Thursday, January 15, 2009

American Idol Night - '09

Night two of the auditions.

These auditions are from Kansas City, home of last year’s winner David Cook.

Is it just me or has Randy had work done? Botox maybe?

Jason ‘420’ Castro is here with his brother who is trying out.

Chelsea is up first and she’s not good, Simon and Randy break out the cat falling of the Empire State Building comparison. The ladies try to be nice. Apparently I think like Randy and Simon (not something to be proud of – I know), right before they started with the cat stuff I said to the family “She sounds like a cat being tortured’

Ashley ‘I have Cher Bangs’ is up next. She messes up the words but then restarts and nails it.

It appears that Judge Kara’s go to word is going to be ‘Chops’

After a long commercial break….are we sure ther is a recession? You wouldn’t know it from the amount if commercials. I guess AI can still command the major jack for its ad spots

Casey is up, weird outfit combo (pretty dress with cowboy boots) but cute and can sing. The judges agree too

Brian ‘Former opera Singer Wannabe’ Big voice, not a good voice, but a big voice. Kinda Freaked me out. Randy breaks out his first ‘Dawg’ of the night

Another long break to pay for some more Botox shots for Randy and grey t-shirts for Simon

We get to briefly meet David Cook’s parents

Then we are ‘treated’ to a host of bad singers. Fodder for the judges.

Now we have Von ‘I’m not Dorothy’ Schmidt singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow. The judges leave him and us hanging for some more commercials.

Hey want do you know, Ford is still in business. It’s an ad for some vehicle called Flex. Or maybe that’s not the name and what it does? I’m not sure I was in too much shock that Ford still made cars

Hey we are back and the Vonster is going to H-Wood. Kara breaks out her second great Chops of the night. Maybe she’s getting paid per Chop

Now we have a Jason Castro flashback (Jason probably has a lot of flashbacks). And they bring out Jason and his bro Michael who is trying out this year. He’s got some Pink and Black emo-hairdo going. He’s so-so. Kara calls him ‘ballsy’ and sends FOX’s censors scrambling for the beep button. The judges send him through. If I worked at LAX I’d check Jason for weed and Michael for ecstasy

And that’s it for that segment back to our main program of the night, commercials

A yellow and orange suited guy is signing “Do you want a banana?” I will have nightmares of that dude for years to come.

Next we have big tough dude (like the oil rigger from last night). I think I’m going to like him and I do. Randy says no, Kara and Paula say yes………and Simon goes along with the chicks.

Seacrest hasn’t annoyed me once tonight and he has on a brown and green strip shirt that I’m digging….hmm what could that mean?

Jasmine ‘Jazz’ Joseph is doing her Dorothy impersonation too. How many people are going to try and sing Somewhere over the Rainbow tonight? I mean I understand we are in Kansas…but…She gets the heave ho.

More Wizard of Oz references…..

Jessica Paige Furney is doing a Janis Joplin song – that’s a tall order. But the girl has some lungs on her and belts it out pretty well and is heading west

And yes it’s time for more commercials –shocking I know

We are back with some rappin’ sisters. One very small and one very large. Asia, the bigger of the two, goes first and is bad. India, the smaller one, isn’t too bad. The judges send India and whacks Asia.

Jamar ‘Bartender’ Rogers – I sure hopes he mixes drinks better than he sings. But apparently I know zero about music since the judges send him on.

Coming up after another 600 commercials we are promised a moving and dramatic story

Now we are back and it’s Danny Gokey’s story (he’s Jamar’s ‘brother’ – not a real brother since he is white an Jamar is black – but you probably figured that out by yourself). His wife died recently. I assume he’s going to be good or else they wouldn’t have done the heart-breaking story on him, not even FOX would stoop that low would they? And yes, he is good.

Oh no, now we get a handful of truly awful women. More casualties for the judges to make faces at and fun of. The judges seem more restrained this year. A Kinder Gentler AI?

Now we have Anoop, a mildly geeky looking Indian dude, who can sing. The judges are surprised that he can sing and give him the yellow piece of paper.

And back to the painful and ridiculous all singing “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” and then thankfully it’s over and we get to watch commercials instead.

We are back and its ‘gimmick people time’. A whole assortment of the weird and crazy – no way to list them all. Except for one, Andrew, who sends in two ‘cheerleaders’ to warm-up the judges for him. Tall skinny white dude is going to sing “My Girl”. Simon says no to Andrew and the cheerleaders. Randy says yes but then changes his mind. The cheer squad starts bawling. And Andrew is sent away. And there are even more cheerleaders waiting outside with The Seacrest.

Band Director Asa Barnes. He looks like a cool regular dude. Randy gives him two Dawgs. He’s going to sing a MJ song (Michael Jackson not Jordon). Simon questions why he chose that song, Asa says cause he likes the song. The judges all say yes. Asa is greeted outside by very cute little daughter and pretty preggo wife.

Break time people, smoke if you got em.

Here’s a strange looking cat wearing a medal he won for singing way back in grade school. He has some mommy-complex and is doing the idol audition to prove to momma that he can sing. Momma was right.
The song he sings is one he wrote about his mom and then he sings one about his grandma. He might need some therapy.

And now a high-energy ‘crazy’ black dude, Dennis Brigham, he says he had a dream about Simon saying he was the best. It’s a nuts and over-the-top performance. Somehow he talks the 3 minor judges into sending him on, Simon is not fooled.

Hey get this, its commercial time again, I know, I’m shocked too. Most of the ads are for either fast-food places or movie and TV promos. It seems America no longer makes anything but we like to sit around and eat and watch movies and get fat.

Red Dress, Red Streaked Hair girl is first up after the break. She is grating on the ears. The judges cut her short and axe her. She threatens to bring down the wrath of God on the judges.

A pleasant mother of 3, Lil Rounds, is up next, she has a sob story too (real one), tornado trashed her place. She’s doing Stevie Wonder, minus the glasses and blindness, she has a good soulful voice. Kara really likes, Paula Loves her, Simon gives her a fantastic and Randy agrees. Good, she’s a real person.

So at the end of the show the tally is another 27 giving the golden ticket.

I have no time to proofread this, so be nice people. I’m off to bed to get some shuteye before my long run in the am.


Jacque said...

When you were liking Ryan's shirt I thought you were gettin soft...but alas a true Rob review! Haven't watched the show yet, I have it on DVR. I'm thinking I won't watch and just read your reviews :)

Rob said...

jacque - Maybe I'm getting a little bit softer in my old age. I did like his shirt, I'd wear it.

Hey I saw your post about your record setting temps in your part of the world, those are some seriuosly cold temps. I just did a run this morning when it was 25 out with windchill temp of 13 and while I was fine, that was plenty cold for me. You should had a countdown widget until spring on your blog

wombat said...

Cannot believe we are both into AI (What have we become?)!

Don't hate on the Castros... it's not like they developed a "gray day" theory or anything! I actually kinda like the new one... not bad for 20 days practice!

Don't hate on the emo hair either... one might say you were jealous.

If this was 1985, I'd kill your phone! LOL ;-)


P.S. Can we say "AWKWARD" at the Bikini Girl/Seacrest kiss?? I'm just sayin'.....

Rob said...

Yo Master Wombat how you doing bro?
Not hating on the Castros...I kid cause I care....and of course I'm jealous of the remember way back when, when i actually had hair.

One day people are going to be sorry that they ingored the greatness of the "Grey Elf Day" theory.

Take care you old phone killer

Hanna said...

Too bad you believe the stereotypes about Jason Castro that AI and others have tried to push. He isn't a doper, he doesn't smoke weed, his brother isn't a druggie. Someone who follows AI as you do should know better than believe their creative editing. Although my religious beliefs differ from Jason's, this gives some insight into the the person he truly is.