The Ugly
12 noon – this Mass is dead or at least on life support. This one seriously needs the plug pulled on it. It makes The Lawrence Welk Show and crochet night at the local Senior Center look lively.
This Mass is sparsely filled with the people who didn’t make it to one of the other three Masses. This is their last chance to get to Mass for the weekend. It has the hung-over people who didn’t plan ahead and went and got plastered Saturday night. The families whose kids had early morning sports games and the parents, like the afore mentioned drunks, didn’t plan ahead. It has the parents of kids who woke-up sick that morning, so mom and dad had to divide and conquer and go to separate Masses. The parent at this mass obviously drew the short-straw or screwed-up really big time during the week and owed one to the other. It also has the occasional old person who probably already went to Mass that weekend but has forgotten that they already went and came again. Even my teens who like to sleep in don’t want to go to this dog (is it a sin to call a mass a dog? It’s got to be venial at the worst – someone Google that for me).
Usually there is no music at this Mass. But once in awhile there is a lone Cantor (is that the right word? or is that something a horse does?) accompanied by an organist. He/she is doing a fine job trying to lead the congregation in some hymns. But they are having none of it. Probably because most of them are asleep. There might be a few brave souls trying to sing along. But for the most part everyone is silent. It’s similar to a Fourth of July sing-a-long at veteran’s retirement home. It can be quite pathetic.
The only time this Mass shows any life is after communion when people make a mad rush for the door. Doing the old ‘dine and dash’ or the ‘Judas shuffle’ as we like to call it around these parts. The way people stream out the doors after communion, you’d think half the congregation had beans for breakfast. The parking lot can be just as bad. People are racing like Jeff Gordon to get out of the parking lot. Better watch out if you are leaving early, Granny Jenkins will run you down with her big old Buick.
Plus during football season you won’t make it home for the kickoff of the one o’clock games. Nuff said.
1 comment:
We've been in a fender bender in the church parking lot (we were parked, and someone backed into us)
As we like to say: "Christians! Start your engines!"
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