American Idol '09

“I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried”
Three days grace

“Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?”
The Clash

Welcome to results night.

Ok that was a pretty good show last night. None of the performances were horrible. Sure I liked some people (Adam, Kris, Allison and Matt) better than others (Danny). We are left with 5 people who can sing. We might not like their song choices or styles all the time but gone are the Scott’s and Lil Rounds’ of the world.

Which makes predicting who is leaving tougher than usual. It will come down to who has the worst fan base. So let’s analyze the top 5 from last night.

1. Adam – win or lose, love or hate him – Adam is not going home this early. Besides being the best entertainer on the show he has to have a good size fan-base – even with all the Adam haters out there.
2. Allison – besides being a good singer, especially of the rocker-chick variety, she is the only chick left and will get a lot of teen girl votes because of that (just ask my teen girls). Plus she’s cute and can really belt out a song.
3. Kris – I actually think Kris could win the show but I have no idea how many people out there like him. Is he popular with a certain group of people: teen girls? Males 20-24 who prefer Bud over Coors? Single females age 50-55 who drink Chardonnay out of a box and have 10 or more cats? Anyway there should be enough to get him to the top 3.
4. Danny – how has he not been in the bottom 3 yet? Who is the voting bloc that is supporting him each week? I have a feeling its married women 25-45 who are still casting the sympathy vote because they remember the continual references to his deceased wife early in the season. And I’m very afraid that they will keep voting for him until he and his mediocre singer and horrid dancing are in the finals.
5. Matt – He is my pick to go tonight. He’s been in the bottom 3, he’s been saved, he’s had a lot of so-so performances and I can’t figure out who his fan base is. Girls who like 3rd rate Justin Timberlake’s?

So yes I think it will be Matt heading home – of course I hope it’s going to be Danny but I ain’t holding my breath.

Anyway we are about to find out cause here is Sea Biscuit. Ryan must have 20 of those black suits in his closet.

Paula has upped the ante in the season long cleavage contest she has been having with Kara, by having the girls almost all the way free of their containers tonight. She seems to have inflated them with a bicycle pump before the show. I would not get to close to her if I was Simon – they look they are going to blow.

Ryan informs us that Jamie Foxx, Natalie Cole and Taylor Hicks are performing tonight.

Our first taste of filler is the Ford Video featuring some PC hybrid car. The idol-wannabes are running around in a dessert and a Ford Hybrid drives through and turns the dessert green.

Right after that we go right into our second course; the group lip-sync and dance along. In keeping with the Rat-Pack theme they are singing “It Don’t Mean a Thing”. As far as these things go it wasn’t too bad.

We now get a taste of the Idolettes cooking in the kitchen of the mansion they are staying in. why anyone would care we are not told. It turns into a food fight and to top of the hijinks Danny is wearing his Dictator of a Banana Republic outfit again.

Matt is told to stand up and set to one side and Danny is sent to the other side. Why? We are not told. Maybe they are organizing a game of red-rover or Red Light Green Light. Next Allison is told to stand and sent over to stand with Danny (poor girl). Kris is next up and he’s sent over to hang with Matt. So that leaves Adam in the middle. Ryan asks which group Adam thinks he belongs in – nothing like being put on the spot. Adam says the Danny and Allison group – WRONG. He’s in the Matt and Kris group which is the bottom three. Ok then. Kara causes a near fatal heart attack of the FOX censor police by some very off color allusion about her and Adam.

We are back with Ms Natalie Cole. She sounds great. Not sure if she is actually singing live or not but the song is good and fits in with the Rat-Pack theme. Her dress is more of a Star Trek convention meets Cleopatra theme but you can’t have everything people.

Next up is Taylor Hicks who appears to be 60 years old with that premature grey look but who is actually 32. Surprisingly I don’t hate his performance and I actually listen to the song. Shockingly he does have a new cd out and a tour. Well golly, scratch me behind the ears and call me Sparky.

Back to the results – Ryan sends Kris back to safety?! Ok now I’m confused. I assume Adam is going to be safe but that would eliminate the surprise when Matt is sent home. So is Adam going home or is it some kind of double fake out? Nah can’t be. If that were to happen the audience would riot and rip pretty-boy Seacrest to pieces.

I take back anything nice I said about Jamie Foxx last night, he sucks. Not because this song is insufferable – which it is – but because he causes Paula to get up and dance like the drunken cougar she is. And yes Mr. Foxx has a new disc out too.

Ok time to get this over with. Adam is sent back to safety and Matt is going home, sadly one or both of the female judges aren’t sent home with him. So I was right about Matt going home but very wrong about Adam being top dog.

Nice run Matt take care, God Bless and have fun back home in Kalamazoo. Matt sings out and we say good night and see ya next week.

Hold it a second. Sea Weed says it’s gonna be Rock Night next week and Slash is going to be on. As the mentor? Ok I take back my bad-mouthing of the mentoring. I love Slash. Anyone who can wear a top-hat and pull it off is alright by me.