Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Top 24 American Idol Wannabe's Ranked

The complete top 24 of AGES: Didi Benami, Crystal Bowersox, Lacey Brown, Michelle Delamor, Lee Dewyze, Katelyn Epperly, Andrew Garcia, Tyler Grady, Todrick Hall, Casey James, Aaron Kelly, Alex Lambert, Michael Lynche, Siobhan Magnus, Paige Miles, Joe Muñoz, John Park, Ashley Rodriguez, Lilly Scott, Jermaine Sellers, Katie Stevens, Tim Urban, Haeley Vaughn, Janell Wheeler.

#1 Siobhan Magnus, 19, Barnstable, MA:
The niece of a friend so she will always be ranked #1 as long as she is in the contest. But it definitely helps my case that she can actually sing.

#2 Ashley Rodriguez, 22, Chelsea, MA:
What a shock another good looking girl. What is a shock is that she isn’t a blonde. And she can sing. She will go far with her good looks and nice voice.

#3 Andrew Garcia, 24 Moreno Valley, CA:
Andy Pandy and his Danny Gokey Eyeglass Collection will be with us for some time to come. I’m not a big fan but show is obviously pushing hard for him. And all the soccer moms of America will vote for him just like they did for Danny and Kris Allen last season.

#4 Katie Stevens, 17, Middlebury, CT:
(Grandma with dementia sob story) Good voice, Dove soap quality skin, wholesome look but young and inexperienced. If she can handle the pressure look for her in the Top 12.

#5 Janelle Wheeler, 24, Tampa, FL:
Yet another leggy blonde. It is gonna be tough keep all the blondes straight this year. But the long gams and the blonde good looks will get her lots of votes.

#6 Didi Benami, 23, Hollywood, CA:
Another story pimper, this time it’s a dead friend. Which talking about causes Didi to cry more often than Kara hits on a male… any male…contestant, guest judge, guest performer, doorman, key-grip, bathroom attendant. But DIdi should last a long time given that she’s: pretty, sings ok, white and blonde. All favorites of the Idol powers that be. Add on that AI wants a female winner this year and Didi could be an early front-runner

#7 Crystal Bowersox, 24, Elliston, OH:
You will remember she is the non-bathing female. Not to be confused with Casey James the non-bathing male. There is no truth to the rumors that they are twins. Maybe they are angling for a Dove endorsement if they win. Yet she is very talented and if she cleans up well she could last a long time. But if she keeps her look and sings music she likes, there is no way the tweens and middle-age housewives of America are going to vote for her.

#8 Michael Lynche, 26, Astoria, NY:
Speaking of pimping a story, how many times are we gonna have to hear about his wife having a baby while he was at Hollywood Week? Is that supposed to make us like him more? That he wasn’t there for the birth of his child. Makes me think he’s a selfish weasel, and trust me being one myself i know what i speak of. Just don’t tell him i said so, he’s huge

#9 Casey James, 27, Fort Worth, TX:
Dirty jailbird (DUI, reckless driving, driving with an invalid license). There are many reasons to vote him off early. One is Kara’s constant drooling over him like a hyena in heat. But that being said he does have a nice bluesy voice. And the cougars will be voting for him. But dude take a shower.

#10 Aaron Kelly, 16, Sonestown, PA
Seriously? This kid is in the Top 24! Has he even gone through puberty yet? He makes Baby Elmo (David Archuleta) look manly. On top of that his singing is vanilla. But the tween girls will, sadly, vote for him in droves. He also will get some sympathy votes for his sob story – dad couldn’t hold down a job and aunt and uncle adopted him.

#11 Lilly “I buy peroxide in bulk” Scott, 20, Littleton, CO:
A different quasi-cool look should take her close to or into the Top 12.

#12 Alex Lambert, 19, singer, North RIchland Hills, TX:
He fills the quota of the straight A. Lambert this year – I believe there is a federal law regarding that. Cutie-pie dorky-cool looks should carry him for a little while.

#13 Tim Urban, 20, Duncanville, TX:
Tim was a last minute replacement for Chris Golightly who was ruled ineligible. We know nothing about Tim and won’t get attached to him. He does have that teen heartthrob pretty boy look going for him

#14 Haeley Vaughn, 16, Fort Collins, CO
Too young to handle the pressure and doesn’t have The Look – she needs a makeover and some voice lessons to last long. She’s talented and annoying all at the young age of 16.

#15 Michelle Delamor, 22, Miami, FL:
A pretty but almost unknown lady. We saw very little of her during Hollywood Week.

#16 Todrick Hall, 24, Arlington, TX:
A dancer and producer of musicals. Has never had a voice lesson and it shows. Plus he spells his name funny – his first name

#17 Lacey Brown, 24, Amarillo, TX:
Lacey made it pretty far last season (Top 50) and this season she’s going even farther. Thankfully we finally got a non-blonde. Last year Lacey was a brunette and now she’s a redhead. That was money well spent at the hair salon. Lacey has a cool look and good voice so hopefully she will be around for quite awhile just so everyone doesn’t look the same. But she is probably to cool for AI and will be gone earlier rather than later.

#18 Katelyn Epperly, 19, West Des Moines, IA:
Katelyn likes to remind us that her parents are divorced (over and over she likes to remind us). She is this year’s Danny Gokey. At least milking mileage out of divorced parents isn’t as offensive as pimping the death of a wife. She does have big puffy 80’s hair (which Idol will probably tame) and an ok voice.

#19 Tyler Grady, 20, Nazareth, PA:
He’s a late 60’s early 70’s Robert Plant wannabe who I happen to like. But he hardly seems like a typical AI contestant who all the tween girls will vote to keep for long. He’s better suited to be a dory rocker on That 70’s Show or a cool rocker on The Brady Bunch. He is also competing with Casey James for the dirty hippy vote and Casey is dirtier and greasier. The question is, will the stoners that he is likely to appeal to even watch AI and if they do will they be too high to vote?

#20 Lee Dewyze, 23, Mount Prospect, IL:
I like Lee’s voice but he’s as exciting as watching a senate filibuster. He needs to come out of his shell or something if he is going to last.

#21 Paige Miles, 24, Cypress, TX:
We basically know nothing about Paige at this point because they haven’t really shown her at all.

#22 Jermaine Sellers, 26, Joliet, IL:
His SS is that he has been taken care of his mom with spina bifida since he was 17. I don’t care for his singing and he had that diva moment when he blamed the band for a poor performance during Hollywood week. Not cool from someone who touts himself as a church singer.

#23 John Park, 21, Evanston, IL:
3 from Illinois this year? John is a nice looking guy who fills the Asian Quota but damn if I can remember anything else about him.

#24 Joe Munoz, 20, Huntington Park, CA:
was given about 10 seconds (at the most) of air time during the Top 24 shows which tells us the powers that be think he has less chance of being promoted than the lookout on the Titanic has of being made Captain. Are we sure he’s even a real person? Has anyone ever seen him?


momto5minnies said...

I guess i'm one of those soccer moms;) (or swim team moms).

I had to record the girls tonight ... gonna watch it NOW!

Rob said...

M25M - you and my wife both.
so who did you like out of the girls?