American Idol '09

You can all just kiss off into the airBehind my back I can see them stareTheyll hurt me bad but I wont mindTheyll hurt me bad they do it all the time
Violent Femmes

6 good to very good performances last night, and what do I remember? The pathetic judging. If the judges weren’t arguing amongst themselves they were giving conflicting advice; nicking Kris for doing things they praise Danny for. Do we really need judges bickering amongst themselves and overshadowing the performances?

What is the purpose of the judges? To entertain us? Well partially, but mainly I’d assert they are there to over advice and constructive criticism to the contestants and to help the viewers to better understand what is going on. Instead we have fighting judges, the dueling cougar cleavage twins, Randy’s clichés, Paula’s drunken-like behavior etc....basically 4 adults all acting like attention whores.

Did you see Simon and Paula fighting/feeling each other up after Danny’s first performance instead of making comments about it? They actually did the impossible and made me side with the Smugster – a hard thing to do indeed.

So putting aside the shenanigans of the judges, what did we see last night? Well we saw Danny being Danny. Danny takes a song and basically sings the song as is. He does an ok job and has a decent voice. But his performances are uninspired and unoriginal. He’d do a great job as a wedding or bar mitzvah singer (he does a mean Dradle song rendition) – but a pop star? I don’t think so.

Adam was not great for Adam. Part of it seemed like the sound equipment was messed up and part seemed like he was just going through the motions and coasting into the finals. Maybe he’s too busy working on something for next week and mailed it in this week. Beats me but he was average. I still think he has the best voice (when he controls it) and is the most entertaining of the three but would i buy an album of 12 songs of Adam going crazy with his vocals – i don’t think so. Now if he was fronting a good rock band and controlled himself at times, then yea I’d buy that.

I thought Kris was far and away the best tonight. And i thought his performance of Heartless was the best of anyone all season and that includes Tatiana, Megan and Norman. If Kris did an album like that I’d download and maybe even pay for it – kidding! I’d never pirate music as far as the Feds know.

So having said all that, that I think Kris was the best last night – I really think Kris is getting the boot tonight. Why? Cause the judges and producers for some unfathomable reason want a Danny vs. Adam finale. Personal hatreds aside, i really think Kris and Adam should go on and Danny should go home.

So who will it be? Adam, Danny or Kris? Unfortunately we will have to sit through 55 minutes of fluff and filler to find out. And it promises to be extra fluffy tonight. Besides the group sing and Ford video we are going to have to watch lots of video of the top 3 going home for their visits. On top of that Katy Perry and Jordin Sparks are performing tonight. It could be worse folks – Paula Abdul could give another performance.

Anyway enough of me, its time to get started.

Ben Stiller and gang plugging their new Night in the Museum movie and opening Idol for us – those zany guys!

Here’s our Boy Ryan and 3 of the 4 judges. Paula is nowhere to be seen, Ryan introduces the judges and Paula slips into her seat late, just like me in High School beating the bell to class. Speaking of High School, Paula is wearing another one of her prom dresses.

Kevin Bacon is in the house.

Another cartoon cutout Ford video set to “Break My Stride”. Ford must have been taken over by the Feds today. Because no private sector worker would ever make a video that lame.

Alicia Keyes is on stage promoting Idol Saves. She’s asking for donations. She’s reading off of cue cards in a total monotone voice, an actress she ain’t. We are treated (no sarcasm) by having some little African boy sing and dance for us. Sadly for the show, he is better than the Top 3 were last night. Even with the lip singing. It must be bring a poor kid to this country and torture him by putting him on Idol week. And then some more of Alicia proving that yes indeed she can read.

Danny is brought out and we get to hear about his trip back home to Milwaukee. Oh good the Idol cameras captured it all for us. Gee I hope they put it out on DVD for my collection. Sorry I had to run outback and up-chuck, what did I miss? Two!? Only two references to his dead wife. Well I guess that’s showing self control for FOX and Gokey Boy. Danny is sent over to the couch to cool his heels for awhile.

Next Kris is brought out and we see video of his trip to Arkansas. To show that I am and equal opportunity critic, it’s just as painful to watch as Danny’s video was. Kris did get free cheese dip for life from a local eatery – so he’s got that going for him, which is nice. His seeing his dad was kinda touching. He is sent to sit next to Danny, he looks like he’d rather sit next to Paula than Danny. These two really don’t like each other.

After I commercial break in which I watched the final minutes of the Caps getting demolished by the Penguins. Jordin Sparks and a lot of fog are performing a new song (I guess of hers). I know nothing about her. And after this performance I don’t want to. Another ‘Flavor of the Week” song that will be off the radio in a few minutes. I will give her this; she has a nice voice and looks fabulous. My teen daughters inform me that Ms Sparks won Idol a few years back. Before my time.

The promos for the new show “Glee” have be humming that damn “Don’t Stop Believing” song – curse you FOX.

And here is Adam and his visit home to San Diego. It’s annoying like the others but slightly more entertaining because of his over-the-topness (is that a word?). Adam applies eye-liner to the FOX San Diego weather girl. Ok then. Later on some crazy chick comes running up to him while pulling off her top. Like I said, slightly more entertaining than the other videos (no I didn’t look honey). Adam too is sent over to the couch to sit. And once again Ryan calls them the Three Amigos, yeah right.

Megan and Alexis are in the house!!!!!!

Katy Perry is singing her new song “Waking in Vegas”. She’s wearing a white and sparkly aerobic slut outfit with a cape attached that says Adam Lambert on the back. She looks like Elvis in drag. Her big bug-eyes are really starting to freak me out. She is one ugly broad, at least tonight. That is a totally un-flattering outfit. Oh and the song was an abomination too. They really need to do something about who they have to perform.

Finally some stinking results...........and Kris is safe!!!!! Way Cool!!!!! And in not too much of a shocker Adam is also safe.

Since Danny is being gracious in defeat, I’ll be gracious in victory. Great run Danny. You made it a lot further than I thought you would. Good luck and God Bless. Dany sings us out and does a nice job of it.

Just one more week and we are through with the show and you are rid of me.