Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Vote, Hire, Rent Me Cause I'm a Christian

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world;
Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in his sight;
Jesus loves the little children of the world.

Sunday School Teachers Everywhere

Does it matter? Should we care? I don’t care. But maybe I should, I don’t know. Help a brother figure it out.

A fellow blogger brings up a good discussion point. Should we care if someone, be it an American Idol contestant, a plumber we hire, a piano teacher etc.....is a Christian?

This was originally in regards to Danny Gokey, Idolette wannabe and alleged Christian. Alleged because how the heck do I know? The man is smug, arrogant, fakes humility, pimps his dead-wife for advancement and is facing a cruelty to kittens charge back home in Milwaukee – ok I made the last one up. So maybe he is a Christian of sorts. Maybe he is the World’s Best Christian. I have no idea.

Lord knows I know a lot about being a bad Christian, having personally been a bad Catholic for 44 years now, so I should fit right in with the old Gokester. I mean you don’t spend as much time as I do in the Catholic Penalty Box one Saturday afternoon a month and call yourself a good Catholic. Heck I haven’t qualified for the express confessional since I was a wee little lad. For my non-Catholic readers, there are at least 2 confessionals in a Catholic church and one of them has a sign that says “10 Sins or Less” kinda like in a grocery store. This one is for people with just a few minor sins; things like: lusting after your neighbors second new BMW in as many years, or the fact that while his kids are inside practicing the violin or playing chess, yours are eating their boogers and playing happy birthday on their armpits. Or when you secretly laugh at the fat person in front of you in line at McDonald's when they order: 2 Big Macs, extra large fries, an apple pie and a Diet Coke. Yea I know, I’m going to be in purgatory for a very very very long time.

So let’s assume he is Christian for the sake of argument. And a good one at that (I’m feeling generous today). Because unlike John Vianney and Padre Pio I can’t read souls, but I’m pretty sure my wife can read mine – which scares the hell out of me, literally. Should this matter in our voting or rooting for him? Should it matter in other things of everyday life? Like hiring a new employee, finding the right plumber or a good leg waxes.

I owned a Christian Bookstore for 10 years and got to meet and know 100’s and 100’s of Christian’s. Some were great people who are still friends of mine today. Others were annoying jerks. Always trying to “Out-Jesus” you. “Our church has 3 hour Sunday services with 2 hours of preaching plus we go another 2 hours on our Wednesday Night Spirit-Filled Prayer Meeting and Bake Sale Revival Night”! Well bully for you! We have an 8 o’clock Sunday morning Mass that is music free and lasts 40 minutes PLUS we have Friday night Bingo with dollar beers from 7-9! Sitting in church doesn’t automatically make you a Christian any more than sitting in the garage makes you a car. My non-Christian friends are very similar. Some are great people to be around and some are total tools. So unless you are talking about the things of eternity, what does it matter?

Let’s say you have a Catholic, a Baptist, and a Heathen’ plumber all vying for a toilet replacement job at your home. More than likely the Catholic and the Heathen will both just give you and an estimate and some references if asked. The Baptist on seeing your 13 Christian Fish plastered on the back of you van will start talking to you about being a Christian and why you should hire him because he’s “a brother in the faith”. So should I hire him because of that? Should it factor in my choice at all? I guess all things being equal; same skill level and price, I’d hire the Catholic first (at least my church would get some of the money back in the collection basket), the ‘Heathen’ second.

I’d hire the Baptist last of all. I mean come on people. I’m going to trust someone who doesn’t drink or dance with fixing my porcelain throne? Please. (Yo Rob, you don’t dance or sing either). Well now that is true, but during my borderline professional drinking career I danced plenty. Of course my dancing was a cross between Danny’s White Bread dancing and Meghan’s Spin-Cycle Washing Machine style. Plus they would be elbow deep in slime working on your pipes and trying to ‘save’ you at the same time – kinda freaks me out and gives me the creeps. Note: I’m not really picking on Baptist, they were just the first that came to mind.


People also bring up the ‘more wholesome’ argument. As in “Joe Bible Song singer is a Christian and therefore more moral and therefore deserving of support”. There are 2 big problems with this train of thought. 1) 99% of Christian Singers are lame imitations of their secular counterparts. I mean apart from The 77’s, Jars of Clay, DC Talk and Rich Mullins – who is any good? Make that later Rich Mullins music. His early stuff was pretty sappy. That Mighty Dog song was catchy but incredibly trite. (um, Rob that would be “Awesome God” not “Mighty Dog” you dyslexic buffoon). The 2nd issue is what more moral Christian singers? Oh you mean I should buy Sandi Patti CD’s. Oh wait she had an affair with her manager and divorced her husband. Ok then maybe Michael English. Never mind, almost forgot that he had an affair and knocked-up some woman. Well then how about superstar Amy Grant. Opps – had an affair with Vince Gill and then divorced her husband to marry Mr. Gill. Well we always have BeBe Winans, member of that Uber Wholesome Gospel family, The Winans. Well wholesome other than his arrest last month for beating his ex-wife that is.

Ok, you get my point? Things aren’t always as they seem. I’m sure most ‘Christian’ recording artists are ok people, but you just never know.

Anyway people what are your opinions on this? Should I be voting for Smuggy McSmuggerson to win American Idol because he claims the cross of Christ as his standard? Should I be hiring Patty McPraysaLot to clean my house because she can shout hallelujah louder than the next gal?

Should someone’s Christianity be an overriding factor, a tie-breaking factor or no factor at all?

If I applied this practice to music or the movies, I’d never own a CD or DVD. It’s all so confusing. What’s a sardonic guy to do?

(oh – and no matter what you say, I ain’t voting for Mr. McSmuggerson tonight)

13 comments:

Maurisa said...

Being a Christian may not be the reason I hire someone, but it is certainly a deciding factor in who I ask to pray for me or any other intentions :-)

wife!!! said...

Cool down big guy and go for another run!!! I will be voting for Danny, so HA!!! I will pray for you and your sardonic self!!! BTW-I love you!!! +JMJ+

Rob said...

Mau - you can pray or is that prey for me anytime.

Wife - so i have you permission to go run again today, cool! my evil plan worked. if you will excuse me i need to go find a christian running shoes salesman

The Krazy Girl said...

I live in an area that is like Ireland. The Catholics here hate the public schools and business' that aren't owned by Catholics. I actually feel really sorry for the Protestants in town. They try so hard and the Catholics slap them in the face at every opportunity. Its so bad that I almost didn't convert. I was planning to go back to the Methodist church. My dh won't go to the church b/c they hate us. My dh is the manager of the "Protestant grocery store" Its ridiculous....

Jo Flemings said...

Ok, in my limited exposure this is you at your blogging sardonic best!

I want to call you on a point here, though.

I think it is thought provoking to consider whether or not I would prefer a professing Christian for work over an " other". I would say in as far as it gives us a sector of perceived common ground, I might.
(For the record I would not advise you to hire me with any expectation of money going back into the offering plate at church although it should-in my case its not a given.)
My point: even professing, committed serious and devout Christians fail, even heroic Christians fail, some of them miserably- to meet the standard Christ has set for us and what we have agreed to try to live by in calling ourselves by His name. So while being Christian should not give us a leg up in the reputation admiration hiring voting world perhaps falling short should not disqualify us either.
The question we have to ask ourselves at this point in the exchange then is what difference does it make if I am a Christian then?

Jo Flemings said...

Ok, in my limited exposure this is you at your blogging sardonic best!

I want to call you on a point here, though.

I think it is thought provoking to consider whether or not I would prefer a professing Christian for work over an " other". I would say in as far as it gives us a sector of perceived common ground, I might.
(For the record I would not advise you to hire me with any expectation of money going back into the offering plate at church although it should-in my case its not a given.)
My point: even professing, committed serious and devout Christians fail, even heroic Christians fail, some of them miserably- to meet the standard Christ has set for us and what we have agreed to try to live by in calling ourselves by His name. So while being Christian should not give us a leg up in the reputation admiration hiring voting world perhaps falling short should not disqualify us either.
The question we have to ask ourselves at this point in the exchange then is what difference does it make if I am a Christian then?

thefrenchchick said...

I hire whoever will do the best job because I don't need my toilet proselytized. And Krazy Mom, I'm Catholic and I'd personally sell my house and move away from that town because "they" are not.

Rob said...

Krazy Girl, I'm with FrenchChick - move. actaully move to my town. 4 large catholic church's and dozens of protestant churches and i'm the only one that doesn't like anyone - we are just one big happy family here.

Jo - Most assuredly being a failed Christian shouldn’t disqualify someone. Heck I’d have been unemployed for the past 30 years if that was the case.

Anonymous said...

It seems to me that if you can have non-chritian friends (whom I suspect you actually like, trust, and maybe even admire), you can certainly hire a non-christian to unplug your drain.

I suspect that there are millions (billions) of people on this earth who are smart, honest and moral, who happen to not be christian

Tonya said...

In theory, shouldn't those who profess faith in Christ have better ethics? I suppose if I knew a fellow Christian (with good ethics) I would utilize their services over someone else. I actually think that, if Danny Gokey is a Christian, voting for him is doing him a disservice. Seems like anyone who is in the entertainment world and claims to be a Christian does a pretty poor job of it. Not that the rest of us do a great job, but at least our failures aren't broadcast on the news every night!

Pamela McCurry Robbins said...

Okay Rob....about the baptist thing....I used to BE one, but I'll forgive you.....only because I still laugh when I think about my husband and his brand new Christian rock band, the first time they appeared in our church in Atlanta..One guy looked like Charlie Manson....complete with tattoos and .....oh wait...he was wearing spandex pants...don't think Charlie wore those..and then there was the LOUD SCREAMING electric guitar...OMG...I was waiting for the guys to be run out of town, but they ended up with a bunch of "blue haired groupies!!"..Go figure! Oh...BTW...the guy in spandex was the catholic of the group!!!! Oh, and BTW...I LIKE Danny!

Rob said...

Pam - LOL gotta love the spandex. I have plenty of Baptist friends, just picking on them for fun ;)

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