Friday, October 3, 2008

Stuff Catholics Like - Being First Out of the Parking Lot

Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to The Sacred Heart 500

Is trying to get out of your church parking lot like a NASCAR race? Or maybe it’s more like a demolition derby?

The priest could have just given a homily on patience. But Catholics (maybe other churches have this problem also) love being the first one out of the church parking lot (whatever happened to the First Shall be Last?). This happens in various stages at our church.

First you have those people who leave right after communion (the old ‘dine and dash’ or ‘Judas shuffle’). They are still chewing as they bolt out the door and make a beeline for their cars.

Then you have those who technically stay to the very end. As soon as the priest gives the final blessing (to them it sounds like 'start your engines') they are racing him down the aisle. Quick swipe at the holy water font then whoosh out the door and driving away in no time at all. They move faster than Rosanne Barr at an all you can eat buffet.

Thirdly you have parishioners who stay to the end and then run to their cars to start the race out of the parking lot. Tires screaming like a bunch of tweens at a Jonas Brothers concert. Whatever you do don’t walk or drive in front of these folks, they will run you down and turn you into road kill. These people don’t yield and they don’t stop.

It really isn’t even necessary at our church. We have a cop at every Mass to stop traffic on the main road and let people out. At the most it’s going to take about 5 minutes to get out. Barring some emergency do people really need to drive like Mad Max in a church parking lot…save that kind of behavior for Christmas season at the Malls.

And heaven help you if you are at the Noon Mass during football season and the Redskins have a 1pm game. The Mass normally ends around 12:50-12:55. Giving the devoted Skin followers even less time to make kickoff. Well if they were too hung-over from the night before to make and early Mass, tough.


KayleighJeanne said...

While it definitely isn't just a Catholic thing, I think Catholics are better at it than most.

When I was growing up, the Church near my house would have people parking in front of the building on the road. There were spots closer to the doors, and space left in the parking lot. The road spots filled up before anything else though.

It was on kind of a very busy road that didn't have a shoulder, so it was nice when they reconfigured their parking lot and people stopped parking on the road. I mean, what's the point of being first out if you have to sit and wait for a police officer for half an hour cause you side swiped someone?

Catherine said...

No valet parking? You could save some money from the Mass collection to give them a tip.

We go back home on foot. That's one of the few privileges of living in a big city.

Cassie said...

I once had someone flip me the bird after they cut me off trying to get out of the parking lot. All I could think was, "Well, I guess that didn't take..." LOL!

Anonymous said...

At Franciscan U. after Sunday Mass, there was a mad dash to cafeteria. There's nothing like watching students sprint 200 meters in their Sunday best to be first in line for food. I guess they just reflect the lessons learned at home.