broken. Grade B+

11) Crystal Bowersox – “Hand in my Pocket” by Alanis Morissette– listen I like Crystal and like this song but she’s hardly American Idol pop star material. More like a new-hippie singer song writer type. The kind that hang around college coffeehouses and pubs. Hopefully she will stay around for a few more weeks so we can hear what she can do. The judges like her but just like Lilly I predict they will turn on her. Simon starts to do that already in a limited way. Grade B.

12) Katie Stevens – “Feeling Good” by Michael Buble – another youngster but unlike Haeley she’s not a train wreck. She has a great voice but it’s kinda boring. Too slow. She sounds like she should be singing in a smoky lounge to middle-age losers. She does pick it up a bit towards the end. Ellen and I agree that it was too old for her. Simon is with us too. Grade C.

Quick prediction of the two to get the boot – Haeley Vaughn and Lacey Brown. I sure hope I’m wrong about Lacey and that the voters keep her around.

Top 24 American Idol Wannabe's Ranked

The complete top 24 of AGES: Didi Benami, Crystal Bowersox, Lacey Brown, Michelle Delamor, Lee Dewyze, Katelyn Epperly, Andrew Garcia, Tyler Grady, Todrick Hall, Casey James, Aaron Kelly, Alex Lambert, Michael Lynche, Siobhan Magnus, Paige Miles, Joe Muñoz, John Park, Ashley Rodriguez, Lilly Scott, Jermaine Sellers, Katie Stevens, Tim Urban, Haeley Vaughn, Janell Wheeler.

#1 Siobhan Magnus, 19, Barnstable, MA:
The niece of a friend so she will always be ranked #1 as long as she is in the contest. But it definitely helps my case that she can actually sing.

#2 Ashley Rodriguez, 22, Chelsea, MA:
What a shock another good looking girl. What is a shock is that she isn’t a blonde. And she can sing. She will go far with her good looks and nice voice.

#3 Andrew Garcia, 24 Moreno Valley, CA:
Andy Pandy and his Danny Gokey Eyeglass Collection will be with us for some time to come. I’m not a big fan but show is obviously pushing hard for him. And all the soccer moms of America will vote for him just like they did for Danny and Kris Allen last season.

#4 Katie Stevens, 17, Middlebury, CT:
(Grandma with dementia sob story) Good voice, Dove soap quality skin, wholesome look but young and inexperienced. If she can handle the pressure look for her in the Top 12.

#5 Janelle Wheeler, 24, Tampa, FL:
Yet another leggy blonde. It is gonna be tough keep all the blondes straight this year. But the long gams and the blonde good looks will get her lots of votes.

#6 Didi Benami, 23, Hollywood, CA:
Another story pimper, this time it’s a dead friend. Which talking about causes Didi to cry more often than Kara hits on a male… any male…contestant, guest judge, guest performer, doorman, key-grip, bathroom attendant. But DIdi should last a long time given that she’s: pretty, sings ok, white and blonde. All favorites of the Idol powers that be. Add on that AI wants a female winner this year and Didi could be an early front-runner

#7 Crystal Bowersox, 24, Elliston, OH:
You will remember she is the non-bathing female. Not to be confused with Casey James the non-bathing male. There is no truth to the rumors that they are twins. Maybe they are angling for a Dove endorsement if they win. Yet she is very talented and if she cleans up well she could last a long time. But if she keeps her look and sings music she likes, there is no way the tweens and middle-age housewives of America are going to vote for her.

#8 Michael Lynche, 26, Astoria, NY:
Speaking of pimping a story, how many times are we gonna have to hear about his wife having a baby while he was at Hollywood Week? Is that supposed to make us like him more? That he wasn’t there for the birth of his child. Makes me think he’s a selfish weasel, and trust me being one myself i know what i speak of. Just don’t tell him i said so, he’s huge


#9 Casey James, 27, Fort Worth, TX:
Dirty jailbird (DUI, reckless driving, driving with an invalid license). There are many reasons to vote him off early. One is Kara’s constant drooling over him like a hyena in heat. But that being said he does have a nice bluesy voice. And the cougars will be voting for him. But dude take a shower.

#10 Aaron Kelly, 16, Sonestown, PA
Seriously? This kid is in the Top 24! Has he even gone through puberty yet? He makes Baby Elmo (David Archuleta) look manly. On top of that his singing is vanilla. But the tween girls will, sadly, vote for him in droves. He also will get some sympathy votes for his sob story – dad couldn’t hold down a job and aunt and uncle adopted him.

#11 Lilly “I buy peroxide in bulk” Scott, 20, Littleton, CO:
A different quasi-cool look should take her close to or into the Top 12.

#12 Alex Lambert, 19, singer, North RIchland Hills, TX:
He fills the quota of the straight A. Lambert this year – I believe there is a federal law regarding that. Cutie-pie dorky-cool looks should carry him for a little while.

#13 Tim Urban, 20, Duncanville, TX:
Tim was a last minute replacement for Chris Golightly who was ruled ineligible. We know nothing about Tim and won’t get attached to him. He does have that teen heartthrob pretty boy look going for him

#14 Haeley Vaughn, 16, Fort Collins, CO
Too young to handle the pressure and doesn’t have The Look – she needs a makeover and some voice lessons to last long. She’s talented and annoying all at the young age of 16.

#15 Michelle Delamor, 22, Miami, FL:
A pretty but almost unknown lady. We saw very little of her during Hollywood Week.

#16 Todrick Hall, 24, Arlington, TX:
A dancer and producer of musicals. Has never had a voice lesson and it shows. Plus he spells his name funny – his first name

#17 Lacey Brown, 24, Amarillo, TX:
Lacey made it pretty far last season (Top 50) and this season she’s going even farther. Thankfully we finally got a non-blonde. Last year Lacey was a brunette and now she’s a redhead. That was money well spent at the hair salon. Lacey has a cool look and good voice so hopefully she will be around for quite awhile just so everyone doesn’t look the same. But she is probably to cool for AI and will be gone earlier rather than later.

#18 Katelyn Epperly, 19, West Des Moines, IA:
Katelyn likes to remind us that her parents are divorced (over and over she likes to remind us). She is this year’s Danny Gokey. At least milking mileage out of divorced parents isn’t as offensive as pimping the death of a wife. She does have big puffy 80’s hair (which Idol will probably tame) and an ok voice.

#19 Tyler Grady, 20, Nazareth, PA:
He’s a late 60’s early 70’s Robert Plant wannabe who I happen to like. But he hardly seems like a typical AI contestant who all the tween girls will vote to keep for long. He’s better suited to be a dory rocker on That 70’s Show or a cool rocker on The Brady Bunch. He is also competing with Casey James for the dirty hippy vote and Casey is dirtier and greasier. The question is, will the stoners that he is likely to appeal to even watch AI and if they do will they be too high to vote?

#20 Lee Dewyze, 23, Mount Prospect, IL:
I like Lee’s voice but he’s as exciting as watching a senate filibuster. He needs to come out of his shell or something if he is going to last.

#21 Paige Miles, 24, Cypress, TX:
We basically know nothing about Paige at this point because they haven’t really shown her at all.

#22 Jermaine Sellers, 26, Joliet, IL:
His SS is that he has been taken care of his mom with spina bifida since he was 17. I don’t care for his singing and he had that diva moment when he blamed the band for a poor performance during Hollywood week. Not cool from someone who touts himself as a church singer.

#23 John Park, 21, Evanston, IL:
3 from Illinois this year? John is a nice looking guy who fills the Asian Quota but damn if I can remember anything else about him.

#24 Joe Munoz, 20, Huntington Park, CA:
was given about 10 seconds (at the most) of air time during the Top 24 shows which tells us the powers that be think he has less chance of being promoted than the lookout on the Titanic has of being made Captain. Are we sure he’s even a real person? Has anyone ever seen him?

American Idol 2010

Yes I know that AI was on Tuesday night. And yes I know that I didn't post about it. It was my oldest child's 20th birthday and we were a bit busy. I did watch it though. So it seems we have 7 of our Top 24 decided. And 17 more to be decided so far. The 7 that have gone through seem ok, nothing special yet but that could change once they get help from the so called pros.

Can you believe that show was two hours last night? How am I supposed to watch curling, luge and men's figure skating? :P That was 2 very painful hours. Lots of cliches from Seabiscuit about how "lives will be changed" and "futures decided" (I am furiously rolling my eyes). And boy do I miss Paula. Randy is just there, Ellen adds nothing at all, Simon seems to be going a bit soft and seems disinterested in his last season and Kara is one of the most annoying people to ever walk the planet. Is it wrong to wish a stage light would fall on her during Lent? Sigh - I thought so.

With tonight only being an hour I am hopeful they will give us the rest of the 24 without too much pain and suffering. Hopeful but not confident.

My week will be made if Mary “Demon Woman” Powers doesn’t make it. Besides doing the fake hard-rock mom retinue – grow up honey you are old – she is mean, overbearing and obnoxious.

First to get through is a very leggy blonde Janelle Wheeler. It’s gonna be tough keep all the blondes straight this year.

Next up we get Tyler Grady (who Kara fawns over) who makes it also. He’s a late 60’s early 70’s Robert Plant wannabe who I happen to like.

Lacey Brown made it pretty far last season and this season she’s going even farther. Thankfully we finally got a none-blonde. Lacey has a cool look and good voice so hopefully she will be around for quite awhile just so everyone doesn’t look the same.

Ashley Rodriguez, Alex Lambert and Joe something or other are all put through in less than 30 seconds….FOX must be in a hurry to sell some more ads.

They spend a few minutes putting through a girl who needs to shower by the name of Crystal Bowersox. Maybe she should hook up with Casey James our other non-bathing contestant.

Its got to be time to whack a few people. But first they are letting Sob Story #42 go on. (Katie Stevens Grandma with dementia) Ellen Degenerate tries to do the old American Idol fake-out hahaha we have never seen that one before Ellen. Good one, you got us. But of course we are too seasoned and wise and are soon on to Ellen and her zaniness.

Next on the hot seat is Angela “Sob Story #258”. Her sob story is actually heart-rending. Kara the bizarre goes and sits on the chair with her, interesting I would have guessed Ellen would have snuggled up to the chick. But alas Angela is sent home.

Lilly “I got this hair dye on sale” Scott makes the long walk to the chair of judgment. Kara, who would be pretty if she never spoke again, rambles in a Paula like fashion for awhile before telling her the good news.

Then what seems like 100 people are given the green light in machine-gun fashion. Including the official #1 contestant of Sardonic Catholic Dad, Siobhan Magnus. More on her in coming weeks. I didn’t catch the names of the others but we can catch up on that another time.

As an aside Randy has been very quiet tonight and Seafoam hasn’t been annoying...maybe its an Ash Wednesday gift.

2 chicks left neither of whom I care for but the winner is Yvonne or Paige or heck I can't remember her name, and a girl named Tory who is sent home. It is actually somewhat surprising because Tori is about 100 times better looking. I guess AI isn’t as shallow as I am.

Two dudes are also left for one spot – Andrew Garcia and a rather large 16 year old black kid who is a total momma’s boy. And boy is that momma obnoxious. There is no suspense here because they have been pushing Andrew and his Danny Gokey Collection glasses for the past month. And of course Andrew is kept and the kid is sent home like we predicted. But on the Brightside the kid is good and only 16 so he can try next year. And maybe by then he will have cut the apron strings from mom...who just followed him into the can.

So 17 more got through tonight to complete our Top 24 and it doesn’t include Mary Powers – are those angels singing? Many weeks to go until we get to our winner. Stay tuned and check back in a few days to see the Top 24 ranked.

This is the very unofficial blog of promoting and encouraging voting for Siobhan Magnus - more on that later

Top 10 Set of New Judges for American Idol

Top 10 set of 3 judges who would be better than Kara, Ellen and Randy when Simon leaves.

With the coming departure of Simon the Terrible next year and with Ellen having signed a multi-year contract, we appear to be stuck with the triumvirate of Kara the Annoying, Randy the Forgettable and Ellen the D......um moving right along. So unless Fox decides to shake things up, this is what we are in for next season (yes I know this season is just underway but I've been snowed-in for days so humor me).

Out of the kindness of my heart and to try and stay sane and occupy myself during these white-times and not stick my tongue in a light socket, I have come up with my Top 10 set of judges to replace the current crop. Other suggestions are always welcome.

The Jonas Brothers - Even after Joe's lackluster performance as a guest judge I'd still pick them


Snap, Crackle and Pop - Ok so they aren't as cool as the Trix Rabbit but they are funnier and better looking than the current gang of three


Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil - Of course if they are judges they Will have to hear, see and speak evil


Charlie's Angels - They would up the male demographic category of age 10-100 tremendously


Larry Darryl and Darryl - can you really have too much of Larry, his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl? Well no you can't


Huey, Dewey and Louie - Ducks are awesome plus you could have a guest judge appearance by Donald


The Bee Gees - Yes I realize that one of them is dead...or is it two? Really not sure...it doesn't matter anyway...I'd still take them over the current crop


The Three Amigos - The IQ total just went up for the judges group


The Three Stooges - Who doesn't like the Stooges?


The Brady Bunch Girls - What you thought I was gonna suggest the boys? Get real

American Idol 2010

Seacrest welcomes us back to Hell Week. And he might be right, it is Group Night – ugh – some will be tolerable, some with be great, many will be train wrecks.

What is worse than watching the group performances? Watching them organize their groups, pick their names (Idol and the Idolettes, Sexual Chocolate, Ellen and the Eves) and select a song.

Minutes that seem like hours go by and we watch more seemingly staged drama.

Big Mike, whose wife is delivering their first baby (what are you doing in Hollywood dude?) is shown chatting with her. Internet rumors (so it must be true) have it that Big Mike makes it to the Top 24 and then gets the boot. We are treated to a play-by-play of it. Man I hope the rumors are true and he is gone.

How and the heck are you supposed to tell who is good when they are all singing together?

Big Mike’s team is up (Team Awesome) what a self-serving pompous name. Hopefully most of them get kicked out just for selecting that name. You don’t gloss yourself. That is for others to do. Well half of them get sent packing. Better than nothing.

Neapolitan and Destiny’s Wild are having a feud cause each are singing the same song and Neapolitan stole their ideas. Full disclosure – a friend’s niece (Siobhan) is on Destiny’s Wild. But I can still be objective in my critique of the blood-sucking leeches that are Neapolitan - truly I can.

Sadly the back-stabbing Neapolitans are all put through. A pox upon them and the judges.

Destiny’s Wild kicks it great. They were awesome sounding. Much better than the others. And the judges keep all of them. Even the white dude who is more than a bit light in the loafers gets through. Let’s hear it for DW and the awesomeness that is Siobhan!!!!!

Isn't she cute?


Some who are cut beg and whine. Man up dudes. Simon tells them “not to beg”. Here Here Simon.

Katie, Andrew, and Casey all make it onward. They were some of my favorites from last night so its good to see that I have gotten a few things correct.

The Dreamers go last with the awful and overbearing Mary Powers. If there is a God in heaven (and there is) she is toast. But it also has Hope who is one of my favorites. Well God is punishing us with Mary for a bit longer. She is even snarky in her interview afterwards – the girl is evil, evil I tell you. she even looks a bit like a demon. Look at her picture below. Whenever I see it I want to put a string of garlic around my neck, grab some holy water and speed-dial 1-800-exorcist.



Sadly Group night is over (dancing around the room and clicking my heels). Next week we winnow the group further.

As always feel free to leave comments – Good, Bad and Ugly are all welcome. But please remember this is the home of Team Siobhan. Dis her at your own risk. For I shall hunt you down, cut your eyelids off and force you to look at pictures of a nude Ellen DeGeneres - don’t ask why I have those.

Adios, God Bless and goodnight

American Idol 2010

Ok the sob stories, horrendous auditions and sometimes even worse guest judges are all a thing of the past. Its Hollywood week, where all those who got through at least have some tale...we hope.

We also, for better or worse, get our first glimpse of Ellen as Paula’s replacement. I never thought I’d say it but after watching all the guest judges and putting up with Kara (and Randy to a lesser degree – speaking of lesser, does anyone else think Randy has shrunk?) I actually miss Paula and all her loopy sappiness. But with a bit of prayer and a good stiff drink or two, we will all get through this together. Besides we are getting blasted with yet another snowstorm so what else is there to do?

I can’t type anywhere near fast enough or accurate enough to comment on everyone tonight. I maxed out at about 25 words per minute in 10th grade typing class. But I’ll try and give a few highlights of some of the singers until we get down to the Top 24.

Seacrest is looking dapper and well-groomed for the start of Hollywood week. From looking at the preview we are going to have lots of crying tonight – sigh.
So they have a choice, sing acapella or with an instrument. I take back what I said about the sob stories. First up is the 17yo girl, Katie, with the grandmother with dementia. The judges like her. And next is the annoying but entertainer, Skiiboski, he’s ok. Not great but I’d keep him for the laughs. Ellen is afraid of him. And he doesn’t make it through but leaves with a bang.

I brief montage of Simon and Ellen hammering people. Not a pretty thought.

Andrew is singing a Paula Abdul song with his guitar. Never heard this song before but I’m digging Andrew – not in an Ellen sort of way. Kara and the other judges love it too. Oh to have Paula here at this moment. She would be going totally cougar on poor Andrew. I can picture her now - standing, dancing, swaying, her magic coca-cola cup with its mystery contents in one hand. Andrew is totally Top 24 material. As a matter of fact I'm gonna go out on an early limb and say he will make the Top 12. I mean really what do I have to lose?

Up next is the ‘hickish’ girl, Vanessa, whose voice I loved during the auditions. If she cannot lose it emotionally she will go far. We get a look at where she is from so obviously she is getting through to another round. Now I’m not a country fan at ALL but there is something about her voice that is haunting. Whoa my first (of many) big mistake of the season. Vanessa is sent home!!!!

My next favorite is a young lady with a guitar by the name of Janell. I'm going out on a second limb (I have lots of them) and picking Janell for the Top 12 too. Its not like anyone reads this and is going to hold me accountable.

After her we get a bunch of lousy ones in a row. Lousy as in, what were the judges thinking during the auditions? You gotta ask why they sent these people through in the first place. Why do the judges get mad at the bad performances when they shouldn’t have sent them there. is the talent in America getting tapped out? is that why Simon is leaving?

Haely Vaughn is next. A 16 year old girl with a voice a LOT older than that. Very different but in a good way. and now a “geezer”, 28 year old Mary Powers, another girl with a strong voice. And both are getting to hang out a bit more.

Day 2

Lilly Scott, her of the white hair, is doing an Ella Fitzgerald song and doing it well. And the judges agree with me. I'm picking Lilly for at least the Top 24.

Next up is Michael Lynche whose wife is in labor. He is ginormous and good. And gets through. If my wife was in labor and I was across the country in Hollywood hanging out with pretty singers.....lets just say Lorena Bobbit would look like a nun compared to what Sam would do to me.

Justin, a cancer survivor, is singing at the piano. Is it ok to say I hated his singing? I mean its not like he has a dead wife or something – thankfully we are being spared that this year. The judges are with me and send Justin home.

Maddie Curtis a 16yo who has a bunch of brother’s with Down’s syndrome does an average job but is cute and well dressed. Will she get through? Alas no.

Casey a bluesy dude rocks it with a guitar and thankfully keeps is shirt on this time, unlike during the auditions. Another Top 24 candidate.

Didi aka Dread-Girl is singing a Kara song. First a Paula song and now a Kara song? I'm glad no one is singing an Ellen song. But Didi is great. Another potential Top 24 or better singer.

There were one or two other great ones tonight but I was yakking on the phone and missed the names.

So we are slowly narrowing it down towards our 12 males and 12 females that will make up the Top 24.

Ok so Ellen Degenerate wasn’t horrible, if nothing else they featured her a lot this first night so that meant very little screen time for the Darth Kara.