American Idol Night - '09

Warning this is an un-edited post. The owner of this Blog takes no responsibility (for pretty much anything he does) for what’s said below. All slights are intended.

We come to you tonight from lovely San Francisco. Land of sunshine and beaches. Does this mean we will have a repeat of night one’s Tall Skinny Singing Bikini Babe? Will Randy, with all the work he’s had done on his face, feel right at home? Will Paula skip the show to go sunbathing? (What? San Fran isn't real hot - Oh i must be thinking of san diego - my bad) Will Simon be wearing his traditional grey/white t-shirt? Will new girl had some ‘Dudes’ to her already tiring saying of ‘Chops’ and ‘Total Package’?

This and other burning questions will be answered on tonight’s edition of AI.


Ok its looking a little cold there, maybe this one wasn’t filmed last summer.

The Seacrest starts the show and gets critiqued by the judges

First up is some girl whose name I can’t spell and/or pronounce but she has an incredible annoying laugh and a weird dress with a mosquito net attached to the bottom of it. More laughing and finally some ‘singing’. Oh so dramatic during the judging. Paula with her 10 year-old Michael Jackson hat on says yes, Randy and his very smooth face says yes and new girl says yes. So her and her annoying laugh are off to Hollywood. One can only hope her psychic is wrong

Ford commercial and an announcement that they are the sponsor of AI…Ford must of gotten their bailout check at the inauguration today.

Olive Garden commercial – have I ever blogged about them before? – Italian Fast Food….blech. it’s sacrilegious, unless you are Irish or British and have no idea what good food is

Nick Reed 17 year-old High School student with orange hair – probably gets stuffed in his locker a lot by the jocks

Unemployed dude wearing my grandmother’s drapes as a jacket is up next. Kinda looks and sounds like a wolf baying at the moon. He starts to show what’s under his coat – the Fox censors reach for their buttons

Next up is Jesus, no not that One, the non-walking on water one. Got his wife and kids with him. He’s not awful. He plays the Kid Card. Kids come trooping in with their signs. Jesus II and Gabriel (really). Randy has him sing to his kids. Schlocky but it works.

Side note – Randy appears to being a necklace made out of colored macaroni noodles, probably stolen from my house.

We now break to pay the bills and for Paula to buy a new hat – hopefully

RS is wearing a white t-shirt with a black sweatshirt over it…a little too casual?

Dalton ‘Rubik’s Cube’ Powell sings a Smokey Robinson song. He has about 1% of Smokey’s voice. He’s very bad and shy.

Here’s another break, man that was a short segment. I guess this is an hour commercial where occasionally American Idol breaks out

A little montage of Simon and Kara spatting…boring.

Here is some chick with wild skunk hair who is studying anatomy or something. Learning all the parts of the throat. Maybe she’s studying to be a serial killer…her name is something like A-Killer…what? Oh its Akilah. She butchers two songs and then goes into a lecture on body parts and the judges’ resumes. When she messes up and says that she "sang from the wrong rectum." ?huh? Paula leaves and the Serial Killer won’t leave. Now Kara tries to get rid of her. That was kinda bizarre. Ok that was really bizarre

And shockers of shockers, more ads. The first one is for Weed or maybe it’s against weed. You can’t really tell. No cameo appearance my Jason Castro in the commercial…weird…
Here’s an Acura commercial…hmm…maybe Obama didn’t give Ford a check today after all

We are 45 minutes into a 60 minute show and it stinks so far…can no one in San Fran sing. Where’s Janis or The Dead when you need them.

We are back with 10 second clips of a few people that made it.

Here is Annie Murdock. Going do some Bonnie Raitt but has no idea what she wants to sing. She is also unemployed (a sign of the recession) and not likely to get a job as a singer anytime soon. Simon thinks she sings like a booze hound.

Here is slightly hyper Adam (who my teen girls think is cute). Doing a little queen tonight (for the Donk I suppose). I like him. Simon calls him theatrical. But says yes and so do the others so own he goes. He says had a crash on Paula when he was 10 and proceeds to kiss her hand

Yes more commercials at least we got to see two whole auditions that segment

Here is our last of the day. Kai the Lama,(excuse me? Oh Kalama) our requisite sob-story for the night. This dude takes care of his mother who has seizures. He casually mentions he’s not dating anyone at the moment…Ladies? He’s very confident and he’s not bad. I like the hair. (its all about the hair). More Simon/Kara cat-fighting and Kai is thru to HW. And Randy dishes out his first Dawg of the night. We almost made it without a Dawg. A shot of Kai calling Mumba (mom I guess).

12 from SF make the cut – worst city yet

Ok that’s it for tonight – I’m off for a late night run with Uncle Bryan