Sure some of those things are great in small doses; needed clothes, the occasional treat or special outing. But it needs to be special not a regular occurrence. Otherwise the kids are gonna grow-up spoiled and with a sense of entitlement.
Gently suggest alternatives. Just spending time with grandma without spending money, educational toys, presents the entire family can enjoy, subscriptions to magazines, back to school supplies, family passes to museum, savings bonds or savings accounts in the child's name.
Another consideration is that grandma/grandpa might not really be able to afford it. We don't want to be stressing them financially also. Don't let the geezers bankrupt themselves because they are helping you out.
Or maybe it’s the parent’s always bugging granny for money because the parents are slackers and over-spenders and can't manage their finances. In that case, you as a grandparent need to, in the word's of Barney Fife, Nip it in the Bud. Do not be an enabler for your overspending offspring. Trust me your grand-kids won't go hungry.
Oh and grandma, if you are helping out financially, don't blackmail your kids and think you get a say in how the grand-kids are raised. You don't. You had your chance when raising your own kids.
Obviously this applies to all family and friends, not just grandparents.
Don’t get me wrong, we have gotten plenty of help from the grandparents on both sides of our family and it has been extremely helpful. But it hasn’t been over the top. And my kids, and us, are very appreciative and don’t expect it. Just try and find a balance.
***all posts applying to my family only - your results will be different***