American Idol Night - '09

Finally! The last of the auditions! NYC and PR tonight and then we are off to Hollywood next week. These have been some rough audition shows. At least when we get to Hollywood it will be the better singers and they will have bands backing them up. We are told NYC and PR are the best yet. So why are we cramming 2 cities into 1 hour when Phoenix got 2 hours? Inquiring minds want to know.

First up is NYC. The gang of four arrive via helicopter, not sure how that fits into the whole going green thing that FOX and Idol have been promoting.

First up is Adeola, it appears she has quit her job the day before and wants to be the next AI. Simon suggests she get her job back, Simon the humanitarian offers to call the boss and help her get it back. And they get her boss on the phone and Simon gets her job back……..and I roll my eyes.

Jorge Nunez is up next. I guess we switched to PR. I need to keep up. Jorge sings in Spanish and is pretty good, and then he goes with an English tune. Randy gives him a ‘Dude’ and ‘Dawg’. High praise indeed. And they let him through.

Commercial time, I’m off to channel surf.

We come back from break and we are in NYC…um no we are in PR.

Here is Jessika a ‘professional’ singing contest enterer. She says she has entered over 700 contests and won some. She’s terrible, really. Jessika pleads and whines. She’s getting really annoying. Finally they boot her. And she leads into a montage of other whiners who stink.

Now we hope back up to NYC. We got some bald ‘free to be me’ chick. She hasn’t started singing and I already hate her. I hope she’s bad (does that make me a bad person? I don’t care). Melinda likes to dance naked and wants to bring peace to the world. She says “I want to uplift humanity to a place of love and humanity.” I have absolutely no idea what that means. Simon tells her to imagine Randy naked….a visual I will always hate Simon for giving me. Sad to say the judges like her and she’s going to Hollywood, maybe her flight will be delayed with a long stopover in the Hudson River….one can hope.

After our break we start up back in NYC.

Rocker, guitarist, sporter of a muffin-top…Jackie Thong (excuse me Rob? It’s Tong not Thong, carry on) is singing Jason Marz’s ‘I’m Yours’. Which is a real hard song to sing (I should know, I sing it to the Donk in the gym shower). She’s trying to sing it like Jason does. It’s awful. Simon gets her to sing something else. It’s way better. Nice raspy vocals.

Ok back to PR with a bunch of annoying pleaders. None of which we see much of cause it’s commercial time.

Crazy, weird and gimmicky people time. Joel the human ipod comes out with a huge cardboard cutout of an ipod. He’s a whack job. Now he’s pulled out a Lion King sock puppet and is singing Circle of Life. Ok that was our psycho Puerto Rican……..

………Now it’s time for our screwed up New Yorker, Nick Mitchell. He’s screwed up but kinda funny. He and Simon trade barbs. Crazy Norman (or is it Nick) is now singing Amazing Grace. He needs to be locked up. Paula and Kara say yes and beg Randy to say yes. Randy plays along and lets weirdo-rama through. Now if he can only get through airport security and actually get to Hollywood.

Hmmm so far we’ve had no promos for a SSN. Are we really going to be spared someone with a tragic story? Someone who’s hamster died in a freak vacuum cleaner accident maybe.

And yes of course we are back with more awful people.

We got some girl who brought her little brother with her for luck and to up the cute quotient. Little Christopher gives the judges a seashell. Monique (16) is going to sing You Can’t Hurry Love by The Supremes. I like Monique. She’s sweet and sings halfway decently. Simon and Christopher have her sing another song. Kara and Randy nix her. Paula of course loves everyone and says yes. Simon takes a chance on her and says yes.

One more break and then our final audition segment of this season. Halleluiah!

Ah it’s potty-mouth girl, Alexis Cohen, from Season 7 back for more. This time she’s acting polite and cleaned herself up some. She still stinks. Simon says so and she resorts back to cursing like a Donk listening to Queen. Or is that Donk is a Queen?

Last up is Patrica Lewis Homan. A very soulful pretty young lady. She’s tolerable. Now she’s singing in Espanol. Mucho better. Randy yes, Paula no?!, oh come on people let her go to HW…..and they do.

See ya next week in Hollywood. I’ll be the one wearing the shades