Thursday, October 9, 2008

For Men Only

It’s all about the credit

That’s my motto for a happy marriage. So having trouble lately pleasing the misses? Need to get out of the doghouse? Leave the toilet seat up one too many times? Ruin her new silk dress by drying it on high with your jeans? Are you at wits’ end to come up with some new way to make her happy? Then boy do I have a solution for you. Getting credit for doing something nice is the way to go. You don’t even have to actually do anything or even mean it. It’s the offer/thought that counts. And she never has to know if you do it right. Call it the Dire Straights method; “Get your money for nothin get your chicks for free”.

You can even get credit when you know that you won’t have to do anything. For example; you notice that the dinner dishes are done but offer to do them anyway or you know your wife is busy Tuesday night but you ‘pretend to forget’ and you offer to take her out for dinner and dancing knowing full well that she can’t go. And no this is not cheating; it’s only cheating if you get caught. Warning: you can only play this card so many times. She will catch on and call you on it or worse change her plans and take you up on your offer. And if you are a non-dancer like me this is worse than purgatory.

So be careful, this is potent stuff you are playing with. This technique is not for amateurs. Just like the 18 year-olds that go out every New Year’s Eve and think they can drink with the big boys but end up passed out in a shopping cart in the parking lot of a Piggly Wiggly wearing their underwear on their head and with a ‘I’m in love with Boy George’ sign around their necks (I still haven’t forgiven my college buddies), you newlyweds need to tread lightly here.

Lots of times you can get credit and have fun. Last night after dinner I was playing Smear the Queer (link provide for those of you who didn't grow up in cool neighborhoods) with 4 of the boys out in the front yard. Actually it was kinda a hybrid of football and Smear the Queer (hey no comments, I didn't make up the name). Anyway this is something that’s enjoyable for me and makes my wife happy.

Or you could just go ahead and do something nice that your wife likes and get credit that way. Buy her flowers, go for a walk with her, read to the kids at bedtime…all those are things women like and they really aren’t painful for us husbands to do. Don’t worry I won’t think any less of you if you take the easy way out.

The whole point being to keep building up credit in the First National Bank of Marital Bliss. This credit can be used in different ways. One, the bank gets so full of credits that your wife takes it into her own hands to reward you. And I'm guessing it will be better than the standard bank gift of a free toaster or steak knives. Or you may have to withdraw the credits for a rainy day. Like when you come home at 4am from playing poker with the boys, park the car in the neighbor’s front yard and start baying at the moon.

Guys consider this a public service announcement. No need to thank me. No, please, off your knees, I’m not a god. There’s no reason to worship me. But do feel free to send all the money or running shoes you want. But whatever you do don’t tell my wife about this post. I’m pretty sure she hasn’t caught on to me yet.


Sam said...

HMMM...don't forget to "MAKE SURE YOU NEVER CRITIZE OR SPEAK RUDE TO YOUR WIFE" especially in front of the kids!!! That will really make her happy!!! Doghouse-huh? I have been on to you since before we were married...remember-I like brown nosers!!!


Anonymous said...

LOL So, did you just get back from seeing "Fireproof"? I can get several weeks credit just for trying to wash some dishes...

Colleen said...

We call those "brownie points" and my hubby collects a lot. I'm not always so good about letting him "cash them in", so to speak ;-)

But if my husband offered to take me out on a night he knew I was busy, he would get even more in the dog-house for NOT LISTENING when I told him I was going to be busy.

So, that would totally backfire around here, just like I'm sure it does in your house as well!

Colleen said...
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Mau said...

Oh, you are just rotten. I'm not going to let Chris read this one!

BTW, never announce something is "For Men Only". That will always backfire due to women's intuitiveness that you guys are up to something we should know about!

Rob said...

Cliff - no Fireproof yet. I have had to watch 'PS I Love You' and something called 'Serendiptiy' in the past month. I should say I've had the pleasure of watching with my lovely bride...

Colleen - yeah that's pretty much tru around here too

Mau - No men reading this blog anyway, we men are all hard at work so you women-folks can hang around the house all day reading and writing on blogs :-P
Oh and dodn't tell Sam I said that

momto5minnies said...

Just like mau I felt compelled to read on after you said FOR MEN ONLY ;) My husband doesn't typically read blogs, but once in a while he sneaks on over to June Cleaver ... she's funny and CUTE ;)

I have sort of felt neglected with my husband traveling so much, but I know he is tired too. I may take your advice and do something nice for him ... he works really hard for his family. I am quite lucky to sit home all day reading blogs, running, and doing those few things for my girls (LOL).

Anonymous said...

"Ruin her new silk dress by drying it on high with your jeans?"

What?! There are husbands who do laundry?

Catherine said...

Rob, you'd better change your blog title with "For Men Only", you would get so many visitors, especially women like me who has nothing else to do. Too bad, I sent my husband dancing, ......alone ; )