Friday, March 6, 2009

American Idol '09

Wildcard Night

A bonus 3rd Idol show this week! We are luckier than a deaf man at a Hannah Montana concert.

Tonight we find out who the last 3 contestants will be that will round out the Top 12

But the more important questions are:

Will, actually not will, but who will Paula go all Cougar on tonight? Like she did on Jorge last night and on Baby Elmo all of last year.

How often will Kara say: “mad chops”, "ridiculous vocals" and the slight but important variation “ridiculous pipes”

How often Randy will say: “dawg”, “on fire” bringing it”, “keep it hot”

Now let’s relive last night’s MAM (most awesome moment)

The return of Tatiana the Terrible.

After the Most Awesome Idolette of The Year, Tatiana Del Toro, was told she would have another chance on tonight’s Wildcard show, she gushed:

"I want to thank the whole world, I want this so much -- this means so much to me and I worked so hard to be here and I want to sing for you more than anything in the whole world, thank you so much!"

“Honey can we name the baby Tatiana? Boy or girl. What’s that? – well when is it supposed to freeze over?”

Don’t hate the player – hate the game.

People we need the Diva on this show. Most of the people are boring. Well except for Adam the bi-vampire-wannabe. Sure she’s not going to win it all. But she will be awesome while she is here. Who else is going to provide drama every night and sass Simon? We’ve already lost Mr. Excitement himself, Normund Gentle (thanks a lot America). We gotta keep at least one totally wacked person. Plus she can actually sing. Just grab a glass of chardonnay, pop a few valium, close your eyes and sit back and listen to the greatness when she is on tonight.

Ok let’s get it on. Where the heck is Ryan? And what am I gonna watch during the ads?

After much soul searching and pondering, I’m going with Megan, Anoop and Tatiana. Simon, Tatiana goes on to the Top 12 or those pictures of you and The Donk in that Afghani opium den are going to TMZ.

And heeeeerrrrreeeee’s Ryan. Sorry wrong show. Ryan is all dressed up again. 3-piece suit sans tie this time.

Jesse Langsforth and her very short dress are up first and singing "Tell Me Something Good" by Rufus. What’s with the grandma sweater over the sexy dress? The boots are kickin’ though. Randy no like, Kara so-so. Paula likey. Simon likes it. But calls it indulgent. It’s not looking good for Jesse. I think her only chance is the fact that the Top 12 is guy-heavy.

Matt is singing “Who’s Loving You” by the Jackson 5. Y’all remember the Jackson 5 don’t you? That was Michael’s band back when Michael was still black and male. Matt looks like a slightly less attractive Justin Timberlake. He’s kinda funky and bluesy. Not bad at all. He might make it thru. The Cougar is getting all diarrhea of the mouth and Simon wants her to shut her trap. Randy throws out his first “Dawg” of the night.

First Bill Paying Session folks. I’m off to watch Ultimate Factories to see how Ferrari’s are made.

Megan “Washing Machine Dancer” Corkrey is up next. She’s my #1 pick for tonight. She’s singing "The Black Horse & the Cherry Tree" by KT Tunstall. I love her song choice. Fits her perfectly. She’s fun and perky. Nice vocals but someone needs to teach that white-girl how to dance. Paula calls her quirky and is mercifully short. Simon, Randy and Kara all love her. She’s in like Flynn.

Von Schmidt is singing “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word” by Elton John. Of course he’s singing an Elton song. This is killing me. I don’t like the song, his voice or him. Let’s see what the judges say. Simon’s not into it - says it’s boring and too serious. Randy and Kara don’t like the song choice. Paula, the cougar, says she has been studying Von – of course she has. He’s gotta be gone, his next public performance will be ‘would you like that meal super-sized?”

Ok I’m back from checking out Ferraris’.

Jasmine the 16 year-old is up next. How many times are they gonna tell us she’s 16? She’s singing a Christine Aguilera song, “Reflection”. I bet The Donk has this CD. I like her voice but man I’m bored by the song choice. I hope the judges like her better cause she’s a sweet pretty girl who can sing. While Randy is talking – Simon is blowing in Paula’s ear. Kara is confused, is she channeling Paula. Paula loves her – Paula loves everyone. Be nice Simon. Simon is nice but is now fighting with Paula.

Ricky Braddy Bunch is up next. I remember zero about Ricky. He’s singing “Superstition” by Stevie Wonder. Oh look, Tatiana the Wonderful is dancing on the Catwalk in the background. I like the song but the performance not as much. Kara tells him he can sing his butt off and the FOX censors reach for their bleep-button. The guys mock Kara and say ‘good chops’ repeatedly. The Cougar loves him. Simon calls it karaoke and lightweight. Randy calls it self-indulgent Bye-bye Ricky.

Back to watching the world’s most wickedly awesome cars being made.

Ladies and gentleman please rise for Tatiana the Terrible. She’s wearing a shimmery fish-lure dress. She’s singing “Saving all my Love for You” by Whitney Houston. Didn’t she sing this last time? Man I hope not. The judges won’t like that. But no matter she’s wonderful as always. Love the Diva Drama Queen act. Tatiana cannot be shut up. She’s confused Paula; she needs to be kept for that aspect alone. Kara and Simon nick her for singing the same song again. Simon and Tatiana bicker. Paula and her cleavage try to defend my girl. You go Paula. Randy and Kara try to get a word in but it’s hopeless with Tatiana up on stage.

Anoop is the last one up. He’s singing “My Prerogative” by Bobby Brown. He’s trying to act bad-boy. Um, I like you Anoop Dawg but you look more like a computer-geek in a cubicle than a greaser from The Outsiders. That being said, I do like him and he’s doing a good job. The crowd loves him. Simon calls him an enthusiastic dog and says the people like him and he has personality. Randy and all his jewelry are digging him. Kara says she wanted to get up and dance, thankfully she didn’t. Paula has that department covered. The Cougar is really working the crowd tonight. She says Anoop was a bit nasty tonight.

Ok after some more Ferrari construction, we will be back with the results.

Jasmine is brought up and – whoa Randy says she’s in!!! Didn’t see that coming.

Ricky is ditched by Kara. The Cougar stands up and waves good bye. Or flashes her hotel room number at him? I can’t tell.

Tatiana and Megan are brought up together. This doesn’t look good for my girl. Because I’m 100% sure Megan is in. Paula sends Tatiana the Terrible packing. Tatiana goes and stands in front of the judges and Paula tells her she loves her. Tatiana does her best Sarah Bernhardt. I cry along with her. Goodbye Tatiana we knew you for such a short time but you have touched our souls permanently. So Megan is in!!!! Well that’s cool too. She’s great. America should have voted her in weeks ago anyway.

Sheesh, another break? It’s already past time. The Hell’s Kitchen dude isn’t going to be happy about this. He’s likely to take a meat skewer to Ryan and his dapper-dan suit.

Ok we are back and Simon sends Jesse packing. But tells her she almost made it in.

Now it’s Von’s time to be waxed by Paula.

Ok we are left with Matt and Anoop. Who gets the last spot? Simon gives it to Matt. So Anoop is going home, rats. Well Matt was probably better but I liked Anoop for some reason. Probably because he makes me look like less of a dork than I am. Simon has some words of condolence for Anoop. Wait it’s the old Fake Out. Simon says they have decided to make it the Top 13 this year and Anoop is in after all. Excellent.

So it’s Jasmine, Megan, Matt and Anoop ‘rounding’ out the Top 13.

1 comment:

coffee said...

poor Tatiana, but it was inevitable that she would be cut anyway; I just hope there aren't any more "wildcards"