Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Today's Workouts

In the morning - 7 mile progrssion run (progressively faster) with a 1+ mile cool down. 8.29 miles total. Miles were: 8:32, 8:29, 8:16, 8:06, 7:50, 7:39, 7:37 and 8:22 cool down.

Biked ride at noon in sunny but slightly cool weather - around 50. Cool enough that I needed to wear my Arm Panties to keep the arms from getting to cold.

From the You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up Department

"...Baby you can drive my car..." - Beatles

The latest from the Politburo of the People’s Republic of California

From various news sources in the past week alone.

Mandatory Checking of Tire Pressure

"An issue that briefly brought President Barack Obama ridicule on the campaign trail last year is gaining traction in California, where air regulators are seeking to mandate proper tire inflation as a way to reduce fuel consumption.

The state Air Resources Board on Thursday adopted a resolution requiring auto repair shops to check tire pressure every time drivers bring in their vehicle for maintenance, oil changes and smog tests. The next step is to develop detailed rules to implement the mandate, which will take effect in July 2010.”

Ban on HDTV’s

“California Proposes Ban on Energy-Hogging HDTVs Starting in 2011
"The California Energy Commission is going ahead with a proposal this summer that promises to ban State shops from selling televisions not considered energy efficient.”

Black Cars to be Banned

“If California regulators get their way, auto makers may soon be forced to rewrite a cliché from the Ford Model T era and start telling customers they can have any color they want as long as it isn’t black...The problem stems from a new “cool paints” initiative from the California Air Resources Board. CARB¹ to mandate the phase-in of heat-reflecting paints on vehicle exteriors beginning with the ’12 model year, with all colors meeting a 20% reflectivity requirement by the ’16 model year...The measure is aimed at reducing carbon-dioxide emissions and improving fuel economy by keeping vehicles cooler on sunny days and decreasing the amount of time drivers use their air conditioners."

No word yet if All Sharpton plans a protest

Monday, March 30, 2009

Today's Workouts

6.07 mile run at lunch

Let it Die I Say

"Cause my baby just a-wrote me a letter" The Boxtops

"What was in that letter?" The 77's

Postal chief says post office running out of money

WASHINGTON (AP) - The post office will run out of money this year unless it gets help, Postmaster General John Potter told Congress on Wednesday as he sought permission to cut delivery to five days a week

I’m finding it really hard to care if the USPS goes under or not. I can’t think of anything that I receive from the mailman that I can’t get another way. I don’t get letters anymore for the most part. I get emails, IM’s and text messages. I can get all my bills and pay them online. Coupons from favorite stores, restaurants and other companies can all be delivered via email or on the company’s websites. All the smart companies already do this. Netflix movies can be downloaded straight to your computer. Almost everything I get now is junk mail. Sure once a year I get a birthday card or two from a grandmother or aunt, but they are getting old and the cards would be stopping soon anyways. Of course I’d miss out on the dozens of solicitations for credit cards, dating services, used car companies and the latest restaurant to open. Not that the new polka themed restaurant, Pete’s Polka Palace, doesn’t look enticing. Live polka music and food and drink that only starts with the letter ‘P’. Good times.

Now, as a bad husband, a worse father, a terrible neighbor and an incompetent employee, I obviously know a lot about "disasters". But this one takes the proverbial cake. This ‘business’ has been losing money year after year after year. Billions of dollars each year! Real money people, which you and I and every other tax-paying sap have to make up. Just so some geezer in a trailer park in Oxnard can get their publishers clearing house entry and readers digest in the mail. Drive a stake in it already. Or at the very least end its monopoly on delivering letters. Let the FedEx’s and UPS’ of the world have a crack at delivering non-priority letters. They have been wanting to for years. If there is really a need someone will figure out to do it and make money.

How they expect to make money when they charge the same amount of money to mail a letter from Boston to New York City as they do from Boston to Hawaii is beyond me. Do you see FedEx and UPS doing that? Would a cab driver charge you the same to drive you a few blocks as he would to drive you across town? Do airlines, car rental agencies or moving companies set prices this way? I got to admit that being able to mail a letter across the country for 42 cents is a great deal/steal (assuming it actually gets to the correct address). But now we know why, it’s being subsidized with stolen money. And don’t give me the; it would be too confusing to charge different rates by distance garbage. They could figure out how to do it if they really wanted to.

Not that they will be allowed to go out of business. The Feds are bailing out everyone and their mother so they are going keep this quasi-government agency going. They aren’t going to let one of their own die. No way they are going to give up their monopoly on letter delivery.

So what we have is an inefficient government-supported monopoly that is hemorrhaging money. Sells its product below its cost, does a poor job of what it is supposed to do and is used by fewer and fewer people every year. And to top it off we have to cough up money to keep the non-sense going. The kids of America will just have to grow up playing FedEx instead of Post Office.

Yeah yeah I know lots or people will be put out of ‘work’. And this will be a short term problem. But they can get productive jobs and contribute to building the wealth of the nation. When the post office goes broke UPS and FedEx will be picking up the slack and be needing to hire new employees And yes I do know that postal workers are prone to ‘going postal’ so firing them all could be very dangerous but why can’t we just have Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris and Sarah Connor do it?

To all you mailmen out there I’m kidding (partially). Don’t go leaving my mail at crazy Mrs. Nesbit house down the street. She’ll use it in the litter box for her 42 cats.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Silly Sunday

Should I be worried that this is my kids favorite song?

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Pulled From the Headlines

Male Body Found in Car

"....died of an apparent self-inflicted single gun-shot to the head"

thanks for clarifying that it was a single shot to the head and not the oh so common double-shot suicide

Female Found Dead in Alley

"...body had multiple stab wounds.....police suspect foul play...."

thank you Masters of the Obvious

Friday, March 27, 2009

Pet Peeve Phriday

The person in the express line at the grocery store with a cart full of stuff (diet coke, 42 cans of Friskies cat food for Mr. whiskers, lean cuisine dinners, bags of chips and boxes of ding-dongs etc...). Then she (yeah it’s usually a she, sorry ladies) finally takes out her check book to pay – duh, yeah you have to pay. Then she rummages through her Mary Poppins size purse for a coupon good for 15 cents off this month’s Cosmo Mag (she’s such a rebel) and a pen to write the check out with. Never mind that there is a huge 15 Items or Less and No Checks sign right above her curler clad head. See it has to be a woman, I guy would never carry around a checkbook with him. He might wear curlers but no self respecting man is paying with a check. Plastic or cash baby. That’s how we roll. Not that we are totally immune to ignoring the 15 items or less sign, we are just going to violate it at Home Depot or the Liquor Store

Today's Workouts

6.31 nice and warm miles running.

American Idol '09

Results Night

Where’s the Beef? Will there be any meat on tonight’s show or will it have more filler than cheap sausage?

After last night’s Lost Potential Motown show we need some kind of upper. A musical crystal meth. We were very disappointed with the show last night. From the lackluster performance to Simon and Paula’s stupid behavior with the crayons to Idol dressing a blind guy in a hideous outfit.

We really expected a lot more from last night’s show. Maybe the contestants were hampered by a short list of songs they could choose from or maybe they choose the wrong song for them or maybe there just aren’t that many great singers this year. Whatever the cause we haven’t been this disappointed since The A-Team was cancelled. It wasn’t a total loss though. We enjoyed Kris, Matt, Anoop and Allison plenty enough and we thought that Adam gave one of the best performances Idol has seen in ages.

After last night’s show our initial assessment of the damage was that Scott, Michael and Megan Joy were in bigger trouble than an AIG executive at an inner-city homeless shelter. After a fitful night’s sleep, filled with disturbing nightmare’s of a tutu-clad, mustached Paula chasing us through a Candyland-esq setting, wielding a Crayola crayon in each hand like a dagger, (we are pretty sure one crayon was Burnt Sienna and the other Wild Watermelon - we don’t know what the significance of the colors is but will be sure to ask our therapist at our next appointment) we stand by our predictions and feel that it’s sayonara for one of those three.

Using our stunning analytical ability we have deduced that Michael is going home tonight, Megan Joy next week and Scott the week after that. There we have just saved you from having to watch the results shows for a few more weeks. Really is there any reason to watch them? Baring some dramatic turn of events in next week’s show, those 3 have to be the next ones on the chopping block. We still say that with her quirky voice, Megan could cut a good album in a recording studio.

Of course there is plenty to look forward to tonight; the return of former Idol winner and buffet-buster Ruben Studdard, Smokey Robinson and Joss Stone singing together, the pre-recorded lip-synced group-sing, the Ford Idol sing a long video. The part we most want to see is Stevie Wonder doing a medley of Motown hits – show the kids how to do it Stevie.

Dapper Dan Seacrest is looking very good in his suit. Randy is dressed like a California surfer-dude tonight. Ms. Abdul has on a low-cut silver Return of the Jedi top but we are liking her hair. We never ever thought that any judge (short of Pee Wee Herman) could annoy us more than Paula and her Magic Cup of Happy Medicine but Kara has done the seemingly impossible. Sure she looks great but her shrill and vapid critiques make us want to stick the chopsticks from the mushu pork we had for dinner into our ears.

Medley of Motown hits for the group sing tonight. So since they record it ahead of time and have the kids lip-sync, does that mean that it would be even more painful if it was done live? Ok so maybe pre-recording it is a good idea. At the risk of sounding totally shallow, if they do actually get rid of Megan tonight, the prettiest one left with be Adam.

The Idol Ford video is “Pocketful of Sunshine” which happens to be my 3 year olds favorite song. It is very very short. Weird. Maybe that was all Ford could afford since their cars sell less than Paula’s QVC jewelry line sells genuine imitation cubic zirconia unicorn pendent necklaces.

Ruben Studdard sings a new song from some CD that is coming out this spring. I’m sure the 100’s that buy it will enjoy it. Man those lights must be hot tonight. He’s sweating like the proverbial whore in church.

Ryan tells us he’s going to pull out the bottom 3 from the group. Adam is safe. But in a major (seriously major) surprise Matt is in the bottom 3. Whoa did not see that coming. America you are a bunch of morons. Onward, Kris is safe, Lil is safe but Michael is sent over to the Martini Glass Stools of Shame.

We are back with the lovely Joss Stone singing “You are the one for me” with The Smokester. Pay attention Megan, this is how a quirky famous girl does it. The song and singing is great but there is a major gross factor with a 69 year old man singing a love ballad with a 21 year old girl. Just a tad uncomfortable.

Back to the victims. Allison is safe. Anoop is safe. Danny is safe. So we are down to Scott and Megan. It could go either way just like – oh never mind. The last one sent to the Stools of Shame is Scott!!!! Yes!!!!! Megan is Safe! Megan is Safe! We take it all back, America we love you.

Ok The Ryan is sending someone back from the Stools of Shame to the Couches of Fame. It’s got to be Matt doesn’t it? But no he sends Scott back. So this makes no sense….unless…Matt is going home?! We are confused. Michael is the obvious of the two to go home. He is horrendous. Is this some kind of reverse psychology thing? I guess it doesn’t matter too much. If Matt in some Bizzaro World way were to get sent home the judges would use their save on him for sure.

And here we have the legend Stevie Wonder doing a medley of his hits. You watching this Smokey? An older man doesn’t have to have his face pinned back so that it’s tighter than a snare drum. Maybe we would all be better off blind or at least without mirrors. Vanity of vanities..Stevie may want to get rid of the balding dreadlock look. Just cut the hair bro. Paula is dancing her little heart out, almost literally dancing it right out of her shirt. They should have just aired a 55 minute Stevie Wonder concert and kicked someone off during the last 5 minutes. Now that would have been a great results show. The only downer is that Scott didn’t join him for a duet of “Ebony and Ivory”, that and the shameless shout out to the Borg Leader (resistance is futile).

Finally we are getting down to it. Michael is going home. Sure he’s going to sing for his life but it ain’t happening Big Mike. Time to head home to the wife and kids and the oil fields. At least you should still have a job since we really need more oil workers. Stupid gas prices are rising again. And if got that very exciting Idol Top 10 Tour to look forward to.

The judges are bantering the idea of keeping him back and forth. Enough already! We all know you aren’t keeping him guys. Just cut him loose already. And finally they end it and he can home.

One of the better results shows they’ve had. Thank you Smokey, Joss and Stevie.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Today's Workouts

12 mile up-tempo run in the rain during lunch.

American Idol '09

Motown night baby. Get your groove on. Get down get funky. This has to be better than country night, doesn’t it?

So who does Motown songs favor?

Favors: Lil, Danny, Matt

Dis-favors: Megan (rats), Michael, Scott, Kris.

Depends on song choice for: Anoop, Allison.

Doesn’t matter for: Adam. He can do pretty much anything he wants for at least a few more weeks. He could do a flaming in-drag version of “My Guy” or a metal hair-band version of “Baby Love” and still get voted through. I find myself looking forward to his performance and what he’s going to come up with more than any of the other singers…even Megan. Shocking I know

Randy is dressed with a 50’s fraternity look, Paula is in a 50’s little girl prom dress, Simon has a 50’s crew-cut that looks like his mother cut it, even Ryan in his suit and tie could be a 50’s banker. I think they got the wrong decade for Motown night. Kara is the only one that looks normal.

The initial chat between Seacrest and the judges is particularly painful, like pulling shark teeth.

We get a video clip of Motown’s history. You paying attention kids at home kids? This is actually pretty darn cool. Motown sure beats the Grand Ole Opry. Smokey Robinson looks like he’s been going to the same face doc as Paula and Randy.

Looks like the Smokster is going to be the celebrity mentor tonight. He had such a sweet voice, wonder if he can still bring it.

Matt Giruad is first up tonight (not sure who he ticked off) and is doing “Let’s Get it On” by the late great Marvin Gaye. He starts out at the piano than hops up and works the crowd at the edge of the stage. He briefly sings let’s get it on in front of the judges table to Paula, which has a large ick factor. It was kinda like Gaye-Light. But it’s hardly fair to compare a skinny white dude to Marvin. Randy seemed to like it. Kara makes a slightly off color joke about getting it on – she is paid for this? Is she taking over Paula's Stalker-Cougar role for the night? Matt might want to start the paperwork for the restraining order. Paula? I swear she speaks in tongues. All I caught was something about old jeans. Simon liked it. My only complaint is that he looks kinda plain, and not in a cool way. Idol has wardrobe people don’t they? Anyway good enough that he will be safe tomorrow night.

Kris Allen is doing “How Sweet it is” by Marvin Gaye. Guess it’s a Gaye night. Mr. Allen is using his guitar tonight. He looks very comfortable. His rendition is serviceable. Nothing spectacular but he’ll be around next week too. I think the problem so far is that they are doing songs that were done so well the first time and the bar has been set so high, that it’s going to be tough to live up to them. Kara loves it and gives an actual music review instead of being naughty – finally. Paula does some more of her Pentecostal revival babbling. I’m just waiting for her to handle snakes. Simon calls it a smart song choice and he made it his own. So far I’ve missed Randy after each performance. Maybe he’s in the can.

White Bread Scott and the baby grand piano are singing “You Can’t Hurry Love” by Diane Ross and the Supremes. I don’t have high expectations for this at all. This has potential major train wreck written all over it. I’ve finally figured it out, he reminds me of Captain from Captain and Tennille. All he needs is the sailor hat. If he makes it through for more than 2 weeks I’ll wear a Captain hat and post a picture. What is the deal with his pink pants? FOX you dressed a blind guy in pink pants, a paisley shirt and brown striped jacket? What’s next a tutu and feather boa? Paula from revival land loves it. Simon rips it. Thank you Simon. I couldn’t stand it either. Glad to see Randy and Simon had the stones to criticize a blind dude. Kara is half and half with it. Paula and Simon get into a tiff and Paula gives Simon a coloring book and crayons. I have no idea why. Maybe they are going to color during the breaks. Well you gotta do something to kill time during the breaks.

Y’all like how I didn’t make any Scott should do a Stevie Wonder impersonation jokes?

We are back with Megan Joy Corkrey. MJ to her friends. MJ is singing “For Once in My Life” by Stevie Wonder. Will she or won’t she do her patented washing machine dance. She looks stunning tonight and her dress, necklace and hair thingy are color coordinated to her tattoos – sweet. She would make a wonderful show girl in Vegas or in a Broadway musical. The judges are going to hate her but I don’t care I’m voting for her with all my phones :P Alas very little dancing by MJ tonight. Very sad. Randy and Kara no likey. Paula doesn’t like it either but agrees with me that she looks stunning. Simon hated it also. I may have to get four phones going. I wonder if I can dial with my toes. Hopefully votefortheworst.com can get her some help tonight.

Anoop is doing “Ohh Baby Baby” by Smokey himself. He’s sitting at the edge of the stage trying to look sexy, ok that ain’t working at all. But what is working are his vocals. I really dislike Anoop but got to admit I liked this performance – drats. Kara says she connected to moments in his chest. It seems she has learned how to speak in tongues from Paula because I have no idea what that means. Simon says the vocals were great but the performance was a bit boring. Randy says good but bring it stronger.

Michael Sarver is singing “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” by the Temptations. This is awful, yucky, bad, smelly, horrible, stinky, poopy...Let’s just say I didn’t like it and hopefully enough others agree so MJ doesn’t get the boot. He dances like a white guy (um, Rob they prefer to be called Caucasians. Really? My bad). Paula doesn’t like it either! Whoa she likes everyone. Calls it Vegas like. If even Paula didn’t like it. MJ might have a chance. Simon calls it below par and says he has no chance of winning. Karandy aren’t digging it either. Yes! I love you Michael, you may have just saved my girl MJ.

Lil Rounds and her new wig are up. She is another one like Anoop who I can’t stand but who will be around for a long time. She is doing “Heat Wave” by Martha and the Vandellas. Smokey says she could sing the phone book. Poor guy has been hanging around Paula too much this week. I’m sure Lil will do a fine job with the song but she is an annoying chick. She’s bringing the song strong and has prom queen Paula up and dancing. Another reason to not like Lil. At least Lil isn’t going through the motions like usual. I’m tired of her relying on her voice to carry her through and just assuming she’s great and doesn’t have to work at it. Randy surprisingly doesn’t like it, interesting. I actually thought it was alright. Kara tells her she looks great BUT that this was her week and she had to nail it and didn’t. Paula of course disagrees and loved it. Simon the only judge that matters doesn’t like the song choice and says it was too fast. Karandy keeps saying she looks hot – enough already. We have established that she looks great, everyone agrees. Let’s move on.

Adam is doing “Tracks of my Tears” by The Smokster. I LOVE this song. Let’s see what Adam does with it. Smokey seems to like him in practice. Adam is singing with just a guitarist. He’s got his hair combed back and his wearing a suit sans nail polish. He kinda looks like Kurt Russell – weird. So this is reigned-in low-key Adam? Just proving he doesn’t have to be all flamboyant? Well it worked. Awesome job. The crowd loves it. So does RanKarula. Kara yells "I have 6 words for you 'One of the best performances of the night'". Her counting is about as good as her judging advice. Someone sign that girl up for remedial math. Simon, who is the only judge that is going to affect the outcome at all, calls it the best of the night.

Danny Gokey the other contestant who annoys the heck out of me is doing “Get Ready” by The Temptations. He actually dances worse than Michael. Silly Caucasians. Sounds and looks like he should be singing at a carnival or on a Carnival Cruise. Sorry, it’s hard to be objective when you don’t like someone. Paula calls it first class. Simon gives it a clumsy and amateurish – you go Simon. Ranara are liking Danny but say it’s not his best performance. No matter he’ll be safe.

Allison gets the plum last spot of the night and is doing “Papa was a Rolling Stone” by The Temptations. Young Allison brings her strong vocals like usual and nails the rocker-chick thing. The black-lace leggings are just ugly. Randy pulls out the ‘dope singing’ comment for the second time tonight. Kara shamelessly tells America to vote for her and Paula loves it. Simon is drawing on Paula’s face. Simon likes it good and says she saved herself after a bad night last week.

Without pondering it much, I figure Scott, Megan and Michael will be in the bottom three tomorrow night. And it pains me to say that Megan may be the one to be given the old heave-ho. Come on Michael I’m counting on you to get the low vote total tonight. Don’t let me down big guy. More on that tomorrow night.

Adios, God Bless and Good Night

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Today's Workouts

5.14 miles in sun and mid-40's at lunch time.

Save the Ta-Tas?!

More like steal the Ta-Tas in this case.

From the The Orange County Register

HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. - A woman wanted for stealing another woman's identity so she could trade in her breast implants for new ones and liposuction has turned herself in to police, the Orange County Register reports.

Yvonne Pampellonne, 30, turned herself in to Huntington Beach Police Tuesday afternoon.

Police say she opened a line of credit in someone else's name in September 2008 and had procedures worth more than $12,000 performed at the Pacific Center For Plastic Surgery.

Those crazy Californians. No word on whether or not Ms. Pampellonne will have to return the implants.

Do Older Men Have Less Intelligent Children?

From the Times of London - New research suggesting that the age of your father influences your IQ - the older he was when you were born, the worse you are likely to fare when tested - is the latest addition to growing evidence that it is not just maternal age that matters when it comes to starting a family. The longer a couple delay, the poorer the outcome for all concerned. ........

...........But less marked genetic mutations are thought to be a problem in older fathers as well, and the implications can be just as serious. Children born to men aged over 35 are more likely to have a cleft lip or palate, congenital heart defects, and to develop some forms of cancer, including leukaemia (a 50 per cent increase) and brain tumours (25 per cent increase).

The first part of this article explains why, as the oldest child in my family and therefore my father was younger at the time (see I can figure somethings out), I'm so much smarter than my younger sister and brother. Of course it doesn't explain why I'm also much better looking, not to mention humbler, then they are. Guess some of us are just more blessed than others :P

Today's Workouts

Actually yesterdays - I'm behind. Got in two runs yesterday. 7.11 miles at noon at a hard pace. 3.63 miles while 2 of the boys had flag football practice.

Numbers are odd amounts because of the gps running watch I use. I think I need to do a review about it on here since I love it almost as much as my running shoes.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Mothers are the real Heroes

This post is for all the stay-at-home homeschool providing, mothers of the world. Not that I don’t love the rest of you too. But SAH teaching mommas are what I know.

I’m always hearing wives refer to their husbands as Heroes. Hero this and Hero that. In particular you hear it when they talk about their husbands going off to work to provide for the families. Well that is a nice sentiment and flattering to hear. But it’s really bunk. Mothers are the real Heroes.

Cooking, cleaning, shopping, bathing kids, changing diapers, changing kids clothes 5 times a day, settling fights, putting on band-aids, putting kids down for napes, nursing, laundry, never going to bathroom alone, sports and activities chauffer, story time, gardening, ironing (does anyone iron anymore?), doctors appointment, running the trashcans to the curb as the trash truck is pulling away (a treat for the trash men I’m sure), picking up the cleaning, dropping the car off at the shop, trying to look nice when hubby comes up, trying to be in them mood, plunging toilets, dressing dolls, fixing broken toys and 100 other things that come up each day.

And in the midst of all that they still have to find time to teach the kids. How do they do all this and not go completely nuts? I really have zero idea. It’s a wonder more husbands aren’t shot by their wives. Especially when we do things like, come home from work and ask why the house is dirty and dinner isn’t on the table and our wives aren’t dressed like super models.

Ladies I’m going to let you in on a little secret. One your husband’s might not want me to spill. With a few notable exceptions; psych-boss, birthday party coordinator at Chuck E Cheese (is there a worst place in the world to go then Chuck E Cheese? Vermont and Wyoming are the only two states that have not been infested by this menace – I may have to more to one of them), job as a chicken plucker, being a podiatrist…..men like going to work. Sure we might not like getting dressed-up (if our job requires it) or the commute if it’s long or the pointless meetings bosses love to have so they can give the appearance they are actually doing something, but otherwise work ain’t all that bad. Most of the places I’ve worked at have had a least a few cool guys there. Ones you could yak about sports or workout with at lunch. I have my own office and people rarely are in it bugging me. I could take a 3 hour nap each afternoon and no one would know.

The quiet of the office is often a welcome change from the craziness of the home. So don’t feel to sorry for us or put us up on a pedestal (well you can if you want and a massage is always nice too). But you gals are the real heroes and the glue that keeps family together.

So guys when you get home to a less than perfect house and less than perfect kids, why don’t you thank your wife anyway or better yet take her out to dinner or finish cooking dinner and let her take a bubble bath or whatever she enjoys.

So this is for all you homeschooling sweeties out there. Keep up the great work.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Byts and Peaces

From the AP - "Despite new estimates that say President Barack Obama's budget would generate unsustainable large deficits averaging almost $1 trillion a year (for the next 10 years), the White House insisted Friday that the flood of red ink won't swamp its costly agenda."

Which part of the above is more disturbing? The $1 trillion a year deficits or that Obamanation thinks it won't affect his agenda.

Smarties banned in schools from the WSJ (paraphrased) - "kids are now "smoking" Smarties candy--pulverizing them into powder and then inhaling and exhaling them as "smoke"--and they are already being described as a "gateway drug": "Jody Puryear, whose son Grant attends [Hewitt-Trussville Middle School in Trussville, Alabama], says smoking Smarties could be a gateway leading "to smoking cigarettes or pot or anything else like that." In fact, the principal of the school has already banned this dangerous substance: "I have made it clear to our students that possession of Smarties (or similar candy) will result in a Class II offense [which usually results in detention]," she wrote to parents."

Smarties compared to Weed?! Are you serious people? Remember the good old days when you could buy candy cigarettes from the Ice Cream Man? The time is way past due to dismantle the public school system.


Is Princess Bride one of the greatest movies or what?

"Anybody want a peanut?"

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."


From CNN - Palin slams The Chosen One for his remarks about the Special Olympics

"This was a degrading remark about our world's most precious and unique people, coming from the most powerful position in the world,"
Palin said

At the risk of offending all you people who drank the Palin Kool Aid, this just sounds like part sour-grapes part publicity-hound. Listen I loath The Loser in Chief. But he made a small mistake and he apologized...Get Over It People. And yes I realize that Palin's son Trig has down's.


Obama the Financial Advisor from The Tonight Show - "Look, first of all, everybody should have complete confidence in the banks. [Their] deposits are protected. They shouldn't be putting it in their mattresses."
This one is easy.......since it's always best to do the opposite of what government officials tell you.......I've got one lumpy mattress


From the Washington Post - Auto Parts supplies to get $5 billion in stolen bailout money.

It's just a matter of time until auto dealers, carwash businesses, pizza delivery dudes, Jiffy Lubes, those taxi cab drives with the beaded seat covers and hula-girls on the dashboard and anyone else even slightly related to the car companies tries to gain some of the ill-gotten auto-industry bailout booty


Police: Naked boy, 14, on walk with dog, pushes woman, breaks phone

A 14-year-old Saginaw boy has been charged with strong-arm robbery and assault in juvenile court after he pushed a woman and broke her cell phone while taking a walk naked with a large white poodle in Hart Township Monday, police say.

Lt. Craig Mast of the Oceana County Sheriff’s Office said a 14-year-old youth walked away from a youth behavioral treatment facility Monday morning, stripped down, and was with a “giant” white poodle when he approached a woman working in her yard

Ok I can understand how a disturbed kid can escape from a treatment faciity, and the naked part makes sense since he's probably a little nuts.....but where did he get a Giant White Poodle from? Giant White Poodles R' Us?


RIP Natasha Richardson

Today's Workouts

Last week in review:

m - 4.2 mile run and 1200y swim
t - 7.38 mile in the am and 3.73 mile run in the pm
w - 5.27 mile run at lunch and 5.02 mile run late at night
t - 10.17 mile run at lunch
f - 4.04 mile run in the morning
s - 3.71 mile run in the afternoon
s - 3.88 mile run in the afternoon

47.4 miles total running plus 1 swim

Lessons Learned

As some of you know Sam went on a retreat from Thursday evening until Sunday night. Here are a few lessons that I learned will watching the kids alone.

• Wii is a great babysitter

• Chocolate cake left out on the counter over night still makes a great breakfast

• Kids can go 72 hours just fine on pizza, nachos and fluff sandwiches

• Diapers don’t need to be changed nearly as much as women think

• Ronald Regan was right, ketchup is a vegetable

• If you haven’t seen your 18 month-old in half an hour – bad things are probably happening

• Our kitchen sink is big enough to hold all the dishes we own

• It’s possible to clean a 5,000 sq foot house in 30 minutes before the mom gets home

• Baths are optional

• Yelling at your 3 year-old for wearing miss-matched socks might indicate that your have consumed too much coffee

• cotton-candy is very very very sticky

• My kids are great and I wouldn't trade any (well almost any) of them

• My wife is a much better mother than I

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Shocking Headline!!!!

"Pro-abortion President Obama to speak at Catholic Notre Dame”

Shocking indeed – Notre Dame University is still Catholic?

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Silly Sunday

A Bit of an Explanation on Yesterday’s PPP Post

This is what happens when I write a post in 2 minutes and don’t expand on it or proof it. I almost, almost, put this disclaimer at the beginning of the post: “you can never know everyone’s circumstances and what they are going through. I’m reminded of a story. There was a man traveling on a train with 3 small children. The children were being loud and running wild and the man didn’t do anything about it. A fellow passenger went to confront him about it. The man told him that he just found out that is wife had died and he didn’t know how to tell the children or what to do”.

Those are in no way the people I’m talking about. I’m talking about the permissive parents who consistently choose to not discipline their children as a way of life. These are the people I can’t stand being around. And who in fact I refuse to be around. Whenever we have a party I have to approve Sam’s guest list. No one is invited who doesn’t choose to keep their kids somewhat under control…I’m not saying their children have to act like Ezzo Robot Kids. So I’m not talking about perfectly behaved children. All kids are different and respond to discipline differently. But the parents at least have to try.

I read that article a few years ago and could relate to it from both sides of the issue. Sam and I owned a Christian bookstore for 10 years. The best thing about running the store was the people you met. And the worst thing about running the bookstore was the people you met. There were people who literally let their kids run wild in my store and destroy inventory. Were these kids who couldn’t behave? No way. I’d get a hold of them alone from their parents and tell them to knock it off and they would listen. They were just never told to chill and not destroy other people’s property or be obnoxious little jerks.

Yes it’s unfair that Large and Homeschooled families are judged more quickly than other families. Unfortunately in my cases it’s deserved. But that’s life. We also stress to our kids that they have to be better behaved in public than other kids because people are just waiting for them to act up so they can say “see I told you those big homeshool families are out of control”. Fair? No but that is the way it is. So we deal with it. So yes I’m sensitive to how my kids and Sam and I are perceived by others. But sadly I see a lot of truth in the Catholic Information article. Does the author go overboard and seem to lack charity and understanding at time? Sure he does. But there are many people who see large families that way.

So we just keep on trucking and do the best we can and if that’s not could enough for some than so be it. They obviously have larger issues to deal with.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Pet Peeve Phriday

People who let their kids scream and run around in stores, church and restaurants. I know kids are going to make noise and act up in public, trust me I know that. It’s the people who act like their kids aren’t doing anything and just ignore it that I want to strangle. At first I want to whack their kids but then I realize it’s really the parents who need a good beating.

The rest of us who or shopping, worshiping or having a rare meal out should not have to listen to your kids screaming or running around like wild animals. Stop the free to be you are me hippie psycho-crap and discipline the kids. If I can take 11 kids to church or out to eat and have them behave then so can you….it all starts at home.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

So it's Come to This

Police allege man sold meth in hollowed-out walking canes
Associated Press 3/3/09

LIVE OAK, Calif. (AP) - Drug agents in Northern California have arrested a retirement village resident on suspicion of selling methamphetamine in hollowed-out walking canes.
Mike Hudson, commander of the Yuba-Sutter Narcotic Enforcement Team, says police suspect 58-year-old Jose Anguiano of filling canes with the drug. Hudson said the man then sold them in Yuba City, about 40 miles north of Sacramento.

Authorities say they found three hollow canes when they searched the man's apartment in nearby Live Oak and 10 packages of meth in his pockets.

Because of the depression (the economic kind not the mental kind or a dip in the terrain), retirees are resorting to selling drugs to make ends meet. Sure it beats handing out smiley face stickers at Walmart or working the check-out desk at the local library. But is this really how we want our senior citizens making a few extra bucks?

What's next? Old woman working at Hooters or as streetwalkers? Old men

Shouldn't they be spending their days doing something more low-key like watching the Price is Right, driving slowly with their blinker on, telling the same story over and over or taking a half-hour to shower in my pool locker room?

Meth dude? Seriuosly? How about selling something a little less intense? Like ecstasy or weed? Those would keep y'all nice and happy

American Idol '09

Here are my Top 11. Not who I like the best but who I think the voters are choosing. My personal favorites are in ().

1. Adam Lampert (1)
2. Matt Giraud (4)
3. Danny Gokey (10)
4. Kris Allen (3)
5. Lil Rounds (8)
6. Anoop Desai (7)
7. Scott MacIntyre (9)
8. Alexis Grace (6)
9. Allison Iraheta (5)
10. Megan Corkery (2)
11. Michael Sarver (11)

I've got Michael being voted off tonight but would not be surprised to see Megan, Allison, Scott or Alexis get the boot. Would the AI judges (Simon really) use their ‘save’ on any of these four? Michael – no way Simon hates him. Allison or Alexis – maybe to keep the pretty blonde girl factor high, but doubtful. Scott – possibly, not cause he’s a great singer but cause the blind-dude story sells. But I would have to say no they won’t use it tonight, at least not on any of these four.

I must admit that Grand Ole Opry night was not the painful train-wreck I thought it would be. Looking back, I think Anoop, Kris and Matt gave good performances and Adam’s over the top Bizarro World rendition of “Ring of Fire” was the highlight of the evening for me.

Here we are all set and ready for a very painful hour. This has to be one of the worst hours on TV yet here I am a few minutes before show time anxiously awaiting the start. I’ve got my PJ’s and fuzzy bunny slippers on, my herbal tea and Necco Wafers sitting next to me and my laptop is fully charged. Bring It On! Actually I’d rather spend an hour watching Oprah or The View than this show. So why do I watch it? I do it for love. Love of you people. So you don’t have to watch this schlock filled dribble. Can you feel the love people? Sure it’s a labor but it’s a labor of love.

Or course I could just watch the last 5 minutes and find out who is being bounced tonight. But miss all the fun? The group sing, the filler interviews, the Ford Idol video, Seacrest bantering with the judges and contestants, the guest singing by Carrie, Randy and Brad – good stuff. There is one plus, there is very little of the judges on these shows. Other than a few comments and some shots of Simon looking like he’d rather be anywhere but here, the judges are scarce on these kick-off the worst shows. But this show isn’t going away, it’s the number 2 most watched show each week – the actual Idol singing show is number 1.

So people are you ready to get our Top 10? The lucky ones who get to go on tour this summer. Hitting county fairs from Boise to Saginaw to Poughkeepsie. You get the feeling that whoever gets voted off tonight is actually the lucky one?

Ryan is still sporting the stylish banker suit, Randy has on a grey silk scarf with the knot turned to the right side which I think means he’s available, Kara has her hair pulled back in a bun like Marian the Librarian, Paula looks good tonight and Simon looks like he has on the same t-shirt he wore last night.

We see a clip of rehearsal footage of all the idol-wannbes wearing surgical masks so they don’t get sick from typhoid-Megan. What it really looks like is a return to Michael Jackson night. The carrier of disease herself has her head wrapped like a woman going out on the town in Yemen

Oh joy oh heavenly joy it’s group song time. I don’t what this song is but it’s not making me like county music any better. Scott stays at the piano while the others dance around the stage, which depending on your disposition is either a good thing or bad thing. Good cause that’s where he looks most comfortable and bad if you are like some who want to see him dance around the stage and possibly fall off...not that I know anyone like that. Honestly this wasn’t the sappiest group sing we’ve had. Ryan the tool threw a water balloon at Simon during the video, missed and it some poor girl in the audience.

We are back with the Ford Videomercial. Water balloon fight between the Idolettes – I’m pretty sure Scott missed with every shot. Thankfully it was a short video.

Now a bit on what happens behind the scenes when people get booted off. This may be the worst filler they have ever done on this show and that is saying something. It’s geared to pull at your heart-strings and if I had a heart it probably would have worked. Then we get a painful to watch chat with Michael saying how much he misses is family. I actually feel bad for him but If I’m right he will be seeing them soon.

Seacrest tells us we are going to whittle it down to the bottom 3.

Danny is told to stand up and he’s safe – duh. Lil is next, she’s wearing all green – didn’t know she was Irish. She is safe and so his Anoop.

Next Allison and Michael are told to stand up. And both of them are sent over to the Bottom Three Star Trek Chairs of Shame. No way Allison should be over there. What’s wrong with you America? You gotta think either Alexis or Megan are going to join them – well or maybe Scott. How’s that for covering the bases?

We are back from the break with the Brad Paisley dude – shockingly he’s wearing a cowboy hat. Yo my country music peeps, who is this guy? Is he a star? Sweet looking guitar.

Scott is first up and he’s safe. Next is Megan and...she’s safe, Yes! Thank you America. Mary, HA!
Matt and Kris are safe – double duh.

We are down to Alexis and Adam. Ryan asks Randy to pick which of the two is going over to the Chairs of Shame. Randy says Allison - oops Randy wrong name dawg.

The three are told to stand up and Ryan tells Allison she is safe and can go back over with the others. After a break we are promised Carrie Underwear.

They play a video of how she got her start on AI and what she has been doing since idol. Quite the country career she has had. Good for her. Carrie and Randy Travis are brought out to sing together. Carrie has a shellacked helmet hair look going. I think she would look better with longer hair. But I’ve never met long hair I didn’t like. Just ask my wife. That was actually a rather pleasant song. Did I just say that about a country song? Pleasant if you overlook the fact that it was an old dude doing a duet with a young lady.

Finally we are getting down to it. And Holey Moley Michael is safe. Stupid Redneck’s across America must of figured out how to text their votes and drink at the same time. Alexis now has to sing for her Idol life. The judges decide not to use their save. Alexis is gracious in defeat. I still can’t believe America thought Michael was better than Alexis. But then again I’m a moron.

Next week it’s Motown

Adios, God Bless and Good Night

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Today's Workouts

5.25 mile run at lunch and 5 mile run before bed. Great weather - had to get out twice.

AIG Pays Out Millions in Bonuses

I'm not sure what is more shocking; the bonuses or that I agree with Obama the Merciful that it is an outrage.

Everyone is appalled, outraged...or apoplectic about it. The Wall Street Journal is reporting the bonuses at $450 million but some members of congress say the actual amount is closer to a billion bucks because the company disguised bonus as other expenses. Congress should know all about that, they've approved enough budgets with $100 ballpoint pens, $700 hammers, and $10,000 toilets. Not that a good toilet isn't worth it's weight in gold.

That is $450 million of yours and mine money. Assuming the Feds ever actually payoff all this debt they are accumulating from foreigners.

Normally I’d say let companies pay out whatever bonuses they want. If they want to give out a billion dollars worth of bonuses, good for them. Go for it. But because the government is run by a bunch of nincompoops who used my money to bailout out these companies, it is no longer a normal situation and hence my outrage (its fun to say hence).

In truth I don't really agree with Obama or any of the other politicians at all. They and the previous administration approved all this bailout nonsense. The bozo's in DC keep giving the bozo's on Wall Street billions of dollars. What did they think they were going to do with all that money? Just pay the electric and phone bills? Hahahaha. Of course they are going to take as much for themselves as they can. We really shouldn't be shocked by this. Pissed yes, surprised no.

American Idol '09

I apologize in advance for all the country music fans who I may insult tonight. It’s not personal. I do not like country music, not at all (well except for Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson). I dislike country music more than I dislike The Donk - seriously. Not that you can ever have too many songs about a tractor or a barn or Ellie Mae or square dancing or a county fair. Or better yet, a song about a guy driving his tractor out of his barn to go pick up Ellie Mae and take her to the square dance at the county fair.

Tonight is Grand Ole Opry (GOO for short) night and Randy Travis is going to be the first guest mentor of the season. You could put Randy Jackson, Randy Moss and Randy Travis in a police line-up and I wouldn’t be able to pick out who Mr. Travis is. Carrie Underwood and some dude named Brad Paisley will be performing on tonight’s show..The performers themselves will be choosing from an extensive collection of songs. Out of the 11 songs selected by the contestants I’m guessing I’ll know 3 of them.

In other Idol news. An insider has leaked who the producers and judges have decided will be the final four contestants. What you really thought it was all decided by you the viewer? The Chosen Ones are Danny Gokey, Lil Rounds, Adam Lambert and Alexis Grace. Not really much of a surprise, except for maybe Alexis – although Kara has been pimping her hard. Anyway just keep an eye on the judges and see if they pump up those 4 and beat up on the others more than the actual performances justify.

100,000 to 1! That’s the odds The Banker Seacrest tells it took for the 11 to get here. Ryan looks like he’s dressed for an interview at AIG – gotta get some of that bonus money Once again we get the big announcer voice introducing the judges and Ryan.

Paula has on a very long dress that is Carmen Miranda-ish without the fruit basket on the head. She probably could have used some of that dress length to cover up the girls. Her shoes are about to fall out. Simon is underdressed even for Simon. Kara is very silver-grey and shinny, her hair is looking really nice tonight. Randy is dressed like a cowboy. 10 gallon hat, fringe shirt, sheriff badge, leather chaps and pointy-toed boots. Looks like a black Roy Rodgers.

We get a bit of a history lesson on the GOO and meet Randy Travis.

Michael Sarver is up first. He is one who I think could benefit from country music. It might keep him around another night. He’s doing a song with lots of words…oh my. What is this, country rap? Ok that may have been good, I have no idea. I did dig the guy blowing harp. RanKara is only so-so impressed. Paula tells us it was a Garth Brooks song. Garth Brooks, Mel Brooks, Brooks Brothers….its all the same to me. Simon and Michael get in a cat fight. Simon gives it a 1.2 on a scale of 10. Ok it wasn’t that bad. That Limey Simon has to know less about country music than I do.

Allison Iraheta is singing a song by someone named Patty Lovelace or Loveless or Lovey. Once again I have zero idea if this is any good. But I really like Allison’s voice. This is going to have to be a vote for you favorite night. Unless someone is obviously horrible I have no opinion. The crowd loves her. Why is Kara so trite? She’s supposed to know the music industry isn’t she? Paula and the girls love her. Randy says it was dope. Can you say that on a family show? I may need some to get me through the rest of this show.

Kris Allen is up next and he’s doing a Darth Brooks song also. Where is his guitar? You’d think he’d have it, after all he used on a Michael Jackson song last week when it wasn’t appropriate, so why not on a country song? Maybe because it’s a very boring ballad? But Kris has good vocals so he should be safe.The Cougar likey. Simon looks pained while she is talking. Simon calls it terrific and lots of other praise is heaped on…interesting. RanKara likes too.

Lil Rounds is up next and doing a Martina McBride or maybe it’s Martina Navratilova or Marina Hingis. I guess we will know if she comes out in a tennis outfit. Lil is wearing a hideous red dress but has some nice gams going and a caboose with it's own zip code. Lil admits she doesn’t really know much country, I’m finally liking Lil a bit. Once again she does her predictable solid vocal performance. Which is the problem I have with Lil. Too polished and robot like with the vocals. Randy is so-so on it and says he is just trying to keep it real. Kara equivocates back and forth, Paula loves her vocals, hair, makeup clothes etc...no mention of Lil’s jewelery. She must not be wearing anything from Paula’s collection. Simon gets sidetracked on what Lil is short for and then says she should have chosen a different song.

After a break we get Vampire Boy. Ok this is what I’ve been waiting for. Well him an Anoop. They seem like the least suited for country. I hope this is fun.

Adam Lambert is dressed over the top as usual. Well not over the top for Adam. He’s doing Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire”. Finally a song of heard of and likes. Randy Travis doesn’t quite know what to make of Adam. Adam is doing it in a Middle East Hindu style. Oh and he’s added some teal streaks to his black hair. It's all about the hair. Country music fans everywhere are throwing their Budweiser bottles at the TV’s in their double-wides. This is totally over the top and self indulgence but love it.. He’s like some Hindu Jim Morrison. Adam knows he’s good and probably figured what the hell I’ll do it however I want, not like he is getting voted off anytime soon. Kara is flummoxed. Paula just rambled for minutes and I have no idea what she said. Simon tells him to stay out of Nashville and calls it indulgent rubbish. Randy (Jackson) loves it. Calls it Nine Inch Nails meets country music. Good enough description for me.

Cool preview for the new Wolverine movie.

Seacrest is down in the teen-girl mosh-pit again. His probation must be over.

Scott McIntyre is singing another song by that Martina McBride chick. Scott and his so-so singing bore the heck out of me. Finally at the end the song picks up but his voice just isn’t great. But he does look real comfortable behind a piano. Paula calls it lovely but his piano is a bit of a crutch. Simon says it was a stupid thing to say. Paula takes offense and calls Scott a brilliant pianist (be careful how you pronounce that Paula). Simon and Paula continue the cat fight. I think they need to be separated. Randy and Kara want him to show them more. More what I’m not sure. Full Monty more? I actually find myself agreeing with most of what the judges say. Must be something I ate.

Before the break Ryan tells us Alexis Grace is up next and that some people say she looks like Dolly Parton. Yeah from the neck up...Dolly Parton without dirigibles.

We are back and yes, Alexis is doing a Dolly song. One I’ve actually heard. She’s wearing a pretty black dress and my 12 year-old comments that she might look like Dolly in the face but not in the body. Randy is giving it the pitch problem card. Kara says she has lost her edge. Yeah Kara we know – you want her naughty. You repeat it every performance. Quite trying to tart the girl up already. Paula likes it. Simon likes it ok. And I really don’t’ care.

Danny Gokey is up next. He’s doing a Carrie Underwear song. FOX has wisely stopped pimping his dead wife. It was getting really freaking annoying. Holy Cow!!!!! I take that right back. He’s singing a song about a wife who dies or almost dies in a car of something. Wait she doesn’t die, Jesus saves her. He’s playing the Jesus card already! I may puke. Also his performance may make me puke too. He cannot leave fast enough for me. Alas he’s one of the chosen ones and will be here for a long time. The judges seem to like it but Paula and her lopsided cleavage is distracting me. Could she only afford a boob job on the left one? I would think she makes a good salary from idol. Plus residuals from her hit song in the 80’s. she did have a hit song didn’t she?

Hey look a Maybelline commercial with Adam.

Ok back from the break and Anoop is up. He’s the other one I’ve been waiting for. He looks as much like a country singer as Paula looks like a nun. He’s doing a Willie Nelson song that I’ve heard of. Sounds a lot better than I thought it would. Paula is all choked up. And she Hearts Anoop. Simon loves it too. Randy plays the Dope comment again. Kara loves it too. Anoop appears to have kept himself around for awhile.

Megan my non-dancing friend is up next. She is one of my favorites but also one I think will leave sooner rather than later. At least in country music you don’t have to dance. You can just stomp your boots like you are trying to squish roaches. She’s doing a Patsy Cline song. I’ve heard the name. So do I get points for that? Megan looks fabulous and has great hair. Remember folks it’s always about the hair. She’s still doing a bit of the twisty dance thing. But not nearly as much this time. Only like a minor epileptic fit. Randy likes it and asks if she’s been ill. Kara and Paula gush about her being so brave for singing with the flu. Simon says she should get the flu every night cause it was good.

Our last contestant is Matt Giruad. And he’s singing a Carrie Underwood song too. Don’t know this one either, sorry. Paula is sniffing Simon’s forearm. Why? We don’t know. Maybe Simon put some pheromones on. Not that you need them with Cougar. Now Paula is standing up dancing and waving. While all this was going on Matt was playing the piano and singing some song. Kara loves it and says "there's nothing small about you, that's for sure". Which causes parents across America to reach for the remote. Paula is too intoxicated to pronounce authenticity. Well to be fair that is a tough word to pronounce, kinda like nuclear. Simon calls it one of the best of the night.

Ok what happened to our guest performers? Carrie and Brad someone or other. What? That’s tomorrow night? Well now you tell me

Well I knew 3 songs tonight...about what I thought.

I’m going with Michael Sarver getting booted tomorrow night. Unless of course all the Rednecks across America are actually sober enough this time of night to dial a phone. Just kidding fellows. Don’t go running your 4x4’s all over my front yard and shooting up my house and leaving your empty Pabst bottles on my porch, leave full ones please.

Adios, God Bless, good night and Hee Yaw

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Whatever Happened to Cotton Gym Shorts?

You know, the kind we were all forced to wear in junior high school gym class. The one taught by the nazi gym teacher wearing the tight coaches shorts, the polo shirt from the college football team he claims he was on 20 years ago, a whistle around his neck, a Redman chewing tobacco hat and carrying a clipboard for some unknown reason.

This was the guy that would snap the waistband of your shorts to make sure you had a jockstrap on. He would also stand by the showers watching everyone go in and out of the showers...only to make sure everyone was showering...right. This guy also doubled as the Health class teacher. Just the person you want teaching sex-ed to 12-14 year olds. Yes very fond memories of junior high.

Those cotton gym shorts went great with the knee-high white tube-socks with the 3 stripes on them and the may-pop tennis shoes that your mom bought for you at the 5&10 if your parents had money or the local grocery store if you were poor. Add in a red and yellow reversible t-shirt on top and it was a wonder any of us ever got to play spin the bottle.

But the point of this post (oh it has one Rob?) is that I just got 5 pair of new running shorts from the wonderful UPS guy. I used my portion of our tax refund to buy them. I know what you are thinking. Why isn’t the entire tax refund mine since I’m the only one that works around here? And why didn’t I buy running shoes instead? No way am I answering the first question. As for the second, I bought 2 pair of running shoes last week with the rest of my portion of the cash :p

Workout clothes today are all made out of these new an exotic materials – coolmax this and gortex that. I ordered 5 different (well they are all black) models of shorts so I could see how the various shorts felt. Here is a list of them and the description from the tags.

Adidas Clima365adidas has developed a family of innovative technologies that address athlete’s needs. Clima365 comprising Climalite. ClimaCool, ClimaWarm and ClimaProof provides optimal solution for improved performance and greater comfort; 365 days of the year!

Nike Fundamental short 4 inchThis garment features Dri-Fit fabric that wicks perspiration to keep you dry and comfortable.

Nike Fundamental short 5 inch (yeah 1 inch is the only difference between this one and the one above – well that and $5. Seems like a lot for an inch) – This garment features Dri-Fit fabric that wicks perspiration to keep you dry and comfortable.

Brooks Rev PacerMade with Equilibrium fabric. Brooks’ fabric technologies counteract the ill effects of excessive moisture. Equilibrium apparel moves moisture away from your skin and balances body temperature so you’ll run happy.

And my personal favorite.

New Balance NBx shortsEverything we know about running raised to the x power. Made with Cocona fabric. Cocona fabric uses a natural technology derived from coconut shells to keep you comfortable in any environment.

Well then all I need is a coconut sports bra to go with it and I’m set.

Do any of these descriptions really mean anything or tell us anything about the shorts? I looked at the care tag inside the shorts and they all have the fabric listed as 100% polyester. So what's the difference between these high tech shorts and my Uncle Leo's polyester leisure suit from the 70's? It all seems like some kinda big scam. Like social security, fat-free mayonnaise or the hair club for men.

This will give me a dozen pair of ‘good’ running shorts so I won’t have to wash my running clothes for over a week – our bathroom smells like the locker room at a professional wrestling match. I’m sure all these shorts will be very comfortable and great to run in. But at around $25 a pop, I’m guessing they won’t be all that much better than the $4 running shorts I got from Target.

Sure over a 20 mile run there might be some differences. Maybe a little less moisture and chaffing. And yeah these shorts look a little bit nicer and a few of the pairs have little pockets built in. But the $4 dollar Target shorts have held up well and gotten the job done over the last 5 years I’ve had them. They have been used a lot over the past 5 years and still look new. The same thing applies to the $7 running shirts I bought at Target.

I’m such a metrosexual running clothes geek

Happy St. Patrick's Day

For my mick wife and partially mick kids.

Paddywas driving down the street in a sweat because he had an importantmeeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven hesaid, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will goto Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me IrishWhiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'


Walkinginto the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one- just had another fight with the little woman.'

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands andknees.'

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

Monday, March 16, 2009

Today's Workouts

4.25 mile muddy trail run and then 1,200 yard swim.

It Figures, He's from Utah

Once again the government is going into Nanny mode to try and tell you how to live. Actually they never leave this mode. This is nuts even for a politician.

Let's tax caffeine, legislator argues

Have a Coke and a tax.

That's what Rep. Craig Frank wants his colleagues in the Legislature to consider.

Frank, R-American Fork, has asked lawmakers over the next year to study the potential for taxing caffeine, a response to proposals this session to hike the tax on cigarettes - all of which failed.

"We're going after people who have problems with addiction for a revenue stream, only caffeine would be one that is more broad-based," said Frank, who calls himself a "social caffeine drinker."

Anyone here old enough to remember when Republicans used to hate taxes and stay out of people's personal business?

Well I was only going to stockpile guns, gold and medical supplies to ride out the this next Great Depression. I guess I'll had coffee to the list.

And yes dear, I know that I currently have enough coffee in the pantry to serve the entire US Navy for an extended period of time. That's not the point.

The More Things Change, The More They...

Feds spending millions on Kennedy legacy in Mass.

from the AP

BOSTON – More than one out of every five dollars of the $126 million Massachusetts is receiving in earmarks from a $410 billion federal spending package is going to help preserve the legacy of the Kennedys.

The bill includes $5.8 million for the planning and design of a building to house a new Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the Senate. The funding may also help support an endowment for the institute.

The bill also includes $22 million to expand facilities at the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library & Museum and $5 million more for a new gateway to the Boston Harbor Islands on the Rose Kennedy Greenway, a park system in downtown Boston named after Kennedy's mother and built on land opened up by the Big Dig highway project.

Looking on the bright side, Massachusetts is even more screwed up than Maryland. As a life-long inmate, I mean resident, of the People's Republic of Maryland, this makes me feel a little bit better about my state. We don't seem to idol-worship politicians the way those Yankees in Tax-achusetts do.

I wonder if they will take $50 out of the $33 million Kennedy Legacy Slush-Fund and put up a plaque at the Chappaquiddick Bridge, the site of Ted Kennedy's "greatest personal legacy". For you young people, that's where he killed Mary Jo Kopechne.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Tree-Huggers Want Me To Have A Sore Butt

I'm holding them personally responsible for any rashes, cuts, abrasions, constipation or Klingon's

Soft toilet paper targeted
Environmental groups push recycled fibers
Leslie Kaufman / New York Times
Americans like their toilet tissue soft: exotic confections that are silken, thick and hot-air-fluffed.

The national obsession with soft paper has driven the growth of brands like Cottonelle Ultra, Quilted Northern Ultra and Charmin Ultra -- which in 2008 alone increased its sales by 40 percent in some markets, according to Information Resources Inc., a marketing research firm.

But fluffiness comes at a price: millions of trees harvested in North America and in Latin American countries, including some percentage of trees from rare old-growth forests in Canada. Although toilet tissue can be made at similar cost from recycled material, it is the fiber taken from standing trees that help give it that plush feel, and most large manufacturers rely on them.

What a horrifying story! Trees used for Toilet Paper! What will they think of next? Using trees for building homes or writing paper or fireplaces? That's much more disturbing than other news stories this week; like the pastor who was shot on the pulpit in IL or the 7th grader murdered in OH while jogging, or the dozen gunned down in Alabama and Germany or all the layoffs across the country.

Thanks for setting me straight folks. I'd much rather use toilet paper made from recycled chicken mcnugget containers, empty tampon boxes and the Washington Post then something soft and fluffy from real trees. On second thought that might be the only good use for The Post.

Listen I don't mine reusing things and recycling things, BUTT there are just some things that shouldn't be skimped on: parts for airplanes, surgical instruments, running shoes and toilet paper

If you are going to switch to rougher toilet paper, why not go all the way and be a real man

Bring Out Your Dead

Inventor of T-Ball Dies

From the AP


ALBION, Mich. (AP) — Jerry Sacharski crafted his first batting tee from metal piping, some pieces of rubber and part of a garden hose. Half a century later he still was coaching T-ball, a game that introduced baseball to millions of kids from backyards to the White House lawn.

Many in this college town of 9,100 give Sacharski the nod for being the architect of T-ball, though that kind of recognition made the longtime teacher uncomfortable. He figured that somebody, somewhere, had previously put a baseball on a tee

Friday, March 13, 2009

Pet Peeve Phriday

Fat people who ride the elevator with their supersized McDonald's Big Mac and fries...and Diet Coke of course.

Now before y'all jump me for being insensitive (which I usually am) let me explain. I run and/or swim almost every day at lunch time. People at work are always saying to me "I wish I was thin like you" or "I wish I had your metabolism" or "I wish I could workout like you do". Like it comes easy to me. I've been fat before, I can't eat anything I want (close but not quite), and I work hard on my running, swimming and cycling to stay in shape and also because I like it. I explain all this to them and I tell them how they should just start out walking a bit at first and work their way up from there. But I just get the "I could never get in shape like you" type of comments or looks. Well actually you probably could if you wanted too, assuming you have no serious medical issues.

These are the same people who are always complaining about their weight and how skinny I am and how it's not fair. Someone call the whambulance. Well I see them all the time at lunch hour when I finish my run. They are coming back from some fast-food place with a big greasy bag of burgers and fries and Diet Coke (cause they are trying to watch their weight) and as I head up the stairs they head straight for the elevators.

So that's what annoys me, not fat people in general. Just those types.

Keeping Kids Katholic

note - this post has nothing to do with this post of my bride's. It's not like I have to prove that I can be serious. I think I remember being serious during the either the Reagan or Carter administrations...she's just jealous.

Not letting the light of faith go out in our children should be every Catholic parent’s main goal in raising their children. Their faith is more important to them then food (shocking I know), medical care, shelter and clothing (heck going around naked can be fun). We go out of our way to have our kids vaccinated, to feed them properly and provide for them, but do we worry about and do as much about keeping their faith alive? I know that I usually don't. I'm a slacker and a slug most of the time.“For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?” Mark 8:36

Speaking as a dad and husband, it seems that we guys have a tendency to leave this responsibility up to our wives. We consider it ‘women’s work’ and unmanly. Whoa I just read the title I used for this post, unfortunate initials. Where was I? But this is really our responsibility…it falls under that whole head of household thing. If we aren’t going to take charge and lead, we should at least be supportive of our wives when they do it.

I’ve been sorely lacking in this department. What brought this to mind was a young college girl who spoke at our church this past Sunday. She belongs to a nationwide college campus group called FOCUS (The Fellowship of Catholic University Students). This group helps to promote the faith on college campuses across the country.

Part of her talk was to share some stats regarding Catholics kids and their faith:
250,000 catholic kids start college each year. By the end of their freshmen year, 50% have stopped attending church and by graduation the number is 70%. This doesn’t even include kids who stopped going back in high school.

So would you rather spend the time and effort to help mold them into fine young Catholic men and women? Or neglect your spiritual headship and take the chance that they will grow up to have multiple tattoos and piercings in places you haven’t even heard of and live in your basement for years playing Guitar Hero and Resident Evil and smoking weed? Or maybe they well wind up going around Saturday mornings two-by-two trying to sell The Watchtower to unsuspecting homeowners just trying to keep their grass neat and garden gnomes clean. It’s really hard to say which outcome is worse. Those JW’s can be damn persistent. They are harder to get rid of then herpes. I’ve tried the garden hose, answering the door with a automatic weapon in my hand and shouting in Arabic, no trespassing signs, pit bulls, answering the door naked, drawn a chalk outline of a body on my front porch and even sicked all my kids on them. All to no avail. I really thought that last one would work. Any suggestions would be welcome.

What better time than Lent to work on this (teaching our kids the faith not running off the jw's). Here are some ideas and resources to help us dads out.

Grace at meals
Bed time prayers
Prayers for the dead
Celebrating Feast days and Holy Days – everyone is always looking for an excuse for a party
Nightly rosary or partial rosary
Monthly confession
Hitting daily mass once and awhile
Visiting nearby shrines, basilicas, cathedrals etc…
Reading from the Bible or Lives of the Saints books

Keeping Your Kids Catholic by Beret Ghezzi

Do I Have to Go? - 101 Questions About the Mass, the Eucharist, and Your Spiritual Life

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters - 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know

Boys Should Be Boys - 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons

Building Better Families - A Practical Guide to Raising Amazing Children

Gun Digest 2009: The World's Greatest Gun Book Just seeing if anyone is paying attention

Successful Fathers - The Subtle But Powerful Ways Fathers Mold Their Children's Characters

Parenting With Grace - Catholic Parent's Guide to Raising (almost) Perfect Kids

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Today's Workouts

4 mile run at lunch time. Tested out some new New Balance running shorts. Not bad. Legs still sore from the race but getting better.

Stimulus or Pork Package

Here are some of the goodies in the $787 billion "Stimulus" package and $400 billion supplemental spending bill that accompanied it

  • $726 million for an after school snack program

  • $20 billion in additional money for the Food Stamp program

  • $8.2 billion to bring broadband and wireless to unserved areas

  • $650 million for more of those coupons for people to buy a $40 converter box for their analog TVs

  • $190,000 earmarked for digitizing and editing the entire Buffalo Bill Cody collection.

  • $52.4 billion for carbon capture and sequestration demonstration projects

  • $2 million for the promotion of astronomy in Hawaii

  • $1.7 million for pig odour research in Iowa

  • $6.6 million for termite research in New Orleans

  • $1.7 million for a honey bee factory in Texas

  • $207,000 for a tattoo removal program in Los Angeles

  • $143,000 for an online encyclopedia in Nevada

  • $951,000 for a "sustainable Las Vegas"

  • $238,000 for the Polynesian Boating Society in Honolulu.

There are 9,000 such earmarks in - so much for change

American Idol '09

It's live results night.

So what is this twist that S&S referred to at the end of last night’s show? I’d have to guess that one of the two who are being sent home tonight will be the judge’s selection. Or maybe the judges will give themselves veto power over the voting and for the rest of the season they can choose to keep the bottom vote getter if they want to. And send the second to last one home.

I’m going with Jorge and Jasmine getting to go home and not have to suffer the Idol Top 10 tour this summer. With Michael, Megan and Anoop also as possibilities.

On tonight’s show Kanye West and Kelly Clarkson will be performing. West will perform his recent hit song 'Heartless', while Clarkson plans to perform 'My Life Would Suck Without You', from her album that's due out tomorrow. Oh joy. Hopefully “Beaches” or “Steel Magnolias” is on Spike TV tonight so I can switch over, if the teen girls in the house will let me. There may be a wrestling match for the remote tonight.

And it’s show time!

“The next hour will change the lives of these 13 people..........” so intones The Seacrest to start us off tonight.

Ryan is in a dark suit with white shirt looking like an undertaker. Randy is dressed somewhat subdued again with a simple shirt and an assortment of beaded jewlrey. Kara is wearing some accordion looking black jacket. Paula is also in black but showing more cleavage than a Hooters Convention with a bunch of her Home Shopping Network jewelry lost down in there. Simon - yawn – is in black.

Ok here is the deal; the judges get one ‘Save’ to use to keep someone who America votes off. Just one and they can’t use it after we get down to the top 5. If they do use it then the next we 2 contestants will be down sized.

We get a video tour of a swanky mansion where they are all staying. It is over the top fancy; bowling alley, gym, and computers automatically hooked up to Sardonic Catholic Dad. They all love it, well except for Scott who they drop of at a Super 8 as a joke.

Our campy group sing tonight is a Jackson 5 medley – as far as group sings go its not horrible. It looks like it should be on the Brady Bunch, but all these group sings do.

Other filler tonight includes a recap from last night. I still think Paula looked like cross between Janet and Michael Jackson and Cornelius from Planet of the Apes.

Seacrest is interviewing the contestants and for some reason is calling them by their last names?! Which leads into our first infomercial. It is a Ford commercial with the Idolettes singing “We Will Rock You”. My guess is we will be subjected to a different Ford Video each week.

Michael is Safe. Allison is Safe. A quick shot of the judges and Paula is flashing the country. Hopefully the youth of America are in bed. What is this show rated anyway. Ryan has Jasmine come down and stand center stage and leaves her there looking like she’s waiting to go to the chair, Ryan tells Matt that he is safe. Kris and Megan are made to stand and Kris is safe. But Megan is brought down to stand with Jasmine. And…not much of a surprise it’s Jasmine who is gone. I am 1 for 1. If they whack Jorge too then I’m perfect – but y’all already knew that. Ryan mentions that Jasmine’s gone unless the judges want to use their save. Obviously they aren’t going to use it on her nor are they going to use it this early. And Randy confirms it. Why get the poor girls hopes up at all? Ryan is an ass. Then he tries to act human again by consoling the crying girl. I guess we are going to have to hear that question when each person gets the boot.

Kayne West (guess the house fell on his brother Kayne East) is singing some song I’ve never heard. Which isn’t surprising since I’ve never heard a Kayne West song in my life. This is painful to listen to where is Neil Young when you need him most? This sounds like something The Donk would listen to...he’s not known for his taste. Well he does have good taste in workout partners and wives. Thankfully we don’t have to have an interview with him. He’d just diss Radiohead again.

Ok we are back to get some more results. Scott is Safe. Alexis is Safe. Danny is Safe. Anoop is sent to center stage. Adam stands up, please, stop wasting our time. Adam is safe. Jorge and Lil are told to rise. Lil is safe. Jorge joins Anoop at center stage. Shot of the judges. Simon looks painfully bored. After the break one of them is heading on home (contestants not judges). Apparently Idol hates people of color tonight. Just another example of The Man putting the little guy down. Also after the break Kelly Clarkson is singing.

We get about 5 minutes of trite talk between Kelly and Ryan. Kelly is singing her new sucky suck song. Doesn’t the American Idol Wardrobe and Makeup Department own a hairbrush? Kelly looks like she has been sleeping on the streets over top of a steam grate for the last few weeks. Her backup band has about 34 guitarists in it. The song is actually called “My Life Would Suck Without You”. My life would suck with this song. I really do not like pop music. Which begs the obvious question, why do I watch it? 5 teenagers. Now that’s not to say that Ms Clarkson doesn’t have good pipes, cause she can sing. Just not my cup of coffee.

This is it. 33 million votes came in last night Ryan tells us and...Anoop is safe. Jorge is singing and Paula, God help us all, is dancing and the girls are in grave danger of falling on the judges table. No woman of 46 should be showing that much skin. It is really embarrassing and also nauseating. Grow up and lay off the hooch girlfriend.

Simon bluntly passes on using the judges one Save on Jorge. And as is often the case (just ask my wife) I’m a genius and predicted tonight’s 2 victims correctly.

Adios, God Bless and Good Night

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

LOL Funny

Well assuming you love March Madness like I do. This video is from The Onion. It's safe for all ages. That's not true of some of their other content or their advertisers, you've been warned.

NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams

Today's Workouts

A very painful 3 mile trail run. Legs still very sore from the race but they are improving. I just need to "Suck it up Princess" and push through it.

American Idol '09

Top 13 - Week 1

Ok we are entering the weeks of American Idol that I can actually tolerate and sometimes even like. There are no bad singers at this point in the season, they can all sing. Some better than others. But they all sound a lot better than I do when I’m singing in the shower – although I look a lot better, just ask my wife. Some like Adam, Lil, Allison and Kris have really good voices but it remains to be seen how they connect with and win over the audience, in particular the all important tween and teen estrogen vote.

What theme will we have tonight? Songs from Brady Bunch? Hall and Oates night? Maybe some N.W.A.? Um, Rob they have already announced that they are doing MJ songs this week! Really? Cool, I didn’t know Michael Jordon could sing too, I just thought he could dunk. Not that MJ you moron. The MJ that used to be black and male. Jackson not Jordan. Oh well that’s a horse of a different color - literally. I didn’t think Michael Jackson would allow his songs to be used like that. He must need the money now that he has lost Never Land Ranch. Probably lost his pet llama and monkey too.

Ok so this could be entertaining and enlightening. MJ’s songs are tough to sing cause he did them so well and is so well known. It will be hard to listen to them tonight without comparing them to Michael. It should also be fun since he has a ton of good songs to choose from.

Ok enough babbling from me. Let’s do this thing.

Ryan is sporting a nice suit and tie tonight. This must be important. Suits are only for weddings and funerals. Which come to think of it are pretty much the same thing – either way the guy is a goner.

The judges are introduced by an announcer dude and come strutting in. Simon is wearing one of his 100 black shirts, Paula and Kara have competing tops to try and show who has the biggest chest (Paula has more skin showing so I guess she ‘wins’) and Randy is dressed a bit reserved for him – looking pretty good tonight Mr. Jackson. Paula is wearing more makeup than Vampire Adam. She actually looks like a cross between Janet and Michael Jackson. When she speaks her mouth hardly opens. Too much Botox I guess.

And here are our 13, looking dressed and made up. We learn from Simon that 2 will be given the heave-ho tomorrow.

We get a bit of a MJ Montage, just in case we don’t know who he is.

First up is Lil Rounds of Memphis. A little video recap of her husband, 3 kids and tough life. Which looks tough indeed. She is doing “The Way You Make Me Feel”. Lil can definitely bring the R&B. What remains to be seen is if she can sing any other style or if not, will America get sick of the same old same old from her. Randy loves her, Kara says everyone else should be worried and is going a little over the top with her praise of Lil. Kara could you give something a little more technical than just gushing? We already know that she is the judges pet. Paula says something about her colors and makeup…I really don’t know what she means most of the time.

Time to switch over to Oceans 11 on TNT.

Number two tonight is Scott MacIntyre. He’s singing “Keep the Faith” and is wisely behind the piano tonight. He does much better with a piano. I still think he has one off the weakest voices of the group and would never have made the Top 13 if he wasn’t blind. I’m not saying, I’m just saying. But he does seem like a swell guy. Kara gushes (she is a real gusher tonight, maybe the oil rigger dude can cap her) about his ‘hopeful message’. I think she has been sitting next to Paula for too long. Paula makes a reference to his having his finger-tips on his instrument and the FOX censors have a near heart attack and reach for their bleep buttons. Paula points to the lady who wrote the song sitting in the audience and then Simon says he hates the song, nice one. Simon and Randy are not as enamored and call it a safe choice. Well said gents.

Ok let’s see what Pitt and Clooney are doing.

We are back with Danny Gokey and a video of his family back in WI. I ‘m really starting to hate him. I know, not very objective. He’s doing “PYT”. It starts off painfully boring but he does pick it up and rock it. But he looks like a geeky white-boy trying to dance around the stage like MJ, like a high school talent show. He’s vocals are good though (there I can be nice if I have to). Paula says he’s going to go to the Finals?! Paula is obviously intoxicated. Simon loves the vocals (of course he does, Danny is one of the chosen ones. Paula has already let the cat out of the proverbial bag) but hates the dancing…thank you Simon for that at least. Randy liked the dancing!!! A brother should really know better. Kara, well I missed what Kara said because I was laughing so hard at what Randy said.

Michael Sarver’s video shows him at the oil field and at home. Oh it appears that Michael has had a tough life too, that makes us 4 for 4. Is there anyone in America who can sing and doesn’t have a tough life? He is doing “You are not Alone”. Boring, forgettable and first to be voted off the island is what comes to mind. Simon tells him he’s not the best singer but likes his passion and heart – I didn’t see that coming. Randy calls him one of the best so far. Kara says tonight showed her that he really can sing. Paula refrains from going Cougar on him, maybe because his wife and kid are sitting there in the front row.

After some more Ocean’s 11 we are back with Jasmine Murray, who is 17 now, no longer 16. Ok then. She is all dolled up tonight looking a little too old. She’s from Mississippi and the baby of the family. She’s a sweet and pretty girl. I hope she does well tonight. She’s singing “I’ll be There”. I really like this song but it seems like a safe choice. She does a serviceable job but fails to knock my socks off. Let’s see what the judges have to say, since we know she is one of their favorites already. Randy name drops Mariah Carey and then goes on to say it was pretty good. Kara actually gives some decent music industry advice, what we have been hoping for all along out of her. Paula and Simon also like it ok. Not really overwhelmed but pretty good. So they basically all agree with The Rob.

Julia Roberts looks stunning in her art gallery.

And we are back with Kris Allen who is from Conway Arkansas and has a very cute wife. He and his guitar sing “Remembering the Time”. He’s busted out the acoustic guitar tonight, I would have gone electric. Just for the coolness factor. I really don’t remember Kris at all but he’s pretty good with a somewhat boring song. Kara says the girls love him…down girl, he’s already hitched. Paula asks Simon to keep his hands off of her. What now she’s chaste? Never mind she just went full throttle Cougar on him and that was with his wife in the audience. Simon likes it ok but says it’s not a guitar song. He also says that Kris should have hidden his wife for a few weeks. Too funny Simon!!! Kris’s wife looks confused. That’s ok we’ll explain it to you later.

Allison Iraheta is shown back home in Puerto Rico. She doesn’t seem quite as awkward in this interview. She’s doing “Give Into Me”. Man she has a strong powerful voice! Are we sure she is only 16? Maybe they start smoking and drinking at a young age down in PR cause she’s got that kinda bluesy voice. Way more of a rock voice than a pop voice. Paula also says she doesn’t have a 16 year old voice. Man Paula and I are on the same channel. Simon wants her to lighten up. Randy loves her. Kara calls her a Rocker Girl, not very deep but accurate I’d say.

Bernice Mac is on Ocean’s now. We miss ya bro, RIP.

We are back with Anoop. Anoop is from Chapel Hill. I hate the Tar Heels almost as much as Duke. He is doing “Beat It”. Man I don’t know about this. I really thought Adam would try and pull this song off, maybe he will too. Not too bad and he dances better than Danny. So Indian dudes dance better than white dudes. I like that he changed it around a bit but it’s pretty plain. Simon and Paula fight over who should go first. Paula calls it Karaoke and an untouchable song that no one should do. Maybe they should have told that to Anoop before the show! But she does Heart Anoop. Simon calls it "horrible", “lightweight", "stupid" and "karaoke." Randy and Kara are not down with it either.

Jorge Nunez, like Allison is from Puerto Rico too. Jorge’s family looks as big as mine. He’s doing “Never Can Say Goodbye”. Jorge is looking casually cool in his t-shirt and jacket. His accent is less noticeable when singing. Randy says wrong song choice. Kara is not digging it either. Paula sheds ostrich feathers from her dress. Simon calls it corny and he couldn’t what for it to end. Ouch.

Megan Corkrey, she of the Washing Machine/Hula Girl on the Dashboard dance is up next. I really like Megan, I don’t think she will go far but I dig her. Megan is from Utah and recently divorced with a cute little boy named Ryder. It seems Megan gave birth on the side of the road when her moving van broke down and she named her child after it. She is wearing a bright red dress made of a very little amount of material. She is doing ‘Rockin’ Robin”. Man I think I dance better than this chick. The song is kinda campy but fun. This song fits her. Love her personality. Kara says she likes her but she needs to show more range. Paula tries not to lose her dress top. Simon calls it a stupid song and likes nothing about it. Randy’s not into it either. Oh come on guys, have a little fun. Simon asks the Hell’s Kitchen Chef, who is in the audience, what he thinks. The Chef throws a grapefruit spoon at Simon.

And here is Adam Lambert looking not quite as gothy but still cool. He’s doing “Black and White”. He has a great voice and stage presence, better than anyone else by far. The girls, and some guys, are going nuts. He’s toned himself down a bit and is staying fairly low-key. Oh wait, never mind, scratch that, he is bringing it now. The judges might call him theatrical but I don’t think so. Paula is going way over the top and needs a bucket of cold water thrown on her. She has lost it completely. Simon says he is in a league of his own. Randy calls him ‘current’ and ‘right now’ and says he could make a record now and sell millions. Kara says “You hit notes that I didn't know existed.”

Seacrest is standing in a sea of young girls in the crowd looking like a dwarf pedophile. I was told recently that midget is politically incorrect so I’m testing out dwarf tonight.

Matt Giraud is at the piano doing “Human Nature“. It’s pretty rocking for a guy at a piano but it’s not for me. He can sing though. Randy calls it pitchy (well maybe I was wrong about him being able to ding) but says he has that Justin Timberlake thing going on. Paula babbles too fast for me to understand. Simon calls it solid. And that’s it. They must be running out of time and need to sell a few more ads.

Alexis Grace will be our final contestant of the night. She is from Memphis like Lil. She also has a cute kid. Alexis with be singing “Dirty Diana”. She’s dressed like a sultry cabaret singer. I hope her little girl isn’t watching mommy. It’s a very bluesy-rocking version. Kara calls her a naughty girl and says she likes it. Paula nods. Simon says it was good but not as good as she probably thinks.

Apparently Alexis has a different voting number than everyone else. Hers ends in 36. The others all have 1-800-IDOLS-01 thru IDOLS-12. It seems that the number that ends in 13 is owned by a...how shall we say this? A company that charges men $3.99 a minute to discuss, um, current events with young ladies. Nice job Idol. You might want to have researched that a bit before you made the show a Top 13 instead of a Top 12.

Ryan and Simon promise us a change in the rules tomorrow night, whatever.

Adios, God Bless and Good Night