American Idol '09

"Soy un perdedor, I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me"
Beck

Welcome to the Results show recap. Hopefully tonight’s show won’t run over like last night’s or last week’s or …..
Airlines do a better job of getting their planes on time than the Idol producers do at ending this thing on the hour. Of course there is absolutely no reason for a results show to end late. This show could be done in 3 minutes if they wanted to. The only way it could run over is if FOX adds so much filler and so many commercials that the show is stuffed more than pre-purge super model.

In keeping with the movie-song theme, I predict that the Idolettes will all be dressed in matching outfits made out of one of Randy’s shirts and be singing “Do-Re-Mi” from the Sound of Music. With Paula playing the part of Maria. I mean Paula could pass for a nun-wannabe, right? Or maybe Danny and Adam could do a duet of ‘Sixteen Going on Seventeen”. I’m sure Adam wouldn’t have a problem dressing in drag.

After some deep soul-searching I’ve got this as my bottom 3:

• Lil
• Anoop
• Matt

I would love to see Danny in the bottom three but I think America is too in love with Danny-Boy and his sob story and his designer glasses and his annoying hand gestures and his white-bread dancing. Besides the judges would save him anyway.

I figure and hope Lil gets the boot. She has had plenty of chances to bust out a great performance and live up to all her hype. Do her a favor and send her home to her kids already. Top 7 is a nice accomplishment. But what do I know. I don’t vote anymore since Megan got booted off.

Who will it be tonight? In the past two weeks we’ve had our sensibilities assaulted by guest-singers Lady Gaga and Flo Rida. The one thing we know is that whoever it is will be promoting a new CD or tour. The rumor is that it’s going to be Miley Montana or Hannah Cyrus or whatever her name is. She will offend my sensibilities too but in a whole different way. In the same way that the movies “Caddy Shack 2” and “Teen Wolf” did. Miss Cyrus would also fit the requirement that the guest stars have something to hawk. She’s got a new movie out (that my tweens even don’t want to see) plus a whole line of lunch boxes, bed sheets, dolls, backpacks, training bras, furniture, pj’s, games, stereos, video games, guitars, posters, stationery, curtains, party favors, costumes, a mp3 player, hair brushes, and my personal favorite; the Hannah Montana Day in the Life Activity Book. You can’t make this stuff up people. It’s quite the marketing empire Poppa and Little Cyrus have going.


And we are off. Randy and Kara are both in purple tonight (they look like Easter eggs) – do they have something going on? If so Paula might be jealous cause she is showing major cleavage – just a tad disturbing on an old lady.

Ryan tells that yes it’s Miley tonight and Jennifer Hudson.
The Ford Video is set to “Freeze Frame”. It is Horrible…….but alas………it’s nowhere near as bad as the group sing. They are singing “I’m a Manic”. This may be the worst group-sing ever and they would be quite an accomplishment.

The Idol-wannabes went to see the Movie “Seventeen” starring Zac Efron – Yuck! Oh look and he’s in the audience and all the tween girls (and Paula) squeal.

Finally some results:

Allison is Safe.

Adam is Safe.

Anoop is in the bottom three – he should be use to walking over to the Upside Down Plungers of Shame (UDPS).

After a long break we are back with Jennifer Hudson and shockingly they are pimping her album. She is singing “If This isn’t Love”. Ok she looks and sings great but there is something wrong with the sound system. She, the music and the background vocals sound way out of sync. Not something I’d buy but good luck to her anyway.

Kris and Lil are told to stand.

Kris is safe after Ryan tries one of his stupid drawn-out fake-outs.

Lil is dressed in green – she looks like a black elf. And is sent over to the UDPS

Matt and Danny are the next two told to stand.

Danny is back to wearing his Calvin Klein glasses. Guess he showed enough misty eyes last night to get the votes needed to stay and it seems to have worked since he’s safe.

Matt is sent to the bottom 3 again.

Oh yea I got the bottom 3 right again!!!!! The kid is on a roll.

Before the break Ryan sends Anoop back to the Couches of Everlasting Safety.

Miley is on a foggy stage wearing some grownup evening dress. Just a bit of a creepy look for a 16 year-old. Girl chill and enjoy 16, quite trying to act all old and stuff. As far as the song goes; dreadful vocals, music and lyrics. She can stay in tune but her voice annoys. Other than that I liked. (oh and I’ve been working 12-15 hour days for the past week and a half so if I sound cranky I AM!!!).

Holy Mother of Pearl – Lil is safe. R U KIDDING ME.

So Matt is singing for his Idol life. Paula and Kara stand up and start going all crazy cheering Matt on. That there would make me want to sing poorly just to get away from those 2 losers.
Ok so he’s obviously better than Lil, just not as popular I guess. Will the judges save him or not? The audience is chanting “SAVE SAVE SAVE”!

And the judges agree and save him. So that means two will get canned next week, the judges save is gone and next week is disco night – heaven help us all.