American Idol Night - '09

Here is where I insert my regular disclaimer about this post not being edited and I’m not responsible for any loss of life or limb or maiming of small animals.

Tonight we are at Churchill Downs KY home of the Kentucky Derby, I guess first up will be Seattle Slew or Sea Biscuit.

And we are off and running – please, please be better than the awful tripe from last night

Simon is wearing a black t-shirt today instead of his gray-white one (the rebel), Paula is sporting a school-marm hairdo and glasses. Randy is wearing, ah who cares what Randy is wearing? New Girl is looking pretty good in a black dress.

Random people are lining up to try out. Guy in a porta-potty, girl with blue-hair – it is the blue grass state.

First up is some tall leggy pale blonde with scary eyes and fake eyelashes named Tiffany (of course). Who is going to college if she doesn’t make it. She’s rough; she’s going to college or beauty school. Simon compares her to a donkey. I don’t think she sings as bad as The Donk – I’ve heard him in the shower, ewwww

Next up is Joanna. A pretty dark haired lass. She seems like a normal person compared to the first one. Hmmm she used to have a record deal, Kara knows of her. She’s got a strong voice. Simon actually smiles. Randy tries to smile but the Botox prevents it. She gets four yeses.

And at the 9 minute mark we have our first commercial break. More car, food and weed commercials…the American dream

And here is Mark Mudd, doing a WV bluegrass sounding tune. And looking like a shaved-head psycho who might snap. He’s not getting the golden ticket, restraining order maybe.

Brent Keith does a bluesy rocking version of Can’t Get Enough of Your Love. Simon tries to give him some advice and the chicks freak out. Kara threatens to not talk anymore! (Yes! Finally!) Brent gets the tic

Well we’ve had 2 auditions so it must be time for a commercial.

Now time for the prerequisite truly awful and weird. Including some guy with a mask that looks like a Zebra Super Hero

Matt Giurad is a ‘Dueling Piano Player’. He fights duels with pianos? Guns or Knives? I like him. Let’s see what the judges have to say. They dig him to and send him on.

Ross the Nerd is up next. He does something with Chinese characters, rearranges them or something. Probably has Chinese characters on his footsie PJ’s. He’s not good. He drinks some water and tries again with Love Me Tender. He’s sent packing. Back to play Dungeons and Dragons I guess.

A quick montage of hopefuls jumping around with their golden paper to the tune of Shout and then on to some commercials…whoa lots of commercials

Day 2 and a new outfit for Paula. She’s gone from looking like a spinster-librarian to a hooker. Simon is still in a black shirt and Randy is in white shirt. They should be singing Ebony and Ivory

First up is Alexis Grace a stay at home mom whose hubby is away at military school. She is bringing the soul out of a little white girl body and all but Kara like her. I thought she was good. What’s Kara’s problem? She seems to like to be argumentative just for the heck of it – Simon wannabe without the gift of sarcasm Simon has

Well that was one audition this segment, which is a lot of work, so we better take a commercial break. But first a preview look at our Sob Story of the Night (SSN). Looks like it’s a former homeless person or something

After the break a quick look at bunch of awful people.

And here is Aaron Williamson. A very, very hyper black dude. Break out the Ritalin. He starts of with a loud shout that almost knocks Paula ‘Working Girl’ Abdul’s boobs right out of her dress. The Seacrest comes in to see what the racket was all about. Aaron is sent to the showers. Afterwards with The Seacrest he’s chatting with his dad who is sporting an awesome pink shirt

Here is Rebecca Garcia. A cute regular girl with a ‘cheat-sheet’ on her arm. She’s going Carrie Underwood country. She’s bad and the judges start ripping her. Kara gets real nasty. She claims to think the girl is joking with them. Not sure even Simon is that rough.

We get a quick glimpse at some good people, thank God. Now why couldn’t we see more of them? We will have to ponder that question later cause its commercial time. But first another tease of the SSN.

And here we are. The moment we have all been waiting for…SSN time!!! Its 18 year-old Leneshe Young daughter of a single mom. Seems they are poor but not homeless (it doesn’t really matter anymore cause now that The Chosen One is in office he is starting a new bailout program called the ‘American Idol Sob Story of the Night’ fund). If the feds don’t come through there is a back-up plan, a preacher prophesied that she would make here momma rich one day. I’m sure he will be coming around for his 10% tithe if she makes it all the way. She sings an original song. She’s ok. The judges gush over her!?!?! She wasn’t that good….oh wait she’s the SSN, she has to go through. Randy, Kara and Simon all say yes. Paula says no then says she was just joking…the big kidder.

And that wraps up tonight’s show. See ya next week. Same bat time same bat channel.