Thursday, May 7, 2009

American Idol '09

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Results Night

I watched the performances again today (yes I have no life) and have switched Danny to the bottom and moved Kris to 3rd. That attempt at screaming at the end of ‘Dream On’ was horrendous. I think Danny was better in the duet but his solo was a lot worse than Kris’s. Kris wasn’t great but he’s not a rocker and he did his best and held his own.

1. Adam
2. Allison
3. Kris
4. Danny

But I still think Kris will get the boot even though I think he’s better than SMD (Smug Mediocre Danny). Why? I’m not really sure. Maybe because of my past sins I feel that God is going to punish me by keeping Danny around awhile longer. Of course that doesn’t explain why the rest of America has to be punished by SMD. Lord if you see fit to have The Danny given the old heave-ho tonight I promise: to never again go through the 10 items or less line with a 12-pack of Coke Zero, to refrain from ripping tags off of mattresses at department stores, to stop hating cats, to never get into a land war in Asia, to almost always wear clean underwear, to stop imitating Alf and to stop using my wife’s razor when she’s not looking.

The special guest singers tonight are Daughtry and No Doubt. We have also been threatened with Paula singing her new song. Of course there will be the Ford Video and Group Sing A Long to look forward to. Actually with the Rock theme still in play, the group sing might not be as painful to digest as Mrs. Kotter’s tuna casserole.

And this is American Idol!!!!!!

How many suits does Ryan have? Simon broke out his black shirt for the occasion. Paula and the well-aged girls are making their nightly appearance. Randy is in a red sweater and looks a lot like Clifford the Big Red dog – no offense intended to Clifford. Kara is doing the black outfit again and trying to look like a bad mamma jamma.

Ford Video – Cutout idolers in a 2-D land ala A-Ha’s “Take on Me” video – lame.

Group sing – Alice Cooper’s “School’s Out (for Summer)” with Slash on lead guitar. The most funnest group sing this year. Still a bit silly at times but a major improvement over some of them. I’m mean come on, Slash in his Top Hat! What more could someone want?

Ok it’s Paula Time! Y’all ready? Got earplugs at the ready for yourselves and any children and small pets in a 10 mile radius? Holy mother of pearl what has Idol wrought? There is nothing like a 46 year-old lip-syncing woman dressed like a working girl from a Vegas bordello to get the evening going. There is 3 minutes of my life I can never get back. I can’t stand Paula and even I’m embarrassed for her.

And the madness continues with Gwen Stefani and No Doubt singing “Just a Girl”. “Just a Girl” is a tolerable song, and Gwen and the band have loads of energy but is she purposely trying to be act like and idiot? A nice outfit……maybe a hairbrush and Gwen could be fairly attractive. Instead she looks like a bride from the show “My Redneck Wedding”. I mean come on a wife-beater with a neon-green bra underneath? Even The Donk wouldn’t wear that – at least not in public. And the fruitcake drummer with the Mohawk and tutu on could be her groom or his.

Alright time for some results – All four are told to stand up and Ryan reads back the judge’s comments. Ryan says he’s going to send one back to safety and in a somewhat shocker, Kris is the first one sent to safety. Which promptly has me worried about Allison now. We know it’s not Adam so our red-headed Puerto Rican firecracker could be in trouble.

And here is Daughtry – living proof that you don’t’ have to actually win Idol to do alright in the music bizz. So take heart whoever gets let go tonight. Wasn’t Daughtry the 4th place finisher? Daughtry is one of those safe kinda vanilla rock bands. Nothing I’d personally buy but a whole lot less disturbing than Paula’s performance. I mean at least I don’t feel defiled and violated and like I need a shower after watching Daughtry.

Ok its go time. I was doing my Go Home Danny Gokey dance (patent pending) all during the last commercial break. Time to see if it worked. Adam is safe – no kidding.

Down to Danny and Allison..........and........funky monkey dance didn’t work!!!! Danny is safe and Allison’s going home. Proving that mainly dumb people own phones in this country.

Allison is gracious if not a bit sad. Well done young lady!!!! Allison sings for us one more time while Smug Mediocre Danny (SMD) gets to live another week. Ok that does it, I’m using Sam’s razor.

Would any of you actually buy an album by SMD?

Why is SMD more popular than Allison? Help me out with this people. Danny was horrible last night and average most other nights.

Phooey – so much for sticking pins in my Danny Gokey doll. That was a waste of $27.99 plus shipping.

Ok I’ll get over it. Have a great night everyone.

Adios, God Bless and Goodnight


sam said...

stop imitating you promise, because I can totally take care of Danny for you if this is for sure. MY razor? Ha-it is the other way around...have you noticed your cordless hasn't been working lately?

Owens Family Adventures said...

I saw Paula last night and instantly thought of your blog....I knew you were gonna have a field day!
I do not even know what she was thinking!!
sigh...poor poor Paula.

Maryland John said...

Give up Alf imitations? Me thinks the lady doth protest her lunch!

momto5minnies said...

Sorry your girl went home. She'll get some contract with somebody. We've already seen winners who have gone nowhere.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I feel better now- someday I'll actually watch that show, too!