American Idol Night - '09

Today’s auditions come to you from Amelia Island, FL and are brought to you by the letters ‘A’ and ‘L’. As in Awful and Lame.

Simon and his ubiquitous grey t-shirt are rolling in a limo with The Secrest tagging along. Paula and Kara have dueling cleavage going on.

Horrors of horrors a Journey flashback with a young Randy with a Fro.

First up is 22 year-old Josh Ulloa who comes I jumping around like a jack rabbit and proceeds to strike a post and snap his fingers through a Marvin Gaye song. Simon calls it part good, gimmicky and like Inspector Gadget. But Simon lets him through. Is that a sign that the rest of the people aren’t going to be great?

Now we chat with a cute girl, Sharon Wilbur, and here little dog Sasha. Sasha climbs into Simons lap. Sharon sings a Karen Carpenter song. She has a rough and scratchy voice (sounds like she smokes and drinks bourbon straight). I like her voice. Kara and Paula do a pretend make-out session and I take a break to throw-up in my mouth. Yuck.

Well at least we got in two auditions before the AT&T, Coke, movie preview, Pizza Hut, make-up or something like that, H&R Block, TV preview, plus 2 other commercial that I don’t what they were for.

And we are back with RS driving a golf cart and pretending he is lost

And first up is Dana who is sent packing real fast by Simon

Ok and now we have Kawanse (sp?) a very confident 16 yo who can’t really sing but seems sweet.

And now we have some crazy looking chick, Julissa, wearing a beauty crown. Miss Everglades or something like that. She’s doing Whitney; no one ever gets away with singing Whitney. Simon disses here laugh. And for some unknown reason they give her a golden ticket – to Hollywood or the crazy hospital?

Ad time, Electrolux washer and dryer, Olive Garden (gag me with a breadstick), Covergirl, Stride gum, Subway (gag Jerod), Idol promo, Carnival Cruises (there’s a recession dudes – good luck), and something called The Employee Free Choice Act (yeah I have know idea either), Giant grocery store, Chevy, FOX TV promo. I need to time these segments, that was a lot.

First up is a Chatty-Kathy dude named Darin Darnell. Who gets all emotional when his buddy gets cut. He’s doing some Boyz to Men. Or maybe he isn’t, he’s crying again. He finally starts, maybe he’s better when he’s happy, cause he’s not good when sad. Mercifully Simon stops him and lets him done easy, for Simon that is.

Naomi, perky and slightly crazy girl with nice hair (it’s all about the hair) comes in and brings in her friend who loves Randy for some reason. Samantha, whose red hair matches the color of Randy’s shirt, sits on Randy’s lap, Kara is sitting on Simon and Seacrest is sitting on Paula. Finally she starts singing and she’s truly awful.

Quick montage of bad singers and day one is over. Coming up day two – with the ‘good’ talent?

Let’s see what we have for break time; Ford, Movie preview, KFC, Orbit gum (what’s with all the gum commercials), Wal-Mart, Shampoo commercial, Disney DVD movie, Campbell’s soup, AI promo, FOX TV show promo and 5 minutes later we are back.

Cute young girl Jasmine, with her sisters, is up next. She’s 16 and singing Fergie. I hope she’s good cause I like her. And she’s not bad at all. The Gang of Four likes her too.

18 yo Nerdy physics major is up next. He looks like the Una-Bomber. But his name is George. Maybe he should take up bombing cause he just bombed the audition.

Holy Cow it’s commercial time, seriously! This is nuts. First some weird commercial with a dog pushing adult toilet paper wipes – Be Kind to Your Behind. And then another dozen or so commercials.

First up is Anne Marie (and some commie last name). She starts by sucking up to Kara. She’s a pleasant 24 year old. Simon sends her away and tells her to come back as a super star. I guess we will see her later.

Up next is a dude who tried out last year, T’K Hash (pipe). He’s singing Lennon’s Imagine. I hate this song. Sorry Beatles fans. He gives it a soul-vibe spin. I like it better than the original. Simon says no but the other 3 give him the nod.

I guess we will have to wait for Anna Marie’s second coming until after another slew of commercials, her and crying bandana boy (CBB).

I’m a little upset; it appears we will have no SSN (sop story of the night). You would think the AI producers could have found some tragic story to take advantage of. Maybe someone who’s kitten was thrown off that bridge they keep showing.

We are back and start off with CBB (Michael) who is upset that he can’t use his guitar. He’s doing Jumper by Third Eye Blind. He’s actually not too bad. But the judges don’t seem to like him much. His whininess is annoying. He gets sent packing. He whines even more afterwards. If he wasn’t such a baby he might have made it.

Anne Marie is back and looking not too bad. She’s signing Bubbly. And she’s good and she’s in.

16 tickets were given out tonight. Not the worst show they’ve had this year, but not great either.

Next week we are headed to Baby Elmo’s home town of Salt Lake City (behave Donk)