American Idol '09

“I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now as tears subside
I find it all so amusing”
Frank Sinatra

“Despite all my rage
I’m still just a Rat in a cage”
Smashing pumpkins

Tonight is Rat-Pack night. For all you youngsters out there, the Rat-Pack was cool before cool was invented. If you look-up the word “Cool” in the dictionary you will see these pictures. You young people want to be cool? Forget idiots like Lady Gaga and Flo Rida, go rent some of the Rat-Pack movies and download some of their tunes.


Our lovely Idolettes will be singing songs made famous by Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Peter Lawford and Joey Bishop.

This could be a good evening for most of the Idolers. Other than Danny, who I have a hard time picturing as a cool and suave singer, the other 4 should be able to pull it off, even Allison. Danny just seems like too much of a dork – but maybe he will prove me wrong. But I do know quite a bit about dorks, I have to look at one every morning in the mirror.

Will anyone have the guts to come out in a black tux with a cocktail in one hand and a smoke in the other? Or would the FOX PC police put the kibosh on that even if they wanted to?

I’m kinda hoping Matt and Adam will leave even though I like them. See my daughter was using my laptop and she broke the ‘M’ key. It keeps popping off and is annoying me more than Danny the Mediocre Gokey’s dancing. So all contestants with an ‘M’ in their name have to leave.

And we are off……

Ryan is once again in black suit trying to look rat-packish. He looks pretty good but he really needs to layoff the fake spray on tan in a can. He looks oranger than The Great Pumpkin.


A surprise mystery mentor this week – the suspense is killing me. And it is Jamie Foxx –well ok. What’s the connection? Sammy Davis Jr. is black and so is Jamie Foxx? So why not have Tiger Woods or Nelson Mandela? Whatever. Guess you can’t dig up any of the originals. Oh I get it he’s a “multi-faceted’ entertainer – kinda like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan? I really like the shows better that don’t have the mentors. Usually they add nothing and most of the time they annoy.

DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT PAULA IS WEARING? Please people. Help me out here. She’s wrapped up like a Christmas present.

First up is Mr. Kris Allen who is singing "The Way You Look Tonight”. And the girls swoon like at an Elvis show. Paula would probably launch her underwear up on stage if she could find it under that ‘radish carved into a rose dress’. Not the most exciting performance but Kris really can sing. Randy calls it his best ever. Kara and her “Paula Boobs Hanging Impersonation” calls it technically great or something along those lines that someone wrote for her beforehand. Rose-Radish says….. well do we really care? Simon calls it ‘wet’, huh? I don’t understand either. Must be a British insult. He also says Kris can’t win the show.

Allison is up next and looking cute as a button. She turned 17 yesterday and must have dyed her hair for her birthday. She’s added black streaks to the red. It looks much better than the all red look she was sporting. Her wardrobe is much better than in the past too. She’s singing "Someone to Watch Over Me". A lovely ballad by the young old lady. Randy calls her “Mad Young” and that she looks “Dope” and that it was “da bomb”. Randy that is your cliché quota for the night. Paula has lost her pre-printed 3x5 cards and rambles at bit more than usual – hard to believe. Kara continues to vie with Paula for most annoying judge. Does anyone out there like her? At least Paula is humorous. Simon says she could be in trouble (Allison not Paula). 2 in a row he has dissed. That time of the month Simon? Or Simon’s little ploy to get people to vote for her?

Matt and his dork-hat are up next. At least tonight it is kinda relative. Still looks stupid but fits the theme – a bit. Matt is singing "My Funny Valentine". Jamie Fox seems nice and tries to give good advice. But the whole mentor thing smells of cheesy filler. Matt and his somewhat ordinary voice (compared to Allison, Adam and Kris) do a serviceable but forgettable job. My least favorite of the night. Randy calls it a bit pitchy – I agree sir. Kara doesn’t dig it either and didn’t connect emotionally. Paula on the other hand says she connected with it or some such thing. Simon of all people calls it brilliant. He must have taken some Midol during the last break.

And here’s Danny – oh boy almond joy. I don’t know what he’s singing but I’m sure I’ll hate it. He’s singing “Come Rain, Come Shine”. Danny is dressed like Che Guevara or some other Central American commie revolutionary for his session with Jamie Foxx – what a tool. Thankfully for himself and the rest of us he shaves and puts on a suit for the actual performance. He looks pretty good. Then he sings and I cringe, whatever. My wife liked it but she obviously has poor choice in men. Randy goes over the top crazy and I fear he might throw his underwear up on stage. And I can’t think of anyone that wants to see that. Even Mrs. Jackson. I’m picturing triple-X leopard-print bikini-briefs. Paula is mercifully short-winded but still unintelligible. Kara really is passing Paula on the annoyance meter. Simon loves it too. They are all nuts – still in the tank for Danny as a chosen one I guess, cause they were pimping him hard tonight.

Adam the Good Humor man is up last and singing “Feeling Good”. Jamie is one of the least annoying mentors ever. I’d still get rid of the whole mentor thing but he’s alright. Kinda growing on me. Good Humor Man walks down Sea Breeze’s stairs to the stage with fog billowing. Is he supposed to be some white-clad alien god? He starts off slow and builds to an incredibly strong finish. How one can hit and hold a high note like that for so long is beyond me. Ok love him or hate him, dude can sing. Sure he’s over the top but it’s not boring at least. Randy calls it a little too theatrical and Broadway - duh. Kara says her mouth drops open when he sings and then she gushes and squirms. So does Paula – but she does that with any male over the age of 12. Someone please throw some cold water on the two. Paula also throws in a Michael Phelps reference for good measure. We aren’t sure why – maybe Adam likes to hit the Hookah too. Simon tells Randy that complaining about Adam being theatrical is like complaining that a cow moos. Simon dug it and says it looks like Adam wants to win.

And as always my uninformed opinion of the performances is:


1. Adam – he’s the best period
2. Allison – cause it was her b-day yesterday and we need a chick to stay for awhile.
3. Kris – cause he’s good and Simon picked on him
4. Matt - cause he’s not Danny
5. Danny – cause he’s Danny