Squeezing 8 contestants into an hour last night and tonight is awesome. Very little time for the worthless judges to yap a lot. Randy is tolerable in the way that your slightly crazy uncle is, as long as he doesn’t stay to long and leaves your toothbrush alone and stays out of your underwear draw. Simon is about the same as always but has seemed to have checked out and be thinking about his new show and the extra millions he’s gonna rake in – gotta pay for that $750,000 engagement ring he bought. But Kara and Ellen! Heaven help us if we have to put up with those two next year without a Simon. Is there anyone more annoying and full of herself than Kara? She’s the conceited girl in high school who thought she was part of the cool clique but was really just a mouthy loser who everyone laughed behind her back, and in front of her. After last year’s bikini-baring during the finales, what could she possibly do this year to look the bigger fool? Stay tuned. And Ellen, not only does she know nothing about music and has resorted to parroting the other judges, she’s not even funny. You would think she could at least do funny.
Here’s to hoping the guys will turn around the snooze-fest that was last night. Let’s pick it up guys and do something special.
Sea (and Michael) are rocking the dark undertaker suit tonight. Tonight they play up the Kara/Simon touchy-feely angle, only slightly less disturbing then the Ellen/Simon grope session tonight.
Lee “Sleepy” Dewyze- “Fireflies” by Owl City – ok here is what I like about Lee, he’s got great stage presence and he looks the part. His voice is serviceable. Not great but good enough. The judges like it enough too. He should be safe. Grade B
Alex “Mullet Boy” Lambert – “Trouble” by Ray Lamontagne – he sounds very close to the original, but not in a good way. More like he is mimicking his voice instead of doing it is own way. Not the way to go Alex. Relax dude and be yourself. The Dyke is high tonight, just great. There goes the PG rating for the show. Cougar is also high and pushing the PG rating. Simon tells him to chill out and picture Randy in a bikini. Come on Simon, not right after dinner. Grade C
Tim “Zac Efron 2.0” Urban – “Ha” by Jeff Buckley – Tim may be the worst contestant to ever get into the Top 16. I can only guess that the girls are voting for his bangs and abs in droves. I must say when the song selections for tonight leaked out I feared for Tim. But this isn’t nearly the train wreck I thought it would be. Its not great, he doesn’t have the range for this song but for Tim it was ok. Randy thinks it was ok. Ellen runs up on stage and hugs Tim for some reason. Kara says he might have put himself back in the contest. Kara must have seen Tim’s ab pictures and wants to keep the play-toy around awhile longer. Simon too likes it. All the judges are high tonight. It wasn’t that good. Grade B-
Andrew “Danny Gokey 2.0” Garcia – “Genie in a Bottle” by Christina Aguilera – Ugh this is bad and boring. Dude needs to go back home and get a job. The singing thing ain’t working and the “stay at home dad” thing is lame too. Get a job. Maybe if he got that stupid neck tattoo removed he could get a job at somewhere other than a fast-food establishment. Randy basically says it blowed. And Ellen, Kara and Simon make it a consensus. Grade D-
Casey “Kara’s Toy” James – “You’ll Think of Me” by Keith Urban. Country, I loathe country music. So I shall refrain from commenting on Casey tonight. Other than to say that he still needs to shower. Randy calls I a safe choice and needs to go for it more. Well safe will get him into the Top 12. Ellen liked it. Kara is back on the Casey Train, ok then. Simon liked it enough but it wasn’t real memorable. Grade B
Aaron “Archie 2.0” Kelly – “I’m Already There” by Lonestar – what is this? Country night? Please people. Go over to the Country Music Channel. (no offense to MomtoFiveMinnies). Put me to sleep. Randy liked it and Ellen didn’t, huh? Kara says it was too old for him. Simon calls Kara’s comments rubbish. You go Simon. Grade D+
Todrick “The Thief” Hall – “Somebody to Love” by Queen – Oh this has such potential to be a major train wreck. And once again Todrick hasn’t disappointed. He may be the worse than Tim. It’s like listening to a cat being neutered with a weed-whacker. RanEllAra are totally high tonight. That was horrible. Simon likes ok and says it may have saved him. I guess the judges are just trying to make their decision to put him in the Top 24 look justified. Grade is D- for the thief.
Michael “Tiny” Lynche – “Woman’s Work” by Maxwell – Oh how I can’t stand Mike. That abandoner of his wife during labor. Jeez this is boring. Ok it picked up a bit towards the end. But he really needs to quite moving around. He looks like a dorky puppet. Dude is palying the new baby card more than Danny Gokey played the dead wife card last year. Randy and Ellen wet themselves praising it. Kara wets her cheeks with what look like fake tears. Simon loves it too. I told you they were all high tonight. Its been obviously for months now that Michael is one of the judge chosen ones. Grade B-
So who is gone? Aaron, Andrew, Tim and Todrick. Two of those guys I would guess.