Wednesday, February 18, 2009

American Idol Night - '09

Before we start tonight let me say off the bat that I am voting for the following:

Tatiana the Terrible – why? Because I agree with vote for the worst .com. We need to keep her around for awhile just for the drama.

Adam “Max Factor” Lambert – why? Because he’s good. He needs to tone down the theatrics a bit and maybe the makeup but otherwise I like him.

Nick/Norman Norman/Nick – why? Why not? He amuses me. Most of the others don’t have much personality, yet.

Not sure any will be on tonight though.

We are ‘Live’ tonight

Seacrest welcomes us while wearing his best Father’s Knows Best sweater.

Here are our judges. They all look ok. Although Randy has some scarf thing going on and a huge watch. Kara and Paula look pretty good. Simon looks like he always does, dark shirt and scowl.

Trite words of advice from the judges and some comments on Ryan’s new hair style.

The theme tonight is Songs from the Billboard Hot 100

And here is our group of 12 for this week. 3 go on:

Jackie Tohn is doing an Elvis song, ‘A Little Less Conversation’. The dead Elvis. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS WEARING. She looks kinda like a 50’s waitress from Happy Days with a bit of white trash and Jane Fonda aerobic video thrown in. The outfit is not doing it for me. But I like her voice. Randy, Kara, and Paula are fans. Simon says she played the clown. I’m with Simon. Now we have to listen to her parents’ opinion. They obviously are fans

Rickie "I'm Too Boring for Nickname" Braddy is doing a Leon Russell song that I didn’t catch the name of. Putting aside the pointy-hair and red velour smoking jacket – he’s BORING. Has a good voice and seems nice enough but he put me to sleep. I barely woke up in time for the next set of commercials. Randy loved it. Kara says he Killed It. Paula gushes over him. Simon liked him but is more restrained. Says he doesn’t have star quality. Thank you Simon. And now we get to talk to his parents (are we going to have to meet everybody’s parents? Makes me wish the hippie-orphan had made it through). His parents are wearing “The Braddy Bunch” tshirts…ugh shoot me now

Commercials, time to switch over to Drake and Josh. Hey give me a break I have lots of tweens and teens here. Plus I like it.

Alexis ‘I got two bottles of hair color for the price one’ Grace who looks a bit like Deborah Harry from Blondie is doing Aretha Franklins ‘Never loved a Man ‘. She appears to be wearing a black short underwear dress. I do like her hair. Lots of people singing lots of old songs. This song doesn’t fit her looks but she sounds pretty darn good. Randy, Kara and Paula love her – this is getting repetitive with them. They should just replay the same clip of those 3 after each performance…it’s always the same. Simon says she is the best so far. And now to the parent’s couch. Alas she has two parents also.

Brent "Toby" Keith – tape problem with the flashback. Skippy, I mean Seacrest, tries to wing it, badly. The joys of live TV. Ok now the tape is working. Brent is singing "Hicktown" by Jason Aldean. Sardonic Dad Does Not Like Country. I like his voice and look but the county music is off putting. Randy, Kara and Paula like, not love him. Side note – Paula is sporting tons of her Star jewelry line. Ok off to the couch with Brent. His wife is there, no parents?

Stevie “I’m a chick not a dude’ Wright. Her tape works. Let’s see she is 17 and is going for the bubbly young look. She’s doing Taylor Swift’s “Love Story“. She looks like a 17 yo trying to do Taylor Swift. Better than most would but still an imitation. She’d me good on a High School Musical type of show. Of course it doesn’t really matter what I say. Randy and Kara do not like it. Shocked! They don’t like someone. And double shocker…Paula is not digging it either. Simon says they were too polite and calls her terrible and she’s done. Ouch! Mom and Dad can’t be happy. Hugs from the parents and a short chat. I got a feeling Joe Jonas just broke up with her by text message.

Anoop “Dawg” Desai (I need a new nickname for him. Anoop Dawg is too easy). He’s singing “Angel of Mine” by Monica. This is the first time I haven’t really loved his performance. Poor song choice. Good voice the song is just boring. Randy calls him Anoop Dawg, now I know I need to change my nickname for him. Kara and Randy didn’t like the song choice either. Paula says something. Simon doesn’t like the song choice one bit. But really likes Anoop. And here we are on the Ugly Red Coca-Cola Parent’s Couch (URCCPC). Hopefully Annop will make it through in spite of this song choice.

We are promised Casey “Double C” Carlson singing The Police after the break. Cool a good band. Don’t butcher it CC.

Casey “Double C” Carlson is singing “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic “by The Police. (the “Double C” is for her name not bra size people so leave me alone) She’s all dolled-up and does not look 20 years old. Hmm, she’s starting really slow and weak. This is like a karaoke night without the liquor to dull the senses. Randy calls it karaoke too. Kara calls it all wrong and over-done. Casey looks like she’s going to bawl. Paula tries to let her down easy by saying she’s beautiful before saying it was bad. Simon says she looks good but was atrocious. Man they killed her. I feel sorry for her. Mom and dad hug her by the URCCPC. It was nice knowing you Casey.

Michael “I have the most dangerous job in America other than Jack Bauer” Sarver is doing “I Don’t Wanna Be” by Gavin DeGraw. I like him and his voice but I don’t think he has that Pop Star thing going. More like he should be singing in a Honkey Tonk over a few Buds. Randy and Kara think he can do better. Paula likes him but was distracted by him switching the microphone from hand to hand?! Paula would be distracted by a butterfly. Simon while not impressed hopes he moves on. On the URCCPC of Death are his wife and mom. Dad is either dead or not on speaking terms with son I guess.

Anne Marie “Comrade” Boskovich is singing “Natural Woman” by Aretha Franklin. She looks older and trampier than she is. I liked her but Randy and Kara thought it was too big of a song for her to try. Paula like it. Paula and I agree on something. Simon calls here a hotel singer and says she doesn’t have the voice for that song. Anne Marie plops down on ugly couch next too…um mom and sister? and mom? I have no idea. I don’t think Anne Marie should make song term plans to stay in LA.

Stephen “I Forget the Words and Pout About It” Fowler is singing “Rock with You” by Michael Jackson. I have low hopes for him. Not that he will forget the words. But that he will be nowhere near as good as MJ is. And in my very very very humble opinion I’m right. Why do people try and do these hugely popular songs. Let’s see what the Fantastic Four have to say. Randy, Kara, Paula and Simon all agree with me. I Rule. Simon says he wishes he had forgotten the lyrics. Simon hated it. Bye bye Stephen. You are a nice guy but that song ain’t gonna cut it. Stephen doesn’t even get to go to the Ugly Couch…was he that bad? Oh his wife is at home. Probably watching Michael Jackson videos and moon-walking around the living room.

Tatiana the Terrible and I mean that in the best possible way. We have to keep her around. She is awesome blog material. She is signing Whitney Houston’s “Saving all my Love for You“. People close your eyes and forget the horrid laugh for a moment. She’s really a pretty good singer. Yeah I know she doesn’t look like a pop-star. Randy impressed and like it. Kara seems confused by who she is. Paula says something. Simon throws out the obvious drama-queen label and says, like Paula, she’s desperate to be famous. Simon says this quiet Tatiana makes him nervous. He wants the bad laughing Tatiania back. On the URCCPC are 2 dudes who Tatiania calls ‘cousins’. Wink Wink. No word on where her parents are. In hiding back in Puerto Rico maybe.

Danny “My Wife is Dead” Gokey is signing “Hero” by Mariah Carey. What is it with these people and their song choices? He sounds pretty good. I still hope he gets the boot but being pretty good and having the sob story will get him through. Randy, Kara and Paula all go bonkers over him. We see his pin-cushioned faced BFF in the audience. Simon brings everyone back to earth and says it was good but not great. No couch or parents for Danny Boy.

Yes I know commenting about the guy having a deceased wife is not nice. But as long as he's letting FOX pimp it all the time and as long as he keeps mentioning it all the time, so will I.

My predictions for tomorrow night’s result show.

Anoop Desai, Triple T and Danny Gokey get through. With Alexis Grace and Ricky Braddy also in the running.

See ya tomorrow

1 comment:

the donk said...

after seeing you do all these right ups for AI... i think i am going to get out of the pool and head to the showers about 10 minutes early today... if you know what i mean... ugh