American Idol '09

Results Night!!!

I really think that Adam, Kris and Allison have separated themselves from the others.
The way I see it we have:

The Top Dogs:

• Adam
• Kris
• Allison

The mediocre middle:

• Matt
• Danny

And the Pretenders (not the cool Chrissie Hynde band)

• Anoop
• Lil


Now Lil has to be one of the two getting deep-sixed tonight. As for the other one? I’m thinking either Matt or Anoop. And since I like to go out on a limb (not really) I’ll go with Matt getting the boot even though I think he is better than Anoop. If Matt really does go home, does that just prove that the gimmicky judges save was just that – a gimmick? Does it make the judges look dumb and dumber? America wouldn’t really send Matt home would they? Heck I don’t know.

It was a somewhat interesting night last night. But I have a few questions about Disco Night. Three of the songs were Donna Summer songs. Did Idol get a bulk deal on the rights to her songs? Lots of Bryan Adams last week and now and overdose of Donna Summer – come on Idol give a brother a break. And what’s the point of having a Disco theme night if the contestants can take a song and sing it however they want?

For our special guest performer tonight, it appears that David Archuleta’s dad has let him out of his basement where he keeps him locked up and singing Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti all the day long. I’m assuming Baby Elmo has a new CD out that he needs to hawk also. One can only hope that Baby Elmo is making enough money selling CD’s and from his endorsements of Gar-Animals and Gap Kids to hire security to keep Paula off him.

Seacrest starts us off with a “Happy Earth Day”. I turn on every light in the house in his honor.

Filer #1 – rehearsals for group sing-a-long with Paula instructing them. Well dancing is one thing she can do. Adam is sweating so much his makeup is running.

Filler #2 – the Group sing thing. Ok let’s see: I like the clothes they are wearing, the lip-singing is particularly bad, even Paula couldn’t help Danny dance and Paula shows too much cleavage and leg for a 46 year old. It seems FOX couldn’t afford a whole dress for her.

Filler #3 – Ford video – lame. No idea what the song was.

Ok time to start weeding them out. Lil is sent to the Martini Glasses of Shame (MGS). Ok well she isn’t told to sit on them after all, Seacrest tells her the ride is over and she’s heading home. The judges try and make nice with Lil and give her some kudos and advice. Lil sings for us one more time and goes out classy.

Is it just my TV or is FOX having audio issues tonight. Other channels seem fine but FOX’s volume is real low.

Filler #4 – A medley of Disco singers doing hits. First up some horrid over the hill disco singer is on stage. Frieda Payne I think Ryan said. Pain is right. She has more plastic then a Toys R Us and looks like a sausage stuffed in that dress. The next one (Thelma Houston maybe) is even worse – do people actually look in the mirror before they go out in public. Picture your 70 year-old grandmother in a yellow baby-doll dress with her boobs falling out. #3 is KC of KC and the Sunshine Band. His got four hookers dancing with him. Well I assume they are hookers – it’s the only way a dude who has aged as poorly as he as could get 4 women to hang out with him. This was major disaster. FOX should be embarrassed.

In short order Kris and Adam are told they are safe.

Danny is up next – he’s going with the sensitive eyes look and has ditched his designer glasses. And sadly – for us - Danny is safe.

Anoop is next and he is sent to the Martini Glasses of Shame.

Matt and Allison are both told to stand up. Matt could use some Proactive. Whoa Matt is safe and Allison is sent to the MGS. Allison bottom three? America sometimes (well most of the time) I hate y’all.

We are back with David A. singing “Touch my Hand”. Watch out Elmo, Paula will take you up on that. Our young runner-up from last year looks pretty much the same. Same baby face. Sam pop-light singing. Same disingenuous aw-shucks routine. He’s got a groovy 80’s style skinny tie going. A short interview with David afterwards and surprises of surprises he’s got a tour to promote. He will be touring with Demi Lovato. That should be enough to make anyone homicidal. Maybe they could take the tour to the Guantanamo Bay prison camp. It would be against the Geneva Convention but I bet it would get everyone locked up there to confess – guilty or not.

Anoop and Allison are still stuck on the Martini Glasses of Shame. And we head to another commercial break.

And finally it’s..........Anoop. Excellent! Allison is safe.

A final video montage of Lil’s and Anoop’s journey.

And that’s it for tonight. Adios, God Bless and goodnight.