Friday, January 29, 2010

Pet Peeve Phriday

The Super bowl – well actually this one in particular

I hate, loathe despise etc… both teams. Why? Well thanks for asking. Let me expound.
First off they are BOTH dome teams. I loathe dome teams almost as much as I do shows like The View and Oprah or The Donk. Why you ask again? Well have you met The Donk? Oh you were asking about Dome teams. Because its sissy football. Poor little millionaires can’t play in bad weather. Why not just put skirts on the players and have them play two-hand touch? You say it would be too rough on fans and players alike to play outside in places like Detroit and Minnesota? Tell that to the people in Green Bay and New England. Well I’ll give you Detroit; it would be too dangerous to play outside there but for different reasons. Plus outdoor games in winter are the only time you can look at the cheerleaders and have it not be a near occasion of sin. Most of the time they look like silicon filled Barbie’s in search of a brass pole. At least in the winter they are covered up a bit. Also add to the list of things that make domes a debacle, Astroturf aka fake grass – what with the cheerleaders we already have enough things that are fake.

I know that the politically correct team to route for is the New Orleans Saints. But I am sick of hearing about poor post-Katrina New Orleans and how great it would be for the city if their team won. Oh boohoo. There were 1,836 total deaths from Katrina, horrible to be sure, but there is double that number of babies killed every day in this country. Don’t want to get wet? Move to a city that isn’t below sea level. How hard is that to figure out? What you say they are too poor to up and move? I’m sure The Blow Hard in Chief announced a stimulus package for that in his State of the Union Address the other night. Bro has more packages than a gaggle of women shopping on black Friday.

Plus I am sick of Peyton Manning, don’t hate him or wish a pox upon him, but I’m sick of seeing him on TV pimping every product under the sun. He could sell a SUV to Al Gore or vacuum cleaners at a NOW convention. Ok so there is a bit of jealousy in there. He makes millions shilling for advertisers and I make pennies, literally.

Other reasons to hate the Super Bowl:

The halftime show. Ok I love The Who, The Who of the 60’s and 70’s that is. But 2/4ths of them are dead (deader than Kelsey’s nuts) and the other two are old enough to collect social security. And the only Who song that people under 40 know is the one that CSI uses for its opening. I guess it could be worse. They could have gone with a younger act. Could you imagine having to suffer through The Jonas Brothers or Lady Gaga? They are both painful in their own special way.

The Hype – 2 weeks of talking this game up and how great it will be. Plus a 10 hour pre-game show. Could the game be anything but a letdown?

Ads – need we discuss the ads? Beer, trucks, ED drugs etc. I don't drink beer, I have all the cars I need and I certainly don't need Viagra. I am curious to see the now infamous Tim Tebow ad. With all the free publicity Focus on the Family has gotten over this ad, they should just agree to cancel it and save a million bucks. Now that would be funny. And it was just announced that CBS is considering taking an ad for a g@y dating service.

Carrie Underwood will be singing the national anthem. Not sure if that is a plus or a minus. Her music isn’t my taste but she seems to have a nice voice and she’s easy on the eyes, so its probably a good choice by CBS. What would be cool is if she got on stage at halftime and sang My Generation with Roger Daltrey.

At least I’ll be at a party that will have good food. I guess I can just hang out and eat wings and chili and be my sardonic self.

The only thing that could have made this a worse Super Bowl would be if the Vikings and the insufferable drama-queen Brett Favre were playing. That guy makes women look decisive.

So I’ll pray for a monsoon for Florida on Super Bowl weekend so the Princesses have to suck it up and play in bad weather for a change. And so this game won’t be an offensive track race.

The Super Bowl does have one thing going for it (besides being in south Florida this year); it’s not the Pro Bowl. Does anyone actually watch that thing? Other than the player’s mothers of course. We know the wives won’t be watching it, they will be out spending the extra check that the players get at the shops in South Beach.


Maurisa said...

Awww, don't be hatin' on the Vikes and Favre! You'll make my hubby cry!

Rob said...

Dome teams, decaf coffee, Oprah, non-alcoholic beer, Nancy Pelosi – scourges of the world, all
Favre – I’ve got teen daughters that can make up their minds faster than that self-serving prima donna. He’ll be the one to make WingNut cry. He will do one of two things. 1) he will wait till August and decide he’s not coming back and leave the Vikings stuck with Javarius Jackson at QB or 2) he will wait till August and decide to come back and then throw an interception in a playoff game to lose the game…again

Wayne said...

You make some good points here, but I must also point out that the majority of teams, both indoor and outdoor have gone (or soon will go) turfgrass for their fields.

That being said, can I say that parties with uber cheap beer is a pet peeve of mine?

By the way, keep this feature as often as possible.

Kathy said...

Watch rugby. Screw those sissy jerks. I grew up in Buffalo....the Bills scarred me for life.

Wingnut said...

I forgot the path to victory leads through Dan Snyder.