Thursday, March 5, 2009

American Idol '09

Here we are at another one of those painful results nights show. Were they drag out what should take 5 minutes into what feels like an hours long root canal. I know, I know, why watch if it is so painful? I’m just a masochist I guess. I also like to stand in line at the department of motor vehicles for hours just so I can be rudely waited on. I also get joy out of going to Steel Magnolia, Thelma and Louise and Beaches triple feature viewing parties.

Listen, I’m doing y’all a favor, well all 8 of you who read this, you don’t have to watch the results show any more. You can just check back here the morning after and find out who got through. "Um, Rob." "Yes?" "They could do that on CNN or MSN or TMZ or a million other sites." "So what’s your point?" I’m providing a public service by watching this show that has more filler than a Bavarian crème doughnut.

My choices for the 3 moving on, after further reflection…ok I didn’t reflect on it at all, I’m just winging it, I’m not that big of a dork that I reflect on American Idol. Ok I got Lil Rounds for the top female vote getter. With Kristen McNamara as a possibility too. For the top dude I can’t decide between Jorge, Ju’Not (my boy) or Scott McIntyre. I think Scott is getting through one way or another. FOX won’t let him slip away. They are going to ride his blindness as long as they can. At least if we have to see him for weeks to come, Scott is pretty good. So I think all 3 guys can make it one way or another. I just hope for the love of all that is holy – that Nathaniel doesn’t get through… guys wouldn’t do that to me would you?

Anyway time to find out. This is American Idol...

Mr. Seacrest is going dressed-up casual. Suit coat, white button-down but tie loose at the collar and jeans. Hmm, maybe they aren’t jeans, hard to tell. Maybe they are cords or Capri’s, he is kinda short. I don’t think they are parachute pants, not nearly baggy enough for that. Yeah I’m just rambling. I’m trying to avoid listening to Paula.

Filler #1 is Paula give giving her opinion of how this year’s contestants compare to years past...

Filler #2 is the flashback of how this set of 12 got here. Kinda boring but not terribly painful to watch. Now worse than swimming with The Donk and his rainbow Speedo.

Filler #3 is the always campy and painful group sing. They are doing Katie Perry’s “Hot and Cold”. Somehow they have managed the impossible. They have made this song sound even worse than the original. This wouldn’t even make it on High School Musical 4 – Troy and Gabriela Get Matching Nose Jobs. They have decided to be kind to the blind guy and have the guys sing seated instead of dancing around like the chicks are. Probably the right call. Don't want Scott falling off the stage onto Paula and getting her all hot and bothered.

No commercials for Poppy tonight, switching over to Terminator 3 – yeah I know it’s the worst of the three movies but it’s better than feminine hygiene product commercials. Of course the anti-weed commercials are pretty darn funny. Be sure to look for T-4 in theaters this Memorial Day weekend.

Filler #4 is actually’s the recap from last night’s songs.

Filler #5 – chatting with Nathaniel (heaven help us if he is the future of this country). And now Jorge, I like Jorge. Ju’Not apparently had an asthma attack during the rehearsal for the group sing. He’s just used to the good clean air here in my hometown. Can’t handle that nasty LA smog. Or maybe it was the thought of singing “Hot and Cold” that set Ju’Not a wheezing.

Ok Ryan is having Lil stand-up and he gets to the point pretty quickly and tells her she is through. No surprise there. Ryan was smart to not screw around and try and trick us. A Good Behavior Star for AI being kind to us. Lil sings her song again. Paula dances. You really would think a former Laker Girl would dance better. Seriously

The Ryan has Scott, Kendall, Arianna, Taylor, and Alex all standup. Ryan has them standup one by one. Then he tells us we have to wait until after the commercials to see who got through, um no we don’t have to wait. It’s going to be Scott. Trust me on this one.

Off to see the Cute Terminator Chick waste a few more people.

First Arianna and then Taylor bite the dust. Alex is the next victim. Ok we are left with Scott and Kendall. The nation has spoken...and Scott is through...duh...Scott does his song again. Am I the only who wants to see Scott sing “Who let the Dogs Out?” accompanied by his seeing eye-dog during the round of 12?

Nathaniel and Kristen standup. Ryan, after a few jokes, sends both home!!!! Yes Nathaniel is gone. Now Von and Felicia are the next ones to get whacked….me thinks…um yup I’m right. Not that that was a hard call. They weren’t all that good. Although Felicia certainly would up the Idol Beauty Factor quite a bit. I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

Ryan now brings down Ju’Not and Jorge. I like both of these guys. One is getting thru we are told and will have to wait wait don’t change the channel, Ryan was messing with us. Good one Ryan you got me, my mouth was open. And it’s Jorge! Bittersweet. I like Jorge but Ju’Not is The Man. Jorge thanks Spanish. And we are told he will sing later.

Now we are getting a glimpse of all the possible people who could be wildcards. This wildcard business will be explained after the next break.

Cool a huge car, truck motorcycle chase involving; John Connor, Good Terminator and Bad Terminator. You guys should see this!

Ryan is back to explain the Wildcard Rules. The potential wildcardettes are all up in the ‘red’ room. The one with the Red Crushed-Velvet Hooker-Couch. It’s like something out of 1970’s swinger’s movie. It appears 8 of the 27 are going to get to go on the Wildcard Show tomorrow night.

Randy announces that the first lucky contestant is Von Schmidt. Yuck. Paula gives some ‘advice’ on what he has to do. Surprising, not, it’s the old be yourself advice. This is totally the wrong advice for Von. Von be someone else, anyone else if you want to have any chance at all to get through.

Kara brings back Jasmine Murray. Cool I like her. She has no chance of winning but she’s a nice girl. Kara, well Kara gives some advice but I was distracted by a butterfly that was outside my window. It was really pretty.

Paula announces that Ricky is in. Ricky who? Ricky Martin? Ricky Ricardo? Ricky Nelson? I don’t remember Ricky at all. Are we sure there is a Ricky on the show?

Simon, after bickering with Ryan, brings Megan. Double cool. Megan I really liked, even though she dances like a washing machine stuck on the wash-cycle. Let’s call it The Agitator.

Ok four more to go after the break. Let’s go see who is being killed in T3. It’s the veterinarian’s fiancé. No big deal he was annoying anyway.

Randy makes his second draft pick and it’s….Whoa! did you see those glasses Randy is wearing? They make his eyes some freaky orange. And, God love you Randy, its Tatiana the Terrible. Just put through Nick/Normund and my life will be complete.

Kara brings back…um, who did she bring back? It’s really hard to pay attention to her. Ok it was Matt somebody or other. Matt? Ricky? Do I have the TV on the right channel?

Paula brings back Jesse. Double-edge sword here. I like her singing but man she is annoying. I can’t see America voting for her much.

Simon brings back Anoop-Dawg. Damn, no Ju’Not. Anoop is cool but…oh well….

Jorge sings us out.

So in summary we have Scott, Lil and Jorge going into the Top 12. They join Adam, Allison, Kris, Michael, Danny and Grace. That’s 9. 6 boys and 3 girls. So that should favor the girls in the Wildcard show. Which means Megan should be a shoe in for the top 12. She’s the best out of the girls that are left.

Three more will be picked out of the 8 on tomorrow night’s Wildcard show. Those 8 are Von, Jasmine, Ricky (who in the heck is this Ricky guy?), Megan, Matt, Tatiana, Jesse, and Anoop. No Nathaniel anywhere!!!!!!! God does love me, just like momma said. But alas no Nick/Normund either.

Adios, Goodnight and God bless

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